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Friday, August 5, 2005

So F*king not fine
Yeah so to those who did read my last post: Hes late. Late like 2 hours now. Nice. So fucking nice.
I told you no guy likes me for real it seems like I was fucking right well yeah Im at the library we were supposed to meet here but noooo The goddamn asshole doesent show up.

Why does everyone hate me!? Even my best friend doesent talk to me anymore!! I just realized why I like Kurogane, and Juho: They both made me feel like I was beutiful. Like I was nice and they both needed me. Thats why I like them. Or liked. Cuz they really did need me.

Well. Gess Im gonna go now. Just bye.

....He just showed up. Finally!! ASSHOLE!! He said he overslept. He said he has to go. Hm. Just he shouldnt except me to be alive tomorrow.

Im just gonna go..... Go and cry..... Cry my eyes off.... Yeah....

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   I belive that there is also some strenght you need to cry when you should ~Fai D. Flowright
Yea theres once again one wierd picture of me.... -_-;



Okay I just gotta admit it Lokis bro IS sweet. In hes own, jerky way. He was so goddamn depressed last night. He came to me and sitted right next to me, leaned hes head on my shoulder and mushed himself against me and closed eyes. And he said "Never let me go". What could I do!? He was this little kitten in my arms x_x It was good I didnt faint... He just... God. Im Deeply shocked. He was there like two hours, but I was amused how quick time flied there. Just gosh... I never want any more guys to fell inlove with me....
Im just so shocked. I didnt know a guy can be that cute. Besides a guy in hes age. Hes 19 think aboute that. All that should be going threw hes mind should be sex. Nothing else. Then he does this. There must be some trick here, damn sure is..... He just keeps saying that "Oh Im so inlove with you" And things. Me no like. He must be lying. Or something. No guy truly likes me. No no. No-one. I've ever met a guy who loved me the most. Never. Juho loved himself more even tho he also hated himself. Im always the second. There must be something wrong with me..... Im a masocist or something....
I KNOW I sound like paranoid but I am. At least Im not pissed.... Well he does take my thoughts away from everything, he does make me feel better when I miss Eric, but I still only like him as a friend. God this is almost as horrible as it was with Juho I mean I dont hate him but it stresses me out as bad.....
*hits her head on a wall* NO STRESS!! I dont want a goddamn panic attack, I DONT want an ulcer, I have something to do with my life goddamn.....
Hey, now when we're talking aboute Juho: He keeps senting messages to my VERY best friend in msn. He mailed her. No I dont got a prob with that I always would like to be friends with guys I've broke up with but just.... My best friend wanted that he was my friend. She was telling me "Hey tell him that you can still be friends hes a great friend" Well the problem was that when guy has once touched me in pervert way I dont want to be near him (Waite..... I still wanna be friends with Lokis bro.... Oh its different) and now when their making a friendship soon they will start hating me together! No fair! Fine, Grinner, your gonna get my best friends place very goddamn soon if this show goes on.
Hmm. I have onlinedates with Lokis bro in 15 minutes. How fun. *sigh* Im screwed. And my mom has putted me on a diet, like I wasnt already. but this is different. All she lets me eat are apples, Noodels and bananas. Nice I will puke if I ever see noodels again.... Just eww. I need something.... Something.... Oh yeah, a wall. Thats what I need. *hits her head on a wall* Why why why why!!??
WAAH!!! Why is he cuter than Loki!? The prob is I do like him but I dont wanna fell inlove with him! HES TOO OLD!! No that cant be an excuse after that I dated that 46 years old guy.... Hes..... Okay hes Lokis bro? Brothers usually are more alike that it first seems.... or siblings anyways. Peoples tell me that Im so alike with my bro. Well we both like Heavy and act lil.... Dark. The difference is that hes stronger than me. In mind, sould and body. Oh well. Im just hes sis. Just..... It feels unfair to change from Loki to hes brother..... Oh waite I did it with Telk.... OH GOD IM A MONSTER!!!
Kill me, someone!! Argh! What can I do Enders bro WAS cute just like Lokis..... Hey waite maybe thats the reson: I cant get the first one so I take the brother.... OH GOD!!! IM A MONSTER!!! *cries* I use them as second prize!! Just like guys do to me!! Nonono!!!
*breaths deep* Im calm.... But Im still a monster.... two headed, ugly, hairy monster. Fat monster. *cries* Im ugly!!

Fine, Im getting on date with Lokis brother. Hey peoples I'll call him as Kurogane starting now cuz he roleplays with that name. So Im going on date with him. Damn sure I am at least someone still likes me the MOST, not as the SECOND. *narrows eyes* Growl. I dont care Im sucking lonely I dont honestly care what Eric-kun says I mean its just one fucking dates with friends, at least for me Im just so goddamn lonely and just blaime the peoples that hate me. And peoples who dont have any time. Adn peoples who hang only with their other friends, my best friend for excample.

Done. I made dates with Gane-kun. Just one phonecall and thats it. *nod nod* Half an hour. Just an half an hour and we'll meet. Hope its not gonna be anything pervert. Hope he doesent take it too searious. I dowanna break poor creatures heart. Well Im going now I gotta find something to wear. I need something black. This red doesent fit me. So see ya have a NICE day and take care. Love you Eric-kun.

Besides, Kuro-kun says Im hot and pretty. *Laughs manically* Any guy that says that has changes on me! BIG changes! No matter what they looked themselfs. Oh yeah and gals too who say that. Im still bi, peoples.
And hey, my long lost bro is back, at least for few days ^^ Yay! Tho he was shocked when he heard aboute Kuro-kun..... -_-;

And Omega Zero: Those gals are jerks. I've never took a guy that cares only aboute my looks or smthing And I've never been a girl like that. Some chicks just are so..... Blond.

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Thursday, August 4, 2005

   A KISS!!
Before I start, aint that just WIERD pic of me?

Anyways that goddamn asshole kissed me!! X_X No thats not why Im panicing. This was how it went (Hes K Im J)

First he kissed me
J:What the fuck wuz that!?
K:I love you. Love you so much.
K:Cant do nothing aboute it.
J:Your 19!!
K:I know...

How can he say that How can he say that how can he say that!?! BIG NO!! I mean uh guys help me your all my friends big part of you are guys tell me what to do Im really not sure what I feel for him I just know hes been a great friend but uh.... I dunno I love Eric-kun and Im lonely without him I see him like 1 time at 2 friggin weeks and maybe thats cuz I think I love that jerk I know I DONT love Lokis bro so uh..... *hits her head on a wall* Someone KILL ME!! Why do jerks always fell on me!? Why everyone fells on me!? Theres always like 8 guys inlove with me at the same time but theyr all like taken or then just ordinary jerks. Not fun. *sob* Why me!? Whats so special on me? You havent seen the friggin darker side on me *narrows eyes* I can be mean mean mean think aboute it before you fall inlove with me. *sobs* I gotta go I gotta have a chat with him and talk aboute this.... He already asked if what happened the other day (I talked aboute it yesterday its hard to excplaine I'll tell you if you PM me) was searious. SO yea. Well ttyl take care.

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Wednesday, August 3, 2005

Dont get it wrong Im not a rap fan Im Goth I listen Metal and rock I was just saying that I have nothing agains hip hop or anything if they dont start bitching at me. Im not a fan. I just like Jay-Z and thats mostly cuz hes cute and hes black -_-;; Yeah I got this thingy for blacks.
Uhh well I had some..... thing last night with Lokis bro..... You dont wanna hear it uh gosh he must've been drunk but I an only say he has fetish for nipples..... -_-;;;; Im so happy I said big no.

*cough cough* Im not gonna think aboute that.
Well anyways hows everyone? I've heard a word of my missing bro so everythings cool for me. I miss Eric, Im lonely, but who cares when I got my own manga here comforting me. I actually drawed a picture of those 5 playing twister ^^; AHAHAHAHAA you can just imagine how weir it is when there was 4 guys which one was gay plus one gal out there, then the game leader laughing manically and a goth guy sitting there and watching with deeply shocked face ^___^ Hehehe.
I was chatting with the Japanese guy again. Hes cool we both love Naruto and Star Wars ^^ Yay. Soulmate. No! WRONG! No soulmate no no me without soulmate oh shit what am I trying to say!?

Well gess thats all for today. Im going to go and load more anime music. See ya guys take care!

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Tuesday, August 2, 2005

Hair, Hair, my silky hair ^^;
Hiya Guys (And gals :P) !

Its gonna be long post so just saying that you dont have to read all of it.

I hate my moms best friend. Okay shes not her best friend but close cuz she doesent really have any other friends but anyways, she said that Grinner is selfish. OMG I cant belive it I havent ever met so cool girl as she is (well ofcourse my best friend bu tthats another thing) So it so pisses me off to hear that! I mean c'mon that slut screws with every guy she just meets! Yeah there is provements, I know 12 guys she has been screwing with and theres even more, so how can she say that July is selfish!? I goddamn hate that bitch!! I HATE!! Shes so..... so.... Slut!!
Okay yeah I am angry but I have reason to be, huh!? Damnit.
Well, I was reading Naruto manga vol3 and I realized something: Sasuke also likes Sakura! Even a little. He blushed when he went to ask Naruto what Sakura had said to him. Why would he be interested if he didnt like Kura-chan? Yeah its a good point. Besides he was pretty terrifited when he heard Sakura screaming. *nod nod* These are the provements. Heh tho Im still Saku/Naru and Saku/Kaka fan. Tho Sakura would look cute with Rock Lee too..... *thinks* Well yeah.
Hmm. I had something to say. Sure had..... O yeh, do you still remember when I told you I met the finnish guy on a chat that used name Uzumaki Naruto-kun? Well, he has no change on me, and you know why? Hes rapper. No dont get it wrong, I have nothing against rap, I mean I listen to it alot too, specially Jay-Z, but as some of you know Goths and Rappers have this somekinda war going on. Usually rappers here start saying bad things aboute Goths, goths get back to 'em and theres gonna be lotta blood. Yea Finland is a bad place. Theres no gangs, just different peoples start fighting against the rest of the world. So this cant be good.
Well anyways Im listening this great song. I'll put first the finnish words up the translate it.
Tänä yönä taivaaseen,
toinen meistä pakenee
toinen yön kanssa taistelee.
Tänä yönä taivaaseen,
kuka portit aukaisee?
kuka uskoo rakkauteen?

Todaynight to the heaven,
the other of us escapes
the other fights with night
Todaynight to the heaven,
who opens the gates?
Who belives in love?

Its hard to translate but its close to that. So yeah.

I just realized something: I have never dated anyone at my own age. I just dont get along with guys at my age their so.... Childish. Sounds stupid but it really is so. I always date older guy. Oldest was 46 -_-;; Hehe I got fetish on older guys. Maybe thats why I love Kakashi-sensei ^^. Well I had a crush on guy who was year younger than me but he had girlfriend so thats fucking it. I do like the guy still, but I will never get him. I just dont get it why he said he loves me if he aint ready to sacrifice hes relationship to hes gal. Its just not fair I dont want to be tricked like that it happens way too much. Im always the second choice.

You know what? I noticed somethin: Little words make me feel good. Just little words make me feel happy. Like once Eric-kun said "Thank you for accepting me". It was so clear to me I accept everyone who wants to be around me. I just were happy to hear those words. That someone is happy that Im here. Yeah I know it sounds stupid but it really cheered me up. Then when peoples say Im their best friend, on IRL or then online, it makes me feel happy too. That happens alot actually. Hehehe Im so popular. I also got happy when Eric-kun said that he cant let me be alone, and when he asked why Im depressed. I dunno why it makes me so happy, maybe I got happy when he asked why Im depressed cuz Juho never cared. Or any of my boyfriends actually. Hey thats true I've always been the part who takes care of the other O_o OMG do I do this because Im a masocist or something!?

Peoples tell me that I gotta find something else to do than the computer. Fuck them. Yeah I actually cant live a day without using computer, but so what? I have no real life and all my friends are at the internet, so why the hell should I give up of them? Huh. No matter how much I get hurted here or bad things here depress me, I need you guys. I just dont have so many real friends. So yeah. I need computer.

Gess thats all for today. I feel like Im the only one here who can speak english. I have to translate that cute guys words to my mom but hey at least I ge tto talk to him ^^ Hehehe pity hes so old. Well yeah have a nice day.

Oh hey, I met a Japanese guy on iteenchat ^^ He is so goddamn cool I mean hes so fun we like the same artists and all I havent ever met someone so cool as him! Heh I gotta go check my e-mail if hes mailed to me. Cya!

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Monday, August 1, 2005

We had fun at the city ^^

Yeah I were there once again. This time it was just me and my best friend. She brought me that Naruto she bought for me ^.^ Me luv Naruto. Anywayz some crazy old bitch came to me and started bitching, I mean I and my best friend were just nicely sitting on a chair, I was eating ice cream, cuz she already ate her. The old woman came and started yellin to me 'Fucking lesbian licks her lips" I was like shocked then she said "and a fatty too" I just first looked at my best friend then at the woman. My best friend got more mad than me, I didnt even actually care aboute the fossil. I just yelled 'BITCH' after her. Uh why everyone hates me? Damn.
Well we saw the bitch later at the day, and surprisely, she lived near a bookshop that we just were in, we sitted on a chair once again, and she passed by. You should just seen her face she was afraid like hell! *laughs manically* Well we wore all black so Im not surprised she was so shocked. But it was a bitchy thing. Her own fault. My best frend yelled 'Are you fucking afraid!?' after her XD MWAHAHA evil. I just love being bitchy. Well she deserved it. No-one calls me a fat lesbian without regreting it. I date guys too, Im no lesb Im bi goddamnit.
Well, a good thing: I got new mp3 player and I got much metal on it ^^ Like Nightwish and all. And I got Cruel Angels Thesis. I found it finally.

Now I wonder, why am I so good at ruining relationships to peoples? I mean I always fight with my friends whats wrong with me cant I just shut up for a while? Only one that has standed me for this long is my best friend. 7 years is a long time. Im happy to have friends like that. Waite theres only one of them T_T Im missunderstood.... *sob* Try to understand me no-ones ever been my real friend so I dunno how I should be.

Well now, I gots to go. Im gonna chat with my best friend ^^ And watch Constantine! Yay!! ^^ Love you Eric-kun!

Nice day to all of you.

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Sunday, July 31, 2005

   Ranmaru wears suspenders!!!
Yeah well July left now so I finally got time only for my computer ^^ Sad tho now theres no-one to go in from the window.
Well we were reading wallflower and Grinner kinda noticed something (you have to be blind if you didnt) Ranmaru wore suspenders O_o July was shocked. I think he looked kinda hot tho. Hehe I know sounds crazy but hey its just me. Well I dont actually care aboute peoples looks but he WAS hot and I cant do nothing aboute it *sigh* Oh Ranmaru wish you could be mine.....
Well when I asked July whats wrong with suspenders, she said "Well what the hell would you think if Eric wore suspenders!?" I was quiet for a while and then said "I dunno. I would cry. Damnit Eric will hear this!"
-_-; I know we're cruel.

Your Birthdate: December 17

Your birth on the 17th day of the month suggests that you are very lucky financially, because this date indicates a solid business sense.

Although you are probably very honest and ethical, this birthday enables you to be shrewd and successful in the world of business and commercial enterprise.

You have excellent organizational, managerial, and administrative capabilities enabling you to handle large projects and significant amounts of money with relative ease.

You are ambitious and highly goal-oriented, although you may be better at starting projects than you are at finishing them.

A sensitivity in your nature, often repressed below the surface of awareness, makes it hard to give or receive affection.

Well. I just readed Vampiric Werewolfs post and realized something: Im not so needed as I thought. No Im not maiking suicide I just realized that if I were gone, you would survive. You got friends. It just woked up few questions: Why am I alone? Im not so needed. Im there just.... so peoples wont be alone. Everyones with me only if they got no-one else. I dont get it. Only one really needs me, and thats my halfsister. Thats because our older sister Adylia will soon leave, and she doesent actually care if someone bullys our kidsister, as I do. I just decided that I gotta make my fights up with my old friends.... Tho I will never talk to Wekoronshei again as he hates me.
Im just jealous to you. You have someone who actually thinks your the most needed. I dont. I even got Juho hate me. Not that I mind. I wish there were and escape of this but there isnt. Freedom is just a lie, as Darsha said. Well.

Image made by Goldwolf. It cheered me up a little.

I gotta go. I wanna make this up with Darsha. See ya.
I was nothing without you guys.

HEY!! Any of you got Neon Genesis Evangerlions opening theme 'Cruel angels thesis' at wav or mp3? send it to me as an e-mail if you do. Thanksies! ^^

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Saturday, July 30, 2005

I were two days gone and 3 peoples comment? Sheesh Im disappointed.
Well I finally found my Negima. It was the most pervert book I have ever seen. Goddamn why does Ken always draw pervert pictures.... -_-;
Well anyways, we were last night up at 04:30. Moms friend came yelling at us at 03:30 because she said we kept too muvh noise. Well. We were yelling, yeah. Grinners J Im M


We kept going like that -_-;; Then she came yelling at us. Heh. Well.
My dads cellphone was stolen. Ad we started killing people yesterday ^^; We wrote names on a paper, everyone that we hated, and then drawed a pentagram on the sand and burned them in the middle of it. Sheesh no-ones dead but it would've been kinda cool if someone of those persons died. None of you is on the list.
Yesterday wer got locked out. -_-; it was no fun it was fucking cold day. We tried to pick the lock open, and almost made it, but no. Then I realized that my rooms window was open ^^ Juulia got inside that way and opened the door to me. Happy time. We're gonna be buglers thats for sure ^____^

Well I gess thats all for today. We're gonna go now so have fun. C ya.

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Thursday, July 28, 2005

So, Grinners at our place now.

We were at the city. I bought 6 mangas, tho I losted Negima.... Dunno where it is. Just gotta try to find it -_-; I bought D.N.Angel 2, Wallflower 4, Negima 6, Ragnarök 2, Ranma 20 and Conan 10. ^^ Tee hee. Plus anime magazine, and Nemi. What else....?

Anyways we ate at a chinese restaurant. It was fun the food was good. I soecially liked the rice with beef. ^^ Heh. Then we bought some pizza to eat at home. The guy that was working there was cute: He was asian with hair little over shoulders. And we talked aboute how great couple Sakura/Kakashi or Sakura/Naruto would make. And we both hate Sasuke and love Itachi, how nice. She had bough me a wallet. Theres two kitties plus a gothic girl ^^ Tee hee I've losted all my wallets so it was good thing. Yeah. They didnt sell Wallflower 3 and Negima 5 and I havent read them so it sucked but.... Yeah.

Oh well I'll tell you more tomorrow. My moms bitching there again. C ya.

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Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Our car was really messy. I writed something on it. Now it says with big letters 'Jo Goes Here!' *laughs like a maniac* No, Im not okay. *grin*
Hehehe I woke up at 7 today morning. It was no fun my mom woke me up cuz she woked up and she made real bad noice when she was up.... Oh well I was awake to watch The Fresh Prince at 9 o'clock. Before that I had drank like 25 cups of coffee and my eyes were like.... unnaturally big. I mean they wre like tennisballs. No Im not kidding.
Im so tired on my hair.... You remember the picture of me at the morning? Well I look excactly like that if I dont use like two litras of hairgel on it. I would cut them but my hair has adorers *cough* Really sthei would think Im crazy if I cutted it. Everyones sooo jealous cuz they dont have long and furry hairs like me =^___^= AHH HA HA HA HA!! I am SO hated!! ^___^
Well, I watched the very last episode of Buffy the Vampireslayer. I almost cried, SPIKE DIED!! ;___; Waaah that cant happen!! And Anya died too goddamn my both faivorite charaters died.... Well luckily it was the last episode. But it was so sad like the girl who saw vicions told to Spike: She will say it one day. Well Buffy did say she loves Spike, it was sad ;_; Spike oh Spike why did you have to sacrifice yourself!? And Xander went to look for Anya but found her dead. Sad. At least Giles stayed alive. And Faith. ^^
Hey, Im going to the city with Grinner tomorrow ^^ Yay! I will use all my moneys to the bookstore again (it always happens) but I dont care at least got something to do. I gotta buy new Negima, Ragnarök, Wallflower plus all Gundam Seeds I havent yet.... *thinks* Yeah.
Well hey, got those pictures I promised.
Our pig Manu XD Okay its a dog but it looks like a pig. C'mon admit it.
Doesent it look like a light hits those flowers? Holy flowers. ^^;
My rooms wall. Yeah its a bit foggy its cuz our computer kinda.... messed it. Dont ask. Thats what you get when you ask your dad to help.
Butterfly ^^ Yea its foggy but thats because I tried to catch the pic before it flies away. Got it ^^

Okay I got no more but tomorrow I try to get more pictures because it takes a while to load them on the net from my cellphone and things.... I got an awesome picture of rainbow, I catched it from nearby, it ended to a small lake close to our place so yeah ^^

Well I gots to go. See ya. Take care. Love ya Eric.

Just had to say this before I go:
Oh goddamnit Lokis back and hes bro has gone somewhere uh oh no Im screwed he just said 'Hey I still can talk so why havent you tried?' Only thing I said was 'because I thought you really hate me and wanna get rid of me, thats why' Uhhh I so hate him!! Now hes calling and e-mailing me all the time..... Someone tell him to stop.....

And hey I was supposed to post Negatives 'Moment of our love' lyrics but post is too long anyways so just check it from google and if you have heard it then good cuz I love it.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Thats so true. Theyr spying on me.

Tan Wolf
You are a Tan Wolf. You are shy and mellow and like
to keep to yourself. Alot of people think your
are arrogent and cold because you dont want to
talke to them. But forget them, they dont no

What Color Wolf Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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