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I like to shout till I ruin my vocal chords. This may relieve the drive for me to express my self.

But there is a safer way to gratify this needs to express and would not have the consequence of being marked as insane.

So I am here destroying grammar and english with the comforts of annonymity. (But for those who know me-just keep be quite, okay?)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Life of survival seems to be not a life but just a mere existence.
I know that the jungle seems to be so pure that it teaches us through the purity of its own.
Are the entities forming wilderness pure as the one it constitute?
But they only live through survival, living the way they meant to live.
Are the trees, beast, prey and stalkers also pure.
Or are they just a background to our stage play?

I know for a fact that they are living the way they meant to live.
Their life is not just a mere existence because they give us the gift of fire.
This purifies us to pursue our way.
The direction of fire is always up. No matter how you turn it it knows by instinct its way.

May be its time to find the fire with in us. This consumes and renews us.
It may turn us to our best or worst but is will surely transforms us.
And escape stagnation
True hell is not living at all.

God, may I thank you for allowing discontentment, frustrations, hurt and restlessness to go our way.
Although this may not be our true essence but like void and darkness we can appreciate creation and light.
What do we do when we are in the eye of a storm? when all the forces of nature go against our way?

My life is a path that blazes in fire every step is a step that consumes the old me.
But as I live the old me , I preserve the fragments that has been left by the fire.
Living is movement with inspiration.
Its God who designs the interiors of the forest. Not a single leaf dare to fall without His consent.


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Are You a Vampire?

Could there still be a creature as mystical you!
She who is capable of disarming with the use of her looks,
And able to spellbind anyone by her unassuming touch,
A cynic’s voice lingers with in my mind…

Only a vampire has the magic to strip
This invulnerable armor I wear
Then silence my will to make me so helpless,
But tell me, do I deserve this ecstasy?

Are you a vampire?
Does it matter still?
The battles within me are colossal.
So it is wise to defy my survival.

Because this mundane life of mine is equivalent to death
So let me relish those sensuous touch,
Enticed me by your mesmerizing smiles,
And imprison me in your luscious lips.

Hell celebrates my eternal damnation,
But the charm of you bite is irresistible.
Though the pierce of your fang last only a split second,
The union we will have will be forever cherished


Monday, May 10, 2010

Wihtin me, resurfacing is the the suffering of incontentment and mediocrity. it seems that we are just part of the human race cycle of birth and death then birth again. i believe that is something special, something worth living, like when we experiece something phenomenal even just in a simple magic trick, an illusion. you feel and realize how ... See Morewondrful life is.

It also fascinates me that each one of us had been given by the creator with unique- special abilities. for instance me, i frequently to foresay what another person is suppose to say even if its chinese (when i do not have even have a general idea with the language)but it just happens unpredictably.

I want to know magic and live with it all my life. for me it gives me a glance to what is enstore for me, what i am suppose to do. there is a great organization in this universe that may be is beyond any man's comprehension. but perhaps a minute measurement of revelation put us in awe and we call it magic. it makes sense to me that my life is for "DISCOVERY". even in my childhood as far has i can remember until now i believe that even in the most chaotic space there is harmony waiting to be seen.

At this age of mine,22, i want to align my self with the greater scheme of things, the so-called "will of God". its just that i am weary of a predictable life. a life of cause and effect. not that i am superb in the process of anticipation but its just that there are frequent instances that the usual things are revealed to me and spoiling the excitement. there are also instances that i am so restless that i would give anything just to know what will happen. i know that if i do what i am suppose to do; i would make the most of life. i just know that every thing will just be so perfect. like a jigsaw puzzle.


In my childhood i believed that when someone passed away his or her soul becomes an angel. today i know that a soul and an angel are different according to the catholic belief.

although there are some informations that i believe are trivial, i is most important to experience them, angels. i remember those time when i am full of love from my family, friends and others i bearly know. it made me feel invulnerable. as if nothing can stop me. there is just the full compulsion to move to a certain direction. but i felt it whire i was reflecting(you may call it meditating or deep thinking).as if i am guided. the feeling that i am remove from anything that is unpleasant like the feeling of envy, self pity, incontentment and all that i must say “EAT” the days of my life. now it hard to experience it.

There are lots of reasons i could think why but i havent relfected the real reason. there are also those “aha!” moment when God seems to speak with me as if there are certain message that is very much meaningful to the whole me. i cannot also deny the numerous instances when thing i always think of, those that preoccupy me whether it is a problem, an idea, a though or a dream reavels it self to me in television, radio, books etc.

this are somewhat i say is out of the ordinary. i also thing that when i think deep there are many ideas that come to my mind. others may rationalize that iit is the power of the human brain but i just think that those phenomenon i observed and i am convinced are more than the processe a man made computer can accomplish- its more than the synergy of applied science, mathematics, logic etc.


   What makes me happy?
Happiness is not just about comfort, satisfaction and temporary indulgence that certain person experiences where there still lingers a sense of discontentment and restlessness for being incomplete. It is also in simplest terms the state where one can’t ask for more. We commonly relate happiness with the fulfillment of an individual’s dream but few understand that it is also a choice. For instance, I timidly admit my discontentment and frustration to those around me and even to myself. A good way that I do to cope with this is to choose not to be affected and at the same time look at the brighter side of life, laughter. This does not make me succumb to the forces of the world is only it implies my acceptance to what lessons nature is offering me but fight to my right and claim my destiny.

Like most people, I can superficially be happy when I have my own dream house. It would be home where I can have privacy, security, and comfort. There would be no one to please but myself because I am the king there. I frequently design it in my dreams. I would imagine my house having a pond and a garden where I can have my outdoor reading and enjoy the scenery, garage space for my cars and bikes and a play ground for my children and their playmates. The architecture and interiors would be personalized so that it would reflect my personality. Furniture would be custom made. The receiving room would contain a grand piano, violin, grandfather’s clock and other antique and a plasma television. Then I would also have my own library where I’ll place collection of books. Like in the movies, if I am able to I would make a secret passage to my secret lair where I place the state of the art gadgets for security and other affairs like Bruce Wayne.

Definitely who wants to drown himself to monotony for the rest of his life? Surely, that would not be me. That is why I need a job that would allow me to travel and meet lots of people, show-off my prowess, encounter challenges and overcoming them would be much handy to my wellbeing. Occasionally there is a need to pump up ones blood. Thus, some competition would not hurt. Has the saying goes, “If you do not have enemies try to make one for you to alert your senses.” Work gives me a sense of fulfillment and a reason to get up each morning. I compare it to a plate where I can eat and satisfy my appetite for achievement

A large portion of my happiness may be on an intimate person that I will be in a relationship with. It is at this stage of my life that I am confronted with loneliness. It is like bound us to be with that special person that would quench the thirst for intimate company. I think it would really bring me joy when there is that individual that I can share my life with and bring forth affirmation to my life that seemed to be so insignificant compare to the vast universe. I think this is the reason why they regard love as the refuge of mediocrity. It is like two miniscule grains of sand that when separated will be devoured by oblivion and forlorn by time for they are so insignificant to the billions of specs of dust but together they would be remembered by each other forever. This may somewhat be confusing because I thought that true love frees and empowers every being but all a can find here is dependence. It would be like being helpless because the person has surrendered his invulnerable armor and submitted his heart to someone he barely knows and it would be to the other person’s discretion whether to pierce it or not. The situation will be like an impending death. I find myself ironic when I yearn for this relationship in order to be happy.

Exploration is one of my greatest dreams. I like probing mysterious sites then uncover their hidden wonders. I envy those people who live like every day is a surprise and there are no dull moments. My love for travel is not limited to visiting distant places but also journeying to the realm of knowledge. It is delighting to investigate some phenomena of my interest and unravel their secrets and may pave way for questions to be answered more so problems are solved. That may be a rare reward one can have. With all these things I can think of that brings smile to me, there is none among them that I am confident enough for my joy to last a lifetime. At this point, I am completely at lost to where I am in my pursuit for happiness. I know that at this present I am I am comfortable and secured but the question is until when? This is the time of life where I need to separate with my parents and pursue the life of my own. Man is so prone of being fed up even of the most wonderful thing. Though this is true, I do believe that God has something for me, my very own destiny. I could give an eyetooth just to have a glimpse at God’s sight. So that that my search would end and like a jigsaw puzzle, I would know where to place myself in this very complicated world.

Up to this present, none of these dreams are fulfilled yet. I maybe suffering from impatience and great yearnings of my heart but I can settle with the present happiness I have that I do treasure that is the love of my family. With their trust and support, I am invincible. They do not make me undefeatable only that nothing can harm my spirit.

Happiness is beyond smiling and being comfortable on his or her status. It is a constant battle within ones heart. The joy is not on the victories but to rising in every fall. Life was not made to be comfortable with anybody nor is it to make someone miserable. You just have to accept what the world is offering you and in the end taki8ng pride to all the things you have surpassed.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

   The Perigraduation
I feel so lost in this ruthless ever-changing universe.
In this inevitable transition, the greatest appeal is only a strike to the waters.
I am urged to remove myself, escape and cease the time.
I must know “where am I?” then curse this life that forsaken me, forlorn.

This unfamiliarity had pushed me to murder my old identity.
Then my body declared apathy, it id not even contain a measure of compassion.
Would this lament to death permit me to sail ashore and just move!!!
I know this wallowing would never excuse the world to share the burden of my misery.

I regret this day where the fellowship we’ve build is in the verge of collapse.
This foundation, these pillars, has reached the forks of the delta.
Now I have no option but to accept we were destined to pursue different paths.
The fact remains that there are still beautiful things written to the great scheme- until then…

I’m a big fish trapped in a goldfish’s bowl.
An attempt to stay would be a detriment to the living inside of me.
Though I fear the savaged seas, its solitude, I cannot defy being submerged.
I fail to see where I start nor where will I end.

This sea bed is no different from a hungry vacuum of void.
Now I am doomed to be devoured to oblivion.
I am drenched in the tears of those prior to me and soon merges mine too.
Does my fate rest between Charybdis and Scylla?

But this whining I do are meaningless beads of sand.
I must go on, continue, and bear every moment, each stab.
Though with all that is in me living must protect my core- spirit.
Then my dreams shall conceive and give birth to a new warrior .
That will make his way through battles until he reaches his end-TELOS…


Saturday, October 17, 2009

   From a book.....
“Before, I was plagued by things that I thought mattered. But my longingness has surpassed the other feelings I harbor. I can’t seem to care of my fear of rejection and the thought of what would I look to you or to me and to others. I just want to relieve my desire.

The proximity I chose has placed itself in vain. I am not even a measure close to my desire. I was hoping that the place I am in would help me get closer to you.

I have dreamt of you for days now. It seems to be you. But what I only recognize is your face. I did not sense your timidity or your unassumingnesss- things that are so admirable. You were upset. You seem to be comfortable expressing what you feel. May be I was the one upset. I was manifesting an inner restlessness that, unfortunately, can’t be uplifted by any consolation.

I feel trap in my loneliness. I may choose not to think of you but how can I ignore a thought that brings joy to me. I wished to stay on my dream. My present and future did not seemed to matter I just wanted to hold on that feeling on the longest possible. But I know any of that wouldn’t bring contentment to me.

Perhaps it was really a matter of God’s time. My mind can live with that but my inner restless still remains to reign in my heart. What must I do? I feel lost in all this”


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