Monday, March 27, 2006

   BORED

....Will post more later.

Ani-chan: *giggles and continues to play with her litte white ball*

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Sunday, March 26, 2006

Well, this weekend has almost gone to crap. I really don't know what to think about it. I did go to the movies to see Stay Alive. It was a badass movie. It jumped from roof to roof and got my friends free cable. I really don't know what to post here at the moment.
Last night, I had another dream in which I was raped. I don't know if I would call it a dream or a nightmare. I don't really care to classify it at the moment. Unlike last time, I could see the detail of the man's face, and the dream came in three stages. All of which I remember. I'll probably post about it tomorrow.

I have these lyrics stuck in my head. It's kind of how I feel at the moment. I suppose I will post more tomorrow. I think it's just the Spring Break still washing me out. Anyway-

Ladies and Gentleman of the Inbetween, I present to you FAINT and Somewhere I Belong By LINKIN PARK

FAINT
I am
Little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
A handful of complaints
But I can't help the fact
That everyone can see these scars
I am
What I want you to want
What I want you to feel
But it's like
No matter what I do
I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I let go
Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that i'm not
But i'll be here
'Cause you're all I got

I am
A little bit insecure
A little unconfident
'Cause you don't understand
I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense
I am
What you never want to say
But i've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do
I can't convince you
For once just to hear me out
So I let go
Watching you
Turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that i'm not
But i'll be here
'Cause you're all I got

I can't feel
The way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
This damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored

No
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me
Like it or not
Right now



SOMEWHERE I BELONG

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I want to heal
I want to feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I've held so long
[Erase all the pain 'til it's gone]
It's gone]
I want to heal
I want to feel
Like I'm close to something real
I want to find something I've wanted all along
Somewhere I Belong

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own

I will never know
Myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
Anything 'til I break away from me
And I will break away
I'll find myself today

I want to heal
I want to feel like I'm
Somewhere I belong

Ani-chan: *Sigh* I guess i need to play in your dreams again Maki-san. That dream from last night was scary....C'mon...let's play...

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Saturday, March 25, 2006

As posted by Dantes Revenge32:

No subject. The following is more than likely going to be an extremely long rant about life in general until I have to get ready for work. Please enjoy Nonetheless
Hello. My name will never be revealed in this site. And to those who don't even know it, I apologize. Forever I will be known as Majeh while writing on this site.
Now that formalities have been taken care of. Here r a few facts about me that few people know. I am mentally unstable, have multiple personalities, one of which likes to go in homicidal raids of the humanity. He is known as evil Majeh. I have not unleashed him upon the world as some of you might have noticed. No mass killings of random people on the news lately. I also believe that this is not entirely my fault, as I think I am the reincarnation of not just one but many idiots, murderers, and just plain, fucked up people throughout history. Now while at this point I am pretty sure most of you believe ma when I say that I'm out of my fucking mind. But for those few who still don't, I have on last thing to tell you. I AM THE SON OF THE DEVIL. However, he is not the devil you think him to be. Yes he does run the dead in a way. No, he does not have horns, a tail, or a pitcforked tongue. Nor is he any shade of red, except when he gets a sunburn. HE is a simple man, whose job is not to condemn to all eternity in hell. Hell is merely a place where people who have done wrong in their life may repent for these crimes. Now it does have a couple of Torture Rooms As He calls them, but I've seen half of them, and all they are is a room with a tv, a chair that holds you're eyelids open, and playing on the tv set is a rerun of Barney. Creepy, I know but that's also for less formidable crimes. To find out what awaits the formidable times, you'll just have to come back another day. Because right now I have to get ready for work.

Love, Peace, And Chicken Grease,

Majeh

Here is my comment:

Glad to see you're doing well. If I'm following this post correctly, you are leading on to say that you are Satanist?

Of course, you know that I'm not Satanist...but that doesn't mean that I am unfamiliar with the religion. There are I think 9 rules, plus a few more guidelines that one must follow. Can you name them like I can?

Eh...I just thought that this was pretty interesting, and for those of you who can remember Cracker from '04 '05.....*sighs*
There ya go.

I really don't know what else to post. I'm in a mellow mood at the moment, and I really don't have to effort to post anything that's really on my mind besides what is posted above. I guess....Just enjoy these icons:




Also, thanks to all that commented on my last post. Even though it's only 8, it means a lot to me. Thanks to all my friends who care about me. I love you all. *throws pan de dulce at people who comment*
(Pan de Dulce = Sweet Bread)
And anyone who actually knows who that girl is in my picture thing above gets a hug and/or a kiss on the cheek from me the next time I see them!! ^*^

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Friday, March 24, 2006

I don't know why she swallowed the fly...perhaps she'll die

There is much drama that is to be had at the place where I go away for hours. Luckily, today, I had Ani-chan with me.

Ani-chan: Although I was happy to see everybody, especially Seth, that boy did frighten me when he appeared outside. What happened to his hair?!

Oh yeah, that's right. He did get a haircut. Remember how it used to be all wavy at the bottom. I don't know how to describe it, but it lookds a little funny, ne?

*giggles* I didn't want to say it until you did first....Maki-sama, you're hands are shaking...You keep going back to make corrections on your posts.

Eh...I'll be fine. It's a mixture of that bastard and the recollection of last night. I was out driving and we passed by the library close to Sanzo's house (Sanzo = Ex boyfriend) I didn't expect for him to be out late skating with a few friends in a parking lot. For some reason, my heart skipped a beat and I had the temptation to run him over. However, I didn't want to mess up my car. :3

That was a bit harsh dear...don't you think?

Eehh...No. Not really.
All day I've been having that feeling in your throat...the one you get right when you're about to cry...I don't know why, but all day I've been feeling that.
Here's a random GIF...and your Icon for today, because I really can't think of anything more to say.
*skitters off to cuddle under blankets and call people*



And this is for SukaEnvy:

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

This is a quick post letting you all know that I probably won't be able to post as often as I was posting lately. I'm going to be very busy these days and will try to update as much as possible
For anyone that sees me almost every day:
Do NOT TALK TO ALEX RAMOS
I love you all

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Check this out

I found this one person's site...in the recently updated list.
It's um....pretty interesting. I can't wait to see what else they have in store...
Check it out...
http://www.myotaku.com/users/blood-lu5t

If it was truly personal, they wouldn't have put it on the internet, ne?

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   Don't Label Me

Ok. I went to the movies with a new friend that I met a few days ago. We started talking and he asked me what kind of group did I fit into. He told me that him and his friend thought of me as a "goth" and "punky" type girl.
I found this little article thing at Starlightmks.com and I think this pretty fills in what I was thinking at the time. Enjoy:

If there's one thing that annoys me the most, it has to be people labeling themselves. So which "category" do you fit in? Prep? Punk? Goth? [insert name of other label here]? Ugh... it makes my head hurt just to think about it. Who came up with this stuff? Some insecure 12 year old trying to find their identity? The odd thing is that I don't encounter this problem too much in the real world, but it seems to be one heck of a big deal on the internet. Since you are an internet user, this article is for you. :-D

Isn't it aggravating how some people will judge you as a person based on whether or not you think Good Charlotte is "punk"? First of all, let's look at the definition of "punk". The dictionary definition most relevant to this would be "A young person, especially a member of a rebellious counterculture group". And that's all there is to it? Most people don't seem to think so. If you ask ten people what "punk" is, you will get ten different answers. Why? Because it's one of the many stupid labels made up by people who think they're really cool and original, so of course, it doesn't have one official meaning. Do you want to associate yourself with something that has a different connotation wherever you go? I sure wouldn't. Another sad thing is that people put these labels on music, clothing, and other things of that sort. It's too bad really. It narrows possibilities so much. I mean, are you really not going to listen to a certain kind of music at all because it's not "punk"? Are you really expressing your individuality by only wearing clothing that would be considered "goth"?

Many people claim that by labeling themselves with something other than "prep" makes them a unique person. Pretend for a moment that you're a "punk" or "goth" and you think you're really cool because of your label. The reason you labeled yourself is because you fit into that certain "category" right? Now how is that being original? If you dress just like all the other "punk" or "goth" people, act the same way, and listen to the same music, how is that different? If you answered "I don't know" or "it's not" to that question, you are right. Being different in the same way as other people doesn't quite make sense. But if you are a "goth" and claim that you don't listen to the same music and buy the same clothes as others in the group, you will probably be told by someone who considers themselves to be a "true goth" that you don't really fit into the category. Being yourself is original, but grouping yourself into a category and submitting yourself to stereotypes is not.

So you say "punk" (or any other label) is your lifestyle? Great. Go be a rebel. Disobey authority. Good luck to you when you wind up in jail someday because you thought it would be cool to set fire to the police station since a cop gave you a speeding ticket (after all, people who enforce rules are doing it just to limit your fun and it has nothing to do with safety or anything like that). If you think "punk" has nothing to do with being a rebel then tell Merriam-Webster to put your definition in the dictionary. If your definition of a word is not in the dictionary, then that's not what the word means and you need to expect people to be confused. The most common made-up definition of "punk" is something along the lines of being yourself, creating your own style, and not caring what other people think. Well why do you have to put a label on that? Why do you have to call yourself something if you're an original person? Why can't people just be people instead of "punk" people, "goth" people, "prep" people, etc?? AHHHHH! It doesn't make sense!

There is one thing that has been a big issue lately to some people and that is the fact that people are mistakening this article to be an attack on the actual people who label themselves, instead of on just the concept of labeling, which is what it was intended to be for. I guess the point doesn't jump out at some people as vividly so I'll explain. If people want to label themselves, I don't have a problem with that and I'm not going to think less of them as a person since of course, you have to get to know somebody before being able to judge them. The only thing I don't like is the idea of putting labels on people because I think it's just divisive and does no good for unifying people or accepting others for who they are inside. Putting ourselves into categories based on how we dress or what music we listen to is just separating us from people who think differently, which then tends to make people more narrow minded. I find that in most cases, if somebody puts a label on themselves then other people automatically assume that person is a certain way based on the stereotype. For the final time, I don't have anything against people who are labeled or label others, I'm just not a fan of the labels themselves.

Have I made my point yet? Yeah, I think I have. This'll do for now. Anyway, I don't care if you consider yourself to be one of these labels, just don't try to force your opinions on me and I will do the same for you (meaning don't e-mail me about it; I've heard it all). We can all agree to disagree and that's just peachy. I gave you my reasons, now all I ask is that you:

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Monday, March 13, 2006

Meatloaf

Today marks the day that I have recieved 400 visits to my site. I am number # 2859 out of whatever amount of people have active accounts on TheOtaku.com.
Anyway, let's get on with the day >.>

As I drove home from Rainy's class, I noticed how real everything around me actually looked. Some people never stop and just look and things surrounding them. I thought...Is that really OXYGEN that I'm breathing?...and...Will that stop sign really hurt if I run into it?
I'm sitting at my desk eating some exquisite meatloaf and I say to myself...These pants are very thin...

The point is: Sometimes life is too real, so real that it's just hard to understand that everything is really there. I think sometimes that maybe there is an alternate universe, because when you look at everything....it just seems that there could be more. Maybe there is an alternate universe....Like in the Matrix where they use our bodies for energy, and the whole world is black and depressed, filled with nothing but wires, robots and creepy little knodes filled with orange gooey stuff.
Another amazing thing about life is how that brain works. How does it store memories, emotions, and feel the various senses that one can actually feel? I'm sure there is a scientifical way of describing all that I just asked...but it's just crazy to think about it if you really don't know...Like right now: I have "Ride on Shooting Star" from FLCL stuck in my head. I don't know how it just keeps repeating in my head. It's kinda scary when you think about it. It feels like the lyrics are just singing themselves over and over again. I don't know who's voice it is either!

Ani-chan: Not me....*picks up chopsticks and pecks at a peice of meatloaf*

Maki: No. I know it's not you....
Ack....I just don't...know...the brain is so...strange...I don't think I'll fully understand how it really works. It's so complicated.

In other news:
I've been getting many invites to go to many places. I'm not sure what to do. I really want to hang out with Tom. I miss him so much.
Last night I went *ahem* dancing....I really didn't dance with anyone. I only danced with one person, I was kinda dared to. But it turned out ok.
Haha- I got really nervous when on the floor with my cousins and friend pulled me onto it. I didn't want to at first. All that was playing was hip hop, and the whole dancefloor looked like a gigantic orgy of jirating limbs, butts, hips and stuff. It was kinda creepy. I didn't to any of that stuff.

Ani-chan: That's because you can't! :3

Maki-san: *glare, face softens after 10 seconds* I know...I don't want to vibrate my whole body like I was having seizures like Seth-chan was doing last year at Britney's party *flashback...breaks out in laughter*
Anyway...I just kinda swayed a little. I've never really been good at dancing to that kind of groove. There were some random people with the glow bracelets, but they said they just found them spread out on the tables. Darn...I wanted to Rave....
Oh well.

I guess that's about it. In case you didn't know the FLCL song I posted about in one of my previous paragraphs, here are the lyrics:

Ride on Shooting Star
ORANGE no SLIDE utsusu sora
SPONGE no PRIDE burasakete

SPIDER
kike totta sono yokan wa
kakusanakuta tte ii n da
iro no tsuita yume mitai na

Ride on Shooting Star
kokoro no koe de sandanjû no yô ni
utai tsutzuketa

GRUNGE no HAMSTER otona bite
REVENGE no LOBSTER hiki tsurete

SNIPER
fuchi totta sono sekai ni
nani ga mieru tte iu n da
nerau mae ni sawaritai na

Ride on Shooting Star
kimi o sagashite kindanshôjô chû
uso o tsuita

Ride on Shooting Star
kokoro no koe de sandanjû no yô ni
utai tsutzuketa

Also: Tomorrow is Tom's Birthday. I don't know what to get him, or if I'm actually going to be able to see him...Grr. I love you so much, Tom. Call me later love.

Stolen from Tala-san:

What type of soul do you posess? (Anime pictures and fairly lengthy results)

You have an energetic, fiery soul! Your always trying new activities and making the most of life. Your always up for trying out dare-devil activities, like climbing, sailing, abseiling etc. Your friends find it hard to keep up with all your hobbies, and you keep them all in a great mood by permanently being loud and happy! You can have your moments too though, and when you do, everyone runs for cover!Element: FireColour/s: Red, orange, yellowAnimal: Dragon
Take this quiz!








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Sunday, March 12, 2006

My weekend in a nut shell..Pistachio!

Hmm...well. It's the beginning of Spring Break what is there to do? To start off with a bang, I decided to call up teh Pocky-chan and INVITE HIM OVER!!! ^.^ We had so much fun.

Of course, you all know that I pwn his 4$$ at Revolution of the Dance persuasion. I pretty much got my exercise for the weekend because I played at the mall on Friday as well. I feel good when I play. Everyone knows that exercise helps to reduce stress, but for me, it's more than just a stress reliever, and like I said in a previous post a long time ago, It's almost spiritual for me. I know it sounds really dumb and corny, but that's how I feel when I play. Nothing else makes me feel so at ease. There's nothing better than playing your ultimate feel good and playing with the one you love....AND PWNING HIM!!! WOOT

After we have finished with teh Diverging, We trooped over to my house. I gave him a tour of the house and hell broke loose when we got to my room. No just kidding.

Ani-chan: Maki-san! You forgot to introduce me!!! *slumps on the bed and cries*
Maki-san: Oh dear, you're right...Well, He's going to be around town soon. I promise to let you converse with him as soon as possible ok? I'm so sorry darling.
Oh dear...now she's going to be upset until she sees him...Well, on with the post...
In the Gameroom, we hung out and watched videos, and that is all I have to say about that.
Ani-chan: *giggles in the background*
Maki-san: Hush, you *rolls eyes, smiles and sighs deeply*
It seems that, and I hate to do this, but it's stuck in my mind) Ray, my last boyfriend....all he wanted was to be horny. That's the only reason he would tell me "You're beautiful" and I wasn't all for that. It was....ugh....
Ani-chan: He didn't understand me...I don't think he liked me very much
Maki-san: Well then, aren't you glad that he is gone? *pats Ani-chan and strokes her hair as update continues* No one can hate my sweetie.

Tom is special. I feel like I'm not pressured to do anything. Just being with him is good enough for me. I love him so much.

Sitting in the car, on the way to his house to drop him off, I felt safe and comfortable. He had his arm around me and whenever the car would make some sort of quick brake, I felt his hand hold onto me and pull me back so that I wouldn't fall (I had no seat belt in the seat I was in). We figured out our own means of non-verbal communication. That was fun. We goofed around with that. Laying on his shoulder, I watched him close his eyes for a little bit. Tom looks cute when he's resting! I fell asleep a little bit of the ways after that, but woke up at a sudden stop and felt him holding me. I looked out the window to see Austin. It was so pretty!!
When we got to his house, I was introduced to Deacon (OH NO! I FORGOT HOW TO SPELL HIS NAME >.<), The "puppy". He looks like a sweet heart, I didn't get to play with him much...he seemed a little bit afraid or threatened. I should be more afraid of him though. HE IS HUGE!! HE'S THIS BIG *holds out arms as wide as she can*

Well, before all that, I had a competition. I hadn't seen Kawaii Seth or Lemony Slash in a long time. Well, I have...but I haven't been able to see them for a long period of time, in a long time...(>_<)? I was glad to see them. I miss them so. I had no trouble talking to them on the bus and whatnot, We had conversation without interference from "others".
New Braunfels was pretty too! The trees and rock walls reminded me of where I used to live. By the time we got to the school, Seth, Lemony and I were all in the same position in our seats, resting our heads on our elbows on the seat in front of us. It was cute. ^.^
Well, I thought we did ok for our performance. Liz was right, however, we did not recover our mistakes in time, and my rifle got caught in the uniform. I couldn't recover mine fast enought because our routine is fast. I tried my best. We all did and I'm still proud of each and everyone that's part of our team.

I guess that is my weekend in a nutshell. A good friend of mine told me about this video. I hope you enjoy. For those of you with queasy (sp?) stomachs, I suggest you not watch it and comment on my post instead. Haha, just kidding. But don't watch if you don't have a strong stomach. *ahem* It is also uncensored....

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Inbetween, I present to you Obsure, by Dir En Grey

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