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Thursday, October 28, 2004

   Why do I type friggin' when I say frickin'??
It's just one of life's great mysteries I guess..... I have a feeling this post is going to be long.

Due to the fact that I was alone in my house for a couple months I had a lot of time to think. I've decided to wait until after college to join the Peace Corps. There's no doubt in my mind that if I join four months from now when I turn 18 I won't want to bother going to college when I get back. I just feel the need to drive myself crazy trying to do everything as soon as possible because I worry that I don't have enough time. Do I desperately need to get and keep my hypochondria in check? Yes!! Yes I do!!

If I didn't go to college I'd kick myself in the face! It wouldn't make any sense really. I've wanted to go to Paul Smith since I was 10. My whole life I've been interested in science but could never really decide what to focus on. A chemistry set when I was 8, a telescope when I was 9. Watching reruns of Quincy had me thinking about forensic anthropology. But I went to Paul Smith with my tutor and realized that I really liked the idea of studying the environment. No way would I major in natural resources though... I'll leave that to the people who join green peace. I'm all for recycling but those people are extreme. I know that I sound like an ass... but they scare me!

The only thing I know for sure is that I plan on get my bachelors in biology. Field biology, ecology (specifically mammalogy), or conservation science... who knows which one I'll stick with? I'd like to get one in their Culinary Arts and Service Management course too... but thinking about that makes me certain that I'm trying to KILL myself. Even though the $30,000 a year tuition could do that by itself.

After I left school in 2003 I never really focused on my home schooling. In all honesty I have yet to do anything. Which puts me a year behind everyone else my age. But I'm about a decade ahead in the maturity department compared to the idiots I went to school with. Starting late is sort of like a high school senior deciding to spend the year after graduation exploring or "finding himself/herself." Only I'll be spending the year studying my ass off nonstop.... this year. With home schooling it was never really a question of would I do it or even if I could. It was always when would I decide to get off my ass and start. So now I have all the crap I need and I'm going to buckle down. I could take the easy way and go get my GED because I know I'd be able to at least pass it. But I did really good in school until I let everything going on in my life overwhelm me and I want to start where I left off. It's going to be a royal pain in the ass but the end shall surely justify the means!!

Besides, if my old biology teacher found out the only person who paid attention in his class was slacking, he'd hunt me down and kick my ass!! Ok, seriously, how many times have I said ass?

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Sunday, October 24, 2004

   May I have your attention please!?
This is directed to all the monosyllabic cretins who can't seem to get their half-witted minds to grasp the concept of constructive criticism. I'm far beyond mere annoyance of your ignorance. Too long have you insisted on polluting our good natured site with your intolerable and incomprehensive nonsense. I am, however, willing to take into consideration the possibility that your being a complete and utter imbecile may not be entirely your fault. So I'll make this as easy to understand as I can:

Constructive criticism - criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions

There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Youíre either being constructive or youíre being destructive, and now youíll have no excuse. Other than the fact that youíre a complete jackass and thatís not an excuse. Now that I've done my part in attempting to educate your miniscule minds, if you still choose to continue on with your idiotic manner, I will have no choice but to unleash the rage that I harbor only for the cows on all your asses!!! And, I must say, I'll feel pretty damn good doing it!!

Get it? Got it? GOOD!!!

(P.S. - I wrote this at 3:30 in the morning so please excuse any grammatical errors that I've failed to correct due to my currently falling asleep on the keyboard.)

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Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Muahahahahaa!! I have returned!! For good this time. Quick recap... back in May my computer had another major malfunction which took forever to fix. My mom decided to move back to upstate New York where we lived a few years ago. So she took Leigh, Lorna, Lance, Lydia, and the computer with her. She wanted me to stay in MA with my dad until he sold the house. So for what seemed like FOREVER I was staying there with nothing but a mattress on the floor and a tv that gets 3 channels that barely come in.

But no more!! I'm now in cattle country.... where the nearest grocery store is 12 miles away. Montreal is an hour away.... I think. I miss Boston... but I plan on going to college here at Paul Smith anyway.

How have you guys been?? I missed you like crazy. I walked all the way to the library because I was so desperate for a computer and they friggin restrict you from looking at anything that's not educational! Those bastards!!

Do any of you happen to know what resides in cattle country?? COWS!!!! They're everywhere... I can't escape them! But I shall torch every last one of them MUAHAHAAHAHAA!!!! They're plotting against me I just know it... I'll get them first though... hehe.

Hmmm... anywho I do believe I'll go look at everyone's sites now. Damn cows.

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Wednesday, May 5, 2004

   "Now that I can see you..... I don't think you're worth a second glance."
CURSES!!!! I am smited by technology! Everytime I try to go to someone's site this godforsaken machine craps out!! It's working pretty good right now but who knows how long it'll last. Will this post even go through? I hope so. I can't even read anymore of my comments... argh!!

Anywho... I'm really happy. Which I guess is good news. I don't really know right now.... haven't slept in a while. 2:45am... tick tock.... what was I saying? Oh yeah.. happy... I am. Almost exstaticly so. Did I spell that right? For more than a year now I've planned on working at Covenant House when I turn 21... that's the youngest you can be working there. But I was really indecisive about what to do in the meantime. Until now of course. Building houses in Mexico is one of the only things that makes me happy nowadays and just once a year doesn't seem like enough to me. In either September or October I'm going with Habitat For Humanity to build a house in Alaska. If I have time I'll build another one after that before my 18th birthday. Once I'm 18 I'm joining the Peace Corps. Just thinking about it makes me really happy. My mom supports my decision... which I find strange. It was actually her idea. Only she wants me to do this instead of Covenant House. That would completely defeat the purpose of this whole time plan I've got going on. Katelyn doesn't understand why I'd want to do any of it. She asked me if I'd regret missing out on things "normal" kids our age do. I told her that if I was worried about that I'd be doing "normal" things right now like blow drying my hair(hell, I'd brush my hair more often), wearing make-up, dating, going to parties, getting drunk/high, or actually going to school. I should have a job though.... it's #1 on my to do list right now.

I wonder if I'll be able to go to everyone's sites now. It'll probably take forever but I'll just play a game of Spider Solitaire while each page loads.

I wish I could sleep.

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Sunday, April 25, 2004

   Hmmm.... the choices...
"I'm in the mood for something cheesy. There's the Sizzling Chicken and Cheese.... or a chicken sandwich that has cheese on it. Hmmm... ok *snaps menu shut* fish and chips it is"

Hello hello helloooo!!!!! I missed you guys like CrAaAzY!!!! If my computer ever does that again I am moving into the library. As for Mexico.... 70 people traveling together is a bitch. Especially when a lot of them are afraid to fly. We were about to land at Logan Airport in Boston and were a foot above the runway when all of a sudden the plane shot back up. This guy Chuck who was a chaperone hates to fly and he was saying "Are you friggin' kidding me? What's going on? Oh my god we're gonna die." Ten minutes later the captain said that a plane hadn't left the runway soon enough so we had to go around and try again. Chuck starting mimicking the captain and said "Yes, excuse me ladies and gentlemen. We just narrowly avoided a fiery death!"

What a baby. I'd have to say that this trip to Mexico was a lot better than last years. Doing the chicken dance for these 3 little Mexican boys when I was supposed to be stuccoing was fun. They thought it was funny when I had a conversation with their next door neighbor's ducks and rooster. I can also sound like a turkey, which I demonstrated. The only downside of the trip was how much stucco I actually ended up eating. Nasty stuff. Leigh took a lot of pictures with her digital camera so I should be able to post some here. I've been pretty much sleeping since I got back. Besides last night when Katelyn made me go with her to 5 different stores so she could buy earrings, a necklace, a bracelet, and a ring to go with her prom dress. Right now I think I'm going over my aunt's house to clean. I need money!! White water rafting in July! It should be fun. I haven't been to Maine in a while. I'll go to everyone's sites when I get back later.

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Sunday, April 18, 2004

   Hello again!!!!
Long time no see. My mom just got the computer fixed yesterday. All this time without internet access has been killing me!!! But it sucks because it's 11 now and I have to leave here at 1 to go to the airport. I don't wanna go to Mexico!!! Ugh... but I'll be back Friday afternoon. Now I have to go finish packing.... shoot me please. So I'll talk to all you guys when I get back.
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Tuesday, February 24, 2004

   Happy, Happy Birthday! From all of you to me! You wish it was your birthday! So you could all party!!!!!
I do so enjoy singing that around the house. It freaks everyone out because they think it's actually my birthday and they've forgotten. Muahaha!!

Guess what!!!?? Laura cut my hair!!!! 21 inches baby!! Immediately after I ran around the house dramatically shaking my head around. I'm free! I have no hair.... I'm so happy!! That's all it took to put me in a good mood. But it's not just a good mood... it's a great mood! An awesome mood!! Words can't describe how happy I am!! I even made pretty bows in my hair with garbage twisties! And on Friday Katie and I are going out. Her parents are actually going to let her drive. She said she needs to give me my valentine and birthday presents. I didn't even tell her I was going to cut my hair so she'll be surprised!! I'm going to get a job stocking at Kohls so I won't be so poor!! Yippee!!!! Hmmm... I feel as though I'm forgetting something. Did I mention I'm extremely happy? Well, I finished Girl With A Pearl Earring.... Sunday night. I really liked it. The movie is also good. Although it's a lot different. Well, not so much different in it's course of events, but more along the lines of, your view of the characters is a lot different when your watching the movie than it is when your reading the book. Mainly one character. But both are very good!!

Ugh!! It's 3 in the morning and I am bored. Bored, but oh so very happy!! My mom is taking me out to lunch on my birthday. Lobster..... YUMMY!!! After that I'm planning on walking to the beach for some alone time. And if I happen to stay there until my birthday's over... well then you could call me avoidant. But I'd be a stable avoidant so HA!! I have a feeling that this birthday will not involve a nervous break down so I'm looking on the brigt side. I feel a lot older than my soon to be 17 years and it annoys me. But I have no hair!!!! Do you know how much less shampoo I'll have to use??!! No more getting it stuck in/on everything!! No more headaches!!!! Sing with me!! "Born free!! As free as the wind blows!! As free as the grass grows!!"..... then the guy starts talking and you can't hear the words. As soon as my scanner stops hating me, it's joined forces with my stereo, I shall post before and after pictures!

I'm excessively happy and it's freakin' me out!! But who cares? I have no hair!!

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Saturday, February 21, 2004

   "Sometimes I feel like I never wrote anything. I never thought....... anything."
It's just been one of those days. My computer crashed so I'm hiding in my mom's office in the basement on her laptop. I waited all day for Laura to come home at 8 and cut my hair. She comes home at 11, the second I walk away from the computer she gets on, and when I tell her to get off she has no idea why I'm mad. She said I can cut my hair myself now and I might. Eh... I'm annoyed.

Katie got her license(sp?) although I don't know why. Her parents are crazy. She currently resides in Hitler's House Of Pain..... as her boyfriend likes to say. I doubt they'll ever let her drive anywhere. Defeats the whole purpose really.

My stereo won't play any of my cds and I want to listen to something while I stare at the ceiling in an attempt to bore myself to sleep...preferably Portishead. My hair is two drastically different colors... and I've never dyed it. The top part is straight while the rest is wavy... stupid perm. I really might cut it myself....hmmmm.

Last night Laura and I saw a performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream at the American Reperatory Theater in Boston. It was a surprise for me. Laura had no one else to go with. Absolutely hilarious it was. We walked by the movie theater that we had gone to last year where they had said Laura had to be 21 to buy me a ticket for the Cowboy Bebop movie because it's rated R. Idiots!!!

My birthday is in.... 9 days.... I think. The pressure is mounting. I'll probably end up spending the day in my closet so it won't be so bad. I'll swipe Leigh's glow in the dark basketball, grab Paco, start Girl With A Pearl Earring, and call it a party!! I may do that now. No, I'm feeling agitated so I'll just watch Me, Myself, and Irene and watch the part where they shoot the cow over, and over, and over, and over, and.....

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004

   My life would be a lot less complicated if I were gay!!
Bianca called me last night and I hadn't talked to her since.... probably Halloween. We saw The Butterfly Effect which I actually thought was pretty good. I've seen worse. We got to my house at around midnight after the movie and she stayed over. It was not fun trying to find a place to sleep. I never go in my room and always end up sleeping on the couch in Laura's but since the couch isn't really that big we had to sleep in my room. I share a room with Lorna, who was sleeping downstairs, so there were two beds.... but they were buried. Underneath piles and piles of clothes which I don't think are mine. I threw them on the floor and we were ready to sleep!! This morning we walked to the beach in the freezing cold for no reason.

Now to explain my post's lovely title. I am perplexed. I'm not entirely sure that Bianca is gay.... no one is really, but I'm pretty sure that she is. Not that I care if she is. It's just that I really get the feeling that she likes me as more than a friend. I think she's awesome but I don't like her in that way. Honestly I don't like anyone at all in that way. So it's not as though I'd be saying "Bianca, I don't like you because I'm not gay"..... but more along the lines of "Bianca, I don't like you because I'm incapable of feeling that way about anyone. Regardless of their gender." Why does everything have to be so complicated? I really don't have a sexuality at all. I don't find myself attracted to anyone and the point of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend concept escapes me. Even if it didn't...... I cringe whenever people, mainly guys, touch me. My skin crawls just thinking about it. It's probably a side-effect of constantly being groped by boys at school since I was 8. It was getting to the point in highschool that I had to be pretty violent in order to get my "no touching" policy across. I think that experience was a lot more damaging than it should have been. Now whenever someone touches me I instinctively hit them. My friend Ari gave me a hug, pinning my arms at my sides and it took a lot for me not to scream or kick him. Being touched makes me physically sick. When I was crying at my Papa's funeral my Uncle Jimmy went to give me a hug and, without thinking, I shoved him away from me and yelled "don't touch me!" It's just another anxiety I have to overcome I suppose. Much like my inability to go into stores by myself. I'll get over it.

OOooolala!! You MUST look at Julia Stiles on the front cover of Cosmo! That is how I'm going to cut my hair!!!! Soon.... oh so very soon. 502 visits... not too shabby.font>

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Saturday, February 14, 2004

Only 3 minutes left until midnight but... HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!
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