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Monday, September 19, 2005

   Its back to work we go!
Good Afternoon,
How is everyone, I haven’t had time yet to go around every ones sites but I will try to catch up with all of you in the next few days!
Well I thought that I would have a lot to say after this weekend, but the wedding party wasn’t all that. It was a good night out, but it wasn’t much different form just going down the pub, apart from the DJ who needed to be shot! He played music from the 60s and 70s and he did get a lot of abuse, mainly from me. I can be rather evil when I want to be! Sunday was a much better day, my husband and I spend it walking around Portsmouth and taking in the fresh sea air and the sun, it was a beautiful day, something that will be a rarity in the days to come. All in all it was a good weekend, and I got some colour on my face so I don’t look like the dead any more!

How had all of you been!??

PS. No picture today, couldn’t find one that I fancied!


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Friday, September 16, 2005

A new Beginning

Good Morning,

I would like to thank everyone that left a comment on my last post, you were all so kind and it was nice to know that there are people out there that understand and that I can share my thoughts with. Thank you all!

I had a very emotional day yesterday, I have only two more lessons left of my Japanese Level 2 Beginners, and then I will not be able to continue on the course since it seems like I might be moving. It would make no sense to pay the money for the course and only go to one or two lessons. I have grown very attached to Sensei, and very close to my class mates. They are all very amazing people and I am hoping that even tough I will be a good 100 miles away I will still be able to keep in touch and we can still get together. I will have a house big enough to actually receive them all and have them stay over when they have too much drink. And they all have cars so it shouldn’t be too difficult to travel. You see I am not the most sociable of people, mainly because there are no people that I find interesting enough to hang about with. I spend most of my time with my husband and one or two of our friends, and his family because they are all wonderfully weird. And now I have a whole class full of wonderfully weird folk, that I get along with, and that are very interesting individuals from all walks of life. I will miss them terribly!

I will not be able to visit any of your sites during the weekend because I will be away from home, at a wedding…not sure I am looking forward to that now.


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Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Change

I look out of the window at the rain, the sky is the colour of nothingness,
The dullness that I feel spreads trough my whole body. It is Autumn, harsh and beautiful, soft and piercing, the colours of the leaves bring up warm memories. The steely sky releases a monotonous glow that weighs heavily on me. It won’t be long until darkness will dominate most of the day, not the deep darkness, but the soft cold darkness of winter. The storms will come, and then the piercing winds. Another year is almost gone…

It has always amazed me how this season brings out such divers emotions in me, I feel sad that the summer is gone, I feel happy and inspired when I see the bright colours of the leaves, I feel depressed because of the dull light, the chilly mornings, and the rain. It is a very peculiar time of year, when the seasons change from summer to autumn, it’s almost shocking. I am finding this autumn a lot more difficult that any other before, there is so much on my mind. For once in my life I feel truly scared about the future, both immediate and long term. Everything around me is changing, yet it is staying the same, hard to explain really. I am supposed to be moving, starting a new job, almost starting all over, I have anticipated that since January when I first found out, and here I am 9 months later, and nothing has really changed, and everything has changed. I am trying very hard to control the panic slowly rising in me, and to just keep going, but I can’t help and worry about what happens next. I can tell that I am not the only one, my husband is finding this as difficult as I am if not more so, I don’t know if he likes such drastic changes, not the ones that take this long anyway. He is trying to be strong and supportive and not show just how worried he is, I think he knows that it will throw me into a real panic if I see just how anxious he is, but I know him so well, I can read it in his body language, the fact that he is distracted, I worry, I want him to be happy, relaxed, to enjoy our time together like we used to before this was hanging over us and before the waiting turned us into these twitching creatures!
And not to see Autumn come, it just makes it all that much harder.
Why is it that talking to strangers is always easier than talking to the ones you love?


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Wednesday, September 14, 2005



Good Morning! How are you all! Thank you so much for the support and advice on squishing spiders and on the understanding comments, especially from the girlies! Lordsesshomaru, I am an arachnophobic, how in the name of god am I supposed to get anywhere CLOSE to the thing, I mean they jump! *shudders*. YAY 16 comments, the most I have ever had…ok I know it doesn’t really count because 7 of them are me and Bloodmire having a friendly exchange of words!
Ok I need all girls to pay attention here, I have just been reminded that I have a wedding party to go to this weekend, i.e. in two days. I have NOTHING to wear, I don’t know that to do with my hair, I don’t know if I should wear my super high heals and be 6 feet tall, and I don’t now how to make the decision in TWO DAYS! *runs around the office panicking!* And the worse thing is, I have no money to buy a new outfit because I just spend my last bit of cash on a new pair of boots….*bangs head on wall*…but the boots are sooo sexy, knee high, black leather, Victorian style lace up. Hmmm bright idea, how about a Victorian style outfit for the wedding?! I can buy one of those funky shirts that they used to wear and get knee length velvet skirt, and have my hair up in a neat bun, make up is easy I am gonna go for the cat eye, with autumn tones! Ohh please let me know if that is a good idea!!!

Panicky Ciao!

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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Nightmare Morning

Nightmare Morning!

Good Morning all, how are you? I had the most terrible morning. Woke up 30 minutes late, and then there was the BIGGEST spider in my bath! Yes lordsesshomaru, you are not the only one that gets the nasty critters in your bathroom! But this was big and hairy and had the body of a pound coin! So I got this big brush that we have for sweeping the garden path and that has a VERY long handle, and I started bashing the thing, while sobbing like a newborn and going “Please die, just die”. Yes, ok I can laugh about it now, but it was NOT funny at the time! After I had finally managed to get myself sorted out, and ready to go to work, got to the underground station got on a train and sat there for 45 min! Usually not a problem, only I live two stops away from where I work it takes 10 minutes on a BAD day!!!! I get to work 20 minutes late, which is very annoying because I get paid for the amount of hours I do, and 20 minutes is a fair amount of cash! But its not just that, all hell is breaking lose, and the phones wont stop ringing and it has taken me an hour to write this little paragraph! I am going now!

P.S. Well done to the English Cricket Team for regaining the Ashes and giving us the most exciting Cricket Test Match ever! And to all your cheeky people out there you think cricket is bad, how about I am a HUGE Formula 1 fan, and if I had any life savings I would most likely spend them on going to a Grand Prix, most probably one of the Asia ones! All I need now is to get into Polo and Golf and I will have my posh sport down to a T!


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Monday, September 12, 2005

The Ashes

A picture of the Ashes

Good Morning! How are you all!
Today is going to be a very stressful day for all of England. It is the fifth and final day of the fifth and final match of the Ashes, Cricket. There is a whole story behind the Ashes that I am not too familiar with because I am very new fan to cricket, but the jest of it is, an important cricket bat was burned and Australia and England play for the “Ashes” of it, England have not had the ashes since 1987, and we are so close today! We need to either win or draw the match to get our victory and reclaim the Ashes! I know I know you all could not care less, but hey, I am going to be sitting on thorns all day long!


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Sunday, September 11, 2005

In Memory

Today the world remembers all the victims of 9/11, I hope that we will never ever have to remember another day like that. I hope that we all learn to be tolerant, to be kind, and to live together. May all the victims rest in piece, and may all their loved ones find piece.

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Friday, September 9, 2005

Circle / Random thoughts

His loneliness brings out his fears,
Fears that shake the very core of his being.
Will he for ever be alone?
Will he never find the peaceful place in his hear,
Brought by true companionship and understanding.

In his fears of loneliness he pushes the world further away,
He closes himself in a cocoon of doubts and self disgust.
He cannot fight the distrust he feels towards others.
If he lets them near they will one day leave him alone and broken once again.
It’s the vicious circle of his life.

But I won’t let him destroy his beautiful soul,
I will sit by him, even in his darkest hour,
I will love him for his kindness,
I will respect him for his passion
I will hold him in his fear.

I am life, and life is hope,
Hope is light in the darkest place
The darkest place is your own thoughts
Your thoughts are of love
Your love is your way to life.

*The Picture is trying to represent the path of life that you have to walk before you reach a beautiful place within yourself*

Good morning. How are you all? I am slightly woozy from last night’s pub session after Japanese. Word or warning, stay away from bad wine! It causes headaches, even in respectful quantities. I had a really busy day yesterday, with work getting back to its norm of mad rushing around, and the underground being full to a breaking point. I found it very hard to concentrate in my Japanese lesson, and Sensei asked me later if everything was ok and if I am feeling well. She found it funny when I said I was having a “Petros-san” moment, Petros is not the brightest of the class and he never seems to understand the concepts Sensei puts forward.
Its Friday and I am very much looking forward to the weekend, I want a nice relaxed couple of days, some walking in the park maybe, reading my books, watching the end of Kitty Gungrade, that is so cool! You all be good, and if I don’t see some of you during the weekend have a good one!


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Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Desolate Beauty

Life is what you make it,
It is short in its longevity
It is danger in its safe havens
It is freedom in the prison of this society
It is what you want it to be.

You cannot tell me that:
You don’t feel safe in your insecurity,
You don’t feel passion in your hatred
You don’t feel exposed in your disguise
Calm in your anger
Happy in your misery.

Your Life walks hand in hand with your Death
And you revel in the idea.
Feel it all, experience the sweet pain, the dark passion,
The freedom of being who you are, who you want to be.


The empty beauty of this picture inspired the poem above. I hope you like it, this is the only draft, written after a hard day, and right before my bed time!

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Back to Dull Ville

Well back to work. The schools are officially back in England, and it’s a busy time. But when you have been doing the same thing for years on end it’s hard to find it interesting, so I am just going trough the motions, day dreaming of good times past. Ok it is a bit of an exaggeration, I have Japanese in two days (yay), and then I am hoping to meet up with one of my best friends during the weekend, and that is always nice. I call him the friendly giant, he is this big bloke* (6’4”) and is the kindest person you will meet. He is like a big brother to me as well, always ready to give advice and support. Its nice to hear that you are all well, and mostly moody or irritable :P (Teenagers, whatever are we to do with you lot :P [I’m gonna get my ass kicked for that one aren’t I, hehe])
I better be off and so some work!


*Bloke is the equivalent of “guy” in England, thought there might be some confused people.

PS. The picture is me day dreaming and not of “Dull Ville”

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