give chokulatemilc more *HUGS*
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Cursor By BP-Grafix.net
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
o my gosh you guys! it's been forever since I've been on here. I used to be such a computer dork but now it's like...I'm never on. If i get on it's 'cause I'm on a mission >.> <.< or on myspace! lol naw but for real I've been really really sick so that's another thing. My boyfriend's back from basic training and tech school so that's taking up a lot of my time too. not that I mind 'cause I don't. :cheese: oh well time to babysit just wanted to let y'all know I'm still alive and all that. bye for now
Friday, February 24, 2006
shall I dig for a subject line?
I'm not mean. I'm not nice either. I'm honest. I try to spare
people's feelings but that doesn't always work. I'm in love with
someone who loves someone who doesn't deserve him. I can't
get just any guy that I want but just about. I think a lot.
I have a lot of dreams and no drive. I'm surounded by people who I
don't think believe in me. I don't like to show when I'm hurt.
I usually get pissed off before I show that I'm hurt because I try to
keep from getting hurt because I get hurt more than I get pissed off.
I hate liking someone when it's not going anywhere.
I never get to see one of my best friends anymore. He's always having to be at rehersal or
he's talking about somebody. Which the last part I guess I don't mind
or I wouldn't if...
I make a lot of mental notes. I can't remember them all.
I get attatched to ppl but as soon as something happens :shrugs: I don't care
it's like I expected it the entire time. I don't trust ppl so I leave
myself open so that I'm not trusting one person more than the other
'cause they're just gonna stab me in the back. I've been molested
I've been almost rapped. I have ppl who still don't care and do stuff
that I'm uncomfortable with.
if I love you I won't say no if it's to your well being. I don't give in to
peer preasure I think it's stupid. I hate hipocrytes or however
you spell the word. I don't like fake ppl.
But then again what's fake? Being nice to your face and then talking
trash when you turn around? having a boob job and acting like you're
better because of it? aren't we all fake in some way? why do we wear
mascara? to make our eyes look like they're more than they are.
Why do we pick out clothes that excentuate our curves? why do we always
make sure that our butt looks rounder in a pair of pants before we get them?
who made us like that? and now who hates it when we do it? guys. they want
a perfect chick. but they don't want to deal with her. they want a freak
but only for one night. I'm sick of guys. I'm sick of ppl not being able
to be themselves. I'm sick of being judged. Why am I the whore when
I'm just a flirt or because my social skills are better than yours?
because I know how to talk to guys. because I can tease and take being teased?
why me when you're the one showing cheekage? when you're the one
trying to strut? :sighs:
I have so much more in my head
but I'll keep it to myself.
Just like always
Music Provided By: Kazaa Muzik
This is new too..just a lil' about me
Hmm...I guess you wanna know at least a little about me, huh?
I couldn't just explain myself in one paragraph. But I'll try and do
my best. I love being happy and I love making other people happy.
If you really want it and it won't hurt you or me I'll do all I can
to get it for you. I'm a trustworthy person. If you tell me don't tell
anyone that's just how it's gonna be. I've been told I'm headstrong
and feisty...:shrugs: lol never knew all that but as I pay more attention
I really am. I'm not mean although some guys say I am. They don't give me
a chance. They judge me by my cover. There aren't many people who
don't like me. In fact I can count how many people don't like me.
I hate hipocrytes or however you spell the darn word! I don't like fake
people and for that reason I have people who don't like me because I
stand up to them. I'm not scared of very much. I care about less.
I mean don't get me wrong I love God, my family, and friends and will
do anything for them. Do something to me and I just don't have time
for you. That doesn't mean I won't stick up for myself. There's a lot
about me that I don't even know but I'm slowing finding out. I've been
told I was the best friend anyone could ever want. I've been told I
was the sweetest person they'd ever met. I've been told I'm very motherly
lol I love music and dancing and I've had guys tell me that they never
looked at me the same after they've seen me dance lol I found that
quite humerous! raar I hate when life's taken for granted, but yet
I do it. I blush a lot..I kinda just thought about that. >.> <.<
and I look asian when I smile hard lol I've known that! ok but
through all of this I want it to be realized that I'm not white, I'm
not black, I'm me. My race doesn't clasify who I am as a person.
Some may say I "act white" w/e there's no such thing. I'm me and if you
have a problem with me being me I can't help you and franctly I
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
My b'day was Monday!!! hee I'm 17 now...wow...:sighs: it's pretty scary! I got the chappelle show season 2, lil' wayne, and senseless from Justin, and I got the entire set of Tae Bo from my sister! WEWT! MYRIAM'S GONNA BE LOOKIN' TOO DAMN GOOD!!! and a cell. ABOUT TIME! Ellen made me a b'day cake zay got me some tight sun glasses and laura bought me a necklace earing set..it's pink and highly sexi! I'm back on school again. :bleh: I hada work today and I work the rest of the week. it was interesting today but hey got some more money and that's all that matters. Welp I'm gonna go to flute lessons so I'll catch y'all lata! sorry it's been so long since my last post. just been doin' other things. bye y'all luv ya much!
Saturday, December 24, 2005
I haven't cried in almost 7 months. I balled the other night.
I've wanted to cry almost every day since then. Mrs. Williams found out
about what I was doing and I know she wanted to help
but she made me feel like total crap. "People are going to judge you.
You have a gorgeous face, what are you going to have to go with it? those aren't going to go away! And what of your wedding day? do you really want ppl to see that?" she made me feel so ugly and horrible. I know she didn't mean it but it doesn't change it. I never thought about the fact that they wouldn't go away. I don't want them there tho. I don't want to be able to look back in years and remember what I did, what I went through. I just really need a pair of arms to wrap around me and hold me. I want to hear I love you from someone who means it. I wanna be told it's going to be ok. I need for my dad to find a job. I want my mom to stop stressing about every little thing that has to do with money. I want my brother to get up on his own two feet. I want my family to come together and be happy. I need security. I need love...I had so much more typed but my computer erased it. I'm through. I want to get everything off my chest. They say this is what happens when you don't talk. And when I do I feel even worse. I'd rather do it. I don't know if I can keep my promise, God. Please forgive me.
And to add on to all that Chris found someone he wants to go out with. I was gonna make it official on Christmas but I guess I deserved that.
Monday, November 28, 2005
The voice inside I know you cry,
I know you hurt,
I know it's hard,
They treat you like dirt.
Don't worry little girl,
One day they'll see,
How much they made you suffer,
Just to be someone you can't stand to be.
Don't cut little girl,
It'll be ok,
Put down the knife,
To God just pray.
I know it burns,
When they accuse you and hit,
When no one believes you,
When you're gone they'll soon regret.
I see it in your eye,
Please baby girl,
It pains me so,
When you feel you have to lie.
I love you baby girl,
I wish you had love for yourself,
I know what you think about,
Dark in your room all by your lonesome self.
You make me worry,
You make me cry,
I pray everynight,
But know one day you'll die.
It won't be natural,
It won't be an accident,
You'll have full intention,
And it's me who'll suffer.
I'm the other you,
I'm the voice inside,
I'm the reason you're still alive.
I give you feeling,
When you're as cold as stone,
I touch your face and kiss you,
When you're all alone.
I held your hand the last time you tried,
You were in my embrace all that night,
I gave you love as you cried.
I feel there's nothing more I can do,
Isn't there someone that will miss you?
Be sure before you make your move,
Go ahead little girl,
It's all up to you.