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Thursday, November 11, 2010

my birthday!!

Thanks for the comments last time! *hugs* It's been a while...so I forget what I wrote about. XD Thanks though!

It's midnight now...so it's officially my b-day! :D I'm 22. Two two's. ;___; I feel so old. Ok well, at 2 am I'll be 22...woooah. D: So many two's. On the 12th of november, at 2 am, I shall be 22. But yeah, anyhoo...

Thanks already for the b-day wishes, and many thanks for those to come. :) *hugs* I love you guys!! If I get any gifts from you dears, I'll add them to this post or whenever I post again, I'll share them...<3 Look at greedy ol' me, expecting gifts lol.

My computer died. I'm on my netbook right now, which I hate being on for long. I don't have a desk, and it gets really hot...so this is why this post is fast. Tomorrow when my bro comes over, he's gotta fix my computer. It's so old...it's died so many times. :( I hate it. But I love it. I love that comp, and I don't want a new one...but it might be time. All those viruses and lack of any memory on the hard drive is taking its toll. Yesterday I was able to delete some duplicate programs I had on the C drive...so guess how much space I freed up?? 1 GB! Yes! My total was 1.2 GB's. TOTAL. I was running on megabytes, people. That's how old my comp is. The C drive, where all the programs and stuff go, its total space is 10GB. You could buy a freaking flash drive with that much. That's how old that comp is. My trusty friend. So yeah, I was pissed to see it not start up today...*sigh* Who knows what's wrong...

I wonder what gifts I'll get. <3 Aside from the books and manga I ordered and bought at the mall with mom. ^^;; Yesterday I went on a tiny shopping spree with her to get things to save for my b-day. Manga, another fantasy book and 3 shirts/sweater. Other than that, I have no idea what I'l be getting.

First friend to text me happy birthday? Brad. Yeah, my badminton partner. :] He's so nice...so sweet and fun. A shame he has a girlfriend, otherwise I'd think there could be more. But until he breaks up with her (*cough*lol*cough*), I'm just happy to have him as a friend.

I never get gifts from friends though. IRL. Like they never remember...or care enough. Then again, I don't do parties. I'm not like my cohorts at school that party every waking hour of the night, drinking themselves crazy and probably having sex. On FB, that's all I see pics of. Big drunken parties with plastic cups everywhere. It's gross. That's NOT my idea of a good time. Mine is...staying home and doing nothing. :D

*hugs* So yeah, thanks again for the wishes! I love you guys!! I'm going to bed and then waking up to my b-day. Hehe. ^_^ Take care!

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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Hello, my dears! Wow. It's felt like a long time since my last post. XD For some, it wasn't long, but it is for me! 4-5 days is a while lol. Thanks for the comments last time. :) If you didn't read my last post here, well, the only thing I guess you could check out would be the pics I took of myself with my new blonder hair. ^_^ Thanks again!!

I haven't been in the arting mood. Yes, arting lol. I don't think that's a word, but whatever! I just haven't been inspired to make any cards or anything. ~__~ But I made myself make a card yesterday. I spent so much time on it, and I know tons of people supported it (THANKS!!), but I'm still not a fan of how it turned out. :/ I guess I'm in a mini-slump or something. I've felt like I'm slumping in a lot of areas of myself though. .__.

I edited my last post whenever cause I did indeed make that world I was thinking of doing! <33 My book review world. ^^ [Wow, that first sentence is filled with horrible grammar lol!] Uh, but yeah! I've added several guest posters. If you haven't checked the world out yet, please do. :) Especially if you love reading! I posted my first review already. Of the Nightrunner Series. ^_^ It was tough to do cause there's so many books in it...and it's still going lol. But yeah. I think I've enticed more people to read it! And to want to post their own reviews. Hooray!

I had graphic arts class tonight. I always enjoy that class...my teacher is just SOOOOO nice and sweet and helpful. It's great. Although I already know so much about Illustrator and Photoshop, so I tend to get bored easily and finish way earlier...today she actually spent time with me for once. You know those mice shampoo designs I submitted here? I was done with this, waiting to do the next project, but she didn't have anything yet (cause so many other people aren't done). So she stayed with me for a while, giving me some critiques on that project. So now my mice shampoos are more "perfect"! Lol. I'll submit the edited version some time. And then after that I told her some of the things my advisor wants me to work on for my portfolio...so she dug up some projects/assignment sheets she had on things regarding patterns. So like for textile patterns. ^^ They deal more in color story, moods, etc. They're fun though. Really cool! I worked on those for the rest of the class. :) It was nice that for once she gave me special attention lol...I'm usually just waiting around, bored, while she helps everyone else. I also asked her if she could write up a letter of recommendation for me. ^^; So whenever I FIND a freaking internship. -__-

I need a shower...lol...(by the time you read this post, I will have taken my shower)

Sooooo things have been pretty stressful lately. I haven't been a happy camper. Tonight's graphic arts class was the highlight of my week. The rest of the week has sucked somewhat...and it was supposed to be AWESOME. Why?? Cause my brother and dad went on their fishing trip! They left monday morning to go to Florida to first visit grandma and other family of my dad's, and then they were off to their cabin in the wilderness. XD To fish. Yeahhh, I gotta admit I've missed them. They'll be back saturday though, and now I feel like THAT TRIP WAS SO SHORT. It's been wonderful being able to play all the games I want without Corey controlling things! After all, it is HIS ps3. ~__~ So I've been attempting to cherish these moments without him around. Ahhh. But anyhoo, that's why this week was supposed to be great. Just me and mom. But school hasn't been fun.

Stupid school. I can't wait for it to be over with. :( May 16 is graduation date. I so wish I could just fast-forward to that day...I don't want to do the stupid internship thing. I don't want to write anymore papers or do anymore presentations!! T__T *sigh* I have all this homework I should be working on ahead of time. Projects. But I haven't felt up to it...like depressed. And then I get depressed thinking about how I won't have time to do them. So it's a worry for a worry. But the main thing on my mind, as usual, is the internship thing. Our advisor hasn't helped us as much as she was supposed to. I haven't heard back from anyone, and I'm not alone. My classmates are in the same boat! :( Well, some people aren't, but a lot are...so we're panicking. I feel like I'm panicking more because I have my dad on my back ALL the time about this. Heck, even today, while he's still on his trip, when he called he asked about that crap. He tries to manage everything, no matter where he is!! D< NO ONE WANTS AN INTERN. NO ONE WANTS TO HIRE ANYONE. AND ESPECIALLY NOT ME. I f-ing hate this.

Yesterday I had my meeting to schedule for next semester. It was supposed to be quick and easy, but it didn't end up that way. of course! Nothing is ever easy. All my classes are night classes, except one that's EARLY morning...thank goodness we don't meet that often for that one. But still. And then what's worse is that 2 of my classes overlap. It's such a hassle! My interior design class overlaps with seminar. Two classes I NEED to graduate. :[ Sooo thank goodness Sister Denise (who helps us schedule) teaches the one class...so she actually...said that she could do a one on one thing. -__-' I mean, great. I guess. So it'll just be me and her for 2 hours talking about interiors lol. OH BEJEEZUS NO. Dx And that will be before the other class at night. I'm so pissed off about that just cause...that'll mean I'll be there from 2-7. Torture. Torture. All of my last classes next year are related to my major; all fashion. I normally wouldn't care, but I'm kinda afraid because they recently painted some areas in the fashion hall...and I reacted to them....so I'm just really really scared that I'll be in those classrooms and get a reaction. :(((( All 5 classes are up there!! I just hope and pray that come spring semester it won't affect me. Or that it was a fluke. Cause we were scheduling in the sewing room, with all the fabrics and things everywhere which cause me to flare up, too.

Anyway, so I had to take this sheet Sister had written out to...I don't know. Is she the dean? Lol. I don't even know. That's pathetic! XD Being here almost 4 years now! Haha. But yeah, I had to give it to this nun, and she was rushing me along cause she had a meeting...she read over the sheet (course override sheet so I could still sign up for both classes even though they overlap), and asks me "Uh. What does this even mean?" I had to explain, and I hate being put on the spot like that. My face was burning up. -__- From allergies or embarrassment, I don't know. But she rushed me out of there...so I don't even know if it'll work. If I can even sign up for it or not. I feel like I'm so screwed.

Yup yup. Basically school has been stressing me out a lot. I'm so close to graduating, but it still seems so far away. I just want to give up! I'm SO OVER school. Seriously. Senioritis to the max. Everything's killing me lately.

Alright. I wrote enough. Everything about complaining really. Ohh, no more badminton. Had my last class tuesday...so no more ogling the hot guy. I'll just stalk him more on FB. XD And Brad is just a friend. I don't want to steal him away from his girlfriend. I'm rather glad badminton is over. One less day to make me have major anxiety in the morning, and now I feel better not being in contact with those guys. I prefer to avoid than confront. :/ Oooooh! I just remembered something else I didn't get to talk about. ;__; Ah well, I'll let the pics do the talking:
Voley voley voley!
Cuteness in my hand.
(I think you can still read descriptions on them, right? Even if you're not a friend on FB?)

Ok sorry, now I'll end this post. *hugs* Thanks for reading!! Take care!!

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Saturday, October 30, 2010

I don't know how I wrote so much about nothing.

Hey, thanks to everyone that commented last time! :) Sorry it's been a while since I posted on here. I've mostly stayed on theO...although things are pretty dull over there,too. :/ But thanks to you guys! OMG Gi-chan!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?? I've missed you so much! *hugs* I hope to see you again soooooon. <333 Thank you all for the advice on the guy thing. I'm not going to do anything else about it. XD Chris added me on FB, but we won't talk much. I honestly like Brad, my badminton partner, more...even though he isn't as "cute" as Chris, haha, but his personality is awesome. Plus we text! :] So that's better. We're just friends, and that's fine for now. Anyhoo, thanks again~

So I decided to vector another lily that's supposed to be on that collab with that friend on AP...which will never be finished. EVER. I swear. He keeps making excuses and stuff...and I never get to see how it's coming along either. Actually how THEY'RE coming along. I think I agreed to 2. :/ Who knows. So regardless, I'm still submitting the vector! I really think it turned out well. ^^ Maybe not the stem and leaves, but eh.

So it's almost midnight, making it officially Halloween. 10/31/10. Happy Halloween to those that care! Lol. I know a lot of you are really excited for it. Some of you revel in cosplaying and still trick-or-treating or whatever. So that's fun. ^^ Do tell me if any of you have plans! I haven't trick-or-treated since I was...I don't know. :/ 8 years old? Maybe 11 tops. *sigh* My childhood was robbed!! ;__; Cause my brothers are so much older than me, and they stopped doing it, so then I had to stop. Plus, we never lived in a neighborhood...so we'd have to drive far away. But anyhoo, yeah, Halloween has never been a big "holiday" for me. Lol. It's just another day. But to those of you that love it, go have fun! Eat tons of sweets, enjoy yourselves, but don't enjoy yourselves TOO MUCH. XD

I haven't had much to post about lately...soooo yeah. My life is so boring. *sigh* But don't worry, I can always drag out some things!! XD

Today mom highlighted my hair. Although with my short hair...it hardly seems like highlights, it seems like an all-over dye. Haha. So my hair is much blonder now! Much lighter. ^^ I feel bad though cause when I had my hair done the last time, the lady put those "lowlights" in my bangs...supposedly making them darker lol. And here I am making everything lighter again. I guess I like my hair lighter...I don't know...although I've always wondered about darker. ~__~ I know; I talked about some of this stuff in my last post lol...but yeah. No pics today.

Haha, my brother and I watched BrΓΌno (btw, it took me several minutes to find that ΓΌ shortcut) yesterday...quite hilarious. Quite crude, yes. XD Much cruder than Borat, but still really hilarious! And very gay!! Lol. I swear. It was 90% gay-related humor. Um, I don't know if I said that correctly...but if you saw the movie, you'd know what I mean. Haha. I love movies or shows where common people have no idea that they're being filmed or that the person (actor) isn't being serious. What these movies show though...is how rude and discriminatory people can be in the US. Both Borat and Bruno show that a lot of people, just being themselves, are incredibly ignorant or rude. :/ But anyhoo, yeah, funny movie...some gross parts (lol). I want to see Jackass 3D out in theaters now; I've always liked their movies, too! XD But I don't want to watch it in 3D...I'd get vertigo. Do any of you know if it's available, like, NORMAL? Not 3D? Ahah...yeah...nevermind...

I've been a bit down lately. But then again, when am I really happy? So my advisor sent out an email regarding the internships again. More papers discussing what we have to do, the requirements, etc. And she wants to have more meetings about it. I just feel screwed. Like there's no way I'm going to be able to get one in time. I just can't. None are close to me. No one wants to hire someone who's never worked before and has nothing on their resume. And I have to work on my portfolio, which I obviously have a lot in it, but I don't think any of it is any good...or at least...my anime-related stuff. I know she's going to be like WTF get rid of it. Like it's not going to work. It's not "original." I don't know how I can go through each of my things and explain what I did to make it...you know, like how I write my descriptions here. *sigh* Anyway, I'm still feeling helpless on this. Like I suck. I SUCK. And my teachers keep telling me to just get a job anywhere before getting the internship. Yeah, ok, no. I don't have that much time...yes, I keep putting obstacles in my way, but I can't help it. I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE ABOUT THIS CRAP.

Oh jeez. School just. Ugh. I can't wait to graduate. Provided I DO get through the internship, graduation is May 16...hooray...

I've been thinking about making a new world. One where we can post book reviews and such. It would be open to anyone that wants to guest post. :) It's just an idea right now, but I might want to do that! Cause I totally want to write whole posts about the Nightrunner series or other books I've read lol. XD And I assume some people would be interested as well? What do you think?

*hugs* Sorry. This was a messy post. Chunky and full of nothingness. Told you my life is boring. I wrote a whole paragraph on BrΓΌno for heaven's sake. Forgive me if none of this interests you! ^^;;; But thanks for reading anyway. *hugs* I'll leave you with a song...I don't know how many of you love/hate Katy Perry, but I think this song is really uplifting!

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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

today's predicaments.

Thanks for the comments, fuz and faroe!! :) So nice to hear from you. *hugs* Fuz, I still need to add you. I forgot. XD

What to do about a guy.
Awawa. I need to start with something. Is it a bad idea to add the guy you have a crush on on Facebook?? ^^;; I know some of you don't even have or use FB much...but you know what I mean. I just sent a request to the guy I think is super cute in my badminton class. >> I wasn't going to do it! I was just going to keep secretly stalking him lol. But I went and added him. I mean, he has over 600 friends on there lol...there's no way he'll notice me, or rather, ignore me. Right? Unless he sees my Utena profile pic and is like "wtf nerd." Who knows. I guess I'm just afraid...that he'll think something is up! Lol. Random girl wants to be friends all of a sudden? Friends on FB. I don't even talk to him in class. ~__~ Cause I'm so freaking shy. So I tell mom about him, and she keeps telling me to be forceful. Like just talk to him about anything! Dx I can't do that. You gotta remember, I've NEVER had a boyfriend before...and I really don't have friends that are guys either. :( Online, yeah, but IRL, no. Despite my brothers and dad, I'm not that comfortable talking with other guys. O__O So anyway, it's too late, but I just wanted to know what you guys thought lol.

It turns out he's a music major, not a sports management major like I thought (his body is that of an athlete <3); he plays the piano, like me!! *__* And he's younger than me. That's a downfall. ~__~ 2 years younger! *sob* I'll graduate this May, and he'll be there till '13. Ah well. Nothing will come of this anyway. Nothing ever does. How do you get a boyfriend? Seriously. I don't know how it works. That sounds so sad and pathetic, I know. But I have no clue how it happens. .___. I'm always too afraid. I like being unnoticed...I don't like being the center of attention, which is why adding him is like wow for me. XDDD Haha. But I like being single! That way I can fantasize about fictional boyfriends (lol) and enjoy my yaoi just fine. ^_~

Ok, now then. New art. A drawing I did on Illustrator of a teddy bear. Something my advisor wanted in my portfolio...something to be like on children's clothes. And then an e-card. I don't know why so many people liked it!! ^^; I'm not a fan of how it turned out. But thanks. :)

My anxiety has gotten worse! So yeah, every morning now, when I have school, I feel like I'm going to throw up. :( It's so horrible. I can barely eat now...breakfast, that is. And even in badminton, I still felt sick. I used to feel better once I got to class, but not anymore. I can barely talk when I feel this way...cause whenever I do anything I'm afraid I'll throw up! :[ I hate it. And I don't know how to get over this.

Today: doc visit.
So today, yeah, I had gym. My partner Brad wasn't there, so I was with this girl. She was really nice and funny. We got along well. Um, after class mom and I had a dermatologist appointment. She got the all-over body check (for moles), and I was just there to see if this lady could help at all with my red/burny/itchy/spotty face that I get with my MCS reactions. Oh gawd. Mom and I were explaining our situation...how we came to have this and our reactions and stuff. The nurses and the doctor...they treated us like we were crazy. It was really rude. Like "Oh, I don't know anything about that. I can't help you." Like you're not even going to try? Oh she even said a lot of kinda rude things....mom said that a previous doc she saw kinda gave her hope, telling her that maybe things would settle down and everything would be alright eventually. So this dermatologist lady says, "Well, you'll be WAITING A LONG TIME." *rolls eyes* How nice of you. Ugh. Anyway, all I got out of the visit was a prescription for a cream that treats rosacea. Greaaaaat. She basically was like, "I think...I'll just treat you for rosacea. And acne. Try this." THANKS. Argh, this was frustrating! So mom and I left with a lot of complaints lol. I think the worst was just how she was talking to us...like she was annoyed by us and our problems. Oh she was FINE with the mole-check, but anything else, STFU.

Mom almost got into 2 car accidents today. Bad drivers everywhere. It's scary.

My dad took his test...well, see, he's been studying to get some sort of business certification. He's studied for over a month for this thing, and you have to pay to take it. After all his work...he didn't pass. He was so upset. All the questions weren't anything like what he studied like wtf. He's mad and doesn't think he wants to try it again. It really sucks. :(

Phillies lost today. Sad, sad. It's not over yet, no way...but being down 2 games to 1 is a lot worse than us being the ones with 2 wins! Remember, it's a best of 7 game series, so first to 4 wins. My boys better win tomorrow...

Saving a dog.
Ok. I think I wrote a lot as usual, but I felt accomplished with this post lol!! Oh waaaiiiit! I wanna say that my friend saved a doggy today. :] I don't remember if I told you guys, but this lady had 2 chihuahuas that she needed to give away (moving). Corey knows her from work. She asked us, but dad wouldn't let us have another dog...anyway, the lady was able to find a home for 1, but the other was still with her. She said that the SPCA would put him down if she brought him there, so she really needed to find a good home for him!! And we couldn't provide it. :( So I asked around my friends on FB...and my friend Jen said that her dad okayed it!! Welllll today was the day that the lady brought the dog over to her house, and her other dog got along fine with the chihuahua, so she got him!! ^_^ I'm so happy about that. Saved a dog's life! <3 I would've been so sad if he had to be put down. I'm so glad my friend could take him.

Alrighty! NOW I'M DONE. Sorry! I love writing. XD I can't help it. *hugs* Thanks for reading and commenting! Take care~

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Friday, October 15, 2010

nature and stuff.

Heeeey. Thank you all for the comments last time! Lots of comments! :] Sorry for not posting as much here. It's always so late...and then I get too lazy...and then I forget to repost. ^^; *hugs* But thank you~~~

Since it's been a while, here's my art you might have missed. If you care! XD

It is COLD today. ;__; It went from still kinda summer-ish to winter. We went out for a walk with Totoro, but we ended up doing something different. Mom still walked him, but I went with my brother and dad down to the river to look for fish. ^^; I haven't done any exploring nature like that with them in forever. See, last week they went to this river and caught little baby fish (bass, bluegill, minnows) and put them in the small tank we have (that was empty; all the discuses are in the bigger tanks). Several of them...committed suicide. ^^;; They jumped out of the open areas on the top lol. So we found several...dry, dead fish on the floor. Poor things. Sad but funny at the same time. Anyhoo, so since so many died, they wanted to go back and find more! I was just going to walk with mom and Totey, but dad brought extra boots (VERY BIG and also had a tiny hole, apparently) and asked me to come along. Sure, why not.

So we walked around in the river, on the rocks, in the woods...lifting rocks and trying to find the fishies. But we've had so much rain lately that the river was sooooo high. So unfortunately, no luck in finding any. :/ But it was still a fun time, despite the strong wind and COLD. T__T So now my face is all red and irritated, as if I don't get that enough from my other sensitive skin/MCS problems.

Here are pics that I took of us out there. XD Mostly nature-related, and some of me, my brother, and dad. Yeah, that's just linking to my FB album. As usual, I'm too lazy to put them anywhere else. But this pic
is my fave, so I uploaded it on dA! :D Lol at the pics of me and my brother...he looks horrible, and I look like a hobbit. Or an amputee hobbit. Ehhh. Either way, not so good.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. <3 Corey works, so I can have all day to myself~ Just playing games on his ps3, and then at night is the first game of the NLCS (next round of the playoffs)!! I've had to go about a week without baseball. O__O It's been TORTURE. My boys better win! Come on, Phillies! Beat San Fran! XD

Did some homework today. Yay excel spreadsheets. I never really had to do them a lot in classes, and here I have to do them all the time in Buying...and yet they're not as hard as I thought they were. :/ And I don't even have Excel. ^^; I use openoffice. I don't know if I'd be able to do these things on the REAL excel lol! Since I'm used to it on OO. But yeah, I've been working ahead on hw lately. I'm such a GOOD STUDENT. :D Oh, and I got a 95% on my last buying test. ^^ And here I barely studied for that one lol! All A's so far!

Hmm...it's late...as usual. So I better end this here. I feel like I didn't write as much, but who knows. Have a watch at this video. Warning, there's a lot of the F word...so if you have sensitive ears, don't listen lol. But it's a very good video...very powerful. Sending out a message about gay rights. I want some of those shirts! XD

Thanks for visiting! <3 Take care~

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Thursday, October 7, 2010

some repost from theO. baseball yesterday, and crying today.

Thank you for all the comments! *hugs* You guys are great. XD I find it amusing that I've gotten more comments on here than theO. I swear people must hate me over on theO. No one is commenting my stuff, especially not posts. Yeah, yeah, I know people are "busy," but is it that hard to comment on my post? Just...once? I haven't heard from so many people in so long. And yet I've seen them comment on other people's stuff. But anyhoo, thank YOU guys for commenting here on myO. :) Lute, xaos, corn, and Anna! <3 xaos, aww, really?? Well, I'd love to be a writer for TGF, except I don't think I do write enough about those things. I know I sure CAN though. It's just I haven't been watching much anime lately, and I wouldn't know what to write for games, although I sure play a lot. XDDD Thanks though! Feel free to PM me more about it. :) And arigatou again to the rest of you~

I'm just going to repost my post from yesterday that I REPOSTED today on theO with an edit lol. XD Yes, lost of "posting"! I'm too lazy to rewrite things. And seeing as I haven't heard from anybody on it, well, might as well spread the word here...soooo except for the edit, everything that says "today" should be yesterday (oct.6)...like the baseball game.
New wallpaper.
Yes, it's odd for me...Inuyasha. XD I don't normally make things from mainstream stuff. :/ But it was a request, so I went with it. I like how it turned out. But it makes me mad that theO wouldn't let me upload the widescreen version. :( So I put the link to it in the description...but still. Apparently the size of the file is too big? Maybe? I don't know. It's like the same as the standard version. >.< I never had problems with that before, but noawadays, it happens a lot to people!

I have to start out with Phillies goodness...ok?? Some of you won't care, but I DON'T CARE. WHY? CAUSE I CARE. That so didn't make sense. But it did to me. :D

It can't get much better than that. And by better, I mean gayer. And by gayer, I mean sweeter. And by sweeter, I mean...sweeter.

XD So what does that mean? Well, today was the first game of the playoffs!! AND MY BOYS WON. Yup, one win down!! This series is a best of 5, so that means we need to win 2 more games to move on. :D But what was amazing, and why Carlos and Roy are hugging so enthusiastically (lol) is because Halladay (roy) pitched a no-hitter. And I'll have you know that this was his first time starting in a postseason/playoff game. EVER in his career. I mean really? He looked like a pro lol! As usual!!! A no-hitter is when, as it sounds, the opposing team doesn't get a single hit during the game. He did allow 1 walk; because of that, he didn't get another perfect game (he had one earlier this year)...and those are RARE. These things are f-ing rare, and he does it twice in a season? And in his first game of the playoffs??? Yeah. They said that this is only the 2nd time in baseball history that a no-hitter was thrown during the postseason. Like holy crap. He will be enshrined in awesomeness forever...

I'm so glad I didn't have to go to class.

Other Things
Well, aside from baseball...today I just had business law. I gave my friend my work for international business to give to our prof. That's the class I can't go to cause of the new carpeting. I didn't hear from my teacher today...so I'm not sure what to do for next week and beyond lol. I guess just do what I've been doing.

Things haven't been good for me lately! As you know. Mentally, I've been struggling. Worries about the internships etc. Well, every morning I've been having major anxiety before class! Any class. Any day. Usually these feelings go away after a week or two of school. I've already had over a month! And it's gotten worse. :( My allergies are worse, too. They aid in making me feel sick in the morning because of all of my phlegm...and having to blow my nose non-stop. So yesterday I was supposed to have gym...I was looking forward to it. I had on my new exercise stuff I got; I thought I looked cute! All ready to impress the guys. XD So we're just about to go, and what do I do? Throw up. Yeah. Great. The anxiety feelings...just too much. *sigh* I've felt nauseous every day for a while now!! .___. I hate throwing up. It's horrible. And I always cry. So I didn't go to class...I felt bad about it, but I couldn't go feeling like that.

I'm falling apart at the seams, and I'm only 21. -__-' All my aches and pains, worries, emotional breakdowns...I swear!

I could talk about more stuff...but I'll spare you. Tomorrow I just have graphic arts. I didn't go last week...so hopefully I'm not too behind. Thanks for visiting me!! I love you guys! *hugs* Take care~ HUGS FOR ALL.

P.S. My brother is so annoying. When isn't he? But lately he's bothered me even more. I mean, he doesn't act like an almost-30 year old. He cut his hours down at work, so he only works 3 days a week. It's absurd. So I have to deal with him for 4 days...and what's worse is that 3 of those 4 days off are in a row. It's torture. And he's always so rude to me. WHY WON'T HE F-ING MOVE OUT??? Or at least look for a better job!! *sigh* He finally works tomorrow...but then he has off again...and then he works the weekend. It isn't enough. :(

The Edit of Today
Edit: (oct.7) I'm currently in my graphic arts class...it's almost over. I actually just submitted the project I just finished here lol! Take a look. :D

Well, today was horrible. It was supposed to be a good day. Sleep late, wake up, relax, play games, then go to graphic arts. Didn't happen. Right when I got up I was accosted by my dad...talking about the internship thing. I actually had good news for him cause my advisor replied to my email, offering me help! She said she would contact some of the places I was looking into. So I told dad, and he was like WTF THOSE PLACES ARE NO GOOD FOR YOU. YOU CAN'T MOVE UP IN THOSE COMPANIES BLAH BLAH BLAH. Well, he said some other things, and he really hurt my feelings...he said a lot of mean stuff. So I left, really upset to get breakfast. That didn't work out. When dad came down, he didn't apologize or anything. He pretended like NOTHING happened. "I don't even know what I did wrong." WTF? You said things to make your daughter cry. So I kept crying. I cried harder and harder, for about an hour. I've been so depressed lately, you guys know that. I've even had some bad thoughts...if you know what I mean. So I told them. Like I've been tempted to hurt myself. ^^; Ugh! But anyway, I cried a lot, and mom comforted me...and dad later hugged me, but no apology or help. Nothing will change in him. He can be so wonderful and so horrible at times. He ruined my day.

He also was yelling at my mom later. He needs a job.

Ok, that's all I wanted to add. :( *hugs* Thanks for visiting...

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Thursday, September 30, 2010

weather, bugs, wallpaper, frustrations.

Thanks for the comments, guys! Lute, corn, faroe, and SS~~~ You're all awesome. On one of my worlds, I requested that people visit a friend's world for a little request from a friend of his<--link to the friend's post. It'd be awesome if you can go and check that out. It deals with AIDS awareness. :) Thanks~ I'm going to kinda...title each section of this post lol! I guess the most important part is the one about my advisor meeting. ^^; Thanks again for the comments! Oh, and some replies: corn, those weren't shots for being sick. Those were cortizone shots in my neck to help with my neck pain. ^^; And to those of you that asked about my class going online so I don't have to be in the room, well I had to write a little note to give to my friend to give to him this week lol. I had my numbers and email on it again. So he called me and said he gave my friend stuff to give to me to do.

Hmm...we'll see how long this post goes. XD It really doesn't matter. Even when I say it'll be short, it's still long. So whatever. And it's still smack-dab in the middle of a school week so I'm not expecting much. :/

Today's Weather
We had soooooooooooo much rain today. It was a scary storm. ;___; Like...the wind was crazy. I'm not sure how fast it was blowing, but it sure seemed way stronger than I've seen in a long time. We're getting the effects of a hurricane, I suppose. It was real dangerous out there....so I didn't go to my graphic arts class tonight. XD More like, I was just in a lazy mood. I wasn't up for it. Plus, graphic arts has been giving me some trouble lately lol. Not the class, but the topic in general. But anyhoo, yeah, the weather was crazy. It's still going on, too. I'm glad the electricity stayed with us! There were tornado warnings, and I'm so thankful we didn't get hit. T__T I've never seen a tornado before, thank God. I never want to. They seem like the scariest things in the world...

Bugs Ewww
Stupid SPIDERS. D< *goes to kill one on the wall* Sorry. We have tons of spiders down here. It's gross. And stink bugs, my GAWD the stink bugs. These past few months...have been the worst ever for those!! Apparently these retarded little things aren't everywhere. But in my area, we've been having like...plague-size amounts. They look like this but much smaller (thank goodness lol...don't look if you're not a fan of bugs haha) And they're everywhere! It's hard to go outside without them swarming and trying to get inside. ;__; My dad, the other day, came inside wearing some shorts he left outside...BAD IDEA. He was covered in them. They were dropping off of him in the house. O__O I was like "GO OUTSIDE!! THEY'RE FALLING OFF OF YOU!!" Bleh. I can't wait for colder weather, so all these gross bugs will be dead.

The Wallpaper
If some of you saw last night that I submitted a new wallpaper, yeah, well it was deleted. Apparently I used some fanart from dA, but I didn't know it cause I got it on zerochan. ~__~ LAME. But anyway, if you would still like to see the wallpaper, I have the links for you. :]
---->1600x1200 (original size)
I was really annoyed about it this morning, but I'm better now. :/ What does annoy me currently though is that when art is deleted on here by a mod, you don't get a notification about it! Or a reason! I mean, forget a reason, but just a notification would be nice. The only reason I know why it was taken down was that said mod is a friend and she PM-ed me. XD But theO should take a cue from AP. If a wallpaper or scan is removed for whatever reason, you get a PM stating so and why. I don't know how MT works or other places, but I think that would be helpful. Cause one day you have something submitted, and then the next it's gone and you don't know why lol.

New Advisor Internship Meeting...
Ok so the other day I had my first meeting with my new advisor. Polly. I heard great things about her! Great things. "Oh, I LOVE HER. She's soooo nice! So cool! So funny and helpful!" -__- So that gave me hope! I go in there, and...ehhhh. Let's just say I didn't get the same impression. :( The cute thing is that she's very southern! Up here on the east coast, you don't hear many Georgia accents. XD Her hair is really blond, a pixie cut shorter than mine. She has super blue glasses...um, yeah. She had promise! She started out nice! But then as we got into the meeting, I got the other side of her. She's really strict...a workhorse that pushes her students and employees hard. Oh, she's a businesswoman alright. *rolls eyes*

Ok, so she starts off by asking me what my interests are. What do I want to do for the internship...or in the fashion industry. I answer, of course, with graphic arts/design. Well, I almost regret saying that. And I also regret being honest and telling her I have no work experience. From that point on is when her demeanor changed. Going from lighthearted to OMG YOU FAILURE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK SOOOOOO MUCH HARDER THAN EVERYONE ELSE TO GO ANYWHERE IN LIFE. YOU SURE ARE LIMITING YOURSELF. WHAT? YOU WANT TO WORK LOCALLY? OH YOU'LL GET NOWHERE DOING THAT. *sigh* I'm not kidding. She really did say some of those things. Maybe not the failure part, but the way she was talking to me it was as if I was. I am, rather. She kept telling me how hard it will be for me to get an internship or a job in general with no work experience. I'll need to do way more work compared to the other girls. :/ And since I want to find something in design, she told me to get together my portfolio...with specific things. She basically told me to do some other art projects to add to it. She shot down hand-drawn things like I already have (Oh no, only things on the computer!). That pissed me off...as if people that submit portfolios or are in graphic arts don't draw by hand!!!! D< Ugh. And then she says only put "original stuff" in there. I told her about my wallpapers and ecards, and she poo-pooed them. POO-POO I say. I mean wtf??? That's what I DO. FOR FUN. These things are my works, too...so I have a feeling she'll toss them all out if I show them to her. I'm afraid to even bother. They don't exactly have art appreciation for anime things.

Ugh. Anyway, yeah, she basically ordered me to do this, that, the other thing...it wasn't about what I want, even though this is MY future. And sorry, I'm not going to travel to New York for 2+ hours to do an internship and then have to drive all the way back for classes. She seems to think that it would be easy. STFU lady. I thought the meeting was going to be about helping me search for some internships...or she would take in what we'd say and then help to look. She instead told me to "broaden my horizons" and not just focus on graphic design. Huh?? *sigh* Well to make an already long story a bit shorter, I wasn't happy with this meeting. I wasn't. It made me depressed, and I still am. It made me doubt any of my art. And it made me doubt my chances of even graduating...cause if I can't get an internship, I can't graduate. :( I feel like a failure. I've been trying and trying to find internships online...but no such luck. It's like I don't know how to search or something. I can't stop worrying!

*hugs* Thanks for reading! Whoever did! I really appreciate it. :( You guys are great... hope theO isn't dying either lol. So few updates. Take care~

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Saturday, September 25, 2010

summary of updates post!

Hey guys!! *hugs* Thank you for the comments! :) Wow, 5! Haha, that's actually a lot. XD Even on theO I'm barely getting any. So thank you. It's been a while, and I've been posting more on theO, so this post will be a sorta...summary of what has been going on for those of you that only check myO. I'll try to make it brief! ^^; Thanks again faroe, Lute, deadly neko, corn, and Raisha!!

First I'll share the art I've done in the past week! :) Some cards, wallpapers, and even a drawing! So take a look if you want. ^^

Woo! That's a lot! XD Thank you for taking the time to look! <3

Alright...so let's see. Remember me talking about my international business class? That's the one with new carpeting. I get my really bad reactions to stuff like that (MCS)...and so I've been talking to my teacher to see if he could change the room. Well last week, no such luck. But there was progress! he actually said that he'd be willing to try and set the class up online for me to do. :) I still haven't heard back from him though...he never replies to my emails. :/ he asked for my phone number, but he hasn't called that yet either! ^^; So I'm not sure what to do by wednesday. Like will I still have to go to class or what? Lol. Cause He didn't really inform me at all! But I'm still glad that he understands my situation and was honestly trying to get a new room. And now he said I can just do stuff online. Fine by me!

The Phillies (baseball) have been winning like crazy! They had 11 wins in a row until they lost tonight. :( Oh well, but still...it's crazy. We're in first place by a lot now. Oh how different from a month ago! XD Haha. Tomorrow we're going to the game. ^^ It should be really fun!! <3

My neck isn't any better so those cortizone shots...ugh, didn't work! It really sucks. I don't know what to do now. My neurologist never even called me back. Um on thursday I went to my normal doc for a physical in order to get a driver's permit...yup, I still don't know how to drive...

Yesterday I got my hair cut! :] This part I'm just going to copy and paste from theO, so if you read my last post on there, this isn't new at all. XD i'm too lazy to write it all again. [paste]I just went in there to get it cut...but I wanted something different. I got a new girl to cut my hair, and she was like, "You know what would be really cute on you?? If I made it super short in the back and like spiked it up...but keep it long in front." Ooookay! So that's what she did, and THEN she said, "Heeey, you know what would look great on you?? Some dark lowlights just on your bangs." I had no idea what that mean, but i was like "SURE. But how much does that cost?" XD It was reasonable! This was my first time getting color of any kind professionally. It was only on my bangs, but still. She did the foils, and I had to sit underneath that heater/dryer dome thing...gawd, it was HOT. I swear. A billion degrees!! D: My face was SO red afterwards. ^^; Um, but yeah. I think my cut turned out well. I'm not sure it looks that different though...lol. What's sad or kinda ironic is that I've been working hard to get my bangs way lighter (highlight them myself), and then she did these dark lowlights...and it's as if I never highlighted them. -__- Like back to my natural color! Argh. Oh well. I mean it looks cool and all, but I thought it'd be more dramatic.[/paste]

And here are a couple pics:

Hmm...and I have lots of hw to do by monday...I did a lot today already, but I still have lots more. ;__; How I'll fit it in tomorrow after the baseball game, I don't know lol.

*hugs* Ok, that's it. I can't think of anything else uber important that was missed!! XD Thanks for visiting me! Take care~

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Saturday, September 18, 2010

ups and downs and pocky.

Wow, thanks for the comments you guys! :) Haha, a lot more than usual! *hugs* Faroe, Roleni (sorry they kept getting cut off, ugh!), Lute, and corn! <333 You're all awesome. I doubt anything will come of me and my badminton partner...haha, but whatever!

Wow, theO is pretty uneventful today...lately...yeah. Like barely any updates today. O__O So I'm not expecting many comments either. Is the site going dead? Or is it just school stuff, despite being the weekend?? Ah well. I guess it's good to have a non-busy day...though I admit I didn't get around to commenting much today. I have nice excuses lined up, don't worry! :D

So here's my new card. I spent a lot of time on it. ~___~ Like way TOO much time. I was really happy with it how I had the text at first, but then the more I looked at it, the less I liked it, so then it was a game of musical...words. XD Switching them here, there, everywhere, until they ended up where they are now! I like it more now. I think. Lol. I'm just so picky. When I first did the text, I had it up...like at the top of the glasses guy's head, and I had more of the lyrics there, too. But then I pared it down...and then moved it down etc. Wow, I guess I'm writing all this here cause I didn't put it in my card's description. Haha. ^^; Like anyone cares!

Ugh, I really want some Pocky right now. I'm stuck with Pretz roast. Bleh. I mean...they're ok...but they don't have the chocolatey goodness of pocky, and they don't even taste like pretzels. >>' It's just odd. A mix between the pocky biscuit and a pretzel. What's your favorite kind of pocky? I used to like strawberry the most, but I've definitely gotten away from it. I actually like the "men's pocky", which is the dark chocolate kind. Weird, cause I don't care much for dark chocolate normally. And I'm not a man.

My dad kinda annoyed me today. You know I call you guys my friends, and I was telling him about...well, something, I don't remember, but I was like, "my online friends..." and he says, "How can you call them friends? You don't even know who they are, and you don't know what they sound like! Why don't you talk to them on the phone or something? How are they friends if you don't even talk?" WTF DAD SHUT UP. That actually pissed me off. I took offense to that...because you guys ARE my friends. A friend doesn't have to be someone that you know face to face or talk to on the phone. Heck, I don't even talk to "IRL" friends on the phone lol! He even brought the topic up again later. I didn't even want to respond. You guys are my friends, and better ones than the people I DO know in person. :/ So I thank you all. *hugs*

Today I got my glasses fixed. And for now I can say that they feel fine, and I can see out of them! XD Cause before I was messing with them so much, trying to adjust them myself that I screwed them up waaaaaaaaaay too much. But now...I think they're alright. ^^;; Me and my glasses. I can never find a pair that feels comfortable!

Now then, as I said in my last post, I ended up getting the cortizone shots in the back of my neck to help my pain. Yeah, it was scary and horrible. Now...are they helping? I'm actually not sure yet. :/ It's rather disappointing. Depressing, too. Because I had a migraine today, and my doc said that the shots would prevent migraines for a while, too. *sigh* So that's why I'm not sure if they're working or not. At first I thought I felt like...yeah, it's good, but ehh. I mean, am I still just sore from the shots themselves? Does it take a while for them to actually work? Cause it's supposed to relieve inflammation. Who knows. -_- I just have to continue to pray that they help! Otherwise, I'm stuck with nothing again. Just constant pain!

I was feeling kinda down today. I still am. I got like really overwhelmed with school stuff all of a sudden. I went from ok to panic mode. I won't go into details cause you'd be bored to death or just not care, but I have stuff to do and I'm confused by it, and I don't know what will happen with my wednesday class in the freshly carpeted room...and I just don't know. I hate not knowing! I have anxiety over the unknown! Like my online teacher said for our assignment this week (due monday) that we have to do "chapter 3 question." Ok. Uh...wtf? WHAT QUESTION??? THERE'S LIKE 20. Ugh! It's frustrating. Sorry. But the down feeling hit me like a bag of rocks at around 6pm...lol...I hate school...

Boy scouts are ripoffs. Feeling generous, my parents decided to buy a bag of popcorn from them...for $18. Jeez, kids. It better taste good. The bag they put it in reminds me of guinea pig food packaging...

Ok. I wrote enough. Sorry~ At least I'm entertained when I post. ^^; Whether you guys are or not lol!! *hugs* Thank you for reading. Take care. :)

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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

B is for badminton and balloons.

Hey there! :] Though I think I'm mostly just talking to Lute. O__O And maybe corn and faroe if you guys come by. XD But definitely Lute! *hugs* Thank you for your comment~ Sorry for not posting in a while. I've mostly stayed on theO...too lazy to post on here! ^^;;

Why is theO (not myO) whoring itself out? I swear. These full page ads are ridiculous. I tend to click outside the main part of the page...and so it keeps bringing me to the f-ing ad page. Adam, please. He did this before, and people hated it, so he does it again. I know...it's probably just for one day as it was before, but it's darn annoying. Hey, he's gotta make money somewhere, right? But...does it have to cost theO its dignity?

Happy birthday, nami! <3 This card is for youuu. I love it. <3 Winnie the Pooh is my idol. XD So cute. It's also a continuation of the alphabet card meme that SakuraD came up with. So I tagged her to make one that will deal with a C word. It's fun stuff. :] Then she'll tag someone to make a card dealing with a word that starts with D and so on! Sakura was really creative with this. XD Obviously my letter was B. B for birthday card, B for balloons. β™₯

Stupid glasses. I swear. They're not comfortable, so I've been adjusting them myself...and they've just gotten worse. So now they're off-kilter, and I can't even see clearly out of them. I keep taking them off and just wanting to throw them against the wall!!! I'm typing this right now without them on, and I can't see a darn thing. I'll go back and edit before I post though. XD I'm blind without my glasses, and that's what sucks. Also I don't want to wear contacts. I've just been having the hardest time finding comfortable glasses!!! :( Ugh. But yeah, I think I'm legally blind without them. Does -5.00 count for that? That's what a friend of mine told me a few years ago, but she contorts the truth a lot so who knows. XD

Tomorrow I have my neurologist appointment. So wish me luck!! (though I'll probably read comments after it...) I'm not sure what will be done. If I'll have that shot in the back of my head/neck, or not. ^^;;; I'll be scared to death if so, but if it helps...heck, I'll try anything. I have a feeling he has no more meds for me to try so I need some other solution to my migraines and neck pain. Everything starts with my neck. My right side...there's something wrong with it, and my chiropractor can feel it, but he can't fix it. -__- So who knows. But ughhhhhhhhh. I just hope my neurologist has some solution! Painless, hopefully!

Tomorrow I'll have my first quiz in a class, too. Business law. O__O Bleh. Not fun, but it shouldn't be too hard. And thankfully we don't have international business tomorrow night...that's the one I can't go to cause of the new carpeted room. ~__~ So I have at least another week to figure out what I'll do. *sigh* Or hope that in this time my prof will get to switch to another room!!

Today I had badminton. Yes, that's all I had. It was great~~~ Fun stuff!! XD What I love most is the amount of cute guys in class. ^^;;; Yummy to look at lol!!! And I'm partnered with one of the guys. He isn't the cutest, but he's really nice. His name is Brad, and I think I like him. >>' I haven't had a crush in FOREVER, literally. Haha. He's also in my international business class. So we talked about that some, and I told him we don't have class tomorrow, and he was like, "NO WAY! For real??? *laughs and smiles* That's the best news ever! Cause I didn't want to write that paper for tomorrow." Lol. :] The only downfall to him...is that he smokes. I can smell him a mile away. ~__~ Ugh. I'm allergic to cigarette smoke, too...lol. Plus it's just bleh. So he's nice, pretty cute (gorgeous blue eyes), but he's got that one downfall. Ah well. I doubt anything will happen, but at least I have badminton to look forward to! XD

So one of our new fish already passed away. RIP little yellow guy. I didn't even get to name him. He was sick when we got him...usually the yellow ones are like that. :/ Maybe yellow discus have recessive genes that make them weaker? Cause we've had...4 now, yellow discus, that have died. :(

Okies. I think that's it! I noticed lots of updates today. Great cards and walls and posts! But I didn't have time to comment. Sorry!! .___. I was reading Shadows Return (Lynn Flewelling, the Nightrunner series I've been reading...and my avi is from the apparent manga version!) It's soooo good. Gawd, I love this series. D: Flewelling is a genius! Anyhoo, off topic...sorry again for not commenting! I love you guys though. I hope you can comment...I'm missing lots of people. ^^; Take care~~~

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