Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Harder Puzzel



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New Rule #17
New rule, you can't claim you're the party of smaller government and then make laws about love. What business is it of the state how consenting adults chose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other? Why does the Bush administration want a constitutional amedment about weddings? Hey, why stop at weddings--- Birthdays are important; let's put them in the great document. Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake--- you know, to send the right message to the kids. Republicans are always saying we should provatize things, like schools, prison, social security----how about we privatize privacy? If the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what's their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minelli.

New rule, stop saying athletes do it for the love of the game. They do it for the love of their 32-room mansions with the live shark tank in the living room. Bass fishermen do it for the love of the game, which is why so few of them have agents. If pro sports paid minimum wage, Shaquille O'Neal would be a bouncer at Scores, and Anna Kournikova would be a mail order brde from Minsk.
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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

One last one. I promise


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Puzzel #2


I am just finding these things pretty fast uhh.
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Puzzel


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Monday, November 21, 2005

New rules # 16
New rule, the people in America who were most in favor of the Iraq war must now go there and fight it. The army missed it's recruiting goal by 42 percent just a month ago---more people joined the Micheal Jackson fan club. We've done picked all teh low-lying Lynndie Endland fruit, and now we need warm bodies. A baptist minister in Norht Carolina told nine members of his congregation that unless they renounce their 2004 vote for John Kerry, they would have to leave his church. Well---If we're that certain these days that George Bush is always that right about everything, then going to Iraq to fulfill the glorious leader's vision would seem to be the least one could do. Hey, if it makes it any easier, just think of it as a reality show. Fear Factor shiting your pants edition. Survivor: Sunni Triangle. Or maybe a video game, Grand theft Allah. I know, you're thinking "But Gene, I already do my part with the 'support our troops' magnet I have on my Shevy Tahoe--- how much more can one man give?" Here's an intriguing economic indicator: It's been two years since the Bush twins graduated, and so far still have yet ot find work. Why don't they sign up for Iraq duty? Do they hate America or just freedom in general? That goes for everyone who helped sell this war--- you gotta go to. Brooks and Dunn? Drop your cocks and grab your socks. Ann Coulter: Darling trust me, you will love teh army. You think you make up stuff? Curt Shilling? Bye-Bye. You ended the curse on Boston? Good. Let's try your luck on Fallujah. Oh, and that republican Baldwin brother so Ted Nugent has some one to frag. IN summation, you can't advocate for something you wouldn't do yourself. That makes sense right, or at least as much sense as the last Bush Tax cut.
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Saturday, November 19, 2005

   I'm sorry, but this is a topic I have to cover. In America today everyone is so obsessed with protection it's sickening. Everyone is willing to give up some of there American rights, to feel safer. Not that we are any safer, they just like feeling safer. All resent security tests across this country tell us that we are in just as poor a condition now as we were before 9/11. And I here people talk about how 9/11 changed everything, but in reality 9/11 changed nothing. We still can't protect our airports and we are still running on the random guest checks. Al Gore, famously, was pulled out of line at the airport for a check. Fome on, the guy is two electorial votes from the presidency, but he's the terrorist. And they gave him the full search, including the anal cavity search.... and they found his head. But in all seriousness, we need to take a good notice of what Bush has really done with our national security. Did you know, that the first eight months of his presidency leading up to 9/11, two thrids of that was spent on vacation on his ranch in Texas. What was he doing there he was "thinking". He was debating this abortion issue(which I really wish people would get over in this country, it's a choice people, If you don't like it, don't have it done. Simple yes.)while he was recieveing CIA reports that literally read "Osama Bin Laden plots attack on US involving hijacked air craft." Shit that could mean anything, how was Bush suppose to know how urgent it really was. Maybe if they had stampedt he word sex across the front. maybe that would have gotten his attention. because remember, in the Bush administration anything involving money, security and torture is okay and the only scandal is sex. We need some real issues to be presented in this country. Issues like, the national debt. Or social security. Or how about under funding science. Any of these are good starter topics and there are many many more to chose from. What I'm trying to say is, WAKE THE FUCK UP AMERICA. Damn man. Or maybe I'm the asshole, maybe I'm the one over examining the issue. If I am please let me know and I apologize. But please, before you decide I'm just an assclown who's full of shit, try reading the "Partiot" act or looking into our national security. Just sneak a quick peak and tell me what you think.
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

New rule #15
New rule, you can't where your Shay Givera T-shirt and your designer jeans, unless your trying to be ironic. One is a symbol of exploited, empoverished workers the other was sown by them. You want to help the poor people in south america, buy more cocaine.

New rule,Supreme court judge nominee, Samuel Elito, must bomb an abortion clinic. Now, I know it sounds crazy, but the right wind needs some reassurance that they have there holy man. How do we know Sam Elito is a pure christian and not some leavel headed legal pussy, well until he kills a nurse with a pipe bomb theres no way to be sure. BEcause there is nothing you can say to a real conservative that will convince him abortion is a good idea other than "Your daughter is pregnant and the father is black."

New rule, condoms are not sex toys. Trojan has released a new line of condoms that vibrate and heat up. Listen comdoms prevent pregnancy and AIDS isn't that enough. If you want to improve condoms, try inventing a package men can get open before they lose there hard on.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

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New rules #15
New rule, you might think this one is self-evident, but: Don't watch TV when you drive. A man is on trial for a fatal car crash that happend while he was driving and watching the movie 'Road Trip'. A movinf automobile isn't a theater. It's a place for eating, drinking, talking on the phone, doing your hair, checking your makeup, and getting blown.

New rule, update the Hajj. Every year, the words "Islamic" and "stampede" seem to appear in the same sentence when millions of Muslims descend upon Mecca to observe what's called the Hajj. I don't understand Arabs: You've got most of the oil in the world, and your religion involves walking? Next year, I want to see a looser Hajj with a cooler name, like Allahpalooza.
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