Sunday, January 9, 2005
Who Am I?
I dont know who i am anymore. i am lost in my own life. i cant remember when i was happy. i can only remeber the suffering. was i evil when i was younger? did i want to kill everyone when i was younger? do i want to destroy everyone now? i dont know anymore. i was living in hell my whole life and when i finnaly get out i get lost. i dont know what it feels to be happy. am i happy? i think i am. i have never felt like this. i was always hated by everyone. i have just realized that not everyone hates me. but i dont know how to react anymore. when i was hated i responded with hate. and now that i am liked i dont know what to do. i think i am truly evil but i dont want to be. i want to be happy. i want to be with my true love. she is the only one i truly love. she always brings me happyness. she makes me feel something i have never ever felt before. its undescribable. its something unknown to me. she makes my heart pound. my heart has never done that. she makes me feel so warm and loved. i have never felt like this. she has really impacted my life. she is the one who i need to thank for bringing me out of hell. but i still dont know who i am. i am still lost. I want to know if i truly am evil or not. i still have urges to kill every human being but then again my love for my g/f makes me not evil. i guess the saying is true "love makes you do crazy things" lol. yesterday i was singing to her. i sang mambo # 5 and i also sang shooting star. i also sang vermillion and a song called burn in hell by Dimmu Borgir. i sang different types of music for her. it was weird. lol. well i dont think anyone will read my long post because its boring and stuff.