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Friday, October 13, 2006

October 13, 2006

friendshipI know most of you are confused about my last post, and Iím sorry about that. And this post may be just as confounding as the last, but just let me type. I need to.

I still wonít tell you, except that my best friend may be going to prison for a very long time. The question I have asked myself is what can a person, what can I, forgive a friend for. Now granted, this friend is more family than some of my real family. I am the godmother of his child. Iíve always had a pretty strong sense of justice, when I was younger I wanted to be a lawyer, heh, no groans please. And as many of you know, Iím pretty quick to jump to someoneís defense when they are being treated unfairly. Itís something thatís always been a part of me.

But I am also a big advocate of loyalty. And not for no reason. Loyalty to friends and family is most important to me. So in a situation like this, those two halves are battling each other vigorously.

But after a few days, I think I have come to an understanding with myself. No matter what heís done, he is my friend, and I wonít abandon him to his fate alone. I donít know when Iíll get the nerve to visit him, I think itíll wreak havoc on my emotional state, but I will try. I know heís become severely depressed since going to jail. And I donít blame him. Although I canít keep the nagging thought out of my head that it is indeed his fault heís in there. I just hope I donít end up saying that to him. Because Iím sure heís pointed that out to himself over and over again.

The thing that gets me the most is, I know this guy. I know him. I know him well and have spent a lot of time talking to him. And, not to be too blunt, but Iím a good judge of a personís character. I read people well. And heís such a gentle soul. He really, really is. Thereís just no way heíd be the kind of person to do such things. So I look for other excuses. Did something push him off the edge mentally? But then they are just that arenít they? Excuses. Although it has nothing to do with me, I feel like he betrayed my trust somehow. And so I ask myself once again, although I wonít abandon him, can I forgive?

Because we demand more Firefly

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