Saturday, October 17, 2009
From a book.....
“Before, I was plagued by things that I thought mattered. But my longingness has surpassed the other feelings I harbor. I can’t seem to care of my fear of rejection and the thought of what would I look to you or to me and to others. I just want to relieve my desire.
The proximity I chose has placed itself in vain. I am not even a measure close to my desire. I was hoping that the place I am in would help me get closer to you.
I have dreamt of you for days now. It seems to be you. But what I only recognize is your face. I did not sense your timidity or your unassumingnesss- things that are so admirable. You were upset. You seem to be comfortable expressing what you feel. May be I was the one upset. I was manifesting an inner restlessness that, unfortunately, can’t be uplifted by any consolation.
I feel trap in my loneliness. I may choose not to think of you but how can I ignore a thought that brings joy to me. I wished to stay on my dream. My present and future did not seemed to matter I just wanted to hold on that feeling on the longest possible. But I know any of that wouldn’t bring contentment to me.
Perhaps it was really a matter of God’s time. My mind can live with that but my inner restless still remains to reign in my heart. What must I do? I feel lost in all this”