Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Future Survey 2008! Fun from the Future!
Good evening, inferior cavemen! I am known as Fli-n'tor, and I hail from the distant year 2007! You could not hope to comprehend today's date, being Tuesday!
Why am I getting on your case about living in the land that time forgot, reader? Usually, I'll just let you live in a pool of your own filth and misery, while I dine on delicious technologies only my present can provide. Today, though, I see potential. The potential to show you what life could be like for you in my future, where my evil is law, and dinos are at war with mankind.
Let me cut to the chase. Take this quiz. Tally up the results at the end. Discuss.
AMAZING FUTURE QUIZ!
1) In the future, the less desireable humans (those who aren't rich and/or famous) are sold as livestock to the horrible aliens who have secretly enslaved the Earth. After your inevitable capture and enslavement, Which activity would you prefer to do on an inhospitable, horrifying new homeworld for the rest of your short,miserable life?
a: Defending the disgusting inhabitants of the planet against terrifying nightmare creatures, which you have no hope of winning against.
b: building impossibly high monuments to fallen kings, which you have now knowledge of, and never will.
c: Battling fellow humans in deathmatches in arenas built souley for the entertainment of your captors, thereby being labeled as a "traitor" by your fellow humans.
d: Leading a small group of humans as the "human liberation front", only to be killed in a short, horrific and bloody battle with the oppressive police force.
2) In the future, all forms of money become exchangable anywhere. Want to buy a wallet in france? Feel free to use pesos to pay for it! Which form of currency do you primarily use?
g: Republic Credits
k: Mushroom Kingdom Coins
o: I don't use "currency". I barter.
3) In the future, In order to survive anything, you'll need a tag-team partner. Not just any old dufus will do, you'll need a seasoned tag-team veteran. Which of these men (and their joining catchphrases) will you choose?
a: "Honest" Abe Lincoln-"Forescore, and seven years ago..."
b: Fred Flintstone-"Yabba dabba doo!"
c: The Ghost of Blackbeard-"Arrrgh, The sea be a cruel mistress, sez I!"
d: Optimus Prime-"Seriously, I could kick He-Man's ass."
4) In the future, big buisness owns pretty much everything. In order to be allowed to live past five, you must have a label branded onto your body. Which of these handsome endorsements do you choose, and where do you want it?
a: Nestle label, on my left shoulder
b: Nike swoosh, below my right eye
c: Microsoft brand, on my chest
d: Mars "M 'n M's" candy logo, on the back of my head.
e: Sony logo, etched into the entire length of my bones.
5) In the future, humans no longer control politics on Earth. Various gods have come down from the heavens, and bend the humans to their will. All who oppose are dealt with, usually in a wave of fire and suffering. Which of these gods do you hail alleigance to?
a: Zeus, mighty God of Olympus
b: Odin, omnipotent Norse God
c: Ra, Egyptian sun god and all-around jerk
d: Satan, king of Heavy Metal and suffering
e: Bigfoot, ruler of the uncharted woods
...Tally up your score. What did you get? Same as me, huh? Yep, any way you look at it, we're doomed.
Have fun in the future!