Monday, June 5, 2006

  

Wah! Gao...I'm overwhelmed with wonderful people here!!! It's crazy! Thanks for your comments...all of them were much-appreciated. Ayumi-chan, don't worry!! It's ok!! You've been busy with exams so I understand that you didn't have time to visit! *hugs to everyone* Thank you so much for taking time out of your days to visit me, really, it means so much to me. ^^ Do you get annoyed with having every first paragraph being nothing but thank you's? Just wondering...cause it's just what I do everyday. ^^; As you can see above on my profile, I have another nice banner!! ^^ It was made by Harvey, aka dspR. He's soooo sweet! *hugs* Visit his site! The link's underneath the one he did for me. ^^ Some of you are friends of his already, but I just feel that he should have more friends since he's such a great person. I had soooo much fun DDRing yesterday!! ^^ I was on a roll...man, I got so many new records! Just so you know, I was playin Max2. I did songs on standard...and now I have AA's on most of my faves!!! ^^ It was crazy..I can't believe I did so well. Anyhoo, thanks for the luck some of you wished me on my finals! Yup, thrusday and friday I have them...but I have a math quiz tomorrow first. ^^; School's almost out!! It's sooooo exciting! Umm....nothing really to talk about today. ^^; it is only 9:25 am and I'm in art/comp class...so nothing's happened of interest yet. My bro doesn't work today...and I don't have a free period later so I won't be able to visit many sites today!!! I'm sorry!! *sob* I just pray that all of you have good days today...please, cheer up and have a wonderful day! Even if you feel down, just remember, my feelings are always with you.

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Sunday, June 4, 2006

  

*hugs* Seriously, you people!!! Why are you all so nice??? It's like it doesn't even seem humanly possible...you're all so nice to me. Thank you. Everyone wrote such long and meaningful comments!! *hugs again* Thanks for caring...everyone. Really. It means so much to me...it's not like I'm happy cause over 10 people commented, it's what's said. I appreciate every one of you and your comments. If one of you usually comments, but you don't get to one day or if you're a dear friend of mine, then of course I'd miss your comment!!! It's not like I wouldn't notice just because there's over 10 others that commented. I would notice, miss, and care...because you're one of my dear friends. You're all so wonderful! If only everyone in life were the same. I'm sorry for writing such a long post, too...^^; I'm a writer! I don't know how I do it either. You see, I'm a conversational writer. I write how I would talk...so that means, if I have a lot to say then I'll write it all out! If I'd say "well" there, then I'd write it! So, yeah, I can't help it! I'll make today's much shorter. I've been on the computer for about an hour now...and I finally finished visiting everyone's sites who updated so far (it's almost 2pm). ^^; That's a lot...even though maybe only 10 or something people updated, I made sure to write long comments...^^; I have to make it up to you guys that wrote me really long comments, too! I'm sorry for worrying all of you...really, I am. I'm so grateful that you decide to take time out of the day for little ol' me. Me, of all people. Thank you. *hugs* Well, today's weather is pretty nice...and I think I'm gonna go play some DDR! I have math hw to do...which is the first time in several weeks (maybe even a month) since I've had math hw!! *sigh* She's giving us a quiz tuesday on it...this week is my last week of school!! Finally!! I have finals wed., thurs, and friday...and then I'm out for the summer!! ^^ Too bad my bro will stop working that friday, too...cause of quitting...*sigh* I hope he gets another job right away. Well, I pray that all of you have a safe and enjoyable day today (and the rest of the week). I love you all, and I'm very grateful for all of your kindness as well.

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Saturday, June 3, 2006

thank yous, no electricity, and sorry this is long...

You know what I love? You guys. My friends on here...everyone that comments and cares about me. *sob* You're just all so...great. This is why I wish I knew you all in person. *hugs* That way, I'd get real hugs instead of just text hugs. ^^; Well, I must say...thank you. Thank you so much. Even saying "thank you" doesn't cut it though. I feel that there's something else I should do or say to you to repay you for all your sweet words. Everyone that commented encouraged me, sympathized with me, and cared about me. I even got pm's with sweet cards (thanks xanth reborn!) and places to go to laugh (thanks thoa-kun!). Reading the comments almost brought me to tears...tears of love and joy though. There was one person whom I wanted to comment...but he didn't...that disappointed me, it really did...but at least I got great comments from everyone else! *hugs over and over* I wish I could just take a break and not comment on your sites for a few days...but I can't. ^^; I'd feel way to badly if I didn't comment. After all, my friends here, all of you, always comment on my site...so dearly. I visited sites that were already updated, but I don't think I'll be on much more for today. So if you update after 1:30pm, I don't think I'll get to it. Sorry. ^^; *sigh* Yeah...I guess I should stop carrying all these worries and burdens, but I can't...I can't just stop being the person that I am. ^^; I feel that I should be helping everyone that needs help...and if I'm doing something for myself, that it's selfish. I'm sure you wanna know how I'm doing today of course. ^^; Well, I'm feeling better...and it's all thanks to you guys. *hugs* I didn't sleep well at all though...our electricity went out last night at around 8:30 or something, and that really sucked! I love thunderstorms, but I don't like it when our electricity goes out...I was in the middle of playing Dragon Quest VIII, when it died...so I have to do all that fighting over again. *sigh* It was so dark...we didn't have any light in the room. I don't like pitch-black rooms...even when I sleep. ^^; Yes, I sleep with a night-light...so the rest of the night I was playing my DS and being completely entertained by this radio my grandpa gave me. I never listen to the radio so it was like a new experience for me! I couldn't sleep well cause of the thunder, the room being really dark so we had to put a flashlight facing up and it still looked really weird, the window was leaking, and my dog was barking...it was an interesting night. ^^; So, yeah, I'm tired...and I still have some reminants of depression in me (I don't think I never will). But I'm feeling better...thanks to my friends on here that care more about me than any of my "friends" that I know in person. Thanks again, and I hope your weekend is full of happiness!

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Friday, June 2, 2006

   continuing depression

Well, I must say that yesterday was an utterly terrible day...completely and utterly depressing. I had NO fun all day...even though my bro had work...I did NOTHING. I just felt like crying all day...and then I finally did (if you read my last post yesterday, you'd know...thanks to the few that were able to). I just reached my breaking point...after talking to a certain someone online and not getting any helpful feedback due to certain reasons...really just did it for me. I had to run upstairs and cry...on the floor of my mom's room. I hardly ate any dinner, and I think I'm losing weight. I haven't been eating as much as usual. *sigh* I think I'm 105 now...I'm usually 108lbs. Well, whatever...it just makes me so upset that I try to be so nice and helpful to my friends...but it's oftentimes not reciprocated. I'm used and thrown away..."thanks for helping me" THE END of friendship I'm terribly tired, too, of course...I couldn't sleep cause i had a headache and backache...and I felt like throwing up. Stress and crying makes things worse. I just want to sleep right now...if I wasn't at school, I would...but even at home I can't take a nap. At least it's the weekend. *sigh* Thanks for all the comments yesterday though...like on all the others...I had so many total! *hugs* It turns out that my friend (whom I said needed a ride) didn't have to wait there for hours. Our art teacher, Mrs.Richey, gave her a ride! That was really nice of her,and I'm glad that it went well for her. Yeah, I guess I am pretty hard on myself...but I just always feel that it's my fault when something goes wrong. *sigh* Thanks again you guys. I know you care about me...I just wish I knew you in person. I have no friends on here that I know in person...like a lot of you do, saying "oh [insert username here] is coming over my house!" etc...I could never say that, but I guess I'm not alone in that respect. ^^; Umm...yeah...not much time on the comp today cause my bro doesn't work...so I'm really sorry I won't be able to check the majority of your sites. I'm really sorry. *sob*

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Thursday, June 1, 2006

*Sob*

There...I just cried for around a half-hour with my mom...she of course tried to help me, but her words didn't quite do it...they made me feel worse. *sob* I can't see the screen really well right now...too blurry with tears...can't breathe...I don't even want dinner...

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Man...there's so many of you that updated today. I don't think I can make it to any...I'm sorry. *sob* I just feel plain ol' really depressed again. I'm really sorry...yeah, I had art club today, but it wasn't so great. I didn't add much to it...it was just me and Susannah...and Madii and Chelsea (but they left like right away). Susannah wasn't even gonna go...but cause I wanted her to, she did...so cause of that, she didn't have a ride. I said I could help her since my mom probably wouldn't mind, but unfortunately she drove the Corvette...which only has 2 seats. So I couldn't help my friend out. She might've had to wait there for 2 more hours for her mom to come. I don't know. I feel really bad cause of that...and cause, like usual, Im just excluded from every group of "friends" I ever attempt to have. I lose friends all the time, and I don't know why...*sigh* Less and less...I just feel really depressed right now! *sob* I can't wait till I don't have to even see friends during the summer...but by then, my brother probably won't have to work anymore since he quit. *sigh* I doubt I'll even be able to go on the comp much at all...I'm sorry. I definitely think that...there's something wrong with me. Other people just dont like me. I don't get it...and yeah, I get jealous a lot.

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   art club? friends?

Gao...tired...like usual. ^^; Sorry for being all of a sudden depressed last night...I started all super happy in the morning...then as the day went on...*sigh* Thanks for the few people that answered my questions. *hugs* They were just things that were on my mind...or that I've been feeling lately. Except I don't wanna kill myself. Suicide is selfish. It's so stupid...*sigh* Art club hopefully today...I don't even know if it's gonna happen or not. Seniors are pretty much gone now...I'm lonely...I'm in art/comp class right now...I look to the right of me, no Cara. I look to the right of me, no Laura or Mike...*sigh* My friend who's a super art club person, Susannah, says that there might not be a club meeting though cause of no seniors and no one comes anyway. We don't know what we're doing anymore. I wanted to have fun making necklaces...but oh well. We'll see what happens. I guess I'll stop complaing about my brother now cause my mom...doesn't want me to. She doesn't like that I'm making him out to be a bad guy...he's not, but he just annoys me so much. I'm so glad that at least she doesn't check my site. She doesn't like it when I talk about "personal" things to friends. "Personal" things include from anything about any family members to what our sleeping arrangements are in our house! She gets annoyed by that. Cause last night we were sorta arguing about that...cause she's like, "you've been doing that! you've been telling friends stuff that you probably shouldn't!" I don't care! I'm not like her...I trust my friends with personal problems. She doesn't...she said she'd never tell her friends anything that personal, but she doesn't mind...cause she doesn't even have friends now. She's the type of woman that married right away and dedicated herself to him (the husband, my dad) and her family, no friends. She says that friends just complicate things...and that they're only as good as when they are friends. They mean nothing afterwards...*sigh* I guess this is where I get my...I don't know...problems with friends. I must have inheritied it or something. Well, I pray that all of you have a wonderful day today...good luck with anything you need to do well on! *hugs* *sigh*

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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

   stuff...and questions...

Thank y'all again for the comments already! And I see more of you read my scene/story! ^^ Some of you were confused...but that's to be expected since you haven't read the actual novel. ^^; Um, no animal rights club today...unfortunately...*sigh* It was cancelled. Tomorrow is art club at least! I'm pretty sure about that! ^^; I'm gonna contribute to the student slave labor to make more necklaces to sell! Yay!! ^^ I can't wait!! >_< Umm...wow...I'm really at a loss for words here; that's very unlike me. ^^; So, if any of you decided to check and read my post again...I shall ask you some questions! 1. Do you feel depressed often? 2. Have you ever felt like killing yourself? 3. Have you ever felt like you're not really here? You know, like you're doing stuff, but it seems like a dream? 4. What is true love? 5. What do you think of me? Ok, that's it...they're pretty depressing, I know. I'm just sorta in a depressed mood right now...actually. ^^; I wanna cry actually...but I can't. I don't have a specific reason for it. *sigh* I think I'll play some piano...I haven't played in a really long time...

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*hugs x50 billion* I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!! >_< You're just so amazing!!! Your comments made me so happy! Well...the ones that read my story/scene did! If you haven't read it yet, please take the time to do it! It's only one page typed! ^^; Well, maybe I should continue this and make it a full-blown fanfic of the book? Interesting...^^ Maybe I will...I really did enjoy writing it, so, yeah! Sorry it did seem long though. ^^; Again, the book's called Watchtower by Elizabeth A. Lynn. If you like fantasy you must pick it up! All of her books that I've read are awesome, especially Dragon's Winter and Dragon's Treasure...*laugh* She totally incorporates yaoi into those like you wouldn't believe!! Azil and Karadur...man, they're a hot couple. *laugh* Anyhoo, very hot out yesterday...and today...*sigh* Exhausting! >< I'm going to the animal rights club after school today. I hope we do fun stuff! Umm...let's see...I was gonna say something, but I don't remember. ^^; I'll post again later, but for now I gotta go to next class!

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

   book report! >_<

Why, helloz my dear, sweet friends of mine! *hugs* All of your comments were quite helpful. I'll try not to keep my feelings inside so much...I still haven't cried for quite some time, but maybe I should. ^^; Indeed, it's not good to keep emotions bottled inside, but then again...that's why I like writing about them here to you guys and expressing them in poetry. *nods* Well, I finished my book report last night so that's why I'm posting in English right now! ^^ She's giving us this period to work on it, but since I finished...well, free time! I really liked mine! I had to rewrite a scene from the book I read, Watchtower by Elizabeth A. Lynn, from the point of view from a different character. I really liked this project cause I liked my book a lot! ^^ It was almost like writing a fanfic or something, but it was just one scene. I really want to share this scene with you as well! Since I don't know a place to upload text files though...I guess I'll just have to copy and paste the scene here! It would make more sense if you knew what the book was about, but maybe you could research that on your own...but you should probaly know that both Sorren and Norres are women, and Ryke and Errel are guys. So, without further ado...here's my scene! Please read it if you want! ^^ It looks long...and I'm sure you'll all shy away from it, but whatever. Don't be scared of it! ^^; Oh, and forgive the horrible formatting...cause I don't really know html. ^^; So I don't know how to indent... Sorren, deep in thought as she gazed at the fire, was still sitting on the blanket that was laid out. The sparks danced, just as the cheari did that night, undulating in and out of the rocks containing its burning power. The flames’ mesmerizing command over Sorren caused her to not notice Norres’s absence by her side. “Norres, love? Where did you go,” Sorren asked curiously as she swung her head around in every direction possible. Where did she go? Stupid fire…because of it, I didn’t even notice her leaving my side. I’m so used to us being shoulder to shoulder, I suppose I didn’t even feel her being gone. Sorren sighed and grasped her knees with her arms. Looking around again, this time in Errel’s direction, she noticed that Ryke was gone as well. “Errel, did you happen to see where Ryke went? Both he and Norres are no longer by the fire,” Sorren relayed to Errel in a concerned tone. Placing his hand on his face in a contemplative pose, Errel looked up, trying to think of where Ryke went. “Ah, yes! I remember now. Ryke was getting a bit thirsty so he decided to go over to the well over there. It’s right past those houses, near the shed. Are you concerned about him or something?” Errel paused and then looked around to see that Norres was gone as well. “Oh, I see. You’re looking for Norres, and you think that they might be together,” Errel teased. Sorren blushed but turned just as quickly away from the fire so as to not show her rose-tinted face to Errel. “Surely you jest! Yes, I’m looking for Norres, but why would they be together? It’s just a coincidence that they’re gone at the same time. Norres is probably tending to the horses…or maybe the goats. You know she’s a real animal person,” Sorren’s speech quickened as she tried to explain to Errel the situation. What would they be doing together? Norres surely wouldn’t be…with Ryke. No, she wouldn’t! Ryke is too hardheaded to understand others’ feelings, and there’s no way that Norres would be with anyone but me. “Well, thanks for the information, Errel. I think I’m getting thirsty now, too. I think I’ll just run over to that well also.” After saying that, Errel giggled to himself, but Sorren was too quick on her feet to notice. As she swiftly passed by the houses, stepping over stones and ignoring the barking dogs, Sorren reached the town’s center, which was just near the well. From where she stood, near Vanima’s center idol statue, Sorren could see two shadowy figures near the shed Errel had described. Could that be Norres and Ryke? No way…that can’t be. This can’t be true! Attempting to stay out of their view, Sorren tip-toed closer, using her cheari experience to dance along silently until she got close enough to hear their conversation. However, she only stayed there long enough to hear one question. “Are you in love with Sorren?” Norres said. Sorren heard this question posed to Ryke and blushed. She didn’t want to stay any longer. Afraid of his answer, Sorren swiftly ran back to the blanket near the fire, going past all of the houses and barking dogs again. What could that mean?? Why would she be asking Ryke that? Does Norres like him? Is that why? Or…is she just concerned for me? I don’t want Ryke to love me…he’s nice and a strong warrior, but Norres…she has always been there for me. I hope she isn’t the one in love with him…No, she couldn’t be. Norres is too strong a woman to have a man capture her heart. With these thoughts in her head, Sorren began to stare at the cheari-like flames again. Well, I hope you guys liked it...if you read it...if not, well, shame on you! *sob* Anyhoo, it's gonna be over 90 degrees today..too hot...I hope that all of you have a good day!

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