Thursday, May 19, 2005

Fuck....
First of all, Im VERY pissed.

I am sick again. Still, Im dragging myself into school. I cant be off anymore.... I havent excplained all my off-days to teacher, we have somekinda 'off-daybook' out here so we gotta excplaine every day that we haven been at school on it, and I losted it so now shes telling me if I dont find it I have to stay for few hours at school after the day to excplaine them.....
The point is I cant be off anymore before I find the book. Fuck to you all, damn idiots....

The second thing: I just fought with my guyfriend. He told me that one guy that was in the same class with me said that Im fat. Well, I didnt get so pissed because Im used to that. I asked him what did he say back, and he said 'Nothing'.
NOTHING!?!
I mean what the fuck does he mean 'nothing' I mean he was supposed to be in my side!!! Damn IDIOT I asked why didnt he say anything back and he said that 'I was too hurry'.
TOO HURRY to protect me!?
I just said 'Huh, your all the same' and he said that hes at my side if I belived or not. I said 'Fuck you, no-one seems to be on my side anymore' he answered 'Well I AM on YOUR side fuck the others'
REALLY!?!
Im so mad at him!! FUCK him all guys around here are the same I mean what the FUCK is with them!? I wann beat someone up..... ARRRGH If I werent sick here would be bloodline going threw the floor.....
I dont EVER want to talk to him again. Hes sucha ass he even said 'tell me what do I have to do to prove it to you' It doesent fucking matter anymore!! The guy that said Im fat gave him vine - thats why he didnt hay anything back. FUCK him if vine is more important than me he cant just fuck off. FUCK HIM! Did I already say it? Oh well STILL fuck him!!
Yeah, Im pissed. I know Im not most important person to anyone, but that VINE is more important than me!? Dammit Im gonna go and cut hes fucking tongue off so he cant taste it anymore....

Thats all for now. My friend is at us tomorrow so Im not so much on. Maybe. See you.




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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Pissed, once again
Okay peoples, now what the fuck is wrong with you!? Does guy/girl have to be somekinda Brad Pitt ot Kate Winslet so you will like them!? Besides, they dont even look good!!!

Okay, so, today I heard from my best friend how she heard that few guys were saying that 'Yeah, Johannas boyfriend is ugly' FUCK OFF!!
Well, heres two thing I want to bring out: Its new that they didnt call ME ugly, but him! And thats the second thing: How DARE they call him ugly!? Fuck them, They dont look any better!
The point in here is: Why looks matter so much to peoples? I honestly could even marry Frankenstein if he was nice enough. Whats wrong with this world? Why looks matter so much? I dont get you peoples why do we have to be thin and blond and sexy and just like all the others, I mean, whats the point in it!? As you maybe have understood, Im not one of the most beutifullest persons, actually, Im the most ugliest girl in our school, at least what I and my friends have been hearing, But still theres now like 9 guys who like me.
I already got pissed to one guy in our class.
They were once again telling me Im a satanist, which pissed me off so badly. Then, one of them said the words that they shouldnt
"Why dont you just get some nigger powder and put it on, then you and Paloma would be like sister, brown as shit"
Everyone laughed.
You could just imagine how damn much I got angry! I jumped up from the chair, walked in front of the boy who said it, first slapped him, then hitted his head on the wall. In that minute, it felt so good to hear a little 'CRACK' from hes head. see a little bit blood on the wall, coming from hes head. just walked back to my place then. Even the teacher didnt notice anything.
Only thing that I hate in this world so much, is racism. My mom is actually a little racist. and thats one of those many reasons I hate her. The boy said 'Paloma'. Well, shes black, only black in our school actually, and shes my friend. Thats why I got so pissed. Shes not very close to me, but I STILL hate racism.

Now.... The rain is hitting the window. Tho I love the weather.... there aint any other lights but the one coming from this PC... And I feel comfortable... I feel so home in darkness..... No one can see me. I love rai. Rain is freedom.... Tho these days I feel lonely. No matter if I did my boyfriend doesent care.... I feel so lonely.....

Every night in my dreams
I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never go till we're one

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not
go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on


~Celine Dion, My heart will go on



All for today.
Think aboute this, peoples.

Good day.....





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Sunday, May 15, 2005

Hallo....
Tired....

Its 16:05 and it still feels like I havent woke up....
Now peoples: Im not gonna stress so much anymore, because I dont wanna get an ulcer do I? Nooooo I have lotta things to live for. So. You wanna know whos my faivorite guy in Star Wars? Yeah, Im a fan too. Its....
.
.
.
.
.
.



MASTER YODA!!! ^___^

YES!! I love that green, little guy! He is SO cool! Yay yay yay!! Yoda-sama rules!! Whaaat I have some thing towards green guys X_X

Oh now.... I dont want to go to school tomorrow!!! Not because HES there!! Yeah, I mean my guyfriend. I just really dont feel like getting choked on hes tongue....

To more nicer things!!
So peoples. How many of you lives in California? Or even near? Let me know. Im trying to get over there next summer so I decided to check every each of my friends who are from Calif. So just let me know.

I gotta go now. I have to clean up and do my homeworks and things..... So I see you later

Viva la difference



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Saturday, May 14, 2005

OMFG.....
Dang.....
I fell down with my cycle and hurted my right arm..... I can still write with it but it hurts too much so I dont think I can draw tonight..... WAAAAH what am I gonna do without my right arm!?! I gotta just listen Alice Coopers 'poison' and try NOT to think drawing..... Dammit dammit dammit..... Im gonna die in boredom....
Oh well..... My friend is leaving soon too so..... So.
Oh well. Got nothing to say. I gotta go. Be back soon..... hope so at least.....



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Friday, May 13, 2005

Fun at the city Part 2 (It aint fun at all)
He he he.

I were at the city with my bestfriend, my another friend, and ofcourse Juho X_X Yeeeah you bet it was a lot of fun. Ah well. Juho was hugging me all the time. Yeah well it was fun but when he was keeping hes hands around me all the time..... I almost couldnt breath -_-;; Okay I DID but you guys know what I mean dont you....?
H ekissed me. severval times. Dammit..... Dunno why but by times I didnt feel comfortable at all.... Huh.....
Yeah, and he did FINALLY admit it. He loves me. He told it to ME. Well. He said it at german, but he said that whatever the word was again means 'love' in finnish. Hmmmm cool. Pretty..... Now Im gonna hit my head on the wall hard and ask myself 'Do I love him'.....
Kay Im totally confused..... Besides he gave me kisses in the forehead and he.... erhm.... smoothed me. Hes hand somehow unconfortabely wented down almost to my breasts. No fun. Well he asked did it bother me. HEY, what can I say!?! All I said was no..... Well he soon leaved.... PHEW!
Man Im screwed. So many guys like me. every of them are my friends..... Darn it. What am I gonna do.....? Oh well..... lets let this just cool down..... Oh well peoples I gotta go. I see you later. B'bye and have a nice weekend....

Im gonna TRY to survive with my ex and two guys who have crush with me. Luckily, my friend is here ^_^ Yay!

Viva la difference!!!!


BlacPrince: Sorry. I really dunno what to do. Could you please tell me? I really dont know anymore.




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Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Nooo....
I couldnt leave him!!

He came, kissed me, gave me a hug, then wrapped arms around me and said 'Hi hun' with soft, loving voice. I COULDNT LEAVE HIM!!! SHIT someone just come over and shoot him hes TOO cute!! It annoyns me so damn much!! just cant leave him.....


Embers, smoke, ash... you are a fire dweller. A
mixture of the fierce and the sanguine, you are
never afraid to show your true colors. You
rarely go halfway on anything, and are regarded
as an extremely passionate person.


Which Other World Are You Secretly From?
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Every test says Im fire. Ahhhh well maybe I am. well they say fire is the most powerful element.... ^^ Kjeh kjeh. Thought I love rain too. As I have said: "Rain is freedom"

You know, you American guys have weird taste. Well, not weird, but totally different than finnish. Out here, everyone tells me Im ugly, or fat or something, but every American who have saw my pic told me Im cute or hot or beautiful. I mean c'mon thats so new for me X_X OMG I cant understood you guys...


Well, so, I have nothing to say anymore, so I gotta go to read at biologhy test. See you peoples.

Viva la difference!



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Monday, May 9, 2005

   GRRRROWLLL
I AM SO LEAVING HIM!!!!

That.... ASSHOLE!!! He didnt come even near me today at school!!! Well yeah, he talked to me but not even a small hug!!! And we talked only two times, the third one was just 'hi' and then nothing!! N O T H I N G !!! I didnt even see him the whole fucking day anymore!! Im gonna so shoot him when I see him next time!! DAMN manwhore!!! Im leaving him. I so leaving him. If hes not interested of my company then be it! I get new boyfriend VERY easily, Im not here just to be little fun time! I HATE HIM!!!
*breaths deep*
So..... Who am I gonna hit my eye on next..... Haaaai, theres that cute eyeglassed boy at our school.... What was hes name again....? Mikko.... Yeeeeah..... *grin* Hes mine.....
You know, always when I tell someone I love him, I start to think am I telling the truth.... Then I start finding reasons WHY I love him, and why I shouldnt.... And if I dont end on that I dont actually love him, I end up hitting my head on the wall (hard) and yelling 'WHY IS HE SO PERFECT!?' which is very annoying.... Daaaamiiiit. DAMN IT!!! I have three perfect guys here tho I love the one the best.....

I DONT WANT TO POST ANYMORE!!!

Everytime I do I make someone angry.

Well, today at dentist (O_O;;;)
I didnt sleep the whole night, thinking aboute 'what am I gonna do' meaning Narutoman and BlacPrince.... Well I was so bored that I had a damn bad headache and almost throw up at there. Well my teeth is fine know but it hurts ;__; ARGH. I didnt even take the anesthetize because I was afraid of the needle O_O

Now something for thing that has ripped my little heart all over again: Love.
Poison
I want to love you but I better not
Touch (don’t touch)
I want to hold you but my senses
Tell me to stop
I want to kiss you but I want it too
Much (too much)
I want to taste you but your lips
Are venomous poison, yeah
I don’t want to break these chains
Poison, oh no
Runnin’ deep inside my veins,
Burnin’ deep inside my veins
It’s poison
I dont’t wanna break these chains
Poison

By Alice Cooper. Damn I love the part of the song....

Im gone now. I wont be one in the whole week. not as much at least. maybe answer PMs but thats all. Well now. Bye all of ya.




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Sunday, May 8, 2005

Hello....
I told to the guy I was having crush with. *sigh* Gladly he aint angry... Actually he told me he loves me too.... Which is new... Hmm... Very new actually. Guys always start to hate me when I tell 'em I have a crush with them. *sigh* Thats just me... Hmm... Okay Im speechless I dunno what to say X__X Im confused!! Could someone PLEASE tell me how these things work, dammit!?
Well. This guy I was talking aboute was Narutoman. SO dont start asking. Im sick of it....
I just realized that Im still popular with guys. 5 guys are in love with me. Or at least having a crush. No waite, I counted wrong, 6. No, 7.... Oh, yeah, 8. Oh dammit what have I done to deserve your love!? I mean I dont get it. Im just myself. They say you have to just be yourself to be loved, but I have always been myself and still I have been hated... Hmm... Weird thing...
Its sad that so many fell in love with me... When theres three I care aboute... And one I really love.... I wouldnt like to break the others heart..... Well, this is my life.... Its my part to make the sad decisions..... Ah well. Hey guys you always stand a change, you never know if I love you more than the others ^__^ Heh....
Okay I just found a good Heavy Metal band that sings finnish ^.^ Thats so cool they have so cool music!
Kay well this day was really..... boring and somehow tired. My mom had Mothers Days dinner, and I had to work there. It was supposed to last 4 hours, and I was supposed to work there for 3 hours. Well, I was there 5 hours.... X_X Oh god and it was so hot here and think aboute it, when Im wearing only black, its even hotter! OMG Im so tired.... Someone come here to catch me I wanna faint....
*deep yawn* kay Im going. I wont be on so much this week but I try to visit few times.... 'kay bye...

Oh yeah, Narutoman, I werent ingnoring you. my comp froze up. and I really hope to see you around *narrows eyes* Cool.

Aboute my fanarts: Im drawing again. Im going to put fanart up as soon as I just got 'em skanned. Im not gonna tell who but Im drawing fanart for few pwrsons around here ^^ Start gessing

Viva la difference....


Oh yeah, visit atreyu7slip ^^ Thanks






What NERV Child Are You?


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Im saying this so ALL of you will know: I love Narutoman and Blacprince. Now start fighting, guys. Its different thing which of you will win... I wish I werent so popular at MyO....



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Saturday, May 7, 2005

Damn....
Im too tired to be angry.... My mom told me last night 'Everyone else read their homework at weekend too, so you have to too. I cant be without working at the weekend either' C'mon I dont know anyone who does their homework at weekend. So Im not doing either. Humph.
I really am getting bored of living.... Besides I feel so lonely.... Yeah, I have a boyfriend but he doesent really help any when hes never here when I need him. Hes always with hes friends or something, never with me even if I need him. last night he text messaged me and told me 'Im not gonna give up aboute you because you are so nice and lovely' Oh yeah? Well show it then asshole!! Whats wrong with guys is it so hard to show your feelings? Are you trying to be tuff or something? Well all guys should know I HATE tuff guys. At fights, Im always at the weakers side. Huh. Ah well.
I have a crush with one person at MyO. Problem is, I dunno if he feels something for me. But then I love one person here (NO, not you Telk) and it feels bad to have a crush. Dammit. Hmm. Oh well. Just gotta live with it. Just wondering if this person has something for me too.... It could be something really greate if I just knew....
Im thinking aboute changin my sites looks. I dunno if Im gonna keep this red or then If I'd change it to purple.... Hmm....
Okay well peoples, Im gonna change the BG anyways so its your change to vote what BG Im gonna take:
1. Naruto
2. Vampire Princess Miyu
3. Fruits Basket

Its up to you now.
Ah, yeah, please visit atreyu7slip because hes new around here. YOU VISIT or I keep putting this at my site this whole damn year (You know it, dont you...?)

Okay well. Have a nice weekend. And happy mothers day to all moms....




You're Tohru!


Which Fruits Basket Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
..... .... .... Everyone loves me....? Well when I think aboute it its kinda true..... I have pretty many friends and even more guys who love me..... Ah well. ^^;;;



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Friday, May 6, 2005

Blood....
Im starting to see red.... bloodred....

You know, even my friends tell me my eyes have changed. And its because anger. My eyes are full of anger. Today I almost grabbed the knife and cutted my moms throat open... She started fucking with me aboute cleaning. You guys know I draw much - well I tried today, and it made me feel so free once again.... Mom told me to clean up, well I did, and there was only my papers in the table and she started to yell at me like crazy of the papers like 'Why do you always mess!?!' and just a minute ago, I heard when she told to her friend 'A girl at her age. She has to learn how to work' C'MON!! *breaths deep* I wanna live.... I wanna live.... I just wanna live, as Good Charlotte sings....

Then, Juho, my boyfriend...
Hes at the city every night, getting himself drunk with hes friends. No matter how or when or where, but he always have hes parents premission to go anywhere he wants. Well, Now when I FINALLY had time to go to the city with him, then nooooo hes getting all kinda reasons why he cant come that Damn - fucking - LOSER!! ARRRGH I hate guys like that!! Thats just so annoying, every time he was supposed to come at our place or in the city with me he has something else to do! Isnt that a little clear thing!?

*sigh* To little nicer things. Yesterday, I saw reeeeally hot movie. There was only black and asian guys! =^___^= EEEE How hot is that!? I mean gosh!! Besides one fo those blacks he had so cute eyes and B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L voice and then those Asians EE!! JUST EEEE!! They were so damn HOT!! I wanna see the movie again. and again. and AGAIN! ^^ Tee hee.

Quiz I took:

My japanese name is 遠藤 Endoh (distant wisteria) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Okay well I gotta go. Im gonna rip my moms head off, paint word 'PAIN' in the wall and laugh my head off. Kidding kidding. Oh well. See ya.

Oh yeah, and.... The broken heart, Im sorry if I made you angry....



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