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Saturday, July 16, 2005

Oh man, man, man....
Im so tired. I have slept like 5 hours for two days.... I feel for you mom, now I know how it feels to work for 21 hours..... =___=

Pre Chorus
I m sick of the tention sick of the hunger
Sick of you aactin like i owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
while i find a place to rest

I want to be in another place
i hate when you say you dont understand
I want to be in the energy not with the enemy
a place for my head

Verse 2
Maybe someday i'll be just like you and
step on people like you do and
Run away the people i thought i knew
I remember back then when you were
You used to be calm used to be strong
used to be generous you should have known
that you'd where out your welcome
now you see how quiet it is alone

a little part of A place for my head by Linkin Park.

Well, I just heard that Joni still likes me. But, also hes kidbro too.... Hes 13. the bro I mean. Their mom told me when I asked if theyre here too as she was. She told me that they mised me. Then why the fucking hell wont they talk to me!?!

Well, my cousin aint so cool. She has felled inlove with a guy I liked too, but the worse, he likes her too. Im not jealous, I dont like the guy anymore, no way, but its sad to know I ever even had any changes on him. Well. Welcome to my world. The second choise.

Well, I have a lil problem. I dont have any place to stay at night today. Thats because we had to rent our own partment to some guys, I have no ride to my real home, my parents sleep at some place called Naarmankaira and so.... I gotta stay at the restaurant. But theres a problem (those who dont belive in living deaths should keep their mouth shut) Theres some ghost here. I know cuz I've seen her few times, and sometimes the doors open and close by theirselfs, my mom and some guy have seen her too. So I GOTTA find some other place. I could stay at Jonis place.... If they could just talk to me I could ask.... -_-;; Well, if I sleep here at the restaurant all by myself, that means I will be on whole night. 'cuz then I got the computer and no-one else. *laughs* But the ghost.... ;___; WAAAH!!

A week has gone from when Eric last time were on.... Well. Gotta stop worrying. Hes okay..... At least I hope so.....

Well, take care everyone.

- (Love Theme From "Titanic")

Every night in my dreams
I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never go till we're one

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not
go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Just love that song tho its ages old....

-_-; I thought it was cute.....

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Friday, July 15, 2005

Have spent all day workin with my cousin.

Shes pretty cool. She likes heavy metal just like me.

Hmm. I dont got much to say. 'cept I have slept only 3 hours last night 'cuz I couldnt get any sleep.
And I have been thinking alot aboute guys in my life. And just realized it: Im always the second choice. Make (yeah its hes nickname) was cheating on me for 4 months, JP cared more aboute her friends, Mr nameless that only Goldwolf could name (Yeah I mean him), Uh.... Well.... Endie as I call him..... Loki.... Well. Thats 'cousin' of hes loved him so thats it. Only guy that has kept me as the one was Christian. Yeah, Juho was kind, but you know who was the number one? Himself. If he had to choose between me and himself of which would die, it would've been me. He just needed closety and a body to fuck. Humph. Sorry Im not gonna give him anything.

Hmm. Well I gotta go, duty calls me (meaning slavery) Well. See you and take care, I dunno when Im on next time.... But I love you Eric. If you just read this.... *sigh*

You are a PHOENIX in your soul and your
wings make a statement. Huge and born of flame,
they burn with light and power and rebirth.
Ashes fall from your wingtips. You are an
amazingly strong person. You survive, even
flourish in adversity and hardship. A firm
believer in the phrase, 'Whatever doesn't kill
you only makes you stronger,' you rarely fear
failure. You know that any mistake you make
will teach you more about yourself and allow
you to 'rise from the ashes' as a still greater
being. Because of this, you rarely make the
same mistake twice, and are not among the most
forgiving people. You're extremely powerful and
wise, and are capable of fierce pride, passion,
and anger. Perhaps you're this way because you
were forced to survive a rough childhood. Or
maybe you just have a strong grasp on reality
and know that life is tough and the world is
cruel, and it takes strength and independence
to survive it. And independence is your
strongest point - you may care for others, and
even depend on them...but when it comes right
down to it, the only one you need is yourself.
Thus you trust your own intuition, and rely on
a mind almost as brilliant as the fire of your
wings to guide you.You are eternal and because
you have a strong sense of who and what you
are, no one can control your heart or mind, or
even really influence your thinking. A symbol
of rebirth and renewal, you tend to be a very
spiritual person with a serious mind - never
acting immature and harboring a superior
disgust of those who do. Likewise, humanity's
stupidity and tendency to want others to solve
their problems for them frustrates you
endlessly. Though you can be stubborn,
outspoken, and haughty, I admire you greatly.

Image Source: stp.ling.uu.se/ ~klasp/Boris.html

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

C ya

PS. I met a cute outlandish guy ^^ Anyone else gets any clearness from hes english so I got to talk to him. Now he always asks for me when he comes to our restaurant =^^= I have a adorer!!!

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Thursday, July 14, 2005

Mwah hah hah hah haa!!!
You cant BELIVE what I did!!! ^^

OMG I was complete dummy yesterday. After Loki left, I went right front to hes bro and kissed that goddamn bitch! O_o I mean WHOA that is so unlike me. And you JUST should've seen hes face, he was all red and couldnt say a word, just stared there at me. All he finally could say was "What aboute Loki?" Well I laughed at him and asked "What aboute him? He just left, cant you see? Besides, that asshole never really cared"
-_-;; No, theres nothing between two of us. Just want to tell everyone that 'Hey, I kissed a 19 years old, and he didnt even complaine ^^' Heh well no just wanted to see if hes a good kisser. Yeah hell he is. Way better than Loki. Heh. Geez. He was actually cute while he was blushing. Heh.
God I gotta stop thinking..... I have a clear excplonation to this. As Crysania told to Caramon when Caramon said he loves her: "No, you dont love me, you love your wife Tika. You just mis her and need closety of a woman, thats all" Uh uh, I just miss him. Yeah. I mean I almost hate Lokis bro, meaning he beated me up. No fun. Hes just.... a friend. Yeah, well you havent seen all girls at our school they make out like they were lesbians and still they got boyfriends and they say 'hey were just friends' so if you think MY case was weird..... Move to Finland and check this out.
Ahhh, what else....? Oh yeah, we watched Buffy The Vampire Slayer today on DVD and it was fun. 'Cept one thing: Vampires AINT that ugly!!!!
Cloud.... Dont be angry to K. Shes sorry. Really. Im her friend and I know.
Now now.... Hmm. I dont really know what to say, just that Im not depressed but Im not really happy either. Just hungry. Heh. Umm well. Gess I got nothing to say. 'cept you know Sun looks really interesting when you take a picture of it.
See? Hehe no its not weird to take pictures of sun and moon, just like taking pictures of things no-one else has. Like my best friend took pictures from guys in Florida, without them even knowing. Eh....
Well thats just her.....

Okay well anywayz, I was thinking aboute leaving MyO..... but Telk totally changed my mind. Thank you friend *hugs*

Okays I gotta go we're gonna watch more Buffy ^^ Maybe Lokis bro will join us.

Oh hey, I met some half latino in a chat: He showed me hes pictures, and gess what: He was blond. Goddamn liar he wouldnt be blond if he was even half latino. Loser...

Yeah, and hey peoples, keep visiting!! I visit you when I got time, my ranking is now 507th yesterday it was 506th and if it goes lower, I blaime YOU! Yeah, I have some obsessions, but.... please? ^^ *smiles* Hugs to everyone!

now Cya

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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

*cough* Im gonna get a goddamn flu!
Well, first of all, didnt sleep at the whole goddamn night. I spent 6 hours staring at the roof and wondering if I could fell asleep. I didnt. I decided to get up.
My vbest friend was on a train and she was awake too, so we chatted on a phone. Well. I locked myself out. -_-;;; Yeah I know stupid. I just didnty realize that the door was gonna go lock again. And I couldt find the key anymore. And my best friend laughed. *sob* Poor me....
She did the nicest thing ever: SHe bought me Naruto vol3!!!! ^_____^ YAAAAY!!!! They dont even sell cool mangas like Naruto at finland so I was so goddamn cheerful and she was even more I mean I was hyper 'cuz of it, and she kept saying shes so happy that she got to buy it for me.
Wow. No-one ever really have been that nice to me.
She was gonna buy me NGE, but it was in sweden so it was no. I suck at sweden tho they teach it to us at school.... -_-;; Jag hatar svenska. She was also gonna buy two Inu-Yashas, but when I heard theres Naruto: SCREW Inu-Yasha, Naruto rules over it.
Well, we got to fish with my friend. at the first time, I refused to go to the boat. I just standed at the beach - and just enjoyed the wind. Then it started raining. You cant just belive how good it felt. Freedom. Once in my life I felt like I was free, tho, I felt sad. I just cant belive how peoples treat this earth. Destroying it.
Well, second time, I got on the boat. Took few pictures of the plants. Well. It started raining. We were all wet, and she had to start playing and splash water on me. Tho she didnt mean it. But it werent fun at all anyways.... -_-; And my cellphone broke. I mean it works but I cant call with it because theres troubles with the voice.....
Well, as for now, Im at the comp. My and Lokis bros relationship is a bit warmer, he said that if I dont want him to stay, he has to go with Loki, and he loved this place so he doesent want to.
I cant excplaine it to you peoples, someones may understand someones dont, but as I told him: "Since the day those red eyes told me that Im evil and theres nothing to do for it, I've tried to help people and search for my place here. I want you to stay. With pleasure"
And my best friend finally understands why I dont want to stay. And we found reasons why my moms an ass:
1.She doesent trust me
2.She calls me names
3.She doesent respect anything thats important to me
4.Shes a racist
5.She doesent respect me
6.She doesent notice how stupid and childish she really is (My friend said that, not me....)
7.She talks bad things aboute me behind my back (true)
8.She tells my seacrets to everyone
9.Shes everythin she shouldnt be.
10.shes not sorry to anyone
plus one I noticed
11.Shes homophobe.
Its sad. 'cuz Im a Bi. Huh I wonder what she may say when she finds out.
*sigh* Anyways, it werent so good day after all. My mom started yelling at me from the early morning that Im just like Sanna (girl who caused MUCH trouble, were awake all nights and all kinda shit) and things. Well I dont care, shes a bitch, she does that always, sometimes slaps me but ya know thats my life. Oh yeah I havent told she beats me? Heh yeah well now you know.
Oh anyways. Im happy I got a new friend from Lokis bro. Oh I just heard that Lauren, hes 'cousin' was inlove with Loki. Thats why she lied aboute him. Patethic.

Well. Take care.

Let the Great Sister Moon protect you.....
(I took that myself O_o)

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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Im a lil better now.

Well, my 'friend' is coming by tomorrow so... I wont be much on at this whole week, at weekend maybe.

So.... I really got nothing to say. I have been awake only for an hour. *hits her head on a wall* Wake up goddamnit....
-_-;; Owch....
Well. I had something to say but I forgot it.... waaaite....
Oh well I was anyways thinkin aboute Juho yesterday. No I dont miss him. I just still am so goddamn happy Im not with him anymore. I mean, you all know Im pretty dark person dont you? Well he couldnt understand it. He was just always sayin 'Dont be so negative' Or 'calm down'. I AM Negative, I WONT calm down, you havent seen me angry, this is what I am! Goddamn.....
Well.... Loki said Im bitch and that hes leaving, and, he said Im selfish. C'mon I've been watching over him the whole damn time he was in the hospital, and IM selfish here? He was the one who tried suicide. Actually this was third time to him. I know Im a bit selfish but hey - look at him. Huh.
I never thought I would start convertation aboute this, but my hairs are softer than before. The new shampoo works. Theyr alive! Theyr alive! Stanley! Bob! (OMG am I giving names to my hairs....? Something is so wrong with me T_T)
You know what peoples? This wont be a surprise but I couldnt live without inetrnet -_-;; Really I come crazy if I cant use ineternet at least once a day..... I become depressed and all. Damn. Im hooked.

Well well. My friend came. Gots to go. I see you later guys.

You are white. You are pure, but what also comes with that, is the ability to be manipulated and to manipulate. You cannot change or be changed, you really have no idenity, you just do what is necessary. You are completely pure, and no amount of lust that you act on can tarnish you because lust is NOT you. You are seperate from the real world, you create you own. Unfortunately, that world is terribly lonley...

What inner color are you?

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Monday, July 11, 2005

Sucky day
First of all

Amerill, I havet forgot you. I thought you forgot me.... Im sorry. Dont be angry to me, please keep PMing me. You were the first and only real friend I ever had and trusted so. Dont leave me.


Darsha, stop goddamn lying aboute Amerill. I dunno if you think thats fun or if your jealous, but Im so fucking sick of it.

My best friend was supposed to come to our place tomorrow, but she aint coming anyways.


Loki is leaving.

He said that hes goin out of the country and we will never meet again. Oh I so hate my life I have been up only 3 hours and Im already crying. Why, oh why why why.....? All shit is goin on, and that goddamn storm at Alabama etc.
Now I reeeeally feel like I wanna die.....
Why is everything so goddamn complicated? Why?

I wanna get hell outta here!! Why everything bad happens in one day!? I lose all my friends, I lose my good mood, everything!!
This is all just one cruel lie. Im really starting to lose faith that someday I would be free... cuz I wont. I will always be chained here, just crying in the dark, all alone. When no-one cares....

Yeah I hell sure are depressed. EVerythings falling apart again.
But I wont do suicide..... No matter how much it hurts to live.... I just gotta take it, I got no other choice.

You wouldnt understand if I told you.

Goodbye, try to have fun while I cry till my eyes are bloodred. Alone.

Why cant someone just come and rip my heart out, instead of just making scars on it...?

I will never get anyone I want. Gess Eric is gonna make a new scar for me soon too.

Oh hey, theres some stupid thunderstorm coming at our way so I dunno when Im on next time....

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Sunday, July 10, 2005

   Hello goths, non-goths and normal peoples.
I just started thinking.... Where the hell do those guys get my phone number?

I mean I told you that I get weird textmessages and phonecalls didnt I? Well I just realized why do I get them. My ex boyfriends best friend TaiJi (weird nickname aint it? And hes my good friend too) Likes to give peoples phone numbers to others. Seems like he does that to me too. *sigh* Whatever....

So Im gonna put few art pieces up, when I just get the right size on them etc. Just dunno if I put them up here or DeviantArt. Gotta think aboute it....
Now Im really, really bored. Im tired of drawing and playing Breath of Fire, Im too tired to call my best friend.... *sigh* At least I got coffee.

And I miss Eric. This sucks. If I just got hes picture I would be huggin it instead of wondering how's he doing. Damn Dennis.....

Im drawing least and wrioting more lately. I just realized that writing is fun. Okay I realized it when I was 11 but.... Well. I got 3 novels ready now. And I should draw 5 mangas too..... AHAHAHAHAH I just love making stories up! ^__^;
Well I found this fun pic from google:
AHHAHAHAHAHA!! Its so funny! ^__^ Heh Sakura is pretty. And poor guys.
*cough cough* Juulia will SO love that piture.

Well I had fun today. Some guy from Dutch came to our restaurant and since Im the best one at our family to speak enlish (Ha ha ha - they couldnt survive without me) I had to talk to him. None other understood him than I. And now, theres 8 peoples on the house and I got to do everything that has something to do with english. Menus, speak for them, everything. Im so happy I got my dear dictionary with me =^_^= I have found my true love. Oh, mister dictionary! ^^; *cough cough*
Just loved that picture. Since theres Naruto and Kakashi-sensei on it.....

So so. I just realized that Im actually pretty good at spelling english (I thought I can only type it....)

Well. Duty calls again. Adios, Amigos.

Viva La difference, Love ya Eric.

Damn. They started fighting aboute does Rosefish mean Salmon or red perch..... C'mon! My dictionary soeaks the truth idiots! -_-;;; Why do they put up a restaurant if they cant even speak languadges!?

Why do you cry?

brought to you by Quizilla

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Saturday, July 9, 2005

   *breaths deep*
I've calmed down, no worries.
Maybe I overreacted. I was just angry when even my closest friends here, who happen to be guys, are stupid perverts or then just started acting bitchy to me. Thanks to all of you *bows* Dont take my words so searious. If I rage like that.... Well. It means Im very furious in the moment. And I were yesterday. And the 36 years old guy leaved me alone. The adorer realized that he loves hes girlfriend more than ever, but Im not disappointed. I knew it already. Heh.

*yawns* Its good to be single. Kinda. Heh.

And by the way, if the friends wouldnt be all guys, I wouldve been furious aboute how some of my friends are bitches. Gomen nasai, guys.

Well now.
I dunno what to say..... Well, I played Play Station last night till 5 o'clock..... Breath of Fire IV!!! ^_____^ I luv Ursula and Scias their just so woot woot!! O yeah and Fou Lu is cute.
Check it. You will love my faivorite doggy ^.^

Im going now. Gotta go I have work to do...
^^; See ya and have a nice day all of ya!!

Everyone, ATTENTION!!
Visit Narutomans site and read the last post. And pray that everything will be okay. Okay? Please I will be so happy if you do so.

Love you Eric-kun....

Funny pic ^^;

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Friday, July 8, 2005

What the FUCK is wrong with guys!?

Once again its proved all they think is sex: Nothing else! Theres no young guys who just want to date, so Im starting to date the 39 years old then. HAPPY!? Every goddamn guy either hates me, just tries to be nice or then wants sex.
Okay, all you guys out there, I wanna ask ALL of you, what the HELL is wrong with you!? Just.... Just.... FINE! Theres no nice guys, Im gonna live here, suffer here, cry here and finally die here! Im not leaving anywhere from here, freedom is a fuckin lie, just like love!!
Oh hey, I just realized something.... Starting now, I a lesbian!!! *laughs manically* No hell Im bi but date pnöly the 35 years old guys.

We break our enemies with fear, and
we've seen how the tears come around
We've built our confidence on wasteland
We've seen how the walls come down

Life burns

A man dies like a butterfly
Life burns from the touch of the reaper
All things must pass
One love is a crooked lie
The world lies in the hands of evil
We pray it would last

Life burns

We have no sympathy for the lost souls
we've chosen the path of disgrace
We give this life to our children
and teach them to hate this place

A man dies like a butterfly
Life burns from the touch of the reaper
All things must pass
One love is a crooked lie
The world lies in the hands of evil
We pray it would last

A man dies like a butterfly
Life burns from the touch of the reaper
One love is a crooked lie
The world lies in the hands of evil [5 x]

A man dies like a butterfly
Life burns from the touch of the reaper
All things must pass
One love is a crooked lie

The world lies in the hands of evil
We pray it would last (2 x)

Life burns (3 x)

Theres good Lyrics for you: Apocalyptica Life Burns.

One love is a crooked lie.

Its should be 'cruel' lie.

Just.... Just.... I hate guys!!! Not to be mean to anyone, actually I feel like only guys I can TRUST here are Supertoilet and Telk27. THANK YOU guys.

Well, I got one adorer. Hes 17 years old guy named Markus. He honors me 'cuz I made hes life better by saving him from suicide, and telling him that theres still things what to live for. Fun.

Now guys: You dont have to read this if you dont want, cuz its kinda sad. I only told this for 3 peoples.
I got to tell you how Christian actually died.
It was beutiful and nice day. We had spent it together. whole day.
We were at our lil villages shop to buy lemonade and cookies. I still remember it.
Then a guy with a gun ran in. In a village where havent happened anything in 100 years. Guy pointed Christian with the gun, and shot. He died right next to me. I just stared at the guy. But he didnt shot me. I dont know what he did, if he robbed the shop, I was too shocked to even think. I stand there like 5 minutes before I turned my head to Christian. Hes dead cold, bloody body. Hes restless face.
If you havent losed a close peoples like that, you cant even imagine how it felt. I still remember the blood, how it smelled. and I can remember Christians smile few minutes before he got shot. I remember the words 'I love you'.
Maybe Christian knew it was coming. Or why else would he spent THAT day with me? Why would he suddenly say 'I love you' when I was asking him which lemonade we should take?
Maybe that day is also a reason why I drink Pepsi Max. Thats what we were gonna buy.

Well. I just gotta get over it.

Have a nice day all of you.

'cept guys, think aboute it: WHY!? Why are boys like that....? I want a clear answer!

Oh yeah, Loki feels better now. Hes not as mean anymore and he wants chocolate ^^; Maybe I should get some too. It may calm me down...

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Thursday, July 7, 2005

   Hes awake
Loki has woke up! ^^ He can talk now. Doctor said its like a miracle. And so has hes brother, tho he is really weak. And Loki seems to bit a lil confused. But I dont care. At least theyre both okay. For a while at least.
Tho Loki seems to be mean at me. He doesent want to talk or anything.... I just.... why? What have I done to him....? I asked him whats the matter and all I got was a bored 'nothing'.... Why do everyone hate me....?
And he told me he dont know what to say.
Does he have to say anything?
He could just shut up and stop being mean to me.

Well. Now, I just heard that Dave already has a girlfriend. Doug havent text messaged me in two days tho he promised, and last night I met a guy who was chatting with name Uzumaki Naruto Kun. We text messaged for a while but now he hasnt answered me either. So, only one who has, is a 39 years old pedofile whos all girlfriends have been like 14 to 17 years. Nice.

Well now. I have nothing to say.

Love you Eric

Take care all

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