Good Evening Everyone ^^ My name is Alan and I am a psychotic weirdo. I suffer from constant mood swings, I have split personalities and I have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I change my personalities to fit the enviroment. if i go to a place that i sense people hate me then i would hate them back and be really evil. if i go to a place i sense i am wanted and loved then i am really nice. i have mood swings because of my depression and actions taken against me. If i am happy and then i remember something bad that happened then i get really depressed. i have constant memories that haunt me that is PTSD. it works the other way around too if i am sad and then i remember a happy moment that recently happened then i become happy. Well now i am still depressed but i am not evil anymore because i found my true love and her name is Dolly her sn is Sakura18. she is the only one that makes me happy. I love her with all my heart. I love her with every fiber of my being. Words cannot say the feeling i have for her. I love her more than anything and everything in this or any world. well that is all goodbye and enjoy your stay here ^.^
PS: can you please join my forum that i created ------>http://s6.invisionfree.com/Hackers_Paradise/index.php?
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
well if you go to my last post and you read the comments you will find a person whose username is "shugoisadumbass" well that person is lil_angel. i can recognize her atrocious grammar lol. she said that i posted 10 thread about me dying and stuff. well my my friend created that forum. and i felt that everyone was nice enough so i told them my life story. and then i found out there were bitches like lil_angel. she got mad at me becausemy friend posted that she will cry if i leave she said it was "fake" well it may be fake but at least she tried to help me and that shows that she was sincere. lil_angel thinks that everyone online is fake. she thinks everyone online is a liar. you should go read her comment its funny. well her friend caramella is also really stupid. she thinks that everyone who believes these stories are stupid. well people who believe these stories are sincere and want to try to help. all of you who read my posts know that i am not lying. why would i lie? there is no reason for me to lie. i am telling everyone my problems because i believe that is better than keeping it all inside. i trust you all that is why i am telling you this. its funny because in the comment thing in my last post there are 5 comments. 3 of them supporting me 1 thanking me and one just bashing on me. the 3 people that supported me are really nice people ^^ they are: Inuyasha311, Vampiremage666 and fireice demon. they supported me ^^ the one thanking me was chiithecutey because i went to her site to try to help her. i am a really good person to those who are kind to me. i am a really loyal friend. but then people like lil_angel and caramella are the ones who made me turn my back on everyone well i wont believe them no more. 1 out of every 5 people are like her but that means that mostly everyone is sincere. i now know that. i will not turn my back on anyone anymore. i will just move and and forget all those people who have hurt me. i will be smarted than them and i wont let them get to me. they are stupid and i am not. i will not suffer any longer. i will move on i will suceed. wow i have made many changes i now have my self esteem back. i am finnaly gettiong out of the darkness. i am finnaly reaching happyness. and i would like to thank everyone who has supported me ^^ i will not be depressed anymore. i will move on. i have learned that not everyone are fuckers. i am stronger than them. hehehehe i am happy and they are not. they are trying to make me feel sad but it doesn't work anymore. hehehehe thank you everyone oh and readthe comments down there in my last post.
Monday, January 10, 2005
well i am still confused but i found out something. that caramella and lil_angel are stupid sluts. they called me a pity whore WTF. lil_angel doesn't believe that people online are sincere or good. she doesn't believe in online friends. even tho she has some. she says that online friendship is fake. she is fucking stupid. i have had many online friends. i am still making online friends. they are nice to me. she is just self obsorbed. she also wants credit for everything. on invisionfree forums she is going around asking for credit about some idea that wasn't even hers to begin with. she thinks everyone is like her and wants everyone to be like her. she is dumb. well caramellas problem is that she wants to proves everyones total stupidity. she wants to make everyone else feel bad so she can feel superior. its quite funny. she is the pity whore. her definition of pity whore is someone who makes up stories so they can get attention. she says she made up the killing the cat post. she wanted attention. she is the pity whore. she also said that she was showing how gullible people are. WTF!!!! not everyone is a liar like her. she thinks everyone believes what they are told. lil_angel and caramella are the stupidest ho's around. both of them think everyone lies and are stupid. the people who believe stories are those with a good heart. people believe me because they have a good heart. they didn't believe me and then they called me a pity whore. sheesh. they are stupid. they think i am lying about my problems. why would i lie? i tell the truth because i think everyone deserves a chance to know me. they are the type of people that made me go crazy in the first place. they are the people i want to kill. but i wont stick down to their level. they are pity whores and i am not. hehehehe this is the first time i dont put myself down hehehe wow i am sure changing a lot ^^
Sunday, January 9, 2005
Who Am I?
I dont know who i am anymore. i am lost in my own life. i cant remember when i was happy. i can only remeber the suffering. was i evil when i was younger? did i want to kill everyone when i was younger? do i want to destroy everyone now? i dont know anymore. i was living in hell my whole life and when i finnaly get out i get lost. i dont know what it feels to be happy. am i happy? i think i am. i have never felt like this. i was always hated by everyone. i have just realized that not everyone hates me. but i dont know how to react anymore. when i was hated i responded with hate. and now that i am liked i dont know what to do. i think i am truly evil but i dont want to be. i want to be happy. i want to be with my true love. she is the only one i truly love. she always brings me happyness. she makes me feel something i have never ever felt before. its undescribable. its something unknown to me. she makes my heart pound. my heart has never done that. she makes me feel so warm and loved. i have never felt like this. she has really impacted my life. she is the one who i need to thank for bringing me out of hell. but i still dont know who i am. i am still lost. I want to know if i truly am evil or not. i still have urges to kill every human being but then again my love for my g/f makes me not evil. i guess the saying is true "love makes you do crazy things" lol. yesterday i was singing to her. i sang mambo # 5 and i also sang shooting star. i also sang vermillion and a song called burn in hell by Dimmu Borgir. i sang different types of music for her. it was weird. lol. well i dont think anyone will read my long post because its boring and stuff.
Friday, January 7, 2005
Wow, today was awesome. well in my forum i made a new friend. he is really cool and really nice. he is 19 but he is really nice. well that was not the reason i am saying wow. the reason i am saying wow is because my g/f called me. she rarely calls me and the last time we talked on the phone was about 1-2 months ago. i really missed her voice. i really love her cute voice. it really made my day awesome. well now i believe her. i was having some problems about not believing her but now i do believe her and i love her more than ever. i love her sooooo much. I was doubting that she loved me. i have had doubts but that is noit a problem anymore because talking to her cleared my mind and showed me the truth. she does love me. she loves me a lot. i was doubting that but now i say it confidently ^^. well today was awesome ever though yesterday i was truly evil.
Monday, January 3, 2005
I am pissed!!!!!
here is the post i read:
"I just recently had to get over a loss in my life. I lost my bird. After that I lost all respect for animals seeing as they just die on you anyways. My friend Micky let me borrow his mouse, Robbie, one time. I dangled Robbie over my snake's cage for two days. Just watching it squrim for its life, terrified of the snake below; The amount of fear it was experiencing was almost erotic. Then I put Robbie back in his cage. That was only the beginning.I killed a stray cat I found out on the road once. I took a brick that was near me, picked it up and with one quick motion the cat's head was nothing but fur and blood and small pieces of bone. The rush it gave me was wonderful. Feeling the excitement of taking a heavy object and smashing it's skull, hearing the last sound it will ever make, was beautiful. Just last week I saw a dying racoon on the street that had its legs run over
and it was trying to move, so I walked over to it, and placed it right in the middle of the lane. It was great.
I have a problem though.
I have a really hard time removing the blood stains off my band t-shirts. Is there a specific brand of detergent that I can use to remove the stains?
Thanks a lot!!"
here was my reply:
"I F****** hate you. how could you kill poor defenseless animals. you are a F****** retarded b****. you are just F******* stupid. you love to see others suffer. you are sooo f****** sad and pathetic. why dont you go kill your family members huh? why dont you. why dont you go kill your mom? why dont you kill your dad? you are just a f****** pathetic little bitch. you just take advantage of animals. why dont you make yourself suffer. you are afraid to suffer because you are alittle b****. you were calling me stupid. you are the F****** stupid one getting off on animals suffering. you should just go kill your parents if you love to see suffering. go kill them. GO KILL THEM NOW!!!!!!!!! you are just one pathetic b****. if you truly love to see the suffering you should go kill your parents. but you wont cause you are afraid. you are afraid of suffering. you then take it out on defenseless animals. that is the most pathetic thing.
I have put asteriks as to not break the rule of no cussing."
All you animal lovers out there doesn't this piss you off? i am an animal lover. i love and adore all animals. doesn't this person sicken you? its really fucking sad. people like this make me sick!!!!!
Featured Quiz Result:
hehehehe this is awesome!!!!!
hehehehehe HAHAHAHAHA *starts laughing psychotically*