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Monday, October 22, 2007


....

"We are all but recent leaves on the same old tree of life and if this life has adapted itself to new functions and conditions, it uses the same old basic principles over and over again. There is no real difference between the grass and the man who mows it." ~Albert Szent-Györgyi
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Tuesday, October 16, 2007


...

i apologise for not keeping up with this site... all i have is a quote...

"Death was now a daily presence, blowing over me in cold gusts. Mysteriously and in ways that are totally remote from normal experience, the gray drizzle of horror induced by depression takes on the quality of physical pain. But it is not an immediately identifiable pain, like that of a broken limb. It may be more accurate to say that despair, owing to some evil trick played upon the sick brain by the inhabiting psyche, comes to resemble the diabolical discomfort of being imprisoned in a fiercely overheated room. And because no breeze stirs this caldron, because there is no escape from the smothering confinement, it is entirely natural that the victim begins to think ceaselessly of oblivion." —William Styron
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Saturday, January 13, 2007


...

The mind has gone astray-
From the path of past believing-
The path- the body’s path-
Covered in both briar and thorn-
Leaving to caring and-
Thinking of future goingons-
For you have brought to me-
The end- of All that was endless
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Friday, August 25, 2006


...

it has been awile since i posted anything that i had written... here is a myth i had to make for english... i figured i would share it with you...
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"Born of Fire" (working title... any suggestions for a better one are appreciated...)

Once, there was an all powerful being that went by the name of Kitai. He controlled the ways of the Land of the Fallen. This land was not one of peace and tranquility, but one of fire and destruction. Prisoners were forced into labor, sweating their existence, shackled to the most unmovable of stone, eating little more than a few pieces of bread a day. This angered Kitai. He had dreams of a world where others had freedom, not just those that the great lord deemed worthy. He dreamed of a world of freedoms.

Kitai brought himself to the surface world. Here, only a single solitary island lay. He stood upon this land, looking out toward the void of darkness that blanketed the area around him. This seemed like the ideal place for the creation of his perfect world. He knew what he had to do. He knelt to the ground, and upon it he laid a gentle kiss. He gave himself to the land, falling upon it face first, spreading outward. As he lay dieing, he began to mutter the making of his perfect world. In what seemed to be an instant, life began to flourish.

His heart became the mountains high and the prairies low, expanding across the black abyss that was once looked upon. Life began to trickle downward from him, into the newly created crust that laid floating. This became the vast seas and oceans that we live amongst even today. Flesh became sky, and eyes became clouds to blanket, protect, and watch over his new world. To allow the people of this plane to survive, he created animals from what remained of him; however, his spirit divided into many, drifting into both air and land to create the spirits, Gods, and Goddesses of his world.

The prisoners of the Land of the Fallen were brought to this new world with the last breath of Kitai’s existence, shocked in awe at its magnificence. Lushes forests sat atop swollen hills. Eyes glanced to great floral design both near and afar. Such a world had never even seeped into their tortured minds. They could not believe what they were seeing. Gaea had been born.
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goodbye... for now...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Wednesday, April 19, 2006


....

An etheral haze of everlasting beginning...
Eternal damnation from within the fray...
A battle from within...
Striving without...
We were meant to fall...


These wings torn from my back...
The sign of my past...
Scars born anew...
Pain grows old...
Limbs grow heavy...

I guess this is the end...
Time to lay my head to rest...
My mind to ease...
My eyes grow weary...
This time... the clouds come to me...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Saturday, February 25, 2006


.....

Each time it is asked...
Reminds me I'm not...
Never was...
Never will be...
This body my sin...
These thorns my burden...
Everlasting sorrow...
Within this nightmare redefined...
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Monday, February 6, 2006


Walking through halls....
Mind overtaken....
Constant echo of painful beating....
Trembling of breaking flesh....
Drowned in sins of disbelief....
Angel's glare sears the clouds....
Stinging of sky's frozen tear....
Life passes before me....
Tonight, I sleep with the stars....

....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Monday, January 16, 2006


....

"Hello again, Angel. Are you having fun? That's a long drop."
"....leave me alone...."
"Aww, what's wrong? Are you mad at the glass for doing its job?"
"...."
"Why don't you jump? You don't have anything to live for."
"....i do have reason to live...."
"I knew you would be happier without me. See, you even have a reason to live. You never did when I could still breathe. Your mind was always set on killing yourself. I could tell just by looking into your eyes."
"....*sigh*...."
"You know it's the truth. You're the one that killed me. I died just for you, Angel. I died so you would be happy."
"...."
"Why the sad face, Angel. Look at all the people around you, they're having a good time. Why can't you?"
".....i am....."
"You're still lying to yourself, Angel. Haven't I told you that it isn't good to lie to yourself."
"....."
"You're wondering if you can hit that car from up here, aren't you?"
"....."
"You can't forget, Angel. You'll never forget. I told you I wouldn't leave you, even if you wanted me to. I told you I loved you. I want to be with you. Even if I can't touch you."
"....."
"What's wrong, Angel. Why won't you talk to me? Are you too good to talk to me? You said you loved me. You were almost a father, don't you remember. I killed myself so you wouldn't be. I died so you wouldn't have to pay for it. So you wouldn't have to pay for something that was your fault."
"......"
"It's all your fault. You made everybody cry. You made everybody hurt. You matter how much you deny it, you're the one that did it. You are the Angel of Death."
".....no......"
"Yes you are, Angel. Look at your chest. Don't you see that scar, the one in the shape of a cresent moon? Don't you see the scar on the back of your left shoulder, where you protected me? It was all you."
"......Th....The Angel of Death....."
"That's you. It will never change."
"....me...."
"I need to go now though," spoke the shadow softly, as her ghastly lips sunk through my cheek, "I love you."


....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Friday, January 13, 2006


.......

"Hello, Angel. It's been awile. Don't you remember me? I know you do."
"....You...."
"What's wrong, you look terrified. Haven't you ever seen a ghost?"
"....This isn't real.... This can't be happening.... You're suppose to be dead.... I saw you die...."
"Are you sure that what you saw was the truth? Are you sure that you're not the one that died?"
"....No.... I'm alive.... I can still feel.... I'm not dead...."
"Keep lieing to yourself, and you will never know the truth. God is the only truth. God is the only lie."
"....Shut up...."
"Angel, you can't keep hiding from yourself. You know he still lives insideof you. Run all you want. Hide all you want. 'The Angel' is still there. You can't escape."
"....No.... You're lieing...."
Shadowed figure stands beside me, whispers in my ear, "Angel is Angel, but I am me. We are one in the same. You only exist in my mind, you're not real. A fake, a weakling, a lie."
Brought to knees, clutching mind, body begins to tremble.
"Can you finally see what I'm trying to tell you?"
"....Why....?"
"The wind is pink, Angel, can't you see it? Can't you feel it? Aren't you alive?"
"....I am alive...."
"Is that why your wrist continues to bleed, but you neither wince nor scream. Is that why you're standing knee deep in your onw life?"
"....Lies....Lies.... They're all lies...."
"Don't you remember how much you hurt after I died. You were crying. Don't you remember? It was only yesterday."
"....You're not her.... I remember her voice.... I remember her face.... her.... You are not...."
The origon of voice begins creeping from shadow.
"Is this what you remember?"
"....You died.... You died.... The blood that was on my shirt.... It was yours...."
"I didn't die, I only abandonded flesh. I'm still alive. You betrayed me."
"....N....No.... It.... It can't be...."
"Look at you, Angel, you're pathetic. You're worthless. What happened to you? Don't you remember causing all those people to hurt, to bleed?"
".... That wasn't me...."
"Don't you remember sending me home in a cab because you were afraid I would have gotten hurt while you fought?"
"....That wasn't me...."
"Yes it was, Angel. Can't you see what you're doing to yourself? You keep lieing to yourself."
"....No.... I'm telling the truth...."
"Just do me a favor, and don't stop talking. You remember those words, don't you?"
"...."
"What's wrong, Angel? You know I'm right, don't you?"
"....Who are you....?"
"You know who I am. It's me, Lindsey."
"...."
"Tell me, Angel, do you really want to die that much? Do you know how much it hurt e to see hoe much you hated yourself? Don't you remember how you screamed after I laid my head on your chest? You cut yourself even after you promised me that you wouldn't. Don't you remember the gash you made on yourself?"
"...."
"Goodbye, I love you."
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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Thursday, January 5, 2006


....

suddenly find myself looking toward solid disregreat... wind flowing though my hair... beating upon my face... gliding me through this.... until.... rain begins poaring... sirens blaring... others screaming... eyes glaring.... undecisive to action... blinded by teachings.... no idea to thought....
....I just... need somewhere... that I can feel alive....


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