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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.

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Thursday, December 16, 2010

I'm So tiered its not funny but had a good b-day for the most part after my melt down about waiting for my dad to call and him being him and again never doing it... somethings just never change even if the time dose or the person calls you all most every dam week...sigh oh well, will post pics of Biff, hes a golden puppy that I'm attached too..... we had to put Al down, he couldn't eat anymore and was falling over, he was my new best friend... R.I.P Al, my mare mare is getting moved to home in the next two weeks, so that's exciting... hope all is well with everyone else.
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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

So I have been home for 2 1/2 months now, I missed my dogs so much and getting them back into shape, I missed my horse so much but sadly were I'm living and working now is too far for me to go and see her everyday so hopping to move her closer by the end of the month. I have a a good place to stay where my dog are welcome and I'm bizzy most the day, I have a backer for my border collie so I can get her finished and bred, my whipp is keeping weight...Got to get my ass moving on finishing my externship, been working on my uncles and aunts horses and have one other client right now so that's good, I am trying to sell some of my edited work, "they are posed on fb" but ya cant complain too bad about life because its ohk right this minet, some issues but going to get them fixed asap... Hope everyone is good and sorry i pooffed for a bit http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=277964&id=746185548#!/album.php?aid=209212&id=746185548
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Saturday, September 18, 2010

I have now been in TX for 6 months, that's 6 months of something stable in my life. that's something i really haven't had for the last umm 2-3 years, I'm very very soon losing that and going back to MA/NH/ME, I dislike TX a lot but there are a few things that i like a lot too, but i miss home, and the things i have built there and the odd shape of a family i have created there. and right now I'm torn about leaving something that is stable and going back to something unstable, I'm lost and torn and want to cry and run full speed...its weird and if i don't understand it dose that mean that its ohk?? or am i that unstable that this is all a bunch of OMFG??? Really i think i just want and need a home. a home that I'm not scared of saying the wrong thing, a home where i can be me and that's all right, a home where i can walk in and breath and not worry about what is wrong and what is right and just know that that place is safe and stable in some sort of confusion......... yah .... I'm lost,alone,scared,and in the dark again.....
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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

lifes updates
So i had a friend come out that i have been dieing to meet for allmost 10 years. and i still frineds with them in person, lol had a good few days sad that it didnt wotk out with flights and parents and that bull shit. oh well. had to get a new camra for school and started my school final and did really well on the first part. so yeah Michigain state in 2 weeks and i get my dogs hips and elbows down in a week. so yup lifes still going and i hope it is well with everyone else
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Wednesday, July 14, 2010

same song as last one

I look around me
And I see a place that I’m not sure I like
I see their eyes as they look at me
And I hear their words as they tell me that I don’t fit in here
I’m not part of this or that

Well I don’t care any more
And I don’t get it
Why make me feel like I might fit here
And then smack me down

I may seem to be nasty, strong or something else then what I am
It’s a mask that I show you
But I know what is out there
I don’t lie to my self
And that makes me cry
Myself to sleep

For I know the night is not long enough
And that in the day light the only monsters I will see
Will be you and those around me
But I also know
That you don’t know this

For I am the one that cuts to cry crimson ears
I’m the one that talks to the animals
I’m the one that dances to the gods of old
I’m the one that wants to run away
To hide from you all
But I see what this world is under the new moons light

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Song: I dont care by apocalyptica

The fiddler plays his sad song
As the day light drifts slowly behind the trees
And the night comes

There is something out there
That should scare everyone
There is something out there
That should scare everyone

There is a lover that holds true love
There is a lover that would do anything for their love
Give there last breath
Give all they have

This is something to fear
For there is nothing like this out there
Besides this one

There is something out there
That should scare everyone
There something out there
That should scare everyone

There is one that hates all with everything that they are
They see no good in men
They see only the things man should be ashamed of
She sees all that there is to hate
There is something out there
That everyone should be scared of
There is something out there
That everyone should be scared of

There is one that knows what it is like
To be on the outside looking in
And they smile
And still show there love
And hate
But yet are unseen

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Thursday, July 8, 2010

I want to just start to scream
You don’t know me
You think I stopped talking to you about the horse
FUCK NO, I snapped and tried to kill myself because you took my life, my love, my world
OH you didn’t know that
I use to cut too because of you

I just want to scream and cry till you understand my mind
I want the rain to fall to night

Youy think you understand me
Well you don’t even know the half of it
You get mad at me because what you think
Because you think you know but you don’t know
I cut the other day
Not big looks like a scratch
But the blood still fell because of you

I just want to scream and cry
I want the rain to fall to night
So I can be hidden away

I think its kind of funny
I see you are hurt by me
And I know I was hurt because of you but that’s fine
Because I tried to take my life because of you
And I know you don’t know this
Or see the marks I have left on my arms
But oh well

I want to scream and cry
I want it to rain all night long
So I can be alone

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Saturday, July 3, 2010

In the eyes of suicide
Ohk so this is the name of a book I’m working on right now. I want it to have real peoples stories in it, weather u know of someone who did it or who think of it. I want what has made people think of it, no do it or try to do it. This is a book decated to a few people who I have lost to suicide, and I’m not really having any luck with it, and need just a little help. SO if u can help that would be great, each person gets their own page and it can have their name or be annomis (sp).

Well hope everyone has a great day tomorrow, blessed be

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Sunday, June 27, 2010

So my School Final got moved to July, witch means i got home sooner.... But i dont get to show my dog one more time to try and get points out here before going home, kinda a bummer. but ohh well, i guess life goes on.

Had the Whites pay me for doing there stalls, wich it not why i did them, I did them because they welcomed me with open arms to hte barn and left me work on there horses for the school stuff and let me ride and got me in the spot im in now so that im riding everyday. But Mr white didnt/ woulnd take the money back... -.-, that dam old man is like his dam old horse at times, sigh. Im thankful for the money because im saving up for a car/camra/ something.... but i was not expecting it and it again is not why i did it. oh well life goes on. Ill have to say Im glad i got to meet them, because it shows me that there are still people out there are care as much for there horses as much as i do. and it makes me smile

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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Im haveing a bit of an off day, its like im not doing enough and im all alone, im not really hungery and i feel like im going to snap or cry...but oh well heres a poem.
Song: I like the way you lie

I just have one thing to say
And it goes something like this
Live and love will all you got
No, no that’s not it

Ohk here it is now
When you’re chasing a dream
No, no never mind
I think I’m going to give up but

When the summer night wraps its self around you Look at
The Fire flies because they are like dreams
And can pass you by

Make your world something that you don’t mind sitting in
When there’s no one for you
When you want to be left alone
When the world is saying fuck you
Go there and smile at the Fire flies as they dance around you
Because these are your dreams

Make something out of them
Make something out of life
For this is the only one you have
I just have one thing to say
Chase your dreams like they where fire flies on a summer night
Run after them with a jar and try to catch them
For its up to you
To get your own
There aint going to be someone to hand them out to you

When you’re all alone run to your own little world
And smile as the fire flies pass you by

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