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Friday, January 25, 2008

Blurgh, i am so tired -_-; I didn't go to bed till 9am lol, i was up Roleplaying all night. Although it was quite amusing, as there were 3 of us all trying to post at the same time, which resulted in several of us muffing up posts due to not realising something else had changed XD EDITED LIKE MAD I SAY LOLZ!

Now, i was guna make a nice attempt at a rather fulfilled entry but my sister dragged me round into town half way through so i'm now tired and can't be bothered, so here's my latest poem instead =) I haven't wrote much in so long so it's nice to indulge in both my old style of poetry and RPing.

Beginnings & Endings

I watch as this world crumbles.
The smile begins to falter,
the lies begin to crack and show.

How frail a flower truly is,
when trodden and forgotten about,
left to fend from the cold alone

The crimson dripping is but a symbol.
How could you not tell?
This is not what i wanted.

And as the star fades for one last time,
I beg you,
Turn around darlin';

give us one final smile.

PS: I recently joined the myO forum as 'femme fatale' give a holla if ya see me =D

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Stolen Meme from LJ
A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag five people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it".

1. I have a thing for the corner of things, such as duvets and coats. I run the corner between my fingers *grins*

2. I prefer my cereal dry, such as coco pops, frosties, frosted shreddies, even weetabix.

3. I must brush my teeth when i get up, and when i go to bed, i can't wander around for a while without doing so.

4. I have my own language =D I didn't speak till the age of 4, and apperantly i spoke like the swedish chef from muppetts up till that point.

5. I can't stand still whilst i'm on the phone, if i'm on the phone i'm on the move.

6. I have the attention span of a goldish, not to mention the memory of one as well. I can switch off easily when someones talking to me without noticing - until i obviously have no idea what that person is saying.

7. I have a tendancy to annoy people for my own amusement, even going as far as repeating the same thing several million times over till i bore a hole in someones head =D My family can't believe how i can stand doing the same thing so much xD !!

And I tag whoever wants to do this :3

EDIT: These are some manga scans i coloured yesterday ^^ I'm dead impressed with myself so if you wouldn't mind having a quick glance (anything with a letter after the number is a variation =D)

loveless #1 / loveless #1b / loveless #1c / loveless #1d / loveless #1e / loveless #1f
loveless #2 / loveless #2b / loveless #2c

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Friday, January 11, 2008

I just noticed whenever i'm in the backroom (of my MyO that is) all the lil dots next to every link has turned into question marks lol. Anyone get that or am i just special lol?

Well i must say i've been as sick as a dog for the past few days, not only my ankle (which is getting better actually - i can now kinda walk on it) but i wake up every morning with a banging headache, a sore and raw throat and then a runny nose ><; Damn, when i get sick i get sick don't i haha?!

I have this anime wishlist that if i don't jot down i will forget, tell me if you've seen em and what you think eh?

Ergo Proxy (started but never finished)
Boogiepop Phantom
Karas (which my bro d/l)
Eureka 7
Final Fantasy Unlimited
Ghost in he Shell - Movies (shocking that i haven't seen it)
Paranoia Agent

Bloody hell, didn't realise it was so much o.o Better get started soon really eh!

Well i'm off for the weekend to my best friend's 24th b-day party (haha, no ankle of mine will stop me from going and possibly getting drunk)! Have fun huns =D Tata!

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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

RANT// Ok what a load of bull.

I just got a PM saying one of my wallpapers have been deleted because of 'plagiarism'. Saying i took someone elses wallpaper, edited it, and then submitted it as my own. What? I've never done that in my life why would i do it now? And you know the real jerkish thing, they've told me the fucking date i submitted it, but not what the wallpaper actually was. Ohh cheers, tell me the date, which was about 2 years ago - when i submitted half my other wallpapers. How the hell am i meant to pinpoint which one is gone? I can't remember which ones were there to begin with!

And not only that, but i submitted a wallpaper 2 weeks ago, nothing wrong with it, got my name, got the right size etc etc, yet nothing. So they manage to delete one of my wallpapers for no apperant reason but they can't upload one for me? Why the fuck do i even bother?


In other news, i've fucked my ankle, stupidly enough whilst i was dancing (thou to be fair its one of the more enjoyable ways of doing it lol) so now im on crutches ;__; My ankle is a variety of different colours n also swollen. So i gotta exercise it and try to walk on it or i could fuck my walking pattern. Apperantly. I think the doctor was over exaggerating. Would ya believe i done it about 1 1/2hr after the countdown for New Year Day lol. What a way to start the new year hehe.


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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Yes, i know this is late =) But my family make me spend the day with them on x-mas xD My sister made us all dress up for x-mas day! No seriously! Mum and Amy were pirates (who woke me up at 6:20am!!! *shakes fist*), Steve was a cowboy, i was a bunny, Lauren was a fairy and Becky was Pebbles from Flintstones. Lol @ our pics - i'll post them at one time or another.

So did everyone get what they wanted? Near enough all of my stuff was a surprise (for once) cos my Mum just went out and bought everything didn't actually ask me what i wanted xD

*made by me ^-^

Ohh and as a quick after thought, lately i've been making alot of profile type images (see the Cloud one?) and was wondering if anyone would be interested in using them? Should i start placing them up here for people to snag and use on their MyO?

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Monday, December 10, 2007

As you can tell new layout! For new beginnings and all =D That header up there was coloured by yours truly and its from a manga called DOGs =D Also made up my sister header and coded her site, she's called lauren-chan.

Argh, i have to go to work soon -_-; Booo. Don't wanna, but i've only got 2 weeks left till Christmas holidays so it could be worse i guess *just keeps thinking of the money*

Got my hair cut =D I now look...well alot different if i'm honest haha, i look abit more my age for once. I'll get a pic soon.


Well tonight i shall finish the whole of FMA =) I've finished it in just under 2 weeks i think, which isn't bad considering there's like 51 episodes. But OMG is it a gory and rather horrific anime, i mean can you imagine if the animation was anything like Angel Sanctuary? People would end up having nightmares over it, i reckon that's the only thing that lightens it up abit being the animation is abit chibi-ish. Ohh, and the military are LOL.

I mean the episode where they try to get Havoc a date XD OMFG I NEARLY WET MYSELF! And then the ghost hunt ROFL!! PURE GOLD I SAY!!

But onto a more serious point...


Both Hughes and Scar. I loved Hughes ;__; I mean, the guy was friggin so protective, adorable and just funny. I usually don't go for the good guys unless they have some kinda twisted past but Hughes was too good not to love. I was holding up at his funeral until his daughter started asking why they were burying papa, i had big fat tears in my eyes at that point. OMFG SAD OR WHAT!!

And Scar - told ya i like bad guys - was actually quite good in his intentions, i know he went about it in a rather twisted way but the whole fucking anime is kinda twisted.

Ohh and speaking about deaths...


Greed. Yep, don't know why, i just feel out of the 7 sins (i love how they incorporated that into the story =) i have a thing for the 7 sins IRL) that i favoured him most, and how Ed cried when he killed him, thought that was rather bitter sweet.

But overall i am loving the anime, but dear christ is it a guessing game or what o.O;

Anyway, tata for now <3

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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

I'm sitting here when i should be at work, i'm technically meant to be ill but its so shitty outside i lied and called in sick when i ain't (i have a 30min walk to work n dnt fancy it lol) =) Yes, i am a bad girl but i'll live with it haha.

Anyway, work has been....meh really, the week before last was hell cos everyone at the garage kept blaming me for stuff that wasn't my fault o_O Luckily Ann stuck up for me everytime, otherwise i woulda screamed at someone and stormed out. But that all seems to have gone now, they're all back to just having a laugh with me. Except Gav. But i don't like him too much to be honest anyway so no matter.

Ohhh and apart from work i have some other news, one of my dear friends is engaged (omg! *squeal* i'll make sure that when the time comes im a bridesmaid *shakes fist* lol). It seems that most people my age (19/20) have either had a baby or are now engaged O_O I'm beginning to feel left out lol, anyone want a Sephy for a wife lol?!

And finally...


I have re-watched first series of Kenshin, up to episode 30-something i think, and have bought the rest of Kenshin off ebay =) Have also re-watched Outlaw Star, and am now 2nd disc into FMA. And yes, i'm still a compete yaoi fan girl and make every male/male possibility happen in my head XD Honestly there's something wrong with me!! (not that i'm complaining...)

So now a question, I need suggestions for anime, i'm into most genres, but do avoid the romance ones o_O I may like the odd romance story but too much makes me queasy and slightly depressed (i don't seem to do too well when it comes to relationships haha).

Well thats all for now, tata <3

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Saturday, November 17, 2007

............Warning: Extremely long post - Rants/Vents
Listening To: Dizzee Rascal - Old Skool
Mood: Just woken up?


Hey all, glad to see i weren't the only ones missing you lot xD And i'm definately happy to see those particular people comment!! Well, how about i get this over and done with and explain what i've been up too huh? It's guna be a long story so get comfy now lol. And i noticed the last time i posted was just short of a year ago, so i have alot to get through.

Ok, lets start at college yeah? Well i went through it all fine and dandy, made some friends (& some enemies but that always happens to me). Passed everything, got a Merit for all my coursework (highest > lowest - destinction/merit/pass) which is the middle grade so i was quite pleased with that, considering not only did i hate the whole entire course but at one point i was seriously considering dropping out altogether. I can't say i keep in touch with anyone from college, every now and again me and rosie send emails to eachother but college was never somewhere i went to get friends, i simply went there to make me 'more employable'.

Well the main bulk of this story will come from my work experience (turned full time work), for 2 weeks during end of January/beginning of February i had to find work doing something secreterial/admin like. Well one of my teachers knew that i was a car nut (i would sit there reading a car mag all the time =P) and suggested i ring round car dealerships and get something there, after failing miserably she gave me the number of a family run garage to ring up. Which i did. The lady (Jean - a friend for life) told me to come in and check out the place - which she told me later she actually wanted to check me out, make sure i werent no scatty/slutty girl. Which once again, i did. And i got a job there for 2 weeks, loved it, i mean truly loved it, truly thought i found the place i belonged at.

The people were brilliant, funny and all weird n wonderful in their own ways. After the two weeks, i was dreading not ever seeing em again, so i asked Jean if i could work through my week holiday, which i did, and after that i went back every wednesday (my day off college). During this time i grew really close to one person in particular, Shane. He was quite abit older than me, him being 29 (at that time) me being 19, but it honestly didn't bother me, and from what i could tell, didn't bother him either. We would talk for hours about everything n anything, i compltely let my guard down with him and told him about my whole depression and suicidal bid a few years back. And he told me things about his past. Everyone knew me and him were really close, and no one said anything, he would drive me home from work etc. A few times when i got invited to different things (from ppl at work obv), such as Craig's b-day at the casino, Scott's bbq, Brett's karoke thing, me and Shane were always together, i felt safe around him. And i knew he fancied me, and if i didn't the way ppl spoke about us made me know damn sure he did. But at that point i didn't see him like that, and told Ann (receptionist there on Mon/Tues) and she related it back to him.

Then i started working at the garage permantely after college finished (it was only a year course), this is when we really hit it off, and at that point i realised - i liked him back. And one day i went karting with him (he owns his own kart) and we had a massive conversation about relationships - me saying that sometimes you have to wait till you know for sure, him saying you sometimes had to take risks or you end up alone. And on the way home he said he could understand where he went wrong with his ex (who he had been with for 15yrs), and my heart felt cold. So when he dropped me off home, i txt him after mulling through my head, asking him if he got back with his ex where that left me and him. And we had another big conversation about all that.

For a few weeks after that night (after we both realised we both liked eachother) we flirted shamelessly - not that i didnt flirt with some of the others, its funny being as perverted as some males xD And then one day when mum picked me up from work my older sister started saying how he looked older than he was (i actually thought he looked younger) and how he werent good looking, and it really got to me, had an argument with her. When i got in i txt Shane, saying could i go round his, biggest mistake of my life.

From that day we had a relationship going for about a week & a half, and during that time i foolishly thought we were guna last so much longer after everything we'd spoke about and done and i let him take that one thing i can never get back, the one thing no one can ever have now (i don't really wanna say exactly what it was, i hope you understand from that alone), the one thing i wanted to give to the person i was guna love for the rest of my life. The thing i told him countless times over the months i wanted to be my fairytale - the one thing in my fucking life i thought i had control over.

And exactly a week later after that day, he dumped me. At work never the less. Told me i was too young. I'M SORRY ASSHOLE BUT I THOUGHT YOU REALISED MY AGE WHEN I FUCKING STARTED AND TOLD EVERYONE!! I was completely heartbroken, i felt dirty and used and completely heartbroken, i told Jean i had 'pains' and she let me go home, so many people offered me a lift home, even Shane, can you believe it? I had to stand there n wait for Brett (i told Shane i couldn't be near him at that point), i had to fight back the tears, honestly i can't remember ever having to hold back the tears so much - i wouldn't cry in front of him or any of em. After that, me and Shane had on and off weeks, somedays i treated him exactly like i did before we done anything, other days i flat out ignored him. My head was all over the place. We had several arguments after that, me telling him i didn't regret what had happened, just how soon it happened, saying i wish he woulda told me had doubts about us from the very beginning. And at one point he told me he regretted the whole thing. God can you imagine? I was heartbroken as it was and he turns round and says he regrets it? Words can't explain.

After a few months me and Shane simply spoke to eachother when necessary, we had a lil conversation every now n again but that was all. And during that time i finally got over him, and yet up till about 2 weeks ago people still thought i liked him, hah!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago i went out with a guy called Zane, who comes to the garage reguarly and who is friends with Shane. Now i know Zane liked me more than just a friend, but i never felt the same back to him (which i told him when we went out a second time - so no, i didn't string him along), so when we went out obviously everyone thought it was a date, which it werent if anyone had asked me about it, i was simply going to the cinema with a mate. And can you believe it, Shane warned Zane off me?! Telling Zane not to let me make a mug of me, asking Zane what we had spoke about, whether we spoke about him or not. Fucking paranoid or what? That was it, i had a massive row with Shane, telling him to keep his nose out of peoples business, and if i didnt make a mug of him why would i do it to Zane? I didnt even like the guy in that way for fuck sake! And Shane said he had to warn him what a monster i was - im sorry but what? Last time i looked you dumped me and left me heartbroken, not the other way round!

After all that i found out Shane had once jokingly said (yeah - fucking really funny this is) to Craig that, and quote "now that i've fucked her she can piss off". I was speechless when Zane related this back to me. Absoutely stunned, what did i do to deserve such cruelty? Had i not suffered enough knowing he had taken it from me, now he was laughing at me for it?

This latest occurances happened probably about a month ago, i knew for a long time he had been laughing at me for stupid things, never to my face mind you. Since then i've had my best friend Phil tell me he's guna kill Shane, cos i think Phil is the only one who truly realises how much that one thing meant to me - and then for Shane to make sure a mockery of me afterwards - and how much i truly hurt. I mean, now, i'm near enough completely over it, but i will always remember this - and remember how hurtful the whole experience was. This was meant to be the memory i had where i could look back n smile, but now that won't happen.

Now i realise just how important people like my friends and family are - they have not once judged me, simply been there for me to vent too - or sit there in silence and stare blankly out into space. I don't honestly think i've cried this many tears since i was depressed, and i know i havent had this feeling of ending it since then - but i know i wouldn't, cos people like him ain't worth it, actually, they ain't worth anything.

Needless to say, im looking for another job - i can't be near him anymore - and hopefully i'll be out of that place (which all my family/friends want) by the New Year.

Ok, well i told ya i've been mentally exhausted over the past year, i've been on such dramatic highs and lows its un-real. Those words don't describe nearly half of what i truly feel - but words can never really convey what you feel eh?

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Hello everyone =D Wow, erm, where do I start? Well for one quite clearly I never had the guts to permantely delete my site, how could I? Two, my life has been hectic over the past few months, and i truly mean that, not physically but mentally, i am totally exhausted.

Well why am i back? Well..i miss alot of you honestly, a few in particular that ive been naughty too and havent kept in touch with, but to be honest with ya, i've barely touched the internet for months and months, don't go on MSN at all, and i've only recently just started using Photoshop and LJ again. But i wanna see if i can come back here and feel like it use to for me, see if i can make those bonds back to how they were, possibly even stronger.

So if you wish to ask me questions, about what i done, or anything else you may feel like asking me fire away. I've certainly missed reading up on comments and posts!

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Monday, December 18, 2006

Time to say goodbye; I know i've already made one of these, but i've finally decided to completely delete my site. Won't go into why, i just am. Love you all <3

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