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Friday, May 27, 2005


War is but a four letter word...

Don't ask about the title... sorry i havent been sround lately... i have been having mental breakdowns... at least thats what the shrink called them... i have to refrain from cutting myself until June 21st... because i have to go to the doctors and get a physical... and get my knee checked out... life sucks... i should just deal with it... how has everybody been... good... i hope... no poem today though...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (6) | Permalink



Tuesday, May 24, 2005


goodbye... for now...

Dead soul
Your soul is dead.
You've probably been through one too many rough
times in your life which has eaten you up from
the inside. Now there's nothing more to eat
from since you just don't care anymore. Life is
meaningless and you live it like a zombie. The
good thing though is that you cant be hurt,
since you are so distant from the emotional
world. Love is something you dont understand or
just dont remember. If it was up to you, your
life would already be over, but it doesn't make
you suicidal. You are probably alone most of
the time, looking at the world with a blank
stare. The yearning to feel alive and be happy
has simply gone away. What's left now is only
the shell of what used to be you.


How is your soul?(pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Alone
Why do you cry?

brought to you by Quizilla
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Monday, May 23, 2005


i am sorry if i worried anyone with yesterdays post... i have not been feeling well lately... and do not know what compelled me to choose that from my notebook... that did happen... i know that a few of you did not want to hear that... but there is no escaping the truth... i am useless is this world... i bring nothing but sorrow... hate... pain... this world would be better off without one as faithless as i... i have lost all... Lindsey... Sharon... Caitlyn... why... i am eager to see you all yet again... but... would you recognise me... for... it has been so long... since we have been face to face... would you welcome with open arms... would you just stand there... as if you felt as though i didnt belong... this question shall be answered... weather sooner or later... but theres one girl... i know not how tight she holds our promise... i cant die if she cant die... i dont want to chance it... i dont want to feel as though i have brought pain upon her... i am lost... forever within the deep forest that is life... laying there... hoping to die... to be taken... wondering if i will find what some call "happiness"... what i have forgotten... Where will i go after i have left this mortal world... up... down... will i remain here... forever haunted by that which has happened... that which i have lost... that which was much like family... better than that which i know as family... friends... i am sorry if i have taken even more of your time... i am just a waste of space... until fate brings us... yet again... face to face... for i need to attempt to get some rest... it is currently 2:30 am... and i must go school tomorrow...

....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Sunday, May 22, 2005


...

I have seen the at the end of the tunnel...it is quite bright... I was feeling depresses... and had a meeting with a familiar friend... A razor blade... A cought an artery on the top of my left arm...
It bled... bled some more... I thought i was done for... i held a rag there... it became soaked... I got another... It suffered the same fate... Thoughts began to run thorugh my mind... How much I would hurt my friends... How happy I would be... because I was dead... In hell... I covered the wound in gauze... took some sleeping pills... and hoped that i would awake the next morning... for the sake of her life...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (10) | Permalink



Saturday, May 21, 2005


...

I hope everyone like the new look of my site... i feel like going to rest... for a long time... here is a poem that i wrote on 5-02-05... I know a few of you have already read it... but it is my favorite poem that I have written...
-----------------------------------
"Forget"
I cannot forget you...
Your face...
Your smile...
Your happiness...
How great it was...
We fought...
We argued...
We hugged...
We kissed...
We made up...

I cannot forget you...
You were happy...
I was not...
You began to cheer me up...
I began to push you away...
You began to cry...
I was hurt...
I took you for granted...

I cannot forget you...
You began to pry...
While I began to slice...
You attempted to solve...
While I continued...
You seeked outside help...
Then...
I talked...
You listened...
We cried...

I cannot forget you...
We watched movies...
We laughed...
We played...
We were inseperable...

I cannot forget you...
You popped...
I drank...
You passed...
I lost myself...
I cried without cease...
You continued to smile in my heart...
I cannot forget you...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (12) | Permalink



Friday, May 20, 2005


...poem...

Hello all... how are you guys doing... i am holding up... alot of things happening at once... I just got Static-X
"Beneath...Between...Beyond..." It's good... like poetry to my ears... I would recommend it... heres a poem i wrote today during world history... enjoy...
-----------------------------------
"Worth"
What is it worth...
My life since birth...
With a knife in my chest...
I have laid myself to rest...
I am on my way to my heaven...
Known by many as level seven...
As I reap and sow...
As I feast and grow...
Take my seat at the throne...
Stab you in the eye with a chicken bone...
I'll let it spin and spin
Then I'll slice you in the shin...
I'm taking control of hell...
And all that have fell...
Until we march toward the mortal town...
And we burn it down...
Stand in front of their face with a shotgun and knife...
Say if you dont listen then I'll take your life...
Blow a nice shell into the side of your head...
Sit there and laugh as you suddenly drop dead...
People yelling stop it!
I shout back yelling drop it!
Before I blow a hole in your ass-
Use your blood at the next black mass...
Take my rule
As I wade in the pool
This is so divine
My head and a nine
Until I pull the trigger
Make my empire bigger...
Rise to the top
Get up there and start to pop
Those bloody angels in the skull
Drop their asses whole
Rip out their spleen and turn it into a gourd...
All with this simple short sword...
Ha ha I win
Without even commiting a sin
Now I'm the greatest lord...
The one that brings true discord...
-----------------------------------
For those of you whom could not tell... that was about killing myself... taking over hell... getting ressurected... killing myself again... then taking over heaven... its about the dream i had yesterday... quite interesting how satan and god were portrayed in that figment of my imagination... have a good day...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (7) | Permalink



Thursday, May 19, 2005


poem...

hey all... hows it going... i am okay... just listining to "Mezmerize"... i wrote a new poem today... hope you guys enjoy it...
-----------------------------------
"Visions"
Visions...
I wonder if they're true...
Every time I think of you...
Every time I see;
I wonder if we were meant to be...
Much distance between us...
It only adds to the lust...
And the rise of the dead...
To fight for the head...
Through endless falling...
They find their calling...
So much as I;
From the time I had to die...
Waded in the pool...
Caused by iron-fist rule...
I saw a dove...
The symbol of our love...
-----------------------------------
I have noticed that many people are visiting my site and not commenting... please leave your regards weather they be good or bad... I want to hear them... good day...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (6) | Permalink



Wednesday, May 18, 2005


poem...

new poem... dunno what inspired me to write this during math... but i did... maybe because i was bored... oh well... here it is...
-----------------------------------
"Wrists"
My wrists bleed...
As the knife recedes...
From its place of rest...
The place where it is kept best...
This bloody knife...
The key to my life...
I have found the way to bliss...
Through the lipstick of death's kiss...
-----------------------------------
good day to all...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (8) | Permalink



Tuesday, May 17, 2005


dot...dot...dot...

hello all... how are you doing... i hit 12 comments yesterday... a new record... yay... i guess... okay... its nothing special... nothing much happening over here today... im bored... heres a poem for everyone...
-----------------------------------
"Happiness"

Happiness...
I think I have finally found thee...
You have finally opened a path for me to be free...
As we sit and snuggle...
As we kiss and cuddle...
Within the confines of our minds...

We are apart and yet together...
We see eachother never-
And yet forever...
Remaining in my heart...
In my mind...
I love thee...

This distance cannot pull us apart...
But only bring us together...
From country to big city...
Our love stretches...
And never berates...
-----------------------------------
I hope you all enjoyed it... i know alot of you have been asking me to write something happier... so i did... if you all cant tell... i am in a good mood...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (7) | Permalink



Monday, May 16, 2005


...

Hello all... How is everyone holding up... I am doing better... through the many problems that have transpired... solutions for those in the past have arisen... i have prepared a poem for today...
-----------------------------------
"Tears of Red"
I cry tears...
Tears of red;
Those which drip as I wish I was dead-
Remembering the words which you said...

These fears-
Brought by wishes to die,
Wanting to rise high-
You being reunited with I...

Let it be known!
Whilst we are apart-
Your soul remains in my heart...
As it was from the start...
-----------------------------------
That is all... but I am most likely going to expound on it at a later date... Good wishes to all...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


Comments (12) | Permalink

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