Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Again, a night without any sleep
Yeah, I cried whole damn night.
Im not going to tell the reasons, because it would lead me and the persons into trouble. Cant belive Im thinking aboute their best.....

Only thing I got to say is Im afraid to fell inlove. Humph. And second thing, Looks and age are everything that matters in relationships. Huh.

I so feel to reviel who is the person who made me cry, but I wont.

At the morning, I woke up late, cause I slept only few hours (Hey, you cant cry and sleep at the same time!) But I just couldnt get up.... I just layd there like three hours, then got up 'cause my best friend called. After that, I went to bed again. And cried. This week, I have cried more than in 10 years.

Now: Lyrics of one song that says it better than any other.

Him - Funeral Of Hearts Lyrics

Love's the funeral of hearts
And an ode for cruelty
When angels cry blood
On flowers of evil in bloom
The funeral of hearts
And a plea for mercy
When love is a gun
Separating me from you

She was the sun shining upon
The tomb of your hopes
And dreams so frail
He was the moon painting you
With its glow so vulnerable and pale

Love's the funeral of hearts...

She was the wind carrying in
All the troubles and fears
He for years tried to forget
He was the fire restless and wild
And you were like a moth to the flame

Be ready to beyond the undivine prayer to God
As deaf and blind
The last night's souls on fire
Three little words and the question: why?

Love's the funeral of hearts...


Yeah, go on, shot me in the head. I cant friggin live like this.
*breaths deep* Never fell inlove again, Never fell inlove again, NEVER fell inlove again.....

This happens with everyone. C'mon guys stop felling inlove with me so I dont get attached with you. Im still crying, you know. And I think my eyes are gonna soon pop out, or then I just start to cry blood..... Huh.....

Its just my life.


"Go on, just beat me if you want. I cant feel you anymore."

Oh yeah, Telk27, you'd better stay alive now. I live for the hug I owe to you now. Huh.


Just wanna hit my head on the wall so hard that I will damn sure die....





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Monday, June 13, 2005

*yawn* 6 hours of sleep.....
Hello....

To be honest, last night, I cried.
I just felt so bad.... Juho was depressed again (We talked in cellphone, I just dont get it why do I care!?) I thought aboute this honey of mine and my parents had just been so slutty the whole evening....
I slept only 6 hours last night. I watched LOTR The fellowship of the ring (Its aboute 38th time, eh....) And went to bed at 3 o'clock and woke up 9AM. Nice. Im so tired I had to mow today, help mom at her restaurant, clean up, and I was thinking aboute taking a nap. Well. I slept 10 min till my mom started to scream something that I dont remember. I was so sleepy. I still am. My god Im soooo tired....
Now, my mom is trying to make me give up from black. DAMMIT, NEVER!! Black is my colour and I wont give up from that. *nod* Now. My mom is a life saver, tho se tries to make me give up from black. She told me, that when Juho comes by next friday, we cant sleep in the same bed with Juho. YES!! This means he CANT touch me. *grins* This one and very few time, Im happy that I have mom.
Oh yeah, Im goin' to my best friends at wednesday. We're going to circus. Shes making me -_-;; I wish it'll be fun..... Well, if theres alot of young guys, then it will ^_^ Tee Hee.
As I told you, hes coming by. I dunno closely how long he will stay, but I just know that I cant be on in the whole weekend. Zorry guyz, Cant do nothing aboute it. I Just have to work in moms restaurant too. Theres coming lotta customers to stay in our hotel, so I have no choise.

Well. Im going now. You guys have fun. I dunno when Im back next time..... Well, Im on at thursday, I promise that. so..... So. See ya then.


Oi! What Kind of Loner Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla





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Saturday, June 11, 2005

*yawn*
Hello peoples....

Its saturday.... Is it!? Oh god I have been in summervacation for a week and Im already desperate..... Not good.
Well, Im bored. I got nothing to do out here. 'cept kick the wall. Which hurts my leg.... Aww..... *sigh* Im so lonely..... I need someone out here..... Im gonna start talking to rocks soon.... Oh, hello mr rock! How are you today?
OMG it has already started ;_; No.....
Well. Im just deleting some old pics. And once again, I realize that my half bro HAS been using MY computer. Or why all this DBZ stuff is on my computer then, huh? Oh well.....
Once again, I've started drawing. I havent drawed like in a week and now I do again. ^^ Go me. Well Im practicing drawing Tohru and Yuki. 'N Kyo ofcourse, tho Im more Yuki+Tohru fan. Huh. Yuki is SO cute....

NOW: The most important thing today.... My VERY good friend Amerill has birthday today. Happy Birthday Amerill ^^ I havent forgot you. *gives a kiss* Its a birthday kiss ^^ I'll draw something for you, Amerill. *jumps around cheerfully* OMG I act like it was MY birthday..... -_-;; Well, its just me ^^

Zzzz.... Im SO sleepy..... I slept around the clock but still...... x_x I spent whole damn night talking in my cellphone.... With my best friend. 'Screw the life' was almost everything we said..... Eh..... Well, screw it!

Now, I got nothing to say. Sayonara, peoples.

Oh yeah: I think I finally have found someone I love more than I loved Christian.... Now I maybe am finally ready to get over it.....




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Friday, June 10, 2005

Hello....
Huh well. Everythings 'kay. And I just noticed it: Friends are more important thing to Juho than I am. When my friend told him that hes friend is a gay, he was ready to give her a black eye. When one guy told him Im a fat hooker, he wouldnt do anything to give him a punishment. So, thats a good reason to dumb him. Happy time *grin*
Now, some of you may wonder how do I look.... I've got a picture for you.
Yup. Thats me. I took it just few days ago. *cough* So now all of you know how I look. Not so good but oh well I dont really care. HAH! Thats just me.


You are the warrior anime girl.You are the type
that can start a fight and win.You are very
strong and can beat anyone up (but just don't
^_~) and some people can be afraid of you but
alot of people admire your strength and want to
be just like you well the people that want to
fight.You can defend yourself very easily and
can probably handle some kind of weapon.You
have a short temper(like me)and get angry
easily but you can be really nice at times
^_^and once a fighter always a fighter.


If You Were An Anime Character What Would You Look Like?(Girls Only)
brought to you by Quizilla


Well, I think thats all for today. I see ya.


Rock Lee rocks....




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Thursday, June 9, 2005

*yawn*
Two days at the city..... Without Juho. Hes still working. So, first day, it was just two of us, me and my best friend (tho our friend from school, Katja, spent few seconds with us, lol) the second, me, my best friend and Juulia (in MyO also known as grinner BY THE WAY visit her NOW!) It was alot of fun, to be with my friends. Then, I saw SO DAMN CUTE guys out there! Besides, that one Latino looked straight into my eyes..... <3 God he was ssssso cute. Then there was few blacks. And they stared at the three of us the whole time. Fun! I just SOOOO love blacks and Latinos =^^= Cant do nothin' bout it.
Now: Loki found out I have been talking to hes cousin. He told me she lies. Well, I dont actually belive either one of them. Huh. World is full of fools.....
*sigh* So. Juho is coming by and now its clear. Only thing he wants is go to bed with me. Well I dont want to. Im not a gril who wants only to fuck. I need way more and as I can see Im not gettin' it from Juho. Im so sick and tired in this. I really feel like jumping off from a damn cliff. Oh waite there is few cliffs around here.... Huh well. Im just so tired.... Everytime I fall inlove the guy couldnt care a heck. And now theres 9 guys inlove with me. You think Im happy? No Im not. I really care aboute all of them and I dont want to hurt anyone. And Juho keeps touching me. This is not waht I wanted. Im everything I didnt wanna be. Only thing that is something I wanted is that Im a gothic. Black is everything I have.
*sigh* Okay I gotta go. Im gonna go and hit on that Latino and black. Yummie.... Well. Have a nice day.

Song of the day: Really suits me, and this is one of my faivorite songs. Among Nightwish 'End of all hope' and '10th man down'


Him - Join Me Lyrics

HIM
"Join Me"

We are so young
our lives have just begun
But already we are considering
ercape from this world

And we've waited
for so long
for this moment to come
We're anxious to be together
together in death

Chorus:
Won't you die tonight for love
(Baby join me in death)
So will you die
(Baby join me in death)
Won't you die tonight for love
(Baby join me in death)
So will you die
(Baby join me in death)

This world is so cruel place
and we're here only to lose
So before light taers us apart
let death bless me with you

(Chorus)

This life ain't worth living ...
(Join me, Join me, Join me, Join me, Join me)

(Chorus)

You can join me in death...





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Tuesday, June 7, 2005

Screwed
Okay so....

Last night, Juho was going to do a suicide. He had a gun on hes hand, and were going to do it. I didnt want him, so I told him I love him.
IM AN IDIOT!!! 1. I dont. 2. He told me he loves me too.
OMG I am so screwed.... *hits her head on the wall hard* What am I gonna do!? Besides hes coming to our place after two weeks, and to know hes nature, only thing he has on hes mind is sex then. What the hell am I gonna do here!? Why are the finnish guys this kinda ass, everyone are drunk and big perverts! NO!! This cant happen!!
*breaths deep* Im calm... Im calm... Seariously I gotta get away from this situation... I would ask my older sister, but shes one of the original finnish peoples who think anly aboute sex and drinking. So Im VERY screwed.



Your element is Darkness: Self centered, strong
willed, mischievous and mysterious. Your quite
dark and often times frightening, although you
may be good looking its just a costume hiding
the darkness of your heart. You detest everyone
but yourself, people are simply insects to be
burned under the power of your magnifying
glass. People are somewhat drawn to your
mystery but find out to little to late how
cruel you can be. But you have a passionate
soul, that is unless you already sold it.
Pursuing whatever you set your mind to, you
look at life with a 'Shut up and leave me
alone' attitude most often because people
generally seem to annoy you. You may be the
ruler of darkness but you can often times be
generally lonely wishing for someone to share
in your dance of darkness so long as they know
who is the master.


.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla
....True.....



Caring boyfriend...he is gentle and always
concerned about you...gotta love him! ^___^


What's Your Perfect Anime Boyfriend?!
brought to you by Quizilla
....Sweet....


Well...let's say you're kinda...uh...AHEAD kissing!
You're looking for adventures, the WILD ones!!!
You like your kiss to be more than
complete...OMG!!! Hope you can find someone who
can handle your fire. o.O


What anime kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
....ME!?! XD


Dumb Girl:
You are Dumb...yes, you may not know much, but
you're very cute and people just love to
protect and save you! Just try not to screw
everything up...


What's your anime-girl steriotype?!
brought to you by Quizilla
....*cough cough* Well it IS good way to get a boyfriend... ^^;;


You are a loner...not that you don't like people,
it's just that you like to spend time with
yourself or you are an outsider...don't like
talking too much and even going
out...loneliness isn't healthy, but you like
it...what can say?! Just live the way you
want...u_u


What kind of friend are you?(anime pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
.....Well I like loneliness, cant do nothing 'bout it..... Tho sometimes I AM lonely....



*sigh* I just gotta make something up.
Well. See ya all.

Oh, and for Loki, hes cousin just told me he still loves me. I DONT CARE!!

Oh yeah: Pic of the day.


True, hu?




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Monday, June 6, 2005

Frigging tired
Uhhh....

Im sick again..... *sigh* Im an idiot.... I know I will come sick if I stand too long at the rain.... and still I do. Rain is Freedom, I cant help myself.....

Now: One old lover of mine gave to me begging a new change with him. Well. I gave him, but when I got away, I laughed. What an idiot. Today, hes cousin sent me this e-mail:

Hello *bows*
Yes I have read Tsubasa and that is where I got the name from.
No I have not read Chobits but I will one day.
Loki and I are cousins so he told me about you. (no bad things)
Wow you think he is a loser too? Cool! Someone who agrees with me.
He is a 'nice' guy once you get to know him.
Uh... He said while he was grounded "Jo? She was just another toy for me. I've kissed way too many gal's like her. Ohhh... Here sexy! Here sexy! Here comes daddy!" Uhh he saw a 'hot' girl and ran after her.
DON'T give him another chance.
Before he knew I was his cousin he was so so SO close to kissing me.
Beware of Loki.
See ya when I see ya.
Lauren
PS: Loki has no brains. lol!

*laughs insanely* That guy just doesent get it: Lifes just a game for me! One time, I had a boyfriend, I were engaged and had 9 other guys with it. Right now, I just have a boyfriend (You all know him: Juho) and this one dear of mine *grin* Beware, guys. Its just a game I play!

Duh well. That was a provement I am the second choise.... Well, with Loki.... the 100th. So.

Thats all for today. Play the life vicely.
See you.


Oh yeah.... And I think the e-mail wasnt from Lauren. I think it was from Loki. He likes roleplaying. What a loser. He can fuck off.




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Sunday, June 5, 2005

*sigh*
Once again, I dunno what to feel.

Many of you doesent know my past - only the ones who have been my friends from the start. Guys like AD, and I want to thank all of you for being my friends. Thank you.
Now.... I have been fighting with very many friends of mine, so the depression wants to take over me. My parents suck, they keep telling me how my grades suck and I look like a freak etc.... I saw only two friends of mine in the last day of school and Juho was drunk last night, and here, at moms restaurant, was one guy who beated hes wife so much she got into a hospital, so I had to stay up at 2 o'clock at ight and waite him to leave to get home. And now, I have slept like 6 hours. Well. Its better than the night at my best friends. I slept in the floor, only a blanket with me. No pillow or anything. Besides I havent slept at all in four days so.... 6 hours is a heaven to me.
Well. I dunno really what keeps me away from depress. Juho had fun last night, he was with some Joni guy, hes something like 18 years old, and hes girlfriend Miira. Miira were in our school too. She always looked mean and looked down on me. But she was really pretty, and shes a goth too. So is Joni. I know him 'cause I once saw him at the city when I, Juho and my best friend were at the city, and hes older brother of one of my best friends classmates.
Well, I got to know which classes I have next year: Cookering, Special Arts class, Espressive Talents class (Whats THAT supposed to mean!?) and Decimal system class (...What...?) Well I know who are gonna be with me in those classes, and in Cookering, is my best friends Classmate Teemu; Hes the one who is Jonis kidbro, and hes Juhos friend too. Now I CANT leave Juho without becoming beated. Duh.
In Decimal system class Im with my best friend. Yay, Im not alone..... and in Espressive Talents class Im with my classmates Heidi, Sara and Erika. Oh yeah, and Sanna. From my best friends class, Im with Tapio (NOOOO hes old classmate of mine ;_; This cant happen)
Well. Thats all for now. Oh yeah, I found a cute pic: Everyone who have played BOF3 (Breath of Fire 3) knows who they are, but for the ones who dont, the catguy is Rei and Honeybunny is Momo.


Cute, neh?

Well have a nice day....


OH YEAH! I submitted two new pieces of art. Its sucks bad but oh well I dont care ^^



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Saturday, June 4, 2005

Summer Vacation
Hello *yawn* peoples.

It was the last day of school. And now its summer break. And my mom started being bitchy from the first second I came from school. She started complaining aboute my school report - tho she said she was waiting a lot worster. Well I still have excellent from arts and english. Ha. Im the best. Tho my maths grade went way down.... *krhm* Well Im just fine as long as my english is excellent.
Juho was wearing a suit today X_X My god he looked like e little kid..... Tho he was cute. I had a stupid dress. I HATE dresses. Pants are more for me. Oh yeah, and I saw Juhos parents today. >_< I almost fainted! They were so scary! And I could swear they had bloodlust in their eyes while they watched me.... ;_; Mommy.... Well. I didnt have to watch them too long. What a relief....
Well. We watched some music videos at my best friends place. One was Wolfs Rain! It was cool ^^ Then there was Princess Mononoke too. It was fun. And we watched them from her older sisters PC ^^; Heh. This why Im scared of my kid sister. She may use my computer without premission. Scary..... Well. I dont think she cant get any cleae of all english stuff so.... No waite.... Shes on fourth class.... She already studies english ;__; Nooooo.....

*sigh* Well. Im gonna go now. You guys have a FUN day. Merry Christmas!! No. Have a nice and hot summer!! ^^ Thaaats right.

O' yeah, my mom said shes gonna call police to report aboute the money the outlandish kid stole from me. YOUR GONNA BE BUSTED, YOU BRAT!!! HA!!!




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Friday, June 3, 2005

Fun!
YES!

She werent sick ^^ So we went to the city! It was fun. Some outlandish, maybe spanish guy (Who was cute like HELL) came to us to ask for money because he didnt have enough tó fly in hes own country. Well I gave him every coin I got, and we got a rose too. Well later, some other spanish kid came and gave us a rose. He was the other guys kidbro, I gess. I gave him few coins, but then, he grabbed aboute 15 eouros ( euro is like 1,3 dollars) from my wallet and leaved. I cant belive it!! Those damn spanish eggheads took all money I got left! I couldnt even buy Tsubasa anymore! WAAAH!!! Why me!?
Well later, Juho joined us. Well he was a vice guy and didnt even touch me: I was FURIOUS. Even worster than yeasterday, seariously. He tried to calm me down but didnt make it. And the three of us kept caslling them names. Everything we could make up. And we promised we would beat him up if he would come by. Well. He didnt.
Now, I saw a black guy there! =^^= AWWW He was cute! And I saw him two times: In the centre, and in a bookstore. In the bookstore´, He looked at me, didnt broke hes glance, and kept looking straight to my eyes till we had to leave. *sigh* Wonder what went threw hes mind....

Well, the day was fun. We reeeally had fun, tho that kid came to take my money. Ah well, Im at my best friends house right now so I gotta go. Adios, peoples. See you.



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