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Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's been a while...

I long while, actually. I used to post on myOtaku just about everyday. About the good; about the bad. About everything! This was the place I'd always vent at and get constructive criticism from. MyOtaku is sort of dead now and FaceBook has destroyed MySpace... but I've decided to start writing again. I think its healthy for me, with all the stress I've been going through. I went through shitty boyfriends and fucked up family problems to say the least, but thats not all. I... actually, truly fell in love. I mean, quite honestly, I thought I had been in love before. But you never really know until you find the true one. And I, a lucky gal, have found him. :) His name is Abraham and we have been together since ��[2.21.09]�� meaning tomorrow we'll be together for 8 months (hurray!). He is, not to sound cliche, the one who really completes me.

But besides that... :P

Well, actually I haven't any more time to type because I'm in school and don't have a PC at home, but yeah. I'm going to try to post at least once a week, if not more. Ciao!

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Friday, April 18, 2008

   *sigh* No internet for two more weeks.

*sighs again* I haven't had internet this past week (you probably noticed because I haven't really been commenting) and I'm not gonna have internet for the next two weeks. T_T Dumb parents! Pay your freaking bills on time, for once! Grrr... *cough* anyways! I'm at the library right now so my time is VERY limited and I won't be able to comment for a while TT^TT. (Well, maybe. Only if I have spare time, 'cuz I've got to do homework too!)

Monday: After a week of missing school, I return to find 5 tests waiting for me! Yikes! I pass them all. (I somehow managed to actually get over 100% on each of them! Hurray for me!) Aaand that��s about it for Monday!

Tuesday: Guess what I wake up to? Gunshots! That's right; there was a shoot out in my building. :( And on report card day, too. What happened during the shoot out was my dad was going downstairs to do something and then he heard popping sounds (the sounds I awoke to). It turns out that our mail-man's mother was getting robbed by these two drug dealers and then the mailman shot both of them and then shot himself. I was especially scared because 1. My dad was awful close and 2. My family and I knew all the people involved with the shootout! So I had to sneak out of the building that morning just to get to school. Man, the lobby was filled with blood and brains... (Sorry, didn't mean to write that. I'm a bit traumatized.)

Well, anyways. Report card day! To my surprise, I actually got PRINCIPAL HONORS! That��s even better than first honors! I never got principal honors before! And I beat my class rival! He got first honors. :P lol.

So later that day, I have a real session with my shrink for the first time and well we basically talking about what I write in my posts and then he said something that almost made me die. Die laughing, that is. :) I told him I was into anime and then he was like oh, you're gonna grow up to be the world's greatest HENTAI artist! I just got real quiet and then I burst into laughter. Poor guy didn't know why. I finally uttered out "H-hentai i-is p-PORN!!" lol! XD

Wednesday-Friday: Nothing special. I think I'm gonna get my belly button pierced but I'm not sure. *ponders* Should I? *tee~hee*


Zülotoshi- Oh, that guy is 17 because he��s a junior.

Devon- That was no story-writing�� This is my life. :P

And to everyone else who commented- *hugs* :)


-On 11.20.04, Hunni-Bunni took place of my 1st guestbook entry.
-On 4.27.06, Colin took place of my 100th guestbook entry.
-On 8.2.06, Sasuke Uzumaki took place of my 200th guestbook entry.
-Today, 4.11.08, Miyabi took place of my 300th guestbook entry.


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Friday, April 11, 2008

   Sometimes I wonder if they're all in it together...

Y'know? I sometimes really think they're all like in it together to get me or something. You're about to read why.

Tuesday: Guess who IMs me? Zin (and for those of you who don't know who he is, he was my ex that suddenly stopped talking to me for no reason at all right after New Years, with no closure!). Yes, him. God. I didn't know what to think or what to write. Here's a basic breakdown on the conversation we had.

Zin: Hey, how��s it going?
Me: omg, you��re writing to me?! Am I seeing things? :\
Zin: Did Kerry give you something from me?
Me: No. And in case you haven��t noticed my absence from school, I won��t be back in till Monday.
Zin: Actually I haven��t noticed. Well anyways I attached a little note on it. Try to read it, that is if you don��t rip it up right away.
Me: Now why would I do that?
Zin: Well the real question would be why wouldn��t you?
Me: Are you saying I should?
Zin: No but what I say doesn��t mean what should happen.
Me: Ok...
-Zin signs off-

Yea. So many thoughts were rushing through my head! I mean, I had a pretty good idea what he had given Kerry (one of my bffs). It was my drawings, of course! I was at least happy for that. But the note thing worried me. In fact, for some reason, it made me shake. *shivers* Ugh, even now I shake. I can't quite figure out why but whatever. One thing that bothered me was that he had given my drawings to her. I never asked Kerry to ask him for my drawings back. And she never did. In fact, Kerry always found him weird and ever since New Years I told her to avoid him and she did gladly. Anyways, the person I did ask to get my drawings back from him had asked him 3 or more times and he always said yes but never gave the drawings to her. Anyways (again). So I call Kerry and I'm like did Zin give you something today? And she was like yea, and man, you draw good! lol. But then I was like, do you see a note anywhere with my drawings? And she was like yes, but Zin told me not to read it. And I was like Kerry, could you please read it to me? She did so gladly. *ahem*

"Dear Jessy,
Sorry. Here are your drawings excluding a few. I unblocked you from AIM but if you show me the least but of hostility I��ll block you again.

OK. I was pissed. First of all, he lost some of my drawings! That jerk! I want all of them! Second of all, when the crap was I ever hostile for him to block me in the first place?! Ah! But at this point, I really don't care. All I care about is getting my drawings back. *sigh*

Wednesday: So it's 9:00am and someone knocks on my door. Ugh. So my mom is like who is it? And the person is like a friend of Jessy's! wtf? So my mom is like what��s your name? And he��s like Daniel.

Oh. My. GOD! What the hell, man?! First Zin, now Billy (the guy who befriended me not too long ago, stole my games, and totally used me!) sends his stupid little friend (whom I have never even met! we just talked on the phone like once) to my apartment! God, he's giving my address out to people! So guess what he asks for? He said oh, Billy said that you have some of his Ai Yori Aoshi. EXCUSE ME?! OK. TELL YOUR LITTLE FUCKING THIEF OF A FRIEND THAT WHEN HE GIVES ME MY FUCKING GAMES BACK, I MIGHT LET HIM HAVE HIS STUPID FUCKING MANGA, THAT HE ALSO STOLE FROM THE LIBRARY!! And he��s like, well actually I'm the one who stole it from the library but then he stole it from me and now Billy said you stole it from him. omg. Ok, he lend me those books and figured he could just steal my stuff! Get out. Get out of my fucking house-- GET OUT! *door slams* God!! The freaking nerve of some people! I'm just worried that he's gonna continue to send some punk to my house to claim "his" manga. Ugh!

Thursday: I get another IM from Zin. Take a lookie; I saved the convo this time.

"Zin": Hey, how are you?
TheWarriorGal: Not good. How��re you?
"Zin": Somewhat mediocre, both good and bad.
TheWarriorGal: Why bad?
"Zin": I don��t want to say because part of it might upset you.
TheWarriorGal: There��s no possible way I can get any more upset than I already am. So shoot.
"Zin": Well, one reason I won��t say because it doesn��t concern you, but it saddens me to see Kerry the way she is when you��re absent. I walked in Dr. Halverson��s class and I just see her there all lonely. I��m not saying that she is but on the outside, it looks like it.
TheWarriorGal: Oh. Makes sense all things considered.
"Zin": Want me to be completely honest about something?
TheWarriorGal: Sure.
"Zin": She��s probably the only reason I'm talking to you right now.
TheWarriorGal: How so?
"Zin": I thought you weren��t coming to school as much as you used to because you were pissed at me at some extremely high level.
TheWarriorGal: So you��re talking to me because I missed school this week and you thought I was pissed at you.
"Zin": That��s about it. But it wasn��t just this week.
TheWarriorGal: Well mine missing school doesn��t have to do with you. And if it did, I��m not mad at you. I never was. But what does this have to do with Kerry?
"Zin": Alright but I wish there were more freshmen.
TheWarriorGal: What does your talking to me have to do with Kerry?
"Zin": Well before you told me that it wasn��t this I thought you weren��t coming in because of me so I wanted to talk to you and try to get you to come more so Kerry wouldn��t have to be sad. Sorry for thinking the wrong thing.
TheWarriorGal: You��re not sorry. You don��t care. You never did and you never will. I don��t know why you stopped talking to me in the first place but it hurt bad and just as I��m almost feeling better about this some other shit happens to me and then you come back. So tell me. How am I supposed to handle this? So far you only sound concerned about Kerry��s well being.
"Zin": But that��s the truth.
TheWarriorGal: Fine.
"Zin": Sorry.
TheWarriorGal: Don��t say something you don��t mean. Like others things.
"Zin": As for the word ��sorry,�� I do mean it.
TheWarriorGal: At this point, why should I even care? Bye. And I hope no more freshmen come so you can fuck up their lives too.
"Zin": K then if that��s how you feel.
TheWarriorGal: Fuck you.
"Zin": K :)
"Zin" signed off at 3:30 PM

Ok. He never liked me. He used me. Just like everyone does. What��s new? At this point, I really don��t give two shits for him. HOWEVER. I've noticed that he��s become like totally obsessed with Kerry! I mean, even when we were going out, he talked about her a lot. And never about any other girl in my class or even my school. God, I think I finally put 2 and 2 together for once! He is a pedophile!! He is totally after Kerry! What the hell, man?! He is 17 and Kerry and I are 14 and even though I went out with him, I am much more physically and mentally mature (I think. idk but I'm going somewhere with this!). But Kerry in comparison to him is like a child! Now I think he is going to like rape her after school or something! Oh, my God! What am I going to do! *chews off all nails* >_<

Friday: Today itself wasn��t really all that bad. Well, I had another nightmare last night but whatever -- I got over it. What really bothered me all day is Kerry's well being and I was worried if Billy would try to send someone to my house again. And now since I missed school all week, I probably have a ton of catching up to do (again!). None of my classmates are telling me my homework though! They are all extremely lazy, ugh! My teachers aren��t even replying to my emails. *sighs* And right now my ear hurts. I think the piercing got infected again. Ugh.


Shi-chan- You're AWESOME. Thanks for the shout-out once again!

Jae- Sorry dude! Didn��t know I was stealing your words. ^^; But thanks for the tips, they really helped me.

Jeremy- omg indeed.

And to everyone else who commented- *hugs* :)


Oh, yes. And on a lighter note, I've made some minor tweaks to my page. I added the voice comment thingy I found on Kyoko's page so leave me a message, please! :D I also added a counter. To what, you ask? Well, it counts down how long until I see My Chemical Romance! Yea! I'm going to my first concert, yay! Aaand I also added a little music. ^^

Have a great weekend, everyone! <3


-On 11.20.04, Hunni-Bunni took place of my 1st guestbook entry.
-On 4.27.06, Colin took place of my 100th guestbook entry.
-On 8.2.06, Sasuke Uzumaki took place of my 200th guestbook entry.
-Today, 4.11.08, Miyabi took place of my 300th guestbook entry.


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Sunday, April 6, 2008

   Haha, I totally got everyone on April Fools!

Like I said, I'm never leaving myOtaku. I was "born" here and I'll "die" here too, lol.

Hmmm, but I haven't really posted in quite a while now. So, here we go. Strap in those seat belts. This is gonna be a bumpy ride!

I... am... miserable. I hate to post things like this, but it's true. I'd love to post things saying how great my day was, but I can't. I'm miserable.

Some time last month, I had asked my parents to make an appointment for me to see a psychologist. Why? Because I have serious anger issues. Well, at least when I'm at home I do. Seriously, I get so mad, I break things. But I don't hurt anyone. And I don't break anything that important. But still. I did this for my own benefit. So on the 1st, I got evaluated and blah, blah, blah, I talked with some lady then some man and they said I was very unique, blah, blah, blah. Now they're trying to make a schedule for me. But what I didn't know is that they gave my parents their number just in case I got an "outbreak" before my first appointment. I had to find this out the hard way.

Me and my parents were fighting about something they had once again promised me. I got so mad. They always promise me something but always fail. So I asked them, why do you keep promising me? Why? But they wouldn��t answer me. They want me to get pissed. It's so obvious they do it on purpose. I kept asking, why?! Why?! And I just kept asking, begging them to answer me. Of course, they just yelled at me saying they I have some mental illness. By this time, I'm pissed so I start breaking something. I keep screaming, why?! So after some time, I notice my evil fucking (sorry for cussing) sister Naomi recording me!! Jesus Christ! No! I gave her a warning by telling her to put her phone away. Of course, she didn't. So what did I do? I ran up to her and took it, of course! And what happens to me?

Ok, for some reason, my picture won't send from my phone to the pc, but let me tell you. There are scratches all over my cheeks and neck. My lip is busted. Chunks of my hair are missing. And there��s a scratch on my hand. That stupid fucking bitch. What the fuck am I supposed to tell people tomorrow when I go to school? Well anyways, onward with the rest of the story.

So she calls the police saying that I attacked her and that she has it all on tape. Excuse me?! I'm the one with all the fucking marks on me and she says I attacked her?! And when they ask how I'm the one with all the marks and not her, she says it was "self-inflicted." Fucking bullshitter, I hate her.

So now the police are over, along with the people who take mentally ill people to the hospital. Guess who they were there for? No, not my bi-polar sister. But "crazy" ol' me. Greeeat.

So now I'm in the mental hospital with tons of people asking me if I want to kill myself, or if I've ever tried, or if I want to kill someone else. NO! I do not! I don't wanna die. I don't even want my evil sister to die. I just want her to... I just wish she loved me. Honest to God, I do. I don't know why she hates me so much, but it bothers me a lot. I can't sleep at night without getting a horrible nightmare.

But no. I probably have a record on me now. My plans for the future are probably ruined. Who would want to hire a mentally ill person? God, what am I gonna do?

So, anyways. I'm now at y good sister's house. I'll be going to that place I call home later today. God, what am I to do? I can't go back there. I can't.

*sigh* Thanks to those who read this.


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Tuesday, April 1, 2008


I am leaving myOtaku.

Please comment me so that at least I can hear you say goodbye...

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Thursday, March 20, 2008

   *plays with bishie* XD

Thanks for the comments yesterday. I feel loads better. ^o^ I love you all! I think I actually got to comment everyone. Yay! (Sorry if I missed you.)

I need to be more optimistic. Jeremy has forgiven me. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy to death, but I don't think I like him the way he likes (or liked) me. I just don't know. I mean, yesterday, an old friend I stopped talking to for no particular reason AIMed me and I felt really bad because I realized that I had left him like how my ex had left me -- without warning, without reason. I cried and asked if he would forgive me and he said that he had forgiven me long ago. Man, karma is a b*tch. Well, like Jeremy told me, you learn from your mistakes. I guess all I can do now is move on. Really, when you think about it, theres not much you can do when you screw up. It's either sulk and feel sorry for yourself or move on. Well, actually, it's more like a two step thing. First you have to sulk and feel sorry for yourself. Then you just have to smack yourself in the face and be like, come on! It's over and done with; MOVE ON! Thats how it is with me anyway.

Ok. I think Im rambling. Im not sure if the above paragraph made sense. Perhaps the medication is getting to me. O_o; lol.

Ahhh, man. My throat is killing me. TT_TT At least I have an excuse to eat ice cream, lol. :D

Oh, and does anyone know how to upload art to theOtaku? I can't seem to find a link or whatever. >o<; I am extremely slooow. I bet its somewhere obvious that I overlooked. lol.

[EDIT: Does anyone know how to change or remove avatar captions? Thanks in advance! (Mine says something about hats and it looks so retarded because the avatar is of Sora!! >_<)]

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008


My tonsils have been gone since Monday. Ever since they left, only pain has been my companion. My whole body is in complete agony! And I'm very tired. But I wanted to post something that I never got around to. So here it is.

On... last Monday-Friday (I can't remember. I'm drugged and can't think straight right now... Zzz)... I was walking to the train station to get to school and this lady my family knows (I don't know her personally, but I occasionally see her here and there) was walking her neighbor's dogs and as I walked passed her, I heard her murmur, "Your whole family is f*cking sick." I was really hoping I was hearing things but I walked past her a little bit slower now to see if she would say it again. And she did. Now I was peeved. I turned around and stopped to look at her. She says, "Who the f*ck are you looking at?!" I say "Why the f*ck did you say that to me? I don't even f*cking know you! Leave me the f*ck alone!" Then she was like, "What?! I'll go over there right now and slap the sh*t outta you!" That really made me chuckle. "I'd like to see you try!" So I noticed she said something that made the dogs chase after me, but I didn't run away. All they did was growl at me. They were really quite small. If one bit me, I would have sent it flying with my foot. (Not that I hate dogs, because I love 'em! Just if they bit me, y'know?) At this point, my father came into the scene and was like, "Jessy, don't bother with this crazy old b*tch! She's nuts!" So I was just like, whatever, and went to school. Great. Now I have to watch my butt even more. This crazy lady probably has people watching me now -- people just waiting to jump me. Well, at least I'll be home for quite a while since the whole tonsillectomy thing. But seriously, this lady is loca! When she saw my father come, she was like, I wasnt even talking to your daughter! And I was just like, Unless you were talking to your dogs, you had to have been talking to me, because there is no one else around!

But you know what the worse part of that whole scenario was? I found out my sister plotted it out. Thats right. My own flesh and blood used me as a pawn. You see, my sister has an auto-protection-thingy from this lady she used to be friends with. But then my sister did something to agitate her and she got jumped. (That was quite a while ago.) But even with the auto-protection, the lady always harasses my sister and the police never do anything about it. So my sister went to that crazy lady and told her to harass me so that the lady she has an auto-protection with goes to jail since its like guilty by association or something. Needless to say, my sister doesn't love me.

In fact, my sister hates me so much that she took the computer I was using away from me. Now, I get really sensitive over stuff like this. I kept crying because I begged her to let me at least take my files out of her computer and she wouldn't let me. I kept begging and wouldn't let her take the computer. So she called the cops claiming that I had mental problems and that I was hitting her, not letting her take her computer back. F*cking lying b*tch! And the whole time, I was just crying. Then I remember saying over and over, "I'm not crazy, I just want what's mine... I'm not crazy..." So now I'm "mentally ill" and all my very important files are deleted. All my music. All my homework. Etc. Everything. ='(

So now I'm stuck with this crappy computer. How I'm gonna get to comment everyone, I don't know. But I really am gonna try. I'm sorry I haven't been. Seeing people still comment me even though I'm not able to comment back really hits a soft spot in my heart and always makes me cry. I'm sick of crying! Thats all I ever do! I have to comment everyone back!

Crying... and the thing I've been crying most about... is Jeremy. I really messed up. I knew he had feelings for me. I just never realized they were like that. I broke his heart when I told him about what happened. Everyone warned me about that boy. But no. Hard-headed me didn't listen; didn't care. And I end up with nothing in the end. Nothing and no one. The only thing I can do now is apologize to him. Apologize and hope he isn't like me, not forgiving myself. I just wonder why... why I have to get hurt before I realize the one who really cared for me. Jeremy... I'm really sorry. I can't expect you to forgive me and cant expect, well, anything from you anymore. You deserve better than me anyways. For the rest of my life, my heart will be fillled with regret and there will always be a bleeding hole there if you're not the one to mend it. That is how I feel. I can't believe how love works. I don't understand it.

Well, anyways. I don't think I'll be getting my drawings back from my ex. Great. Man, does everything have to go against me? Or, perhaps... I go against everyone...?

Oh, yea. One more thing. On St. Patricks Day (happy belated, btw!), I won a big chocolate bunny at school but since I was at the hospital, they gave it to someone else. omfg. T_T --


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Saturday, March 15, 2008

   God. God, God, GOD!

I thought I made a (boy)friend. I really did. I thought he was gonna be different. But, no. He wasn't. So what happened to me? I ended up used, and abused. Again. And you know what else? I also get my stuff stolen.

Y'know, I was initially gonna write this big monster post, but I've changed my mind. I'm not gonna waste my time typing all the horrible crap that has happened. Well, I'll write some of it.

So. My supposed bf. We never got to go to the movies. Instead, he came to my house. He was very pervy, too pervy than a bf should be (that is, if a bf should be pervy at all!). I mean, he took off his freaking pants and walked around my house in boxers! I told him to stop but he had a knife on him. Yea, I didn't wanna anger him. So, like whatever. I figured, once he left, I'd never have to see him again because, well, I just wasnt gonna call him anymore. I mean, I found out that he was a liar, too (not a surprise, ne?). He's a freaking 7th grader. He got left back 3 times! And I had to find this out through his friend's friend (who surprisingly turned out to be one of my close friends since like, ever). So anyways. After he leaves my house, I notice that my new games are missing. Wait, WHAT?! omg. I called him and was like please don't tell me you have my games. I eventually got it out of him that he does have them and then I said that I needed them as soon as possible. Then he made a whole bunch of lies about this and that, saying he didn't mean to take the games or that he wasn't able to see me, and a whole bunch of changed stories. So I was just like, Dude. Give me my stuff early in the morning before you go to school. I'll be waiting. Yea, he never showed up. I tell my parents what happened and they freak out and blame me (of course). So they call his parents and the parents are pissed because he has a history of stealing and they said No problem. As soon as he gets home we'll make sure you get your stuff back. Well, I guess a lot of kids take after their parents because later when my parents called back asking for my stuff they denied it all. Great. Now I'm left friendless and gameless. Just great.

Ah... looks like I made a pretty long post after all. And I still didnt even include all of the details! Some sh*t happened to me yesterday too but I guess I'll post it tomorrow. If I don't post, well, I probably wasnt able to have the time to.

One more thing. To everyone and reads my posts and comments, I really want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You guys really help me through the day. I don't know what I would do without myOtaku. I love you guys. *sniff* Thank you.

And I'm also very sorry for not commenting lately. 1, my internet has been acting way out of whack and 2, I haven't even been able to get on lately.

Oh, and one more thing. Does anyone know the links to the inbox, member's list, changing password, and changing avatar? Somehow my avatar reverted to something I had waaay long ago. And I need to change my password. And I need to read something in my inbox. And I wanted to know the member's list link. Thanks in advance. =]

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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

   BEWARE! of my next post....

I'm still writing it. I haven't had much time, so it may take a while. Some serious sh*t has happened. =_= omfg.

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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

   *wow!* I FEEEEEL GOOD! *do-do-do-do-do-do-do!*

...SO GOOD! *dun, dun!* SO GOOD! *dun, dun!*...

Hahah... well, as you can tell from my horrible singing, I feel good. :] Lets see... it all started on Saturday. I begged my mom to spend some money on me, and VOILA! I actually got my wish granted.

I got some new clothes for school (black pants, white blouse, black shoes) and I feel so good in them because I'm tired of wearing my other clothes again and again everyday! Now I have two choices in the morning for school clothes! Oh, joy! lol. Theeen I gots me a haircut!! Ha, ha! Everyone loves it!! They cut off a bit more than I wanted them to (which means that I have to let it grow long yet again), but oh well. =D

Then comes Sunday. I didn't get to go to Jeremy's house, but oh well. I think he had something planned with his cousins anyway. Sooo, instead, I invited over a friend I made at EBgames a few months ago. It turns out that we reeeeeally like each other and now we're bf/gf!! =o_o= Boy! Did we have fun! I feel like I'm liberated from my ex now. It felt right and good to feel his lips against mine... :D Ahhh! I'm turning all red again, lol. =^o^=

Sooo I asked this girl about getting my drawings back from my ex over this weekend and yesterday she told me that he agreed to give them back! YES!! The only problem now is that I don't know when and where. It certainly wasn't today. ^^; I'm gonna ask her later today over MySpace.

Back to my new bf, I think we're going on a date this Friday! We may go to the movies (if my parents let me). I wonder what we should see? *squees* I'm so excited!

Speaking of being excited, I'm now allowed to ride the train to and from school! Yaaay! No more waking up super early to catch the dumb bus and coming home so freaking late everyday!

Well, I've got to get to my homework now. I've been trying real hard to comment everyone, everyday, so I'm real sorry if I missed you! TTYL! :D

[PS. Dude! When the heck is VV gonna be done?! The suspense is killing meee!! XD]

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