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Thursday, November 3, 2005

New rule #7
New rule, America must change it's name to 'The United States of Jesus Christ'. And our national motto from 'eco unitam' to I'm with stupid. When i heard that only 15 percent of americans believe in evolution, I wanted to reach out and just slap the crap out of some 20 million americans. The benefit is if we get any stupider with science, well forget how to cook crystal meth.
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Wednesday, November 2, 2005

Let me ask a question here for a second. Does anyone here honestly believe that if i listen to System of a Down that I'm gonna go to hell. I'm just curious to know if we have any christian fundamentalists in the crowed. I have to say, I am so sick and fucking tired of these god damn christians pushing there way into every little part of american life. Did you know that 60 percent of americans believe the bible literaly. There are people in this country who actually believe that Jonah spent 200 years in the belly of a whale. These christian ass holes need to shut the fuck up. These are the same people who protest abortion and homosexual weddings in this country. The whole idea behind this country was to get religion out of politics and now it seems to be the only thing that matters. I just want to know if I'm being a jackass about this or if anyone agrees with me that these people are idiots.
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New rule #6
New rule, If your father is a dangerous zealot who describes homosexuals as "sinners" who practice "Self hedonism", you have a moral duty to becomea lesbian. Congratulations to Alan Keyes's daughter Maya, who did just that. Now, if you can get your self impregnated by David Crosby and then immediately get an abortion, I think we drive daddy right over the edge.

New rule, let's at least make every second movie made in america not based off of a comic book. How many of you knew that the movie 'sideways'was based off of a comic called the tedious adventures of drunk man and horny? If we keep making superhero movies, the rest of the world is going to start seeing America as some kind of infantile fantacy world where reality is whatever we say it is and all our problems can be splved with violence.

New rule, the big oil companies must stop running ads telling us how much they're doing for the enviorment. We get it, you rape the earth, but cuddle afterward. It's insulting--like a serial killer dumping a body by the road side and then adopting the highway. If you folks at Shell really are really serious about cleaning up something, start with your bathrooms.

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Tuesday, November 1, 2005

New Rule #5
New rule, the next reality show must be called americas stupidest state. We'll start out with fifty and each week if your state does something stupid with the therory of evolution or images of the vigin mary, you move on to the next round. Of course the final five will always be Utah, Kansas, Alabama, Texas and Florida. Sorry Tennessee.

New rule, congressional sin alongs of god bless america are the lowest form of politcal pandering. We get it, your on our side, now get back to work. Thos lobbyists in your offices won't blow themselves.

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Sunday, October 30, 2005

New Rule #4
New rule, people have to stop being surprised when it turns out that reality TV show contestants turn out to be drug users, wife beaters, and sodomizers. They're letting us marry them to strangers and eat ell shit.... they lack the gene for shame.... that's why there on reality TV.

New rule, Pharmacists have to fill perscriptions. More and more in this country Pharmacists across the country have been refusing to fill perscriptions for birth control because of there personal moral objections. Hey, you know what would really teach us a lesson? If you took off your pretend doctor jacket and got another job. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe cutting off the birth control dosen't go far enough. It's high time activist drug stores stopped coddling whores on every isle. No more make up, a good woman dosen't paint herself. And no more deodorent. You should smell bad, keep the boys from getting ideas. And no more sun tan lotion, I've seen what happens at the MTV beach house you whore. Why is this entire country becoming Utah? Listen, all you activist pharmasists, you are not answering to a law above the laws of men, you work for save-on. In the medical pecking order you rank some where between a chiropractor and a tree surygen. Real doctors are the ones who get to make the medical decisions, because they went to medical school as where you were transferred from the counter where people drop off film.

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Saturday, October 29, 2005

New rule #3
New rule, Stop fucking with old people. Target ,a store chain here in the US, has started a making new perscription bottles. There square with a bigger lable and the top is the bottom and by the time grampa figures out how to get the damn thing open, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations Target you've just solved the Social Security crisis.

New rule, Some times 'Sorry' isn't enough. Pakistan is apologizing for accidentally selling nuclear secrets to terrorists. You know that's great, because when our capital is a smoking crater, I'll have the comfort of knowing that Islamabad feels Islama-terrible. Cheesy but it works.

New rule, Bush is not the education man. This past election we walked in with the idea that the two canidates in question, John Kerry and George Bush, were going to talk about social security and education in this country and it turned into boys kissing. I don't get it anymore, you'd think this country would have better things to talk about other then gay marriage, but I guess I'm just being stupid right. No not in america, the land of god, where peole take every word fo that piece of crap literally. I don't believe in the book and does that make me unpatriotic, fuck no. I joined our nations army to protect what rights we have and defend the nation our founding fathers sweat blood to make. I just can't take a book seriously that says slavery is okay, but sex is bad until marriage at which point it becomes a blessed sacriment between a husband and the wife who's with holding it.

New rule, parents must stop coddling there children. I recently heard some schools have stopped marking papers with red ink because marking a childs paper with a big mean black X is to cruel, why the child might even think they got it wrong and learn something. What is it with parents these days, they take all the fun out of being a kid. There so obsessed with protection, it's a wonder they ever got pregnant inn the first place.

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Friday, October 28, 2005

Halloween edition
New rule, It's not a treat if everybody hates it. We toppled Sadam Hussein, why can't we get rid of candy corn. Any one who hands this stuff out at Halloween hates your children and wants them to die, there just to much of pansies to put a razor blade in an apple.

New rule, Britney Spears needs to rename her new baby shit head. It's the redneck version of Apple. And people need to stop ragging on her to stop smoking. It's a little late to be worrying about the genes when half of them are from Kevin Federline.

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Thursday, October 27, 2005

New rules #2
New rule, Talentless teenagers who existed only to amuse us, must keep up in the race to be the dipiest twit. First Paris hiltons naked cell phone pictures came out, isn't about time Britney Spears did something trashy. I don't know, be creative. Let the wind blow your pants off or get a devorce from butt head, the balls in your traailer court. And while I'm on the subject, New rule, If most of the pictures on your picture phone are of yourself you need ot develop some outside intrests. A hacked recently hacked her cell phone pictures and found they were all of herself. It's almost like she's an idiot. That kind of self love isn't healthy, Lindsey Lohan loves booze, but even she buys a round for the house occasionally.

New rule, I don't need a breaking news reprot evertime something in Iraq blows up. It's a war, call me if crap stops blowing up. Until then I'll just asume that Iraq is like Lindsey Lohan.... Getting bombed daily.

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

New rules
This is a bit done on an HBO televisin series that I'd like to bring to my site, I hope you find it entertaining. New rule, your serving sizes can't be bigger then your ass. Denny's beer barrel pub in Wisconsin is now serving a burger that weighs in a whooping 15 pounds. One of the signs your servings are to big, if one of the health risks is a back injury. This is a series I plan to continue, so please let me know if you enjoy it.
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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Moving on up
Seems like whatever I'm doing in the world is paying off. I don't know why, but my sites actually getting hits. keep'em coming and I'll try to be as mildly entertaining as possible while remaining constantly offensive. On that note, I like to browse through google and look up news stories old and new. Why, cause sometimes it's really funny. For exammple another one on the retards in Florida. About a week ago in the palm beach area there was a this skateboarder rolling on the boardwalk at the beach, when these two kids come up to him and demand he do a trick. Like he's a fucking monkey. THe kid on the skate board says no, then the two other little shits proceed to knock the kid down and just beat the crap out of this poor. Now to me...... That's hilarious, but what makes this a stpid story is what came after the fact. These two little assholes got arrested and were put on trial, of course, and the younger of the two was quoted as saying "I apologize for what I have done and I had I known the result I would never have done it." I'm going to ask you to take a second to let that sink in. This little retard, you beat the shit out of the kid what did you think was going to happen. He said it like it was an accident, yeah right "WHoops my fist slipped and broke your nose." or "Oops I just busted this skateboard across your head." son of a bitch, how retarded are people these days. I don't know hat to think anymore. You know, I like to think thast my entire country is'nt filled with fucking retards and creatons then shit like this happens. Does anyone understand this anymore cause this is just fucking incredible.
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