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Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Freakin' Holidays, everyone!
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Thursday, December 22, 2005

   Yuletide Madness!
...flapjack on Terry boy! He could get jet lag with the altitude he just caught! And now Dick Togo goes for the Indian Deathlock! This could be it-hey, wait! It's Flint! He's running down to the ring with a steel chair! What dastardly plan does he have on this day, Thursday?

Yes, it is I, Flint, and you, reader, are reading my post. Christmas time is almost upon us, and I gotta tell ya, it's freakin' not cold down here. I should be wearing a stylish furry hat and snow shoes right about now. Sheesh, Texas. It's friggin' ridiculous.

How's the holiday treating you, eh? For me, it's been a strange mix of rage and fury, combined to make a strange, new type of happiness. One thing I'll miss about the holidays is the crowds. Just walking into a mall, being surrounded by a mass of humanity really puts me in the holiday spirit.

My brother keeps asking me to go see "Rent" with him. He says it's really good. Problem is, I don't really want to see it. I don't know if it's my kind of movie. My ideal movie involves violence and explosions and such. Has anyone seen "Rent"? And, if so, what did you think of it?

Okay, that's it. See ya later!


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Saturday, December 17, 2005

   Claus: A Survivor's Tale
Good evening, reader! My name is Flint, and on the Fifth day of Christmas, Saturday, I bring to you five rings of assorted power, including the One ring and a Green Lantern Power Ring.

Rejoice! For Flint is finished Christmas shopping. Yes, I've finally completed all shopping this year, and now, I'll sit back and enjoy not having to rush out anywhere. Ain't life grand? How's your holiday shaping up anyway, guys?

Y'know who's probably the laziest guy on the face of the Earth? Santa Claus. I mean, come on. The guy works one day a year. One freakin' day. And he has the nerve to complain about working for an uncaring populous? How many christmas movies have I seen where Santa quits or simply doesn't feel like making his midnight run? And what's the deal with the lifespan of ol' Saint Nick, anyway? Sometimes, He's an immortal, sometimes he's murdered and another takes his place, and still other times the title of "Santa" is passed down from person to person in a clandestine order of Santas. Someone please explain this to me!

Yep, that's all I got. See ya later.


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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

   Christmas Time Approaches
Hey, yo! Flint's in da house! We about to kick it up in here, 'cause Wednsday is 'bout it 'bout it, and rowdy rowdy!

Well, we are waist deep in the Christmas shopping season. How's your shopping coming along? I've almost got everyone knocked off my list. Once more into the breach!

Man, ya gotta heart Texas weather. A few days ago, it was an icy wasteland. Today? It's a friggin' inferno. Tomorrow's forecast? Cold as frozen Hell. What is up with this? Can't the stupid weather make up it's mind?

The other day, my mom asked me what I wanted for christmas. I thought about it. And thought. And thought. And I came to this conclusion: I have no clue what I want to Christmas. I already have everything I want. There's nothing that catches my eye this holiday season. Usually, there's at least one item every year that I totally need to get for Christmas, but not this year. Does anyone else fall under this?

One thing I love about this time of year is Chocolate-Covered Cherries. I'll throw that out there.

That's it. See ya when I see ya!


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Friday, December 9, 2005

   ...For 'tis de Chilly Sound o' ya Doom!
Forgive me for quoting "Batman and Robin". The title just fits, I felt.

Good Day to thee, reader! I'm Flinty the Snowman, and along with me trusty corncob nose and button knife, I'll save christmas on this day, Friday!

So, how's the month of December treatin' you? I'm havin' an icy, near-dying blast! Boy, do I heart battling the crowds for presents.

Yep, you heard me right. Flint's made good on his present-buying mission. I only knocked out a secret-santa gift from my work, though. I don't even know why I decided to do the stupid, time-honored "Secret Santa" tradition. I freakin' hate doing it. Seriously, I picked a girl so plain, so vanilla, so indifferent that I had absolutely no clue what to get. It was a pain in the butt. I ended up getting her a book and Blazing Saddles on DVD. Hope she likes it, 'cause that's all I'm getting her.

Anyone who looks at my Avi knows that I'm a total wrestling dork. I recently picked up Smackdown vs Raw 2006 for my PS2, and it's pretty great. They have a new GM mode, where you control a roster of wrestlers throughout a year, and make matches and feuds and such. I tried to push Bret Hart to the moon for half the year, but all the wrestlers got angry, asking for title shots and more exposure. Can I honestly help it if the Hitman rocks?

I also recently played We Heart Katamari for PS2. If you enjoy living in general, play the game. It's fun.

That's it. See ya!

-Ol' Flint

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Thursday, December 8, 2005

   Winter Hell
...god dammit.

...God Dammit.

...GOD DAMMIT! It's freakin' cold outside! Man, this sucks!

Good day to you, reader, cold though it may be. The frozen corpse standing before you is Flint, and on this day, Wednsday, when there is no more room in Icy Hell, the cold will walk the Earth.

Somebody asked. I'm part Shoshone indian.

How's life in the arctic, guys? I'm still adjusting to it. It's freaking cold out here. My body is not used to such polar tempratures. Mabey it'll snow like last christmas. Last year, it snowed on Christmas Eve at midnight, and that happens in Texas like, mabey once in a million years.

I don't know about you, but this time of year, I become obsessed with christmas specials. I saw "Charlie Brown Christmas" on Tuesday, and now I must watch "Frosty the Snowman" and "Roudoulgh the Red-Nosed Reigndeer".

Y'know, I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet. I don't even know what to get the people on my shopping list. Mabey some money would work, but money is so unpersonal.

I'll do something funny next time. See ya when it ain't so cold.


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Tuesday, November 29, 2005

   One for the Road
Hello, audience and judges! I'm Flint, and I'm contestant #35. If I could wish for anything, it would be world peace, and end to wars and famine, and a date like today, Tuesday.

Happy late Thanksgiving, by the way. Way to stick to those indians by taking all their land and eating their turke, guys. Have I told you that I'm part american indian? That's MY land you live on, punk!

It's been a good long while since Flint posted anything, huh? Well, my life's been full of excitement since my last dreary post.

First of all, you're looking at "Uncle Flint". My sister had a baby boy just a few weeks ago. It was pretty exciting. She calls me up right when I got off of work and tells me, "I think I'm going into labor." So, I'm freaking out at this point. I jump in my car and make my way to her apartment. As I pick her up, my mom comes down the road in her SUV and tells me she's taking my sister to the hospital. Then she barrels down the road faster than I've ever seen anyone drive before. Crazy time, but good fun. And now, I'm an uncle.

About a week after that, what should I happen to find in the house but *drum roll* Survey says... a mouse! Needless to say, everyone really feaked out. We spent three days devising plans to kill the furry little bastard, but he was a slippery devil. Of course, as quickly as he appeared, he dissapeared. He hasn't been seen for about a week now, but I'm still ready for him if he decides to make a second run.

That's it for me. Have a good day!


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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Man, I don't even know what to write for a title to this post. This news hit me like a ton of bricks.

Eddie Guerrero passed away this morning. One of my favorite professional wrestlers is no longer with us. This is such a strange feeling. He was there on television just last week, and now he's gone. I feel sick. I Honestly feel depressed.

If you'd like to read up on Eddie's career, wwe.com has an article detailing his life.

Thanks for everything, Eddie. You'll be missed.

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Tuesday, November 8, 2005

   Future Survey 2008! Fun from the Future!
Good evening, inferior cavemen! I am known as Fli-n'tor, and I hail from the distant year 2007! You could not hope to comprehend today's date, being Tuesday!

Why am I getting on your case about living in the land that time forgot, reader? Usually, I'll just let you live in a pool of your own filth and misery, while I dine on delicious technologies only my present can provide. Today, though, I see potential. The potential to show you what life could be like for you in my future, where my evil is law, and dinos are at war with mankind.

Let me cut to the chase. Take this quiz. Tally up the results at the end. Discuss.


1) In the future, the less desireable humans (those who aren't rich and/or famous) are sold as livestock to the horrible aliens who have secretly enslaved the Earth. After your inevitable capture and enslavement, Which activity would you prefer to do on an inhospitable, horrifying new homeworld for the rest of your short,miserable life?

a: Defending the disgusting inhabitants of the planet against terrifying nightmare creatures, which you have no hope of winning against.

b: building impossibly high monuments to fallen kings, which you have now knowledge of, and never will.

c: Battling fellow humans in deathmatches in arenas built souley for the entertainment of your captors, thereby being labeled as a "traitor" by your fellow humans.

d: Leading a small group of humans as the "human liberation front", only to be killed in a short, horrific and bloody battle with the oppressive police force.

2) In the future, all forms of money become exchangable anywhere. Want to buy a wallet in france? Feel free to use pesos to pay for it! Which form of currency do you primarily use?

a: Dollars
b: Franks
c: Pesos
d: Rupels
e: Euros
f: Yen
g: Republic Credits
h: Woolongs
i: Spacebucks
j: Diamonds
k: Mushroom Kingdom Coins
l: Bones
m: G
n: Rubies
o: I don't use "currency". I barter.

3) In the future, In order to survive anything, you'll need a tag-team partner. Not just any old dufus will do, you'll need a seasoned tag-team veteran. Which of these men (and their joining catchphrases) will you choose?

a: "Honest" Abe Lincoln-"Forescore, and seven years ago..."

b: Fred Flintstone-"Yabba dabba doo!"

c: The Ghost of Blackbeard-"Arrrgh, The sea be a cruel mistress, sez I!"

d: Optimus Prime-"Seriously, I could kick He-Man's ass."

4) In the future, big buisness owns pretty much everything. In order to be allowed to live past five, you must have a label branded onto your body. Which of these handsome endorsements do you choose, and where do you want it?

a: Nestle label, on my left shoulder

b: Nike swoosh, below my right eye

c: Microsoft brand, on my chest

d: Mars "M 'n M's" candy logo, on the back of my head.

e: Sony logo, etched into the entire length of my bones.

5) In the future, humans no longer control politics on Earth. Various gods have come down from the heavens, and bend the humans to their will. All who oppose are dealt with, usually in a wave of fire and suffering. Which of these gods do you hail alleigance to?

a: Zeus, mighty God of Olympus

b: Odin, omnipotent Norse God

c: Ra, Egyptian sun god and all-around jerk

d: Satan, king of Heavy Metal and suffering

e: Bigfoot, ruler of the uncharted woods


...Tally up your score. What did you get? Same as me, huh? Yep, any way you look at it, we're doomed.

Have fun in the future!


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Wednesday, November 2, 2005

Y'got that right! I'm a real Don Quixote of Donkey Dookie!
Everyone seems to be doing quotes in place of their subject titles, so I thought I'd do the same. Sue me.

Anyway, hola, me amour! Como estas? Me nombre es Flint, und we now commence wit der fun now, ya? That was what I like to call "Span-german-glish". Pretty awesome, huh?

How was Halloween, guys? Fun with a purpose, right? What did Flint do for Halloween, you ask?

I was working. Man, I hate working on Holidays.

My friend tells me there'll be a new wrestling school opening in Houston soon, run by who else but Booker T! I have no idea if this is just a rumor or not, but that's what my dumb friend is telling me. Anyway, he keeps asking me to join him in going. He wants to form a tag team with me.

Now, there are a few things wrong with this. First of all, I'm more of a solo guy. I'm not big into tag team wrestling. Secondly, the guy keeps throwing wrestling names at me. He genuinley thinks "The Jockstrap" is a brilliant wrestling moniker. Can you imagine coming out to the ring, and expecting to be taken seriously with a name like that?

If I do end up in the ring facing Abdullah the Butcher in a thumbtack match, I'll probably do it under a mask. I like the aura of mystery that surrounds the masked wrestler.

Okay, I'm spent. See ya later!


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