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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Wowzee Wow

Apparently, I've used this title before... 0_o

And in reply to comments - nah thanks. I still never want to go back to college or onto university. The idea of going to uni has never interested me, and when I originally went to college... I dropped out. Twice. Because I actually hated that much.

The only education I want, is the training I'll receive when I go to become an R.S.P.C.A. Officer. Because that's the job I want to do =) And they give you full training and shit, so all will be good.

I just need to pass my driving test, get a full license, have it clean for at least three years, get some experience with animals in during the three years, and I can go and apply to the R.S.P.C.A. XD

The only problem is... Getting out of the stupid job I have now would be a very bad idea. As there are actually no other jobs around... I keep looking in the paper for jobs at animal shelters, or vets or something... But there's nothing =( I just have to hope the economy doesn't fuck up further so I can get another job XD

Which is actually what my Dad's hoping.

As he's been made redundant.

He went to the job centre yesterday, and the woman there searched within a 15 mile radius of jobs that he could do (like, working in a warehouse, doing welding, forklift driving and shit).

There was nothing.

And of course, to get at least a decent job, you at least need to have some GCSE's (or, if you're really old, O-Levels). My Dad has neither, because he dropped out of school when he was sixteen.

Before you say "omg, what a loser" or "like father like daughter" or any of the shit, maybe you should know why he dropped out.

Because he was continuously being bullied.
For being GINGER.
In the end, he'd had enough of being kicked, punched, pushed around and shit, so he fought back and left.

I quit college, because I fucking hated the place, and the 'education' was a joke.

But I did finish school. I got my GCSE's. So I can at least find another job when the time comes.

Enough about that...
I want another tattoo =S
I was writing my fanfiction last night (ooh, this is another potential job I might like to do when I'm a bit older- become an author), and Kai told Tala he wanted a tattoo...
Then that got me thinking, that I really do want another tattoo...

I love the one on my ankle, but I want MOAR >=D

I want something Bon Jovi related (I'm thinking, the face on the 'Have A Nice Day Album', y'know, the really bright red one XD what about that? On my foot?), and then I want daises around my left wrist, and daises down my left leg (a bit like Peaches Geldof, except I want the daises down the calf of my leg, not my thigh), and I want Spongebob Squarepants somewhere.

I am not joking about Spongebob.

Oh, oh, oh! And I want a black cat... I've always wanted a black cat, actually, ever since my own real-life black cat, Sasha, disappeared. I wanted a tattoo in her memory =)

I need designs first =/


And on that note...
Goodbye XD

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Monday, January 5, 2009


I looked in the mirror last night, and cried.
That's bad.

What's worse is that when I looked in the mirror this morning, I wanted to puke.
That's even badder.

Andrea had a 'chat' with me at work yesterday. About stuff. Unimportant stuff. And some important stuff. Like she thinks I have it in me to be a Team Leader, but I told her I don't think I have the ability to be a Team Leader.

I don't know.

I'm feeling really superly down.

And it's not really because of work.

Sure, I HATE where I work, because it is shit, and I'm not a people person, and I hate being like a slave to the public (because, admit it, that's all customer assisstants are), and I've never wanted to work in a shop.

So I'm asking myself now, 'why the fuck am I there?'

Are there times when I wish I was back at school, passed my GCSE's, actually attempted to pass my A-Levels and then gone on to university?

No way in Hell.
I've never felt the urge to go to university. I never will regret not going.
Sure, you can get a fancy degree and what-not, but when it comes down to it, how long is it going to take you to get a job you're qualified for?
No thanks.
I've never been one for education.
I never will be.

I've got a scratch on my arm...
That was really random.
It's most likely from Bam.
Who's just hit his chin on the corner of a box because he wasjumping all over the place like the oddball he is.

Erm... I was going to say more on my down-ness, but he's distracted me, and I've forgotten what I was going to say.

Blast, bugger and damn.

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Saturday, January 3, 2009

   I Like To Move It, Move It...

New theme!!!

I went to see 'Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa' just before Christmas, and it is actually fantastic.

So, because I love Madagascar so, my first theme of 2009 is dedicated to the lemurs.

Because they are also fantastic.

Happy New Year to everyone again, and thanks for all your best wishes and shit.

Wow... It's two in the am.

And I am not tired =D

My sleeping pattern is pretty fucked up at the moment, though... Ehhhh...


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Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Happy New Year!

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Saturday, December 27, 2008


Belated Merry Christmas!!

I was ill on Christmas Day... And I still am. It really sucks =(

Bam keeps licking my forehead. Is that normal rabbit behaviour?

Until next time, yolks!



Hahahaha, you eggy people, you XD

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Friday, December 19, 2008


How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep and crisp and even.

Harry Hill

I'm listening to 'Run' by Leona Lewis. I really do love this version of the song. I bought the deluxe version of her album 'Spirit'. The one that has EVERYTHING on. Surprisingly, it only cost me 9.99 =O Cheap as chips, one might say.

I fell down the same bloody hole again last night when walking to Dave's car.
Except, the light's were on this time.
And I didn't twist my ankle.
As the hole was full of water - so I got my foot very wet and retracted it as soon as it made contact.

I had my driving lesson today... It was a good one =) We went to do bay parking... Well, I did a left-reverse bay park... And I was in the space, but a bit wonky.
So, then I did a right-reverse bay park. Again, I got in the space, but was a little bit wonky.

So THEN, my instructor was like "why don't we try it where you're parking next to another car?". I was like "oh God" (I've only ever done it was a load of empty space next to me, lmao).

So, I did it reversing from the right... I didn't hit the car next to me, and I got in the space, and I was STRAIGHT >=D I was so proud of myself!! My instructor told me that it was flawless!! >=D

So then I tried it from the left... And that one wasn't so good, but I couldn't actually see the line in which I was supposed to park between, because of the one car... So Suzanne was like "that one didn't matter".

Soooo... Then I went to do a turn in the road... I OWN that maneouvre. Did it excellently in ONE go =D

I PWN at driving XD


Plastic Surgery
Pissed Off Muppet
Physically Impossible Entry
Driver's License Photo
Xmas Song


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Thursday, December 18, 2008

   Not A Xmas Joke Today...

What's big and yellow and eats rocks?
A big yellow rock-eater.

Harry Hill

So... The answer to yesterday's game where you had to guess which fact about me was true... Was...

I've owned four pets rats. Nope, not the one with poo XD

Oh good God, do I have a treat for you today. Excerpts (sp?) of my MSN conversation with Laura last night. And pictures. I'll do the pictures first:


Yes... Laura was playing around with the special effects on her webcam XD The one where both me and Laura are in the picture makes me laugh, because she's just there as a werewolf, and I'm just looking at my computer screen normally as though it's something that happens every day... LOL.

Anyway, it's time for me to demonstrate how to successfully turn a conversation of planning to see Madagascar 2 at the cinema into a conversation of balls and raging hard-ons. LOL.

- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): what times the film again?
*Laura*: 11.30
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): yeah the 10.20 will be fine. lemme see if we'll have to have soph with us. brb.
*Laura*: ok.
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): we do not need to bring sophie with us, as father is off. he also says he'll give us a lift. SORTED.
*Laura*: hahaaa i say sorted
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): LOL PLAN.
*Laura*: tell him thank youu and merry christmas, oh wait i can wish him merry christmas on monday LOL
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): HAHA!! I shall
*Laura*: are you picking me up?
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): Aye.
*Laura*: LOL i can just imagine you going all the way to worcester without me and then you realise and you're like noooo!
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): ROFL
*Laura*: ROFL
*Laura*: we forgot ashleyyy
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): LMAOOOO
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): I went downstairs and said to mum and dad, "are either you off work on monday?" mum said no, dad said yes. so I said me and you were going to the cinema, and dad goes "i suppose you want a lift?" i was like "well, i actually wasnt going to ask for a lift, but now that you've mentioned it..."
*Laura*: LOL!
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): haha!
*Laura*: what time are we going now?
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): Erm... Aim to be there for about 11-ish?
*Laura*: aim to be where?
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): the moon.
*Laura*: I just screamed. ROFL

Then it eventuallygot to this...

- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): erm, if we pick you up at about wuarter to 12...
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): 11*
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): not 12.
*Laura*: TO 12?!
- Emma - (Doing a fanfic): ROFL
*Laura*: i can't breathe

We then started sharing webcam...

*Laura*: i have a funny story about the bus
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): oh god.
*Laura*: anywayy, the bus drove straight past me this morning....so i ran after it
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): ROFL
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): did it stop?!
*Laura*: i caught up with it as it stopped to turn and i hit the window
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): fucking hell
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): ROFL
*Laura*: and no it didn't stop

Oh, then the discovery of all the effects came into it... You don't want to read that bit. There's just a lot of "LOL" "ROFL" LMAO" "HAHA" and "I'M FLYING!" involved XD

*Laura*: i've just noticed you're wearing BALLS!!

Then there was a 'beat my festiveness' mini conversation - where I grabbed my Xmas tree...

*Laura*: i shall make sure it's charged and rearing to go
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): just like me
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): plug me in baby and surge me!
*Laura*: hahaaa
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): WHAT HAVE I DOOOOONE
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): is fixed now :)
*Laura*: what were you trying to do?
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): give myself a moustache

And this is where it started getting dirty...

*Laura*: i make you hot, just admit it...
*Laura*: LOL!
*Laura*: Did you fall off your chair?"
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): ROFL
*Laura*: ROFL
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): I'm on my bed
- Emma - (WAS doing a fanfic - is now planning to hijack a bus): i fell backwards
*Laura*: i just screamed and everyone's in bed :S

Erm... It gets a bit worse, but I'm going to zoom into the conversation further...

- Emma - (Is getting a bit hot - and it's all Ashley's fault!): brb. i really need to exterminate.
*Laura* makes Emma HOT HOT HOT!: so do i
*Laura* makes Emma HOT HOT HOT!: i just sat down and saw your balls
- Emma - (Is getting a bit hot - and it's all Ashley's fault!): ROFL
- Emma - (Is getting a bit hot - and it's all Ashley's fault!): I got talking to mum and dad
- Emma - (Is getting a bit hot - and it's all Ashley's fault!): whilst on the royal throne, a thought struck me
*Laura* thinks Emma was born to make her die of laughter.: royal throne?!
- Emma - (Is getting a bit hot - and it's all Ashley's fault!): the bog
- Emma - (Is getting a bit hot - and it's all Ashley's fault!): to put it bluntly
*Laura* thinks Emma was born to make her die of laughter.: i want to have two toliets next to each other in my house when i'm older...just like the beckhams
- Emma - (Is getting a bit hot - and it's all Ashley's fault!): i was sat on the bog, having a shit, and a thought came to me, alright?
*Laura* thinks Emma was born to make her die of laughter.: TMI

Then it got even ruder...

- Emma - (Thinks things are very sexual tonight ;)): hahaha that beret and glasses never ceases to amuse me
*Laura* is too sexual for her own good.: it turns you on
- Emma - (Thinks things are very sexual tonight ;)): it most certainly does. i have a raging hard-on right now.
- Emma - (Thinks things are very sexual tonight ;)): ROFL
*Laura* is too sexual for her own good.: RAGING
- Emma - (Thinks things are very sexual tonight ;)): ROFL
- Emma - (Thinks things are very sexual tonight ;)): omg. it hurts
*Laura* is too sexual for her own good.: well yes, your hard-on will hurt...well ache
- Emma - (Has a raging hard-on): I'M SQUEAKING
*Laura* is too sexual for her own good.: Hahaaa, control yourself around me, woman


It probably got even worse after that. In fact, it did. But I won't share the rest XD There were a few more funny quotes, like:

"*Laura* loves a raging hard on ;)"
"- Emma - (Has a raging hard-on and just knocked her webcam over with her balls)"
"laura: emma, stop poking me with your raging hard on"
"your balls are jiggling"
"Emma 'has a hard on' Bayles has changed her quotes to..."
"team exterminate abusing your royal thrones....in a place near you"
"but you're not sat on the bog having a shit!"
"i think i gave him orgasm cream for xmas"
"i keep wondering what this clicking noise is, but then i realise - it's my balls."
"we stayed up till thursday discussing balls and raging hard ons"
"had enough of the raging hard-on that is me, have you?"
"a tight squeeze, one might say"
"don't forget your balls"
"Raging Hard-Ons 'R' Us?"
"i shall see you coming...with your balls"
"Hahaaa, here she comes with her balls"
"from me, my balls, and my raging hard-on, farewell and goodnight!"

It was... VERY MAD XD

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Wednesday, December 17, 2008

   Christmas Joke!

Where would you find a reindeer with no legs?
Where you left it.

Harry Hill

I've got five other Xmas jokes in this book... I'll put them up in posts as the week tootles by...

Oh bloody Hell, Bam. He's gone and woken the hamster up AGAIN. Poor Mikey is looking around bleary-eyed.
Also, Bam was just helping himself to Mikey's food. That bloody rabbit will eat anything!
AND he piddled on my bed again the other day, so I took the duvet cover and pillow case off, and I've dumped them on the floor (aiming to wash them today), and Bam keeps going up to them, nosing them, rubbing his chin along them, and then LYING on them. It's like they're HIS bedding now.
I think not.

I've hurt my ankle =(

Me and Dave were walking to his car last night (oo-er - shut up, shut up, shut up, brain!) because he gives me a lift home. Anyway, the new owner of the pub whose car park we use to park in - HAD TURNED ALL OF THE LIGHTS OFF!.

So, that meant that it was rather, er, dark. And the car park can't actually be classed as a carpark. More like a mud patch with holes that people park their cars in. It floods a lot.

Anyway, the holes... Yes, I just happened to step in one of them >_< These holes aren't really deep, but deep enough to make you lose balance a bit if you fall in one, and twist your ankle - which is what I've done.

It feels better, though, because I've had a support bandage on through the night.

I just got a text message... Off whom?

From my good chum Laura. Asking if I have the day off on Monday =)

Apparently, I have 7.00 credit on my phone =O I don't even remember topping it up XD I don't have a contract phone... I don't think I could be trusted XD More to the point, I don't phone anyone, only text, so what would be the point? And I'm not like, topping it up every week... More like once a month. If that.

Let's play a game.

I'm going to give you three facts about me. One of them will be true, and two of them will be false. You have to think which one is true ^^

1) As a child, I used to be obsessed with poo.

2) I've owned four pets rats in the past.

3) My favourite vegetable is carrots.

There we go =D Try and guess which one you think is true! XD


Thinking of the 'origami' one... I bought a book of origami last week. I've yet to look through it XD

Is that all today? *Thinks* probably so.

Oh wait!

I have the night off work tonight =D

Now, that is all XD

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Tuesday, December 16, 2008


Where were the most monarchs crowned?
On the head.

Harry Hill's Whopping Great Joke Book

I'm gonna put a joke up at the beginning of every post... Because Harry Hill is a legend XD

Mondays are now going to be stand-up comedy day post-wise. Yesterday's post was a hit, so I'm going to do something like that every Monday XD I just need to make sure I read the papers and stuff.

Ok... Erm... A new fanfiction is up over on TheO... Oh, and MY QUIZ HAS ACTUALLY BEEN ACCEPTED =O

It's the very first Beyblade quiz on the site =D I'm so happy. Just watch out - there's a bit of a trick result at the end... You might get someone normal like Kai, Tala or Tyson... But there's someone who you may not be expecting =P

I was going to say something... But I've forgotten what it was.

I really need to read the Death Note mangas I have... I bought the first five the other week, and I still haven't read them!

I've got the day off work tomorrow =) Well, I say day... But it's actually night XD I was owed 5 hours to take back, so I decided to have tomorrow's shift off (I work 5 hours on a Wednesday night). Fantastic.

That'll give me lots of time to write more fanficcy goodnesses. I'm in the middle of another oneshot. Unfortunately, this one won't be appearing on TheO as it's, erm, more mature LOL. I also need to write some more for my multi-chaptered fics... Good God.

I've got a plan already for Monday's post XD Providing Amy Winehouse does something interesting within the next week, of course XD

I think I'm working with Dave tonight *thinks*. I like Dave. I had a dream about him last night. I'm not going to go into details, because you really don't need them.

I hate my brain, sometimes XD

Bam is running riot around my room, sniffing my clothes. WHY DOES HE DO THAT?! Also, if I stand still for long enough, he'll start running around in circles around me. I have a video of that somewhere on my phone, actually. I'll have to upload it at some point.


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Monday, December 15, 2008

   Warning: This Post Contains Jokes That May Or May No Offend You. If You Have No Sense Of Humour, Then Fuck Off!

"You'd best put seatbelts on your ears, because I'm going to take them for the ride of their lives!"
The IT Crowd

George Bush

He's a twat isn't he? He went to Iraq to say "good bye" to them...
Why the fuck would he want to do that?! He sent a HUUUUGE army into their country, stole their Hitler, killed him, and has strategically placed his random amry men with guns around their cities.
Or maybe... Not so strategically.
Because half of them got killed.
By bombs and stuff.
And then he got shoes thrown at him, didn't he, at the press meeting?! Honestly, all those flashing lights from the cameras... I thought he was being blown up.
But sadly not.
Back to the shoe thing... The one thing I did like, is when he joked, "if anyone wants to know the details - it was a size 10 shoe he threw".
And only one person laughed.
And that was probably his PA.
Because, if you remember, he was in Iraq. Doing a press conference - with lots of Iraqis. Clearly, they weren't going to find it funny.
Also, why did the man only throw a size 10 shoe? Was the other a size 8? Did he have two different sized feet?
We just don't know...

The Big Red Button

Y'know the one. The one the president can press to make the whole world go *BOOM*?
I'd like to press it.
For fun.
Is it really red? I mean, how can we know it's red? Who says it's red? Is it in the Whitehouse? Can I infiltrate the Whitehouse and press the *BOOM* button?
I want to see who'd blow up first.
It might be us Brits. But then, it might be America. The president might want to get rid of himself first.
I wouldn't blame him, either. Especially if it's Bush.
But maybe it'd be Iraq and all those sort of countries who's go *BOOM* first? Or maybe Asia?!
I think I think about these things too much... But aren't you curious who'd go *BOOM* first? It'd be announced on TV:
"And Australia have gone *BOOM*, oh, and look! There goes Russia, too! Get in there!"

Shoe Shops

Unless you've got two left feet, you're fucked if you want to rob the shoes from outside.
Haven't you ever noticed, they always put left shoes outside the shops?
Those shoe shop workers think of everything...

The Macerena

Why did two crazy possibly Spanish blokes decide this was a good idea?!
They create a song, create a dance, wobble about a bit in the video for it...
... And somehow, it becomes a fucking global party song.
Honestly, you can't go to a single party without it being played.


I think we should all just walk around naked.
Yes, even in Winter.
Because really, we're all naked under our clothes.
And I think the only reason we don't like to get naked is because of various body parts.
Legs - fat and have stretch marks.
Pubes - bushy. They're not technically a body part, but, eh...
PENISES! - too small
boooobs - sagging
And you'll more than likely get laughed at. I couldn't stand that. Getting laughed at for my saggy boobs by a man with a too-small penis and a bush of pubes to rival the Amazon forest.

Bon Jovi


Sex Toys In The Old Days

And I mean, old old days. I mean Jesus time. If Jesus existed. Which I'm not so sure he did, but that's another joke.
They didn't have blue rubber dicks for everyone, did they? So what did they use?

Jesus, God, The Virgin Mary and Joseph

I doubt very much that Mary was a virgin. SHE WAS MARRIED TO JOSEPH FOR GOD'S SAKE (pun actually not intended). And let's think about it, which couple doesn't like to have hot sexytime?
As for God sending down an Angel named Gabriel (and WHY was he wearing a dress?! Didn't it state in the Bible "thou shall not cross-dress"?) to tell Mary "oh, by the way, you're going to be pregnant, in about... Ohh, 2 minutes and 34 seconds, after we've had a nice chat".
If God is bodiless, then how did he manage to get Mary pregnant? I'm pretty sure that there has to be some poking lovesticks in loveholes to make babies...
And as for Jesus... Maybe he did exist. And maybe he did have holy hands. But how did he keep that beard trimmed so well?!


I'm pretty sure that the teapots are warm enough already. There's no point putting a hat over them to keep them warmer.
And if anyone says "it's to keep the tea warm"... That is a complete lie. The tea still goes cold.
I am talking from experience.


The best thing since they started filming gay sex.
Oh, wait...


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