It's a historic event, yo, I actually commented on people's page who updated today! And I have to say, thanks so much to you all who love spammed me with birthday wishes. You guys are all awesome. Maybe I haven't been forgotten on the O after all. *Snuggles everyone* Shanny loves you.
Off topic, but did you know you can get all 11 seasons of M*A*S*H off amazon for $169?? Holy hell is that tempting.
Back to what I wanted to say, ahem. Please, please don't get mad at me if I haven't visited you yet. It's not that I don't adore everyone I consider friends on here or anything, it's just I am only now ingratiating myself back into this community. I've been gone for a good while and it hasn't all been peachy while I've been away. And I haven't come back at full throttle right back into routine either. So have a little patience with me, eh? But there are some very great people here, so I am trying.
Wow, has it really been almost 3 months since I last posted here? It doesn't seem like that long. Heh, and as I'm trying to post I simply can't think of anything to write. Course, I think my brain's half broke right now and it's late. So I'm going to ramble.
What to fill people in on, hmm. Still haven't talked to my parents since, what was it, May. Nor the rest of my family for that matter. I have my good and bad days with that. Some days are just a lot more difficult emotionally and I still get weepy. Some small thing will just remind me of a memory, and there it goes. But I get by. And we had a little cry when the hubby's parents sent a pic of Dawn's tombstone finally in place.
I think I'm going to change the theme here finally. I've seen this one for far too long now. It might take a while before my slow ass gets to it though. But hey, I'm posting and I've even commented to some of you, I'm on a roll, yo. And, good or bad, you can all thank Shadow for my recent activity. See babe, I told you I'd show up for my birthday... okay, so I'm a day early, hehe. But I'm here!
And thank you Vicky, Raina, and Shadow babe again. They kept spamming my comment box with love. So yeah, I'm back for you guys. Much love!
Okay, I gotta rant before I go though. You know what irked me? I'm going to be cynical. Can I be cynical for a moment? The few posts before my last one, of which I talked about 2 tragedies happening pretty much back to back, and how the one with my family worked out for the worst, pretty much and how I pretty much went through an emotional overload... and then I post a vid that I liked and just that vid for the most part... and people just have to comment glad to see your doing well or great to hear things are great. *eye twitch* Now I'm far from being up to current events with a lot of people by any means, and I don't expect everyone to keep up with what's happening to me all the time or anything, but just damn, yo. Pay attention to subject matter every so often. [/rant]
Well as they say, tragedy strikes in threes. My best friend, and college roomie is getting married this Saturday. I was supposed to be one of the bride's maids if you guys remember. I posted about it way back when. I was pretty stoked. This is the first time I'll have been a bride's maid in someone's wedding, and I love Rebecca.
But the hubby's oldest sister died yesterday. So now instead, we'll be going to a funeral. She had surgery on her throat this week to help her swallow, I think. And she went through it fine, her parents brought her to their house while she recovered. Then like 2 days later, they had to call the ambulance for her when everyone woke up. She couldn't breath. An infection from the surgery got into her lungs and she developed pneumonia a short time after. And from that morning she got sick, she died the next day, yesterday. That infection killed her in a day.
I really wanted to be a bride's maid too, but I wouldn't miss his sister's funeral. She's always been really supportive of me. And the kind of person that never missed a date. She remembered everyone's birthday's, anniversary's, you name it. She was an incredibly sweet person, and I'm going to miss her. Especially with how this whole mess with my parents played out. I begin to wonder if I'd have any of my own family to turn to if something ever happened. So the hubby's family means all the more to me. At least I would have them.
Well, that's the update on the shitty month that is May. Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that Rebecca just found out she has lime disease. Her work takes her into wooded areas for stream samples. She doesn't know how she got it, she's pretty careful at checking for ticks and things after going into woods. But it looks like she got it last winter some time, so she's had it for over a year now. So it would seem other's May's are crappy as well.
I think I'm going to have an emotional overload, good grief.
First off, thanks for your supportive words, everyone. It's been a very tough month. My parents will be alright, just so you know. And I did manage to save a lot of pictures from the house, which I'm very grateful for.
I wanted to say a special thanks to Mimmi, Shadow, and Sahki, for being extra supportive. I really appreciated that extra bit of effort, you guys. Thanks a lot.
I wish I could say alls well that ends well. But... I can't. I haven't talked to my parents in a few days, and I haven't decided if I ever will. We've had a bit of a falling out. One that's years overdue. The people that raised me, died a long time ago, and I can't take the people that are left. I think this was the right thing to do. It needed to be done to save what's left of my sanity. Trust me, I'm holding on to that by a thread these days. But even though I've grown apart from the awful parents my parents have turned out to be today, I never imagined it would be so incredibly hard to turn my back. Or how confusing and soul dampening it could be. On one side I have a moral obligation and a justifiable cause to do this, as well as trying to save my life and my own sanity. But on the other, my childhood memories, the few good ones that I have anyway, just won't settle down. It's not like my childhood was terribly happy and I spent half of it afraid of my mother, but... my father used to be a nice guy. Used to be, being the key phrase there.
Bah. Confused yet? Yeah well, so am I. I don't really feel like getting into what's going on in detail. Not yet anyway, I just can't. I need a little time to sort out what I'm feeling. If I ever can. This is the kind of stuff no one should have to go through.
You try to tell people it's only things. Right? Like when someone wreaks their car you comfort them by saying it's only a car, as long as you aren't hurt, you can buy another. If their house burns down, you tell them they can replace it, as long as they are alive.
Well, my house... or should I say my parents house did burn down tonight. Blew every fucking window right out of the smoking skeleton. But I grew up there, all my childhood and adolescent memories and all their keepsakes where in that house. It's so easy to say that, until you have to pick through the still warm, charred remains of what used to be memories. I know it sounds petty, but one of the things I'll miss the most are going to be my majorette, dance, modeling and pageant pictures. It's not that I showed them to people often anymore, but I would have like to have shown my children someday.
But I guess I should back up. It's a strange thing to have every flaming family member call you at once, most in near hysterics. Your parents house is burning down. It's burning, over and over I got to hear that. They had to drag your parents out... and we have the dog. That was the only information I had. My childhood residence was up in flames, and no one knew for certain the condition of my parents. But goddamnit, the dog was safe. That's something right?
So off to the hospital me and the husband go, which is a 50 minute drive from here. I drove, go figure. My damn house, I drove. Just so you know, my dad is fine, petty bad smoke inhalation. My mom... not so lucky. Her left arm, shoulders and feet were burned. She's being flown to a burn center in Charlottesville, VA. So there isn't much else I can do but wait.
There's another experience, holding your mother's soot covered hands and head while she's sobbing I'm sorry over and over while her skin is literally peeling off. It rates right up there with getting my eyes gouged out. Heh, and what did I do? Tell her it was alright, things can be replaced, as long as they are alive. Now aren't I a hypocritical bastard?
I made it all evening without crying. Sucked it up and comforted my parents. Went to talk with relatives afterwards as we took what valuable things we could from the house before the vultures can try and pick through what's left of my memories tonight. I didn't cry when a looked at my deformed trophies it spent years and tons of hard work to earn, never shed a tear over my sculptures, that I made with my own two hands I might add, were found soot covered and ruined. I didn't even cry on the way down there... when I was terrified not knowing what was going on, and all I had to comfort me was my worried and worrisome family members. I even joked with the fire marshal and my family.
But when I got back here, a little soot covered, to my own cat, my own luxuries and tried to sleep, I sniffled. And couldn't stop. So here I am at 3am burdening you all with my troubles. And now if you read this in the morning, that little black cloud of mine is probably going to buzz your heads all day now. I am very sorry for writing this, and if it's cynical, well that's just the kind of person I am. I hope it doesn't depress anyone. I am more than able to fulfill that role right now. It's just, well... writing kind of helps me collect my thoughts, and puts my mind at ease. Not that there's much ease right now, but at least I got it out. At this point, I don't even know if I'm coherent enough for you to understand me.
Yeah, still haven't gotten better at this posting thing. Heh, I'm sure you guys manage. So how is everyone? If you have stuff you've posted, like fanart or what not, that you want me to look at, tell me would ya? I feel bad about missing stuff you guys contribute by being a lazy bum around here.
As for me, I'm finally feeling better. Finals are over. Though I hurt my foot, like the muscle right on the bottom, go figure. It hurts when I walk, so I do the silly little over compensation thing, which makes the rest of my foot hurt to match. Hurray!
Lets see what my fortune cookie says. Cause you know, don't you just have to know what everyone else's says when everyone opens them up? I know I do. A day without smiling is a day wasted. Ah, I got a lame one, and I got 4 letters for you buddy. Stfu. Smile that.
Yeah that was way off subject, like I really had one for this post anyway. Okay, I'm going to stop rambling now. Oh yeah! I found a neat Firefly vid that I'm sure any other Browncoats will enjoy! Heh... the whole 3 of us anyway. But it's got every major event in the series, I think.
I want this stupid cold to go away. I've had it since last Monday Almost two weeks now, gah. It has dropped into my chest and everything else. I can't even get up and walk around without getting short of breath. And it's zapping all my energy. I feel like I'm in a daze, or half asleep most of the time.
I just had a test and a national exam yesterday. At least my brain still seems to be in somewhat working order. The average on that national exam is a 59%, that's just great, not even passing...
Okay, so I haven't gotten much better at this posting thing, heh. But I have commented to some of you guys, yay! Not everyone though, so if I didn't get to you, I am sorry about that.
I have went all winter without getting a cold, and now that it's spring... I'm sick. Ahh. My sinuses are so clogged right now even my neck is stiff. I seriously thought about calling into work today, all I want to do is curl back up in bed. Heh, but here I am up anyway at 5:30 in the morning. They'll all just have to put up with me, heh, for as long as I can breath while moving around.
And well, just because I can, another treat for FMA fans. A vid featuring our favorite villians, the Homunculi!
[Genre: A bit on the horror side, heh. But to a very awesome song. And if you don't know who all the Homunculi are, I'd use caution watching this vid, if you decide to view it.]
Well lookit WHO it is. =P Miss me? Anyone remember me? Bastards you were supposed to say yes! Hah, I kid, I kid. I'm a bitch, but you love me anyway.
So anyway, it's been quit a long while since I've been around myO hasn't it? Has it really been almost 2 months? Wow, don't I suck. And it seems I've been nominated for a contest I know nothing about. o_O
Work and school are going fine. Heh, and in my free time... WoW (World of Warcraft) has sucked out my soul. I kid you not. After you get to a higher level in the game, it's amazing the amount of stuff you can do. The game is so incredibly huge. For anyone whose played Guild Wars, I had a lot of fun with that game, I really did. But man, WoW kicks Guild wars in the balls like a hundred times over. It just can't even compare.
And now, cause I'm addicted to them, an Fullmental Alchemist AMV.
[Warning: Series and series end spoilers! Watch at your own risk.]