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Monday, August 15, 2005
Salty water rains on my soul today, your words are still hurting me, hurting me, salty water rains on my soul, I still wont get shelter from you, You still wont let me forget ~ Suolaista vettä (transalted salty water) By Tik Tak
This is gonna be long. But you have whole week time to read it.
Schools are starting tomorrow.
No PC on a week!!!
*Cries and hits her head on the wall* No no no no no!!! NO!!! A friggin WEEK without MyO! I only can visit at weekends. Maybe wednesdays. *sigh* Nonono No cant happen....
*sobs* Ripping me apart from all of my friends.... Is that fair!? NO!! Well check Grinners site every day and you will see how Im doing. I will sent greets for you every day. Promise *nod nod*
Hey my dear friend Neji helped me to make my ranking 448 ^.^ Which means I will draw fo you! Yay! Tho Im hurry with my manga so I dunno how it really works.... -_-;;
Anyways *hugs Neji-kun* Thank u so much! ^.^
Well aboute my day.
I were at the city with my very new best friend July ^.^ Heh. Plus Katja was with us. I think those two was afraid of me ^^; Well I did crazy things like ripped as paper from my notebook, wrote 'HI! =)' on it and dropped it from upstairs X_X Wanted to see peoples reactions.
Plus when we went to a pizzaplace, it was fun. We ate all we could and talked aboute my manga and our little *cough cough* Uhm.... THINGYS that we have done. ^.^;; What!? Then my classmate (That I will see tomorrow... T____T) appeared there and we left. Quick. Heh.
I bought alotta reading again. Plus I borrowed 3 Fruits Basket from July ^.^ Me love Kyo and Yuki. And I bought new pencils so I can draw *nod nod* Yup.
So yeah. Back to the legendary hell *sigh* School. Its worster than you can imagine. And Im still sad a boute Martin. Poor boy. Poor girlfriend of hes. Im SO friggin happy those maniacs are gone. ANd we helped few old ladys today *nod nod* We already have started making world better ^.^ Tee hee.
Now youl hear something horrible...
I dont hate kids anymore!! AAAGH!!! I've always hated kids!!! Always!!! Either my moms instincts has been woken or someone made me eat drugs.
Aww. I suddenly got a headache.
Neji, I have been smiling. Lil pissed smile, but its still one. *nod nod* Ask July. She can proof it.
Totally wierd pic of me:
SEE?! Thats a smile!! Smile!! Like ^____^ Yeeah Im a lil pissed and lil hyper but oh well.
And even if I have to go to school to those.... Those.... *cough* Racistic asses..... Its good thing that I will see my pals. PLUS get Neon Genesis Evangelion video which my friend taped to me. Heh.
Anyways.... I think I got nothing to say. Love ya all. Ender, Alex, another Alex (x_x) Neji-kun, Uzumaki-kun, Eric-kun, A7S. all of you. Specially Eric-kun ofcourse tho I dont think that you'll be even reading this so who cares!? Oh well. I will miss you all so much *hugs everyone* Keep PMing me. It will make me happy to have alot of PMs when Im back ^__^ See ya. And check XUzumakixNarutoX and check Grinner every day so you will hear from me ^.^ Adios amigos!
"Rain is Freedom"
Comments (9) |
Sunday, August 14, 2005
What makes peoples to become monsters?
You remember the outlandish guy that told me my english is excellent? Martin. Hes dead. Murdered.
Only one of those guys I liked is dead! Killed by hes own friggin friends!! We saw the boxes, but we didnt realize that the red paint in them was blood. He and hes friends are disappearing. Martin. He wouldnt leave without saying goodbyes. Never. Hes not like that. Hes nice. He was the only one of them that was actually nice. We were like friends. He was so handsome. Gentle. Nice. Why does death come to my life like this? First Christian, my aunt, Martin. Now Im starting to fear that someone takes my brother too. And Eric. Ender, Jeff and Will. Alex and July. Jari and Jyri, Joni and Jesse. Whats in it? Why does everyone die around me?
Im not making Lord or Lucifer to take responsible of this. No. Its not their fault. Its humans fault. What makes peoples to become monsters?!
I will never forget the smell of blood. When we went to those peoples houses I smelt blood. Someone had died. Murdered. They had bleed. I knew it was Martin.
Listening Would you love a monsterman by Lordi made me think.
Would you love a monsterman,
could you understand
beauty of the beast?
I would do it all for you
Would you do it all
do it all for me?
WE are the monsters. Peoples. We kill. Slave. Destroy the nature. I will revenge to those assholes for killing Martin. I know the guys. Killing Martin and hes friend. He was also nice.
Yeah, Im in hell big shock. My bro left last night. Those gangs will kill him too. They will. Why is world like this? You gotta learn to kill to survive all this. And now when I need it, theres no-one to hold me and tell me 'its okay' even if hes lying. No-ones even there to call me hun or love or anything. And I still gotta go to city tomorrow. To school at tuesday. Fucking fun. But I wont miss these two days, no shit I wont. I will revenge to the murderers. I will hunt them in my hands and make them suffer for me...
See? This is what world is doing to me.
If Christian would be here he would probably say theres nothing to do anymore. That Im angry for nothing. And hes right.... I cant change it. But why Martin? Why? Just fucking WHY!? Why Christian!? Does everyone I like die? They all get hurted. One got run over by a car, two tried suicide, one is lonely and those goddamn racistic asses are after him, someones are just lonely and dont got friends....
Wekoronshei. I know you were lying. I didnt find the breeze, because there werent one. But I know my goddamn meaning. Im gonna make this world better, no matter what it costs. Im gonna get rich by all those novels I've wrote, then put up some thingy for gaypeoples and start fighting against racism, help poor peoples and take care of the ones that are attacked by gangs. Someone has to do something. I dunno if I will ever help enough, but I can try. I can save few peoples. Yeah. And few poor animals that has been treated badly. Yep.
Neji-kun, you need me to smile? Okay. I smile. If that makes you feel better, I will smile that long that I cant get the smile away from my face anymore. Smile. Yep. Im gonna take a pic of my smile to proof it. Im gonna put it up tomorrow. Smile. I WILL smile.
World is horrible enough now. I gotta go. Im gonna go write that last novel of mine to its end.
And hey. Yesterday my ranking was 452. Now its 454. I cant do this without your help. So whats the prob?
And visit XUzumakixNarutoX hes cool. Really.
Adopted a hedgehog.... I always wanted one.... It cheers me up a little....
Comments (9) |
Saturday, August 13, 2005
My rankings 452. 2 to go peoples.
First of all Avi number 3 won. So Im just gonna keep this. Its cute. I think.
Just gess what Ive been listening whole morning? 'Would you love a monsterman' by Lordi. Yeah. Ever heard the band? If you havent you should. Yeah its very old song but it would suit me if it was monstergirl. Really.
Would you love a monstermand
Would you understand beauty of the beast
I would do it all for you
Would you do it all
Do it all for me?
As the chorus goes. Yup. And that made me think actually. I started thinking all the relationships I've been in and Christian has been the only one that has ever protected me for ones that bullied me or called me names or something. I remember when we was 5, few boys in our village were always bullying me. Everytime they did, Christian were there on my side. He never let anyone hurt me. Never. No-one else has done it to me. I dunno why it is does guys really think gals are strong enough to defend themselfs or what but Christian realized that we're not. Ironic, yeah, but those same guys who bullied me: One still hates me, one is like a kidbro to me (I actually call him my pet ^^) and that kiddos bro has a crush on me. Heh. Funny. But just wondering if someone might someday be like Christian and defend me?
You guys have seen my pictures. You know I have darkbrown to black hair, right? I dont really. I have blond. Yeah I've dyed my hair. First time little over a year ago. And almost year ago Christian died. Now you know why I keep it black. Christian loved it.
I know. Stupid to still remember someone whos already gone. But hey I got good memories to live with. At least Im not alone. I always got my memories, and Im still standing.
I had weird dream last night. First of all, I only slept 5 hours so yeah. Dream was that Eric thought I was cheating on him cuz some weird eyeglassed boy came and kissed me (That will never happen) I dont remember what happened but we made it up.
Now Im wondering aboute my parents. Do my dad like me more than my mom? Cuz when he saw my picture on my PC he said he wanted to make a wallpaper of it. Why doesent some nice guy say that to me?
And I saw a hottie movie. 'Romeo has to die' is cool ^^ Its not so romantic as the name says. Its actually cool. And I love those blacks and asians on it *Sigh* I got a fetish on that movie now.
Hey, my dear new bestfriend July realized what the sumbol in the drawings are. So July is one of the two to get a drawing from me. Im gonna draw a froggirl >_< Hee. Dont take that personal July Im a cow or a bat. So yeah.
Ummm I got something to say...... *thinks* OH YEAH!! I got 2 more pics to post ^.^ I mean fanarts. One is for Eric-kun. It wasnt first even meant to be but that Sakura looks so like me x_x Really. And hey, I got my first suggestion on art. A unnamed gal (Start wondering now) Asked me to draw her OC. Im drawing it right now but I dunno if its goin on so well. And A7S, I think Im gonna get the pic up like next year when I've finally learned to draw Melfina T____T I will NOT give goddamn up before I have learnt it!! I wont!! And I've finally found something peoples will remember when Im gone: My art. So Im not useful. I have something that peoples will remember me of. *nod nod* I gotta go now. I gonna go check DeviantArt. See ya.
And hey, Neji, you wanted me to smile? Watch the avatar or this:
That smile has to do cuz I dont have smiley pics.... -_-;
And hey, ALL OF YOU!!! Now RUN and go check my art!! Run!! I have new up so go! GO! I said friggin GO!!!
Comments (3) |
Friday, August 12, 2005
Hair, Hair, my black hair ^.^
First of all, I need ur help. I have a prob with my avi, so you gotta help me. Vote: Which of these you want me to use.
I have now submitted all pictures I had to. So you can go check them if you like. A7S Im sorry I havent done the Melfina to you you just cant belive how hard it is to draw her T__T Its almost as hard as Kurogane, and I have been drawing Kurogane like 2 months and still cant draw him. But one day I will draw perfect goddamn Melfina....
So yeah. I was pretty depressed mood whole morning but Im good now. Last night I had a fight with totally unknown guy. He felled inlove with me in first hour we talked. I told him aboute Eric. He said I should dumb him if he doesent love or respect me. I told him that he does he just doesen have too much time for me. He said he would have. I told him he doesent care aboute me or love me. He doesent because he doesent know me. He said that I make him sad because I dont give him a change to know me. Yes. I dont cuz Im gonna leave. He told me hes gonna leave with me. I said no. No because Im gonna leave alone.
Peoples, everyone at our school hates me. But unknown peoples totally love me. Its a curse, I mean almost every guy that even talks to me likes me. And I didnt say all big part of you are just friends but just meaning that many guys do. Why is that? Im not so wonderful. Im not so greate and nice. Thos guys dont know me. And last night made me wonder. Like 10 guys txt messaged me again. 9 of then wanted to screw me. I get those messages cuz TaiChi is givin m number to evryone but anyways.... I really started wondering if there is a normal guy with feelings? Every guy I meet are either idiots who wanna screw me or then their like gays. Their crying all the time or then their touching you all the time. This also made me wonder are only finnish guys like this? When I think aboute it, Christian is the same. Sure, I have seen him crying few times, against my shoulder and Im happy that he trusted me enough to do it, but he always had a smile on hes face. Even if he wasnt happy. He was emotionless too. This is where goes the line between him and Eric, and I get it now. Eric is more..... alive than he is. Was. Scuse me. I wish Christian doesent see this where ever hes soul is right now. But, I also thought that I dont know Eric. I never will know what goes on on hes head and I will always wonder.
Christian smiled. Always. But only in hes last minutes of living he really smiled. It wasnt just fake. I remember. I always will remember. Before, I used to want to revenge peoples. Everyone to suffer as I did. But I realized that no-one but me deserves it. I've done bad things you peoples dont even know, and I will take this as punishment. The blood in my memories. The smell. The red. Christian.
Im wondering too much.
Well anyways, as I said yesterday, if you find a symbol from all my drawings, you get a picture. if you find another symbol from the ones that dont have the first, you will get one too. Only first ones will. PM me or then just comment. Well anyways. Good day.
Hey, Grinner, as of my gangwar manga: I have 10 pages of it. Chiyu walks in with her friend July ( ^^;) and July has a shirt with a butterfly in it, and a hat with frogeyes in it. Chiyu has a pink shirt that says 'Im a PussyCat' and theres 4 ribbons on it. And she sobs. She also bought guys hats: Yukis is a Jellyfish, Daisukes is a mouse, Takenagas is a pig and Chons is a giraffe ^^ plus Hakus is a duck and Cohens is a sheep as you suggested. And Cohen had stress of what hes gonna wear ^^ He wondered if Chiyu will like hes shirt. She did. He blushed ^^
And hey: Some idiot is gonna come here to check me. Hes 27. I hitted him. As hard as I could and my fist hurts. WHAT!?! Never say anything bad aboute Eric-kun or you will get a freakin black eye!! Yeah well.
And yea, I dyed my hair again.
Comments (4) |
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Its all aboute power then taking control ~Ana Johnsson, We are
Recently, I havent felt like anyone wants to be around me or talk to me...
Anyone. Everyones too busy with something. A game, with school or works, with their gal/guyfriends.... Doesent anyone need me anymore? Always. 4 days and Im goin back to the hell. Yeah, I mean school. Someones are happy to get back to see their friends. Im happy to see my pals too. But you peoples cant understand what it is to me. My class. The whole school. Even my best friend doesent. Those peoples hate me and I hate them. Their always bitchy to me. Complaining aboute my hair, clothes, my colours, telling me that Im a satanist. I know. I should ingnore them. But Im sick and tired of it.
At my old school, the last half a year was cool. Peoples had got used to me already. Then came highschool and the hell started again. Same hell I had for 5 and a half year in my school. I dont want to be threw it anymore.
What is my purpose really? Its feels like its all in computer. All my friends are here. I dont want to be around my best friend no more. I know she has a crush on me. She just wants to sit next to me. She is always staring at me. She started calling me 'love' like it was a joke. It wasnt. She wouldnt keep doing it if it was. I know her. I know she also likes guys. But she said gals are more like for her. Can you all feel what I feel? My world is crushing down. When shes gone, I dont think theres gonna be any friends for me anymore. My older sister will be the only one. And you guys here. Yeah hey Grinner think aboute it, you gotta be with birdie as she studys french with you, Heidi likes you more than me, Marianne follows Heidi, all I got would be Sara and Sara likes to be more with Taija than me. Huh then what am I gonna do? Be with Jari? No way first of all one of hes 'gang' members is my ex who hates me and Jari is too tuff to show that he even knows me. Ville? No. That idiot doesent deserve it. Inga hates me. So yeah. I hope Heli is gonna stay in 10th class. I could be with her. Or then some new kid in our school. Start praying that theres gonna be some lonely asian guy who I can be with, duh.
Alot of this post were caused by my depress. I dont even know if those vicions were real or just a dream. But they felt so real. But I will find it out someday. Yeah.
Oh great mom just ruined my day. Some maniac killed a dog. He tied the rope on hes car and he drove around the city. The dog had died. Poor dog. Poor, inicent dog. What did the poor dog to deserve that? I would deserve that, not the poor poor dog... Just poor dog.... When I get away from here I will get my own puppy. We have a dog but its so old that it will die soon. When Im free I will get a dog. A nice, little dog. And I will love it. I will name it Sirius. Yeah....
Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I’m caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace on sweat
I hear you calling and it’s needles
I want to hurt you
just to hear you Screaming my name
Don’t want to touch you but
You’re under my skin
I want to kiss you but your lips
Are venomous poison
You’re poison running through my veins
You’re poison, I don’t wanna
Break these chains
That suits my feelings with Eric. Im afraid to get hurt. Hes like poison but Im still curious to feel how that poison hurts. And I wanna hurt someone. But not cuz I want to hear them screaming my name. I want to hea them screaming from fear and pain. Tell me Im maniac but few peoples I hate that much.
Peoples. Im gonna put the drawings up. Today, tomorrow, dunno yet really but when I do: Theres few things that I have in each drawing. A symbol. Tell me if you can find it from each of them. The first one will get a drawing from me. Then again, theres drawings that dont have the marking. But they have some other symbol in them. This should be easy. I will excplaine the symbols to you after. Im sure you will all find them.
Yeah so I found the drawings but my best friend is making up excuses why she hasnt sent them already. Yeah theyre just excuses cuz I know that she just doesent wanna do anything cuz shes lazy....
Now. Good day. Im gonna go and drink hot chocolate. That will cheer me up. For sure.
Love ya Eric. I gess. Dunno. Dunno if I should.
And Neji, theres no little Naruto thingy in your name cuz I didnt find neji *sobs* I promise I will find you one. I tried yesterday but I didnt find one. But I will. *Nod nod*
Comments (7) |
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
My ranking is now 460. Keep visiting. Only 10 to go.
So.... I have drawed now something for almost to everyone I was planning to, but I got a searious problem.... I lost them all 'cept for Supertoilets.... -_-;; *sob* Sorry Im sorry Im gonna find them and get them up sooner or later cuz I friggin keep my promises... Aww that fly is flying over my computer.... Go away....
My best friend is STILL here. We watched Neon Genesis Evangelion last night. I got her like it too. Mwahaha Im not alone. *smirks* Hehe. Well yeah I drawed my gangmanga again. As for Grinner: Haku has a prob with a gang that calls themselfs Hiroshima, cuz those guys are gonna shoot all of them, and Chiyu wents to help Haku to think. And the first time CHiyu sees Haku when hes unsure. So sweet. I havent drawed it yet but its gonna end like the Hiroshima gang cant shoot them cuz theres a gal in the gang ^^; They just cant shoot a girl. Hehehe. Besides she has eyeglasses.
So yeah *yawn* Neji hey the drawing I did to you is actually pretty cool I like it myself. Its not so great but it goes. Lets hope scanner doesent mess it. Goldwolf, I drawed Jimmy, A7S, Im still working on Melfina, AD, I did you 'happy late birthday' drawing, Telk, I have a happy birthday drawing for you and I did a kitty to Darsha also. *sigh* You wonder how I can draw so much? Because it helps me forget. It makes my mood better so yeah its fun. Hehehe...
Oh well I maybe aint at the PC today because we may stay at home tonight so I see ya tomorrow. Take care all. and you all check XUzumakixNarutoX hes reeeally nice ^^ Hehe well yeah see ya. Ttyl.
Hey, Alex *hugs* And you know the rest ^^;
And hey, as you may see, I changed my site a bit. You like it?
A Die Chibi ^^
I adopted a cute lil' emo fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!
Dont cry little fetus I love you.... ^^; It was so sad I had to adopt it.
Comments (7) |
Tuesday, August 9, 2005
Before I start, you all visit xUzumakiXNarutox I dont actually know him but he seems cool and he doesent have too many friends so pleeeease ^///^ You cant recist my puppyeyes!
So my best friend is at our place now. She came at 9 O'clock at the morning. With the postman. In her car. Fun. She had to talk to some crazy old lady that was talking about eher dead husband :P Wonder who's killed them.
We have been 'fishing'. We fered the fishes with rice.... Then with hair, my scar and our nads -_-;; Ehehe funny. They liked my scar. They have good taste....
We started playing perverts.... We took 2 energy drinks and both put our owns between our breasts inside our shirts XD MWAHAHAHA were maniacs! I have pictures to proofe it!! Damn we're weirdos I know I know.... ^^ But yeaaah.
We went to a lake that my parents always tell me not to go. Well I almost died there like 2 times but hey we love danger. So yeah we tried to fish. But the fishes were too small. And inicent. We couldnt murder them *sob* Then we made ummm.... A dance ^^;;; A bee was chasing us so we started screaming and jumping all over XD AHHH the bee was mean! And my bestfriend almost falled onthe lake.... And she played dum, dangerous game. she tried to climp in a tree over the lake and I always had to help her.... Uh well ^^ And I washed my hair on the lake for the first time in a year. It was like The Ring reborn.
We made some videos. We tried to get them to the PC but it didnt work.... Damn.
Well anyways Im going now so Ill post something more tomorrow. See ya.
HEY!!! ALL OF YA!!! My ranking is STILL 464! Damn it I need more visitors....
Shes not seing when I write this: We have a SEARIOUS problem!! I think my best friend has a crush on me. She said she likes gals not guys. So yeah. And shes looking at me like that, she told me she has wanted to kiss me.... Just....
Eric I love YOU!!!
Comments (8) |
Monday, August 8, 2005
Life Sucks but so do I ^__^ *sucks air*
I was weirdo today. I took pictures of a latin guy and he didnt even know it. X_X Wack. Hehe I deleted them from my cellphone but still.... Yeah I know Im weird.
TaiChi has gone too far. Yeah the guy who gives away my number. Some outlandish guy with VERY bad finnish tries to call me all the time and Im freaking bored on it. Cant he just realize that I wont answer to peoples I dont know? Seems like not. He first started messagin me like 'Would you like to have intime company' and 'Do you have small breasts' and 'Are you a virgin?'. No, no, and yeah. That guy just..... Doesent get it. Fucking idiot. Pervert, pedofile idiot. And hes name was Tom or something.... Uh why do idiots just hang around me? What have I done to deserve this? I didnt help Christian? Sorry but I was shocked when he got shot ansd he lived like half a minute after he was shot, and he KNEW he was gonna die so whats the point here gettin the revenge on ME!?
Im cool Im cool. WHAT THE HELL!? Who the fuck has broke my mp3 player!! Its broken!! I will KILL the one who broke this!! Hey waite - it works! It works! It still plays music! ^__^ Yes! Hmm I will tell my dad in few months..... Then he wont get angry.... Maybe. Okay I waite till my bro stops by next time so he wont. It can take few years but oh well.
You know what...? I just realized that I cant leave finland. No matter how my parents are asses or I hate this place, I cant leave my bro. Hes told me to leave as far as I can when I got the chance, but what aboute him? Sure, hes been fine like 6 months by hes own but Im not him. Im not as strong and I dont wanna leave him....
Hes telling me right now that I have to leave when I have the chance....
Fine. But I will make sure hes okay before that.
Yeah well yesterday so SUCKED. I and my bro had to work all day. I didnt mind, but when my dad came there, sitting and watching us and smirking there, and eating ice cream I would like to throw him with a big stone and yell "Go to hell you fucking ASS!!" But I knew he wouldve hurted me and my bro if I did so.... Yeah.
Yesterday night wasnt so bad. I was all alone at our home (well ofcourse my bro was there but he was sleeping at upstairs), and I talked like 5 hours in a cellphone with my best friend. I aint so much on tomorrow by the way cuz shes coming to our place. Oh hey I talked with her older sister too. Shes cool really they talked with me how ass their mom is cuz she now told that they cant go to the city if they dont have any useful doing there, meaning they cant go shopping anymore. FUCK HER!!!! That city is anyways so fucking little and safe place that there CANT do anything else but shopping! Or then just sit there being afraid that some drunken guy comes there and tries to get us to bed with him (Thats happened to us MANY times) So sucky. Well tomorrow will be cool cuz shes coming to our place ^^ *does a happy dance* No more loneliness. At least for a day.
Happy time, happy time. Hey, Ive talked aboute the manga thats aboute gangwar right? Grinner you know it right? Well you all maybe dont get what Im talking aboute but grinner: I started drawing it last night, starting aboute how those guys met Yuki and Daisuke. Daisukes gang found out that hes gay and decided to kill him (rude, yeah) and they just thought that it would be nice to beat up a latin so they attacked both of them, beated them till they were half dead, then our dear gangleader Haku noticed that there was going this uncomfortable situation and he called the gang to help those poor guys. So yea Chiyu healed them all and Yuki was actually terrifited when he woke up asking "Who are you? What do you want?" Hehe ^^ And before Daisuke fainted when those guys beated him, Takenaga said to Yuki and Daisuke "You guys rest! We'll take care of this." And Daisukes last thought was 'Hes so.... beutiful' X_X Hehehe its fun to draw it. And Haku and Cohen are fighting all the time but its obivous as their both inlove with the only girl in the gang :P Hehehe. So Daisuke and Yuki both join the gang. Thats it. Thats all I've done for now.
Yeah well thats all for today I gess. I'll see you guys.
Oh hey, my best friend doesent know what kinda BIG asses my parents are so I aint talking aboute it tomorrow. So take care, love you Eric!
Your boyfriend is Sesshomaru! (AKA Fluffy) You love
how he's mysterious yet powerful. He is
certainly loving beneath all that silence,
which is exactly what you need. Oooooo
Who's your boyfriend from Inuyasha?
brought to you by Quizilla
And hey peoples, you made me happy!!! ^______^ I got 15 PMs and my rankings 464. Love ya ALL! But Eric's still my only hun. *laughs*
And hey I got some cool pins. Two says 'Nightwish' one says '20% Angel 80% Bitch' one says 'Gothic and proud' and the last one that peoples can see the most clearest say 'Fuck Fashion'. Yeah I dont give a damn of fashion and hat the snobs that come to me complaining aboute it....
Comments (7) |
Sunday, August 7, 2005
That goddamn ass wants to keep me away from computer!!! Yeah Im talking aboute mom. She said that I have to get up early to PC, so I did. And we go home today, and I have to work this all fucking day with some goddamn trees! I so fucking hate her!! BITCH!!
That ass knows that I dont have friends, their all here in MyO! Yeah lets seperate me from all my friends. Great. Friggin great.
Yeah well Ive been chatting on iteenchat and as I said Im there usually named as ConstantineTenshi, SakuraBlossom or Ayanami.
And I didnt mean to make sucha long post it just turned out like that.
Hey I drawed something yesterday. I made a random fairy to Goldwolf and and angel with really, really long hair to Nejislave128. ^^ The hair is on her ankels so it IS long no worries. I may put all my drawings up maybe next week. If my best friend scans them. Tho I cant never trust her.
Heyyyy peoples my long lost brother is back ^^ Yea the one who saved me from my parents. We've been having fun cuz he said he leaves again soon. He was mean yesterday he gave me some alcoholic drink along my lemonade and you can just belive how my head hurts..... >___< Besides he took my eyeglasses todaymorning. Hes mean. O well. I'll make up some revenge to him. He got pretty concerned aboute Eric-kun ^^; Hehehe He said he will not let the twerp touch me, I said 'Hey, first of all you were gone like a year, so what do ya know? Second, this it my life, not yours' Hehe he shut hes head. Hes actually behind my back right now. Damn him.
Hey something shitty (well not so shitty) happenes yesterday night: Juho textmessaged me. He asked me what I think aboute him now when we broke up. I said 'Nothing. Your just a stranger to me' He said 'And I fucking regret it from all my little heart'. I started laughing. I just laughed. The inner me got the power, and the inner me is evil. I said back to him 'You know what? I dont. You never understanded me, never tried to. You didnt understand the darker me, the real, inner me. We had nothing, we never will, like I never will have with anyone' He said 'Well thats clear now'. I started laughing like maniac once again. I was so friggin happy that I said it to him. Really. This one time I wasnt afraid to be angry.
Yeah well gess thats all for today. Im goin. We're going to do somethign fun with my bro.... and as I said Im not gonna be on today. Sorry peoples. Sorry Eric-kun. Love ya Eric. Really do.
And hey, my popularity ranking is now 466, keep visiting and when its 450 I'll draw something to all of ya. I'll do it always between 50. Like next is then 400, 350 etc.
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Saturday, August 6, 2005
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Theres so coinsidence in world. Only thing that is there is Hitsuzen ~ Yûko-san
First of all Eric-kun! If you read this, youd better be on today. Im gonna be on today and I wanna see you *narrows eyes*
Dads talking with an outlandish guy... He wants hes money back from 2 day from staying here because they dont have enough money to go home and their leaving today tho they were gonna stay at monday. Awww I feel like I should pay them myself.... I would but I need my money more than they do.
Aboute that anyways: it costs 400€ to go to America if I leave before winter but after winter it will be 800€. Why wont mom let me!? It will just cost least to her.... I got 200€ I could pay the half goddamn but I need someone whos 18 with me and then she will let me go.... Fine I'll take my ex with me. The 46 years old guy. *nod* If thats the only way....
I was thinking aboute it today morning. The happiest moment of my life were when Eric told me he loved me. I still remember what he said. I told him I had a crush on him and that now he will probably start hating me. He said 'I never hated you in fact I love you'. I almost felled from a chair. Hmm. I always feel good around Eric-kun.... He reminds me of Christian so much.... Its weird. I mean hes alot like Christian, the one they said that is destined to me. Now I just gotta start thinking if Eric gets shotted too, huh. Ironic....
Yeah so aboute Kurogane: I think its finally over. It makes me sad. He was a great friend. He came to the dates, yeh, but 2 hours late and said he has to go to babysit hes cousin. 'Scuse me their both 14. I told him 'Fine. Im gonna go home then and - something. Cut my wrists' And that was meant to be sarcasm. He took my wrists and told no, and slided hes hand under my shirt. I stopped him. He just said 'Im sorry but I have other things to do. I got works to do, cousins to babysit and you to fuck'.
NOW HOLD ON A SECOND!!
First of all, Im still a fucking virgin! I NEVER were in bed with him!! NEVER!! I always told him no! And now I DO feel myself like a prostitute, I mean thats all he wants!? It always happens to me!! I told him that and he just sighed and said 'I choosed the wrong words'. Then he told me hes leaving too, just like Loki. Excuse me, are brothers REALLY that much alike!? Yeah well I could've said goodbye to my pride cuz I started crying in front of all peoples. He told me that Loki loved me and he started yelling at me which werent nice. I didnt actually listen to him. I was sad from losing another friend, and I decided something. I will NEVER lose another friend like that. I will never date a friend again. No matter what my heart says. I have seen what it does to peoples. It never works.
But I WILL get my revenge. I promised him that I will get Loki back. I will get him back. And thats my plan. Those two can feel the goddamn pain I have felt in my entire life. I will act like I love Loki, be a dream girl and do everything he wants, and do it front of Kurogane so he has to just watch it. Then just leave Loki by going front of him and kissing someone unknown person who I clame to be my boyfriend (Hey, I think my friend would be good at that stuff.... Or Doug) and laugh at him asking 'You really thought I loved a loser like you?' *laughs manically* YEAH, I know, thats mean but they will suffer as much as I did my whole life. THey will feel how it feels to watch aside when their beloved is with another, they will feel how it is to be dumbed. Be betrayed. Its gonna be FUN to look at their desperate eyes.
I was awake the whole night. Always that my thoughts slipped on something bad I thought aboute Eric. Nights like that I start remembering him. Well, it actually only causes that I start feeling myself lonely but at least Im not depressed anymore. And I end up hugging a pillow or something.
Well anywayz, last night I was drawing again. One was an Angel with wings on fire, second was a kitty that I drawed for Logan from forgotting hes birthday. One was for Darsha and one was for Telk to hes birthday. Yeah thats close too, 18th of 9th. I always remember important persons birthday. If I know them ofcourse.
Aboute Darsha anyways, I gotta make a fight up with him. Yeah he does hes tricks but I dont care. Hes a friend still.
Hey waite. Just realized something. I have only 2 gal friends in MyO. I mean like closer friends. Gals are Goldwolf and Grinner. Other closer friends are Supertoilet, Aetruy7slip, Amerill, Telk27 and ofcourse Eric. Hmm. DO I just get along with guys too well or what is it? I DID spent my whole childhood with guys and my first girl friend was my best friend.... Hmm. That may also be why I am little guy-ish. I mean I love frogs and mices. My friends hate them (still cant get why) And I love playing video games. My friends hate it. Well whatever at least I get along with guys duh. Not lesbian guys like Juho *laughs manically* Hehe. He must be a gay. Everyone said so. Besides he didnt protect me when my old classmate said Im a fugly fatty. He gave a cigarette to Juho and everything was okay again. Huh. This why I HATE smoking. Well yeah along that I get sore throat when I breath smoke. Then it starts hurting so much that I cant even breath without my eyes tearing up. Humphhh.... Well at least I have a good reason to say 'No' if someone tells me to take a cigarette. 'Sorry. I die if I smoke that. Im astmathic' Hehehe..... *chuckles evilly*
Hey peoples, Im open for requests! Once again. Tell me something to draw. Hey Supertoilet, tell me whats your faivorite anime and I draw something for you! You too Aetryu7Slip. ^^ So yea take care all of ya.
Hmm. I gotta go now. I dont like that fly flying around my coffee. *narrows eyes* Hmm. Take care.
Awww SHIT! Why do I always forget that I have a fish allergy...? I ate fish and now my throat tickles and I sound like a frog T__T *sob* Someone give me new brains....
Hey hey hey!!! Waite! I found pictures!! ^____~ Theres my crazy best friend AND my godchild! And a gal thats interested in me.
SHe has ineters in me. AInt she pretty!? ^__^
My best friend x_x
My godchild!! ^__^ Aint she cute?
Yeah she is my godchild. And she likes me. She does. She cried when I leaved my best friends house *Sob* Shes so cute..... Just like Eric....
MWAHAHAHA!!! look at those eyes!! XD Im evil!! >__<
Awww SHIT!! Mom said that we may not come to her restaurant tomorrow or day after that >:< ASSHOLE!!! This one weekend when Eric's supposed to be on..... That bitch is dead....
And yeah, Love ya Eric-kun. Your always on my mind. Hasnt gone a day without me thinking aboute you. If you wanna chat at iteenchat sometime Im on with names SakuraBlossom, ConstantineTenshi and Ayanami. I still love ya hun.
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