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Saturday, March 28, 2009

so i slept until like, 3:30.

it felt amazing, to say the least.

i really should charge my ds so i can play pokemon.

i'm eating funyons.

they are delicious.

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Thursday, March 26, 2009

i'm sort of nervous. i have a test tomorrow, and i don't think i'm going to very well...
/worry worry worry

soooo matt got my letter, and while he
said he probably wouldn't write me back,
he changed his mind and is going to. i'm
so fucking excited...8D

i put pictures from the target adventure jenny and i had up on myspace. faaaantastic.

okay, essay time.


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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

well at least he's not, like, super mad or anything.

really, it's good. that makes me happy. he doesn't condone it, but he isn't too upset with me about it.
/weight lifted.

i watched battle royale with katie. it was so violent, and i hated the scenario. that's what scared me the most, just the thought of having to kill or be killed by people you considered to be your friends, ugh. it's awful.

i got an idea.
it's really stupid.
but i'll do it anyway.

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Monday, March 23, 2009

back at school.
i don't really want to be here, at all. it's killing me to be here, i can feel it. i had this sick knot of dread in my stomach the entire ride up here. i don't know what from, but it only faded after i sat down with katie and got drunk with her. i can feel myself becoming an alcoholic.

i should really tell matt that i do that. you know, get drunk on a weekly basis. do you think he'd hate me? yes. i think he would. or at least lose respect for me, and see me for the child that i really am.

i'm talking to him right now.
it's moments like these that i wish he was here, not there.
but there's nothing to be done about it, yeah? i'll just have to wait until the summer. amanda said there's a chance we could drive down to oklahoma, to see her family that lives there, then make a detour to texas.

i like that idea.

i need to focus.

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Sunday, March 22, 2009

it won't be long, yeah

i know i owe you a letter, cassandra.
i wrote one, but can no longer find it, and i need to find the one you wrote me to make a proper response. so just hold your horses.

today was weird. i felt off when i woke up. took a shower, re-read the letter i wrote for matt, cringed at how awful it was, walked to kwik trip of all places to get a stamp and mail it, walked back home. lindsey came by to pick me up so we could go to hannah's house, stopped by target. i whined about how awful the twilight movie was, and then actually went to hannah's. got molested on the couch, and went home.
once i got home, i was in the worst mood i've been in since i don't know when. got a killer headache and had random crying jags, mostly cause by thinking about him.
i finally got better, and decided to sit outside in my driveway for a few hours. it got really cold so i went back inside.

now, i'm still here, and i still feel sort of off. i hate this feeling, more than anything.
but i am talking to him now, so i'm probably doing okay.

'til i belong to you.

me: i re-read it in the morning, and it was incoherent and pointless. but quaint, which is the only reason i didn't rewrite it.
him: I will cherish it forever.

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Saturday, March 21, 2009

you know i'm too tired to be holding conversation when i start talking about my socks.

i should write him a letter, or something.

or maybe i should get some sleep.



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Friday, March 20, 2009


of relief.

we're okay.
i think i forget that we're both really busy people, and get nervous and paranoid when days go by and i don't hear from him. the truth is, i don't always take initiative to talk, so it's partially him, partially me.
we'll work on it.
amanda said something that made me think. i don't know what sort of thought it was, i just pondered on it. it was a weird feeling.
'he loves you, i've never doubted that.'

does he, really?
it's almost too good to be true.
however, i'm going to bank on the hope
that my dream finally came true.

there's a new fanart up, if you care to look at it.

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Thursday, March 19, 2009

is he mad at me?
did i do something wrong?
does he regret those words?
why can't i bring myself to ask him to his face?
why am i so scared? is it because i'm most worried that there really is something wrong and i'm about to lose him? i can't do this, i hate this.
i hate this
i hate this
i hate this.

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

i woke up late today, and with awful cramps. damn uterus.

but i finished watching fruits basket.
it was so cute, and the end made me cry like a baby. i need to finish the manga now, since the anime stopped very, very short of the books. damn my lack of money.

i started playing sims again. lol. it's such a horrible game. being given the power of god...damn. power triiiiiip.

i like to kill sims that displease me.


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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

karma's a bitch.

patrik's in jail.

he got turned in

by his ex-girlfriend

for dealing hard drugs.


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