myOtaku.com: Dark Phoenix
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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Friday, November 3, 2006
I feel like I want to type, but I donít know what to say. Iím too emotionally drained to put it into words well. I just want to belong, to feel like Iím worth something in my daily life. I want to feel like I contribute, at least a little bit, to the happiness of the people around me. Iím not even asking for my own happiness right now, just as long as I can feel worth something. A friendly smile, or simple answer to my comments. Instead of a stare like Iím the biggest asshole in the world for saying anything at all.
We all need to be needed, right. And itís a dreary thing indeed to feel not needed. And thatís how my past couple of days have been, dreary experiences. I donít understand what it is about me, that people tend to come to the conclusion that Iím a waist of space. Who knows, maybe I am and I should just learn to accept it. Or maybe I just need to work a lot harder to show them I can do something to be proud of once in a while. Iím so tired of being useless. And Iím so tired of being cold.
Itís true what they say, no one can change your life for you, you have to do it for yourself. But what if you donít have the means to do it? Gods, how I wish I did though.
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Wednesday, November 1, 2006
Iím excited; so many good games came out yesterday! Final Fantasy XII and Neverwinter Nights II to name two of them. Those are the two I wanted the most, but I figure I can only focus on one at a time, so no need to buy both right away. So I went with Neverwinter nights. Those of you, who know me well, know that I was a huge fan of the first one. Heh, and my copy should be coming by UPS today, and Iím off tomorrow, score. I canít wait.
So how was everyoneís Halloween? If you dressed up, what did you dress up as? Got any pictures? Ante it up people.
Hmm, not much of a post today, but I can't think of much else to say. o_O
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
There should be a law against getting up at 4am for anything. Blah. Iíve never been a morning person, and especially not this much of a morning. o_O You know what else is annoying? People who sign my guestbook telling me that if I need help with my site, theyíd be glad to help, and as far as I know, they donít even know how to make the custom layouts. Heh, skipping right over the modesty part here, does it look like I need help? Did they even pay attention before they clicked the guestbook link?
Anyway, after the early morning complaining, the only real reason I wanted to post was to say Happy Halloween!! This is my favorite holiday. Heh, too bad Iím working. But I do hope everyone else enjoys it! Have fun trick-or-treating, and stay safeÖ or what ever else you find to do on this night.
Much love to everyone on this most awesomest of holidays! And Happy Halloween again!
Comments (14) |
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Well, as some of you know, I am not leaving the otaku after all. You can thank my kitten for that. Her and Vicky, I suppose. It was your comment on Shadowís post, Vicky, in case you are wondering. Shadow and I had a talk. Ah well, after being made to feel like family, Iíd feel bad about leaving. That, and apparently Iíd be like dragging other people off with me.
So, to try and rekindle my interest with the O, we have a new theme! That, and itís sort of a celebration for 16,000 hits. Thanks everyone! I am aware that my posts are a little off alignment wise with the rest of the page, but Iím too tired right now to fool around with it. Iíll fix it later. It was a busy, crappy day at work. Blah. So the theme tweaking can wait. Legs... tired.
I stole Mimmiís clock, ladies and gentleman. Cause I didnít want to be the only one who didnít have one. [/peer pressure]
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Hang on people's, I'm working on it.
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Friday, October 13, 2006
October 13, 2006
I know most of you are confused about my last post, and Iím sorry about that. And this post may be just as confounding as the last, but just let me type. I need to.
I still wonít tell you, except that my best friend may be going to prison for a very long time. The question I have asked myself is what can a person, what can I, forgive a friend for. Now granted, this friend is more family than some of my real family. I am the godmother of his child. Iíve always had a pretty strong sense of justice, when I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer, heh, no groans please. And as many of you know, Iím pretty quick to jump to someoneís defense when they are being treated unfairly. Itís something thatís always been a part of me.
But I am also a big advocate of loyalty. And not for no reason. Loyalty to friends and family is most important to me. So in a situation like this, those two halves are battling each other vigorously.
But after a few days, I think I have come to an understanding with myself. No matter what heís done, he is my friend, and I wonít abandon him to his fate alone. I donít know when Iíll get the nerve to visit him, I think itíll wreak havoc on my emotional state, but I will try. I know heís become severely depressed since going to jail. And I donít blame him. Although I canít keep the nagging thought out of my head that it is indeed his fault heís in there. I just hope I donít end up saying that to him. Because Iím sure heís pointed that out to himself over and over again.
The thing that gets me the most is, I know this guy. I know him. I know him well and have spent a lot of time talking to him. And, not to be too blunt, but Iím a good judge of a personís character. I read people well. And heís such a gentle soul. He really, really is. Thereís just no way heíd be the kind of person to do such things. So I look for other excuses. Did something push him off the edge mentally? But then they are just that arenít they? Excuses. Although it has nothing to do with me, I feel like he betrayed my trust somehow. And so I ask myself once again, although I wonít abandon him, can I forgive?
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Sunday, October 8, 2006
October 08, 2006
Urgh, itís 4am and I just got up to get ready for work, how criminal is that? Boo, I want to go back to bed. Oh well, I wasnít sleeping very well anyway. And why is that? For a couple of reasons, one, Iím so not used to trying to go to bed and getting up this early. And two, right after I went to bed, the hubby comes in with disturbing news.
Itís about one of our close friends. And I really canít talk about it, although I want to, but not yet. Just cause I think Iím still shocked itís happening. And I donít believe it; itís just not possible. He just, he would never. I lived with this boy on campus for years, and Iím just rather speechless, and disturbed. I know this makes no sense to read, what so ever. And Iím sorry, Iím just shocked, disturbed, and a bit in denial. And well, I guess instead of babbling about something I havenít told you about, Iíll just end the post here.
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Thursday, October 5, 2006
October 05, 2006
Another pointless post, for me at least. I know, I know, Iíve been promising a longer update for ages. Well anyway, yes people, go see Flyboys
!! I am surprised that only one of you who commented has ever played Crimson Skies. Oh you guys are missing out! But darkeangel, who has played it, you are now infinitely more awesome in my book!
What did I really want to say? Oh yes! I have a couple of days off in a row, huzzah, so I plan on getting some work done on white-satin. So hopefully, for those of you who donated graphics, Iíll PM you over the next day or so to let you know Iíve finally saved them from their urls.
Want to donate?
And donít forget, for everyone else, you are more than welcome to submit graphics to me. Thereís always the chance I may not use them, but what could it hurt, eh? Just keep in mind that icons have to be 100x100 and banners can be any size you wish, just so long as they have white-satin some where on them. I am sorry, but as for the whole layouts, Iíll only accept them from those Iíve already asked. All you have to do to donate, is send me a PM with urls to your work, and Iíll eventually save them to my own server, heh.
And post reason number 2. The Eragon
trailer is finally out!! Holy hell! Iíve been waiting two years for this movie to be released. And itís finally close to time! If youíve read the books, then you more than know what Iím talking about. But either way, I must share.
Watch the Eragon Trailer
Watch it poppets! For those of you on dial-up, there is a smaller version of the trailer inside the site. But if you have a faster connection, the trailer on that page is worth it. The books are a trilogy set, and they are going to make them all into movies. And come on, who doesnít love John Malkovich, Jeremy Irons, and Djimon Hounsou?
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Monday, October 2, 2006
October 02, 2006
Just a quick update from me. Iím sorry for not getting around to visit anyoneís sites in like, forever. Heh, and with my lack of updates on my own page, Iím surprised any of you still come here. I just canít seem to get myself back into the habit of posting and visiting regularly. Yeah, I suck. So if youíve removed me from your lists, I forgive you. =P
But never fear, I just reached my three-year anniversary, so Iím not going anywhere any time soon. Thatís right myO, youíll have to kick me off here, muah ah ah! Ahem. Speaking of which, I havenít forgotten my anniversary post either.
Anyway, what I wanted to actually say was, I saw Flyboys
yesterday and it rocked my socks!! It was very good, and very intense, one of those nail biter movies. So Iíd definitely recommend it to anyone. Heh, it did make me want to come home and play Crimson Skies
though. And man, if youíve never played that game, you are definitely missing out!
Air pirates rule! Go Nathan Zachary!
^^Click the pirate banner to find out more about Crimson Skies^^
Oh, and Milky-chan, I have a proposition for you, whenever I get the chance to note you.
Comments (16) |
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
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Updates Ė 3 Years!
September 27, 2006
Heh, what do ya know, todayís my freakin 3 year myO anniversary! I always seem to miss my myO anniversaries. Well not this year, go me! Iím finally on for one! But alas, I have to go to work soon, so I donít have time to type anything neat out for it. Oh well, Iím off tomorrow, so Iíll just have to type it out for next time. ^_^ So for some of you, expect to see your names in the next post.
And thank you to those who came to give me belated birthday wishes, I still appreciate it! Thank you!
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