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Monday, January 7, 2008

Beaten Out
I fear I've given into monotony.
I realized the other day I may be stuck
in this town for the rest of my life,

And I was ok with it.

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Hope you all are having a splendid holiday.

I am drained of all energy.
It's odd, with my sister here with us,
my family seems to be spending
an incredible amount of time together.

We're always going somewhere
or doing something. +___+
I just want to stay home and sleep.

But even when we are at home my sister
constantly demands attention from me. o___o
Seventeen year olds shouldn't be this needy..

But anyway, not having too much time for myself to draw or anything, I doodled a picture of Light Yagami's head (He gets no body K >:o ) and colored it. So "Merry Christmas":

Lol it's gigantic~¢¾
It's only a head but I think it's already basically knocked all my other drawings 'out of the water'.

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

The first week of having my sister here was really great. This second one, not so good. I can't say that wasn't expected.

My sister's been referring to me as a "zombie". I believe once she even used the word, "robot".

I am a robot.

My lack for words, feelings, and need to converse has been driving her insane. The thing is she has a short fuse and any thing I say, without any cruel intent whatsoever, can and may set her off.

I think that's the only problem.
Her freakishly short temper.

We had our first argument a few days ago.
What started it was me saying, "What else is there to do? We can walk around and almost get hit again." (If its possible to make that any less bizarre for you, I should explain that we had been walking around a shopping center and a car had almost run us over before we scurried into the nearby GameStop and she was complaining about it....because she doesn't like videogames)

Amazing right?

I really can't talk about the rest. It was pretty awful. But um. My parents are talking about getting me a therapist. 'Cause I've been having frequent headaches and there's nothing wrong with me (that we know of anyway) and my doctor says it might be underline depression.

Do I seem unhappy?

I took a psych test once, where they had me draw pictures and they analyzed me through certain details in the drawings. I was asked to draw a tree and my result was:

"You are open to engagement.
You are a sad person.
You are a sad person."

o___o ..Haha.

But whatever.
What the fuck do they know?
It was just a tree. >:o

I feel fine at the moment though.
I think.

Uhm. What else. What else.
I've been drawing. Somewhat.
I only started drawing again because Bridgette asked for a picture of Axel. I've honestly never tried drawing him before, and I don't feel I do too well with Fan Art, but I did it. And he's in my clothing (Save for the chain)...so that's pretty sweet. :)

Though I've just realized I can seriously dress like a gay man sometimes..

...That's a popsicle stick in his hand by the way. :/ Couldn't go through with the cliché Sea Salt icecream, so I figured that'd do.

And out of pure boredom:

I'm upset that the ink I used on Kairi's jeans started bleeding outside the lines and I didn't like Naminé's face. I could have done a better job. :/

Oh well.

And I guess that's all for now.
I've been neglecting the Otaku and felt I should update.
So there that is.

I promise I'll get to PM's another day.

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Friday, December 7, 2007

Confined Spaces
I had a realy long thought-out blog written down then I viciously mashed down the Backspace button 'til it was gone, deciding I ranted too much and no one really enjoys reading long blogs anyway. Well not that I know of.

Plus, I haven't slept; my time on here is limited; and I'm just about ready to crash. I need to do something about this sleep pattern of mine.

Anyway, I'm just going to butcher what I had before and leave main points.

One: I've got a girlfriend. I'm pretty happy about that.
Two: I snapped at my bestfriends the other day.
Three: I'm never watching movies with Angelina Jolie in them again.
And Four: I'm hunting down a Squirtle watch. If anyone has any leads, it'd be very much appreciated.


I'm off to bed now.

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Thursday, December 6, 2007

The Little Hand
I've been having really weird dreams lately.
(Why does that sound so familiar?)

And when I say "weird" I mean pretty freaking bizarre. My subconsciousness is a huge psychological mess.

I can share one dream, though. --The only one that remained absolutely humane but it's quite boring.

To make better sense of it I should explain that I am an avid watch-wearer. Well, was an avid watch-wearer. I've been neglecting them in my room somewhere.

But point being: I have quite a few watches.

And not even fancy watches.
I collect really kiddy-looking ones.

In this dream--which by the way was incredibly short--I remember I was doing nothing but tossing my watches in the trash. Even my glow in the dark Jesus one! But that's all I was doing.

(I'm not really sure what my fixation on Jesus is all about. I'm not religious, as you know or should at least know.)

Thinking about it, I've decided it means I'm quite literally just throwing away or wasting time.

And I think it's true. :/

&& Lu, I'm sorry I haven't been on brawlboards. I've only checked it a few times since I joined and usually when I do get the chance to, you're not on. :O Haha and the only one who really talks to me there besides you is Darkmar.

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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Gravity Prevails
I feel awfully guilty.
I feel like a hypocrite.
And I feel like a selfish adult.

Grand, isn't it?

My first true feeling of being a "grown up" is a bad one.

Having taken a few classes on Child Development (strictly for the credits, it seems) I, for some reason, have a tendency of picking out things I see parents doing 'wrong' in raising their children.

It's not that I ever think I can make a better parent; "God" knows I'd suck terribly at that, but I guess I just question, "Why on Earth are they doing that?"

I also have a habit of wondering how small things we do now will affect kids later in their lives. I really don't know why. You all know I'm not even fond of children. I guess it's because I'm usually wondering about what made me the way I am today.

But the other day, when I was baby-sitting Tyler, I found myself going on about how some kid in Sacramento--sadly an acquaintance of my sister's--got wasted and was skateboarding on top of a ten-story building downtown with her friends. Apparently, the genius thought, "Hey, my balance is off. maybe I should sit on the railing."

[one] Railings are there to prevent accidents. And
[two] Who skateboards on top of a building?

I don't need to explain what happened after that. And I'm sure I sound pretty harsh but I can't feel sympathy for people who do these things to themselves.

But back to my point, I can't believe I was even talking about it--I can't believe I'm talking about it now--but Tyler was the only person around and honestly a lot of the times I forget he's just a kid. :/

Afterwards he looked really bothered by the story and I remembered instead of telling kids about the plague of "dumb" that has overtaken the world, I should be making them believe we're surrounded by nothing but sunshine and rainbows.

And this is where the guilt and everything else set in. I'm not sure what I was thinking.

I almost want to blame it on how I was raised. One of my earliest memories is of my mother telling me, "Don't believe boys when they tell you they love you. They will say anything to get you in bed with them and then they will leave." I was seven and I had only gone to her to ask about a tooth that was bothering me.


But I know that's no reason for me to be so terrible with kids.

I guess Justin helped out on this one, though. He spent half the week with me and Tyler and the kid is going home a (very spoiled) happy camper.


Cota, I was wrong.
Money does = love.
Tyler seems to like Justin more than me right now.

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Sunday, December 2, 2007

Negativo Grande*
My sister finally called me.
That made me pretty happy.
I've been wondering where she'd run off too.
Kids today are crazy, I swear.
She hasn't been home in two months 'cause
she's been living with "Some guy named John."

Ew. D:

But anyway--she's doing good. She might visit us in a week or so and I'll be visiting her again for Christmas.

I'm pretty freaked out because we're actually making plans. I don't make plans because they rarely ever happen and I prefer saving myself the disappointment.

I need to stop being such a pessimist.

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Monday, November 26, 2007

Night Owls
Static : For some reason my dad wanted some Father son time or some shit.
ELECTRIKK : suspicious
Static : ._.''
Static : Its only cause we is mesican!?
Static : Anytime we show love its because we want something!?
Static : Thats wrong..Oh right, he asked for 20 bucks.
ELECTRIKK : no i meant: if he wanted father son time why'd he go to you? :\
Static : .________.''

**If you couldn't tell, I'm ELECTRIKK, Cota is Static. Don't ask why we have such lame MSN names, I don't quite know myself**

As amusing as that was (To me anyway), it's not the entire post. Ahem...

The other night my parents asked me to help them put up Christmas decorations. I didn't realize how bizarre it was until Morgorat pointed out, "Your parents are having you put up Christmas decorations at 2 in the morning? o.O"


My family and I are so unorthodox I don't even realize that the way we do things is considered weird to other people anymore.

I suppose it can't really be helped though. Mum works the graveyard shift and somehow everyone else's schedule kind of just molded around hers. Well, except for me. I'm always up at odd hours.

But still.
:( We're so weird.

&& Another thing. I went out with Courtney and a few of her school mates the other day and when one of them asked how old I was I almost said, "Sixteen."

...That really threw me off.

I had to pause and think about it for a second and then said, "Eighteen." Like, I was lying or something. And even after I said it, I felt unsure of it. Like, 'Gawd, I said the right age, right?'

I thought I got over the whole 'Jail-Bait-No-More" thing, but it seems I haven't. I still feel like I'm lacking that much adult-like qualities that I subconsciously believe I'm only sixteen. .__."


I found this [ancient] picture while I was going through old folders on my busted up computer, and lol'd. 6-7 months later and my hair STILL looks the same. (Minus the buzzed sides)

Yeah...spruced it a bit? :D I still think it's frighteningly disturbing that I didn't use photoshop to make the picture greenish/aqua. That was just the lighting in that bathroom. But in this photo I did darken it. And you can't forget the label.

I've been a bit trigger happy with "branding" things. .__." And whenever I hear someone say "Battery-operated" (because for some reason or another that does come up in a conversation) I kind of snicker. It's sick. :)

I should probably start wearing my glasses again. My eyesight is going.

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Friday, November 23, 2007

Tiny personal heater, I missed you.
Seriously, I did.
I'm home now and I've never loved my room more.
I swear, I'm getting Cota a heater to put in his room for Christmas. Screw the rice cooker.

Anywayy (Haven't said that in awhile)--
Thanksgiving was overall pleasant and I'm more than sure I've gained at least another five pounds. :)

&& LOL~
2 Charlie Sims. Seriously more than I had anticipated. Haha. The first was submitted by GB Fiend (Lulu) and the second by SilentLucidity (Tori). Both are awesome, guize.♥ High fives for all.

Andrew's already installed The Sims onto his PC so maybe next time we'll actually play it and I can make you two.

(Also, I've been listening to this "Computer City" song nonstop. Andrew keeps calling it "The devil's incantation" x3 )

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

Sleeping over at Cota's
And not getting any sleep .__."

He's trying to go to bed right now and I'm kind of just sitting in the corner hovering over the computer. He says he can't sleep knowing someone is awake in the room.

....Picky sleepers


He's having me play Stephen Lynch songs for him. That makes me a computer DJ, guize :D ...

Actually, I've been telling him how I thought turn tables looked like fun. Random hobby I might want to pick up.

Frick...It's freezing.

My thoughts are all scattered.
It's like sleep-deprived A.D.D blogging.

And I still can't leave a voice comment or even make my own comment thing because I'm lame. Haha, recordings make me feel awkward (More than usual anyway). I don't even have a voice mail greeting on my phone. -_______-"

But anyway...Happy Thanks Giving, Otaku.
I'm leaving this here, cause I can't think of a better way to end the entry.

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