Tuesday, October 12, 2004

   ...sorry to keep you ppl hanging...
Waa! I haven't posted for a long time. But I promise I will sometime this week! I need time to get thinking what next to type down for my next entry. I haven't really had enough time to sit in front of my comp!
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   ...sorry to keep you ppl hanging...
Waa! I haven't posted for a long time. But I promise I will sometime this week! I need time to get thinking what next to type down for my next entry. I haven't really had enough time to sit in front of my comp!
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Tuesday, October 5, 2004

   ...not related to the current story...LoL
Well I've been getting positive input on the story I've been writing here in this site. I just wanna thank everyone for their support and for liking my story. It gives me more enthusiasm to keep posting :-D And well, yeah... I LOVE WRITING! :-P ...LOL.
I also have a xanga site! If you wanna know more about me and what I'm up to everyday just visit....

xanga.com/Outernet_4me

Drop a line in my chatterbox situated to the right...LoL...
~Peace
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   ...continued from the last post...
( sorry for not updating n' stuff...I bet I left everyone just hanging...lol. Here goes...)

I never thought it would be as serious as this. I've heard stories of people with cancer whose hair fell out. I only hoped that there was a quick remedy for all this.
My parents discussed with the doctors ways to combat my illness. I kept hearing the word medulloblastoma...was that what it was called? My parents looked devastated...but I knew that it was more then my illness...it was the cost of all the necessary treatments to save my life. My parents didn't look so sure how they were going to pay for all of that.
The doctor had said that he needed a biopsy first to be sure exactly what kind of tumor it was. All I wanted right then was to go back home at my hometown Osaka and live again at our old house. I didn't pay much attention to what was happening around me. My mom would be crying, my dad would be stressed, and my brother worried. I daydreamed most of the time I was there. It was the only thing that helped me keep my mind off the terrible reality. About four days later after being at the hospital, unable to go home, the doctor came in with nurses. They moved me to another bed and pushed me out.
"Where am I going?" I asked to one of the nurses.
" To the surgery room"
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Friday, September 24, 2004

   ...continued from the last post...
I felt warm. I was in a brightly lit room. Everything was so blurry. The same headache that I had for the past 3 months was back again. I never really thought of it being bad. Sometimes I would also vomit from the pain. But my family always thought it was a migraine, since my dad suffered from it too. But it wasn't. I was in a hospital with strange tubes all around me and needles in my forearms and hands.
"Ami? She finally woke up!"
I heard my mother's voice. She had tears in her eyes and my father too.
" Why are you crying? And why am I here?" I asked.
" You fainted...so we brought you here", my mother said.
"It's not bad right? I mean, I just fainted. It doesn't mean anything bad right?" I asked.
The doctor came in in his white overcoat.
"Ami, you finally woke up. How are you feeling?"
"Tired...I have a bad headache too", I said.
"Has the headache been bothering you for sometime?" the doctor asked.
"Yes. I sometimes vomit because of it. But it's nothing serious, I'm sure it's just a migraine. My dad has that too", I said.
"Have you ever felt dizzy? Irritated?"
"Yes"
The doctor looked at my worried parents. He had difficulty in saying what he had to say.
"You and your family will have to be strong when I say what I'm going to say", the doctor said.
My parent's eyes grew even more worried...And I...gripped for the worst...
"Ami has a brain tumor...It is quite advanced. Chances of her surviving are slim."
My mother let out a horrified scream while I exhaled in disbelief......


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Monday, September 20, 2004

   ...continued from the last post...
I was about eight years old when we were living at Tottori. We didn't have enough money for luxuries. All of a sudden we found ourselves in a financial crisis. My father, after having a successful career at Osaka, now faced a set of difficulties as he tried to establish himself in a decent job. My mother was desperate to help, but my father wouldn't allow her. It was his "responsibility" as the man of the house to support the family, not the woman's responsibilty. For if the woman was found working in a better job supporting the family while the man was unsuccessful in doing so, he had no honor. He wasn't going to step down for that. My father saw it that way, but not my mother. There were nights when we would have no food on our table. We lived in a small apartment with almost no furniture. I was too small to understand what had been going on. At night I would always wonder why my dad had gotten fired. The answer to that was to come soon...

I remember my mother crying when I would get home from my new school. She never told me why she cried. But as an eight year old, you never pay attention to those things. I would find her admiring a kitchen knife sometimes. I just worried that she would do a crazy thing with it. But overtime her apparent sadness went away, and I thought that all was fine. But our money situation wasn't getting any better. And neither was I.
After a year living in Tottori, something happened to me that was just going to strain my parents even more than what they already were.
One day I had to be sent home from school because of a high fever. I then began having night sweats. When I started losing weight for no reason, my parents became worried. I was taken to the doctor after two weeks with a fever. They made some analysis and the told us to go home; they were going to call us again once they had the results. One morning as I got up from bed to go to the bathroom, weakily, everything around me turned dark, and I became lightheaded. I had fainted. I couldn't believe where I found myself when I woke up...

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Friday, September 17, 2004

   ...continued from last post....10 years into the past
Hisa and I first met at Kansai Soka Elementary school in Osaka. We remained friends throughout elementary. We were in the same class that year we met. After school we would go to each other's house and play with our dolls. I would show off the dolls I got for the Hina Matsuri. She would do the same. It was so fun having her around. Her parents always offered me cookies. She and I would watch TV...the good old days...
But then...my dad was fired from his job...my father didn't allow my mother to work, and my brother had started high school with sacrifice. My parents knew the importance of his education but they had no choice than to move to another city. My father had us move because he found another job at Tottori. That was the first time I had to leave my home city. And it was the last time I would see Hisa until years later.
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Thursday, September 16, 2004

   (has nothing to do with the strory)
I can't log into my xanga site for some reason or into any of friends' xanga sites. So this is like my 2nd xanga site :-P Right now there's a hostage situation at a bank less than half a mile away from my house. It's scary stuff...the main intersection where the bank is located has been closed off causing traffic buildup in our street. There's helicopters and stuff flying around. I just got home from school and that's when I find out. They say it's started around 10:15 am...right now it's 4:11 and the streets are still closed. People passing by are saying there's a bomb threat and hostages...scary...hopefully the bank doesn't blow up :-(
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Tuesday, September 14, 2004

...continued from last post....
I stood there, shocked at what I was seeing...

Hisa
My heart raced...was she really alive?
She was sitting on the edge of my bed, with a knife in her right hand over her left wrist, ready to slit her wrist...I began to tremble. Instinctively I ran to her
"No!! Stop!!"
I fell to my knees and tried to take the knife away. She looked up at me with sad eyes. And disappeared.
I sat there for a couple of minutes trying to understand, to make sense of what I had seen. She seemed so very real...very alive. Was my mind turning against me? Was I becoming crazy? A sudden shudder went through me. My room suddenly got cold...as if a ghost was in my room. It must've been Hisa. Her spirit. It took me a while to notice an old photograph lying there on the edge of my bed where I had seen the apparition.
It was an old picture of Hisa and I when we were in elementary school. We've been best friends since the third grade. Just thinking about the good times we had brought me tears to my eyes. I had already graduated and was going to start college next month. She and I had been accepted to the same college. So we were happy when we found out that we were both accepted to the same college. But...the idea of not having Hisa come with me...was unbearable.

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Monday, September 13, 2004

...continued from the last post...
After a couple of hours everyone started leaving. I had to go home too. About a half an hour later, my brother came to take me home.

The house was dark, cold and gloomy. My brother had left immediately for work. On the table was dinner my mom had prepared for me. There was a little note too: "You just have to heat it up. Love Mom"

The house was now empty. You could hear every crack, every rain drop falling on the roof. I started to force myself to eat...but I couldn't. I had a giant knot in my throat that almost made me choke. How could I be eating while my best friend was buried deep in the ground? I kept getting flashbacks of our happy friendship and they would be suddenly covered by the dark images of her painful death. I tried to push those images away...as far back in my mind as I could. I began crying...

A voice began calling me from my room. Something was puling me to go into my room. I looked at the dark hall, teary eyed. I was afraid to know what was there. It sounded as if someone was in my room...It felt like a prescence. But, what was I afraid of? After what I had already lived through and seen with my very own eyes...what could be more awful than that?

I made my way through the dark and cold hall to my room. I held my breath and closed my eyes as I went in, afraid to see what I would find. A ghoul? A monster?
I went in, and what I saw, shocked me...
There she was....

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