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Monday, May 29, 2006

Thank you all very much...*hugs* All of your comments are so sweet. Shizuka, in no way was your comment "harsh." Thank you so much for your advice...I'm glad that all of you were so touched by my poem. Most everyone mentioned how sad it was. ^^; Well, it was meant to be sad...it's how I've been feeling lately. My family, friends...just things in general have been making me want to cry, but I feel that I should keep smiling and showing them that things aren't wrong...I know I shouldn't, but I don't want to trouble anyone anymore than they already are. *hugs* Thanks again for your sweet comments. Lots of you commented on my pics, too. My wallpaper isn't up yet...that's really annoying me, but hopefully by tomorrow it'll be up.

I have to work on my book report right now...I'm sorry for the delay as far as my post goes, and I don't think I can visit anyone's sites today. Please forgive me. *bows*

Oh, and about my brother's quitting, well...he quit because he hated all the work he had to do. He hasn't had a job for several years, so of course anything would put strain on him if he was used to doing nothing but sitting on the comp all day looking at hentai...he's just a quitter. He's been extra annoying and irritable lately, too. He's very adamant about getting his own comp, but he can't get one because it'd be hard to get another internet connection in his room. *sigh* Right now, I hate him...

Again, thanks for your sweet, encouraging, empathetic, and sympathetic comments. I appreciate them all. Also, I apologize again for not getting to your sites today. I hope to get to them tomorrow, but I have more work to do...and my bro doesn't have to work tomorrow...*sigh* I pray that all of you have a good rest of the day and a good week.

Comments (6) | Permalink

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Complaints and a poem

Gao...well, thanks for the comments yesterday. No offense, but apparently those who commented on my second post mainly just read the first sentence. ^^; "Oh, good, she's not depressed anymore!" but then completely ignored the rest of it where I'm utterly self-depricating (putting myself down for being stupid and whatnot). *sigh* It's ok though, thanks for caring everyone! *hugs* My fanart is up, so please check it! Votes and comments greatly appreciated! They didn't put the wallpaper up yet though...^^; For some reason, I think that MO has something against my wallpapers. They never approve them right away, if at all. There's no reason why they shouldn't be approved! Especially the Utena one I did last night cause the image in it is drawn by me!! >< Gao...

So many projects...not fun...I did one part of my history last night by doing the chart, but I still have to write the essay...and there's still the book report and biology stuff. *sigh* Sure I have tomorrow off, but my bro isn't working so I won't have time alone to have fun on the comp and then do my homework...he's just so stupidly controlling! I hate it! And for some reason, he doesn't have to work tuesday either, so I probably won't be online much if at all then. Sorry ahead of time...and you know what? He QUIT! Yesterday he quit his job...for God's sake, he's been working there for maybe 3 weeks! That's it! >< So he still has to work for 2 more weeks there, but still, he quit...ugh, I hope he finds another job soon.
Now, a poem I was thinking of this morning or last night or something...just decided to write it here...

I'm crying inside.
I don't want to show the pain I hide.
It's there for all to see,
if you can see inside my heart.
A forced smile across my lips
attemps to conceal the truth.
Is this expression happiness,
or is it the pain of youth?
Tears flowing constantly
in the shape of a smile.
Its falseness there for all to see
because all the while--
I'm crying inside.

Comments (12) | Permalink

Saturday, May 27, 2006

   an hour later...

Thanks for the comments already about my last post...I'm not depressed anymore...I just feel really stupid. I'm horrible at concealing my feelings...HORRIBLE. I'm the most obvious person there is when it comes to how I'm feeling...*sigh* I feel so stupid now...I don't wanna go into why, just accept this post for what it is. I want to keep certain identities secret, that's why. ^^;

P.S.Oh, and I just submitted another pic...that fashion design I mentioned before. I even just made a new wallpaper! An Utena one. I even used the Utena drawing I did in it...so I hope they add those soon!

To you-know-who: I'm sorry...I won't let it get to me anymore...I promised anyway...so I'm sorry. I'll stop going on about this. ^^; You don't need to comment.

Comments (2) | Permalink

read and comment on this one first...

Thanks for the comments yesterday!! ^^ I see some of you checked out my pic and voted! Thanks a lot! I have another fashion design pic that I need to scan in...so I'll do that later. ^^; My back doesn't hurt as much as it did yesterday, thank goodness. I'm grateful for all the advice on how to make it feel better and on keeping in touch with my graduating friends! *hugs* Yes, I have their emails so I hope we can see one another some time again. Man, that assembly was boring...I see that you guys have the same view on things like that! ^^;

Gao...I've been feeling *sigh* lonely/depressed lately...ever since after art club on thursday I haven't been in such a good mood. ^^; I feel plain ol' bleh. I've been getting really nervous feelings, too...*sigh* It's like...oh, I don't know, heartbreak? Even though I haven't been "heartbroken" as most people would define the word, it's just how I feel. Have you ever felt this way? I'm sure many of you have...*sigh*

I have a lot of work to do...it's so stupid. School's almost over, yet they keep on piling up more and more crap to do. I have that history essay due, a book report (but it's not like a normal one where it's just a summary or anything...I have to rewrite a scene from the point of view of another character)...those are due tuesday, and then wednesday I have some bio projects due and a history poster. *sigh* Too much work...there's probably more stuff due that week, too. Then finally the week after that is the week of finals and then last days of school!

Alrighty, I'll leave y'all now...I'll check people's sites who have updated now. Forgive me if I don't get to all of them...there's quite a lot today. ^^; I pray that all of you find happiness.

Comments (4) | Permalink

Friday, May 26, 2006

owww....my back...

Well, I had a half-day today! ^^ It's nice and rainy and is supposed to thunderstorm all day!! Thanks for all the wonderful comments about my day/club yesterday! I hope that we somehow manage to get enough money for the art magazine's publication. ^^; It will be quite hard...but I'm willing to help out!

Today was a horribly boring and painful day, despite it only being a half-day...you see, today was the awards assembly for the seniors. They were all there in their caps and gowns, with parents in the bleachers taking pictures and whatnot. Lots of my friends are seniors...so I'm gonna be really depressed when they leave. *sob* Lunch will die when Laura leaves...same with math class. Sure she's a complete weirdo that tends to trail off into inaudibility quite often, in her own little world, but she's my friend. ^^; Math class will be very boring without the obnoxious guys in it. I'll actually miss them and their annoying laughs, jokes, and comments. Cara, and her amazing talent for video games (she plans on being a video game script writer) and her contagious laugh whenever she reads something funny (especially when it has to do with a bishie and his pants), will always stay a vivid memory in my mind. I hope I don't lose touch with them. ^^;

Anyhoo, the point I was going to make with this was...my back hurts from the stupid sitting on the stupid hard bleachers! >< For 2 1/2 hours!!!! It was sooo horrible...the assembly was so boring, having to listen to all these awards being given out to pretty much all the same people. I'm tired, and my brother doesn't work today (but right now he's at accupunture so he's out) so I probably won't go online later. I'm sorry! *hugs* Harvey, if you read this, I'm sorry we won't talk today (and that we didn't yesterday).

Oh yes, and check out my pic I submitted! Please vote and comment! ^^ It's a fashion design drawing I did last year...thought I had it scanned in before, but found out I didn't! I hope that all of you find love in your heart, cheer in your eyes, and happiness on the map of your life.

Comments (8) | Permalink

Thursday, May 25, 2006

   soliciting to teachers!

Well, I basically just got back from art club! ^^; It was a lot longer than it was originally going to be...right now it's 5:00. We stopped at like 4:45 though...that was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer than it was supposed to be!! It was fun though! For the first part of it we were just sitting around staring at the sketch for the mural and talking to the teachers that are the models for it. Then we went to the art/comp lab to talk to our teacher, Mrs.Startup, who runs the club stuff. We were talking about what to do with the mural, and then we brought up the topic of the art magazine that we were going to publish! We're like "Hmm...too bad the art magazine idea fell through...not enough time and money. ^^;" Then we looked in this drawer in there and were like, "Hey, remember these necklaces we made? We didn't sell all of them! We could try selling them again to the teachers!" So, well, we decided to do it right then and there!

So it was like a road trip in the school! We went around the whole place trying to find teachers still around that might wanna buy these lanyards to hold their keys or whatever. It was quite hard, and this one teacher was a major cheapskate, but we ended up getting around $50!! ^^ Now we're only about $200 short of our goal...*laugh* That's a lot more necklaces to be made! Overall though, it was an enjoyable day! I'm glad my friends were there. I knew Susannah was going to be there, but then my other friend Karen said she'd come, too! ^^ Well, that's all for now...oh, and my history teacher moved the essay to be due next tuesday! Yay!

Comments (6) | Permalink

Wah!! >< So many comments!! Thank you all so very much! Wow, I'm sooo surpised that there are so few that know how to dance! I was expecting the majority to be like, "Oh, only a AA on standard? Hah, I do songs on heavy all the time!" and stuff like that. ^^; I tend to think I'm really bad compared to most of my friends! Well, that sure boosted my confidence! ^^ I'm not too good with real dancing though...I just like to dance. I enjoy it whether i look ridiculous or not!! Animal Rights club went well. Most of the time was spent getting out snacks...^^; Then we talked about how we can raise money for the ASPCA. We're gonna sell these bracelets during lunches and give the proceeds to them! ^^ Gotta save those poor adorable doggies and other animals!

Thanks to my brother's working now, I've been able to do things that I've wanted to do, like go to the club after school! Today I am also going to a club! Art club! ^^ I think it goes to 3:30...so that's longer than yesterday's. We're gonna paint a mural for the english wing of the school. It should be interesting! My friend, Susannah, is in art club and always wanted me to go, so I finally am going! Too bad there's only a couple more weeks of school...^^; I started pretty late doing things! Hah, and everyday after school when my bro has work, I can be on the computer as long as I want talking with my dear, sweet friends! (Well, usually just one. ^^;)

Today I'll be busy though...I have an essay for history due tomorrow which I really need to work on!! And I don't have a free period today...I'm posting right now during art/comp class. ^^; So just warning ya, I probably won't be able to check much today or be online long!! Sorry!

Well, I made this a fairly short post! That's quite hard for me to do, you know! *hugs* Thanks for being my friends...you're all so great. *nods* Waaaay better than my "friends" in school. Well, have a nice day, y'all! ^^

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Gao...sorry, guys!! ^^; I won't post another strange post like that again...I'm surprised that I got sooooo many comments though! Thanks so much! ^^ It is better to look younger than you really are, I suppose! I just really had to get that out in writing. That stupid lady really made me angry! Even thought it happened months ago...Alrighty, anyhoo...I'll also try to not post such a wordy one today!

Last night I was in a really dancy mood! I had dance class yesterday (for gym) and we've been doing our hip-hop unit. ^^; We've been having to come up with our own hip-hop dance...well, I'm not too good at that. Actually, I like it and try to have fun with it, but my group memebers don't want to do anything. ^^; I'm like totally "grooving" to the music, which is more like moving in sporadic motions that resemble hip-hop dancing, but they just stand there and want to do everything really boring-like. To remember what crappy moves we came up with, we even wrote them down...So we've become known as the "concrete sequential krumpers." For those of you who don't know, krumping is a form of hip-hop dancing that's sorta like break-dancing but not...as in, it's more of a display of your best "moves"...um, just watch the movie You Got Served and you'll know. ^^; (I've never seen it, but my dance teacher put it in for us so we'd get to know what krumping is.)

But anyway, the point I was trying to make was...that since I was in a dancy mood I decided to play DDR! I played for about an hour...way longer than I usually do! ^^ I was sooo super happy when the last song I played (Dive on standard mode) ended...cause I got a AA!! That was my first time getting a double "A" on a song on standard...I was so happy! ^^

Today I'm planning on going to the Animal Rights club after school. It's quite the adventure for me cause I've never done any after-school activities! ^^ I hate doing things after school...but it's only for a half-hour so that's why I decided to try it out. I love animals so why shouldn't I go? My art teacher is the coordinator for it, and she was the one that asked me if I wanted to come. I'm getting my one friend to come with me, too, so it should be good. I hope that every one of you has a good day today!! *hugs* (Oh...and it seems that I have lied! This post was quite wordy...I have trouble shortening posts!)

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006


Wooh...ok...I guess I sorta creeped some of you out with my last post's topic, huh? Well, sorry!!! >< Some of you were kind enough to give me encouraging words. I thank those of you who did! *hugs* Yeah, I suppose it is better to look younger than older! So then I'll be like my mom when i'm 50 and people will think I'm only 30! It just runs in the family I suppose. ^^; This is funny...one time my family went to this business picnic thing for my dad, and these associates of my dad thought that my mom was his daughter! *laugh* So, yeah...I guess that's what I'll get, too. It's ok though...I'm comfortable with my body. It just annoyed me so much when that happened...and it annoys me that my brother says that I look like a "12 year old baby." Boobs aren't everything, you know! Ok...I'll stop now...I think I'm freaking you guys out even more (especially the males).

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   helping, tests, and smallness

Man...I wish I could just go back to sleep!! >< I'm soooo tired...I don't like waking up early. I don't know how so many of you can enjoy getting up at 5 (ie. Paintwriter). ^^; Anyhoo, thanks for all the comments yesterday again! *hugs* I hope that some of you continue to visit my friend Skomie. Thanks, Paintwriter, for doing so. *nods* I guess I can't change anything! My mom knows that I'm working hard at home...but she can't help out. She tries to make things easier for me though, like she tells my bros to do stuff...and plus she tries not to ask me to do everything cause she knows I'm doing so much, but I can't not help. ^^; I'd feel bad if I said I wasn't going to do something. My brothers helped out a lot more last night cause my dad was out of town at least. That was good. I feel good helping out people; it's in my nature. ^^; It can be a problem though...like being taken advantage of. *sigh*

I just took my last part of my Japanese final. It was really easy. ^^ Japanese class all year was a breeze for me though...thanks to all that anime watching! Yay! Unfortunately...I have a bio quiz/test today...*sigh* I studied, but not that much. It's hard to study when you have to keep on tending to dinner and cleaning up and stuff. ^^; I hope I do well on it though! It's on squid, jelly fish, and sponges...so basically a lot of labeling of body parts. It shouldn't be too bad.

Last night I was in a somewhat, I don't know, negative mood. Thanks to a short conversation with my friend yesterday, memories of an event that happened several months ago were triggered in my mind. I got annoyed all over again! You see...this is what happened. Sometime in the winter, my family went to the YMCA to use the pools. THere's 2 locker-rooms for the women: one that's for adults only (18 and up) and one that's for all ages. Ok, I can understand why women wouldn't want little kids running all around and being bothersome in there while getting changed, but I'd think by like 13 years old or something the kid would learn not to pull on mommy's swimsuit and stuff. So anyway, I go into the adult one with my mom (I'm 17...that's only one year under 18, so there's no problem, right?) So after going swimming, I was waiting for my mom to come back. When she came into the locker-room, there was this lady in there...we start getting changed, and she says, "Excuse me. No one under the age of 18 is allowed in here! Can't you read the sign??" Well, that was very alarming...cause it's like, "What? did you know I was 17?" So anyway, we lie and say I am 18. She's totally shocked and says, "Oh, sorry! I actually thought she was 13 or something! She looks so much younger!" Well...that really insulted me. Do I really look like I'm only 12 or 13?? I'm soooo sorry that I'm somewhat short and I have small boobs! Argh! >< It just made me so angry...it still pisses me off thinking about it. I guess height and boob size determines age. No one will believe I'm a senior next year then. *sigh* Sorry...for rambling on...I just had to get this off my (small) chest.

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