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Sunday, June 6, 2010

The poem
I like this poem a lot i no no why i do .... maybe itll be true...probly not tho lol,

I hold my head up and smile as I walk by
Ill not tell you
You’ll not know
What whispers in the trees?
The voices that talk to me
For you’re not mine
And I know this
For I was the one that let go

I shut my eyes and pray to never wake
I want an out
For my safety is gone
I can’t go back to that home
For you know a little too much of me

I’ll have to let go
This will be the good bye
The excuse I have needed
No money
No life
In this world of dogs

Ill step away
And cry when it rains
But I’ll be ohk when I walk by you
For I can’t tell you
That I….
Still …

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to night
to night is a poem night, for what ever reson i have seemingly been upset enough that i know my BS (blood sugars) arnt coming down any time soon... so yea i guess ill write insted of crying yahaaaaa....... -.- lame.... i really need to get my dam life under controll... might be a healthy change. oh well.... ill lose weight too LOL, no i am going to do that.. get back to 180 or 175 gasp... not too far from there -.- im only at 194 -.- oh well lifes a bitch aint it.... sigh grandmothers drunk again and wont shut the fuck up or leave me be....lovely im fat to night... the other night it was about my dead horse...the night before about the horse she sold on me...the night before the failer my mother was....guess what I DONT FUCKING CARE....... love so yeah next post i promess itll be a poem not a bitch seasion lol at least im laughing at my self now lol oh well someone had to i guess
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dam life
Im sick of the heat, and sick of not feeling good, and and and i want to jump and im sick of the e-net not working, and ish ish ish, tiered and i guess i need to get my ass in gear and get some school stuff done and stop trying to fix the kennel site...sigh
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Saturday, June 5, 2010

A moment
you ever have one of those moments when u want to know why the fuck someone eles is telling you what you like and dont like, and throu this ur recalling what they are talking about and the fact that they have confused u with a sibling who is 1 younger, 2. male, 3.a cook 4. like things i cant stand....and i have never eatin what they are talking about, and for as long as i can remember i pick out the dam celly from all my soups..ask some of my room mates i have they think i weird as hell for doing it....LEAVE ME ALONE, if they are too small then ill swallow them down but if they can be removed with out having to be eaten then they will be removed..... and grandparents need to keep the grand kids stright becuase theres only two of us...wtf stop over drinking when u have dinner and stop having drinks on a race day, because there are fucking horse races every day somewhere....GRRRR, im in a I hate people mood...
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Friday, June 4, 2010

I got a little job taking care of two horse here at the fort, and i also get to ride them...life just got a little better, so riding to night ^^
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Monday, May 31, 2010

Im getting to the point i want to just start screaming at ppl again. its sad i cant seem to keep myself from getting to this explosive state with out riding everday or at least every other day... sadly i dont think the people that im with right now really get that my horse has become my mental stablity...and im with out her for 4-5 months..god help us .... anyways kinda like this poem....

Lost in this world
Wanting to scream
Cant seem to get away
Whats going to happen
When they find out

That Im as bad as a drug user
I look around and try to breath
But with the sun shining and the grass green
I just want to scream
And I pray for the rain

Here there, over there
Sea star, shining star
A story book tail
You and me
Copy that

I shut my eyes and try to remember how to breathe
For I came seem to get the air to go to my lungs
Im fighting this scream and these tears
I just my eyes and try to get by
But I cant seem to do this

And I want to die to night
As I sit here and try to get them to understand
That I need you more then I need them
And Im not making it here
Im dying without the air

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A little smile
I was looking around after the last post and say omg a comment, i looked and smiled, there are still people here, Im not talking to myself, it was weird how it made me feel a little better, I think im going back to my everyday post, make this a place to post, because there are still some people out there. I thank DarkWolfDemon, for makeing me smile a little, im not even sure why i smiled but the comment brightened my dad a little
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I am getting to the point where everyone eles horse sucks and should all poof, I just want my mare and or want to jump and run away and i cant do this, because my mare is on the other side of the dam country, and im stuck here where horses are shit or Oh my fucking 666 year old trail horse is woth 10,000 FUCK U ALL.... I WANT AWAY FROM ALL OF YOU AND IM GOING TO SNAP SOON OMFG.... and no i dont feel better
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Thursday, May 27, 2010

I think its an every other peom thing x.x oh well this ones not that bad:

I feel it in my blood
This feeling of uncontrolled anger
I feel it in my bones
This feeling of uncontrolled fear

I feel it as I walk
Not caring
Because I have split up what is my family
To try stand up on my own
And I feel like Im failing them
I need to feel and see that they are ohk
And they are a life time away

I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to stop feeling
Pleases let me die
Till I can go home to them
Till I can feel their skins under my hand
Till I know that they are safe and with me

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Not so hot -.- :

Come and send me a pray or a wish
For I know I run the desert
Because I have messed up
And I know that the people dont know me any more

For I have gone wild
And unpredictable

I know what I look at in the mirror
I see a girl,
Thats so lost
I see a girl thats created something stable out of something that wasnt
Then she moved and lost it all

She would dance in the moon light with the horses
Be a shadow that could do what no one else has

She was a girl that lived and thrived for her mare
She is a girl that still needs her mare
To stay sane in this world of light

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