Sunday, April 26, 2009

i’ve realized that your happiness is not my happiness, like i though it was. knowing you’re happy, all it’s doing is killing me, because you are my happiness. having you, knowing you loved me, that was what made me happy. you’ve taken it away, and i don’t know if i can ever get it back. i suppose I knew it, even days ago when you asked if i was close to my happiness. no, i’m not. i’m as far away from it as i can be. you took my happiness away from me and i don’t know if i’ll ever get it back, but i know you are never going to give it back.

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Friday, April 24, 2009

i'm so confused. and sort of hoping it's a joke. i mean...seriously? seriously?

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

lol for updating while naked. brb. okay, now that i'm clothed, i don't feel so awkward typing everything. meh, so. matt and i talked yesterday. it was sort of weird, to be honest. he kept apologizing, and then we ended up talking about if we were happy or not. i realized how not happy i am. it was upsetting. but it's still nice to know that he never lied whenever he said anything to me. including those goddamn fucking 'i love you's. it's comforting, in a sick way, you know? the convention starts tomorrow. and when i say convention, i'm talking about the anime convention that's held in eau claire every year. i didn't go last year due to scheduling conflicts, but i had the two years previous, so now i'm on my third no brand. faaantastic. recalling yesterday's events put me in a bad mood. maybe i'll just write my paper now. ._.

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Monday, April 20, 2009

good god, fuck my life. at least i have next semester's schedule figured out. japanese, poli-sci, sociology, and another history class. only because i don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

so i never would have been able to guess how much i really do miss him. it kills me, most days. i still love him, probably always will. we make small talk now, and it just hurts worse because i can't tell if he's doing it because he feels obligated or if he still just likes me enough to talk to me about menial things. :/ the convention is coming up. i'm pretty excited about it, but i can't be overly happy these days. something just tend to overtake your mood. i didn't upload new art. i ended up not having any time for stuff like that. i'm a serious wow player now, haha. it's pretty intense. i should go to class.

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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

eh, saying we broke up wouldn't be accurate, since we never really were officially together, but it's the closest way to put it. whatever. i'm done crying about it. i've already moved on. no need to dwell. i get to go home tomorrow afternoon, i'm so excited to spend a few days at home. it'll be great. maybe i'll even get to upload some more art and stuff. wouldn't that be fan-fucking-tastic. i wonder if emma would like to go to rha for me... lol i could go ask. i have a lot of editing to do for those papers, and i could use the break... eh, we'll see.

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

WoW consumes your soul. kthnxbai

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Thursday, April 2, 2009

i cannot wait until the weekend. it's going to be amazing. hell, technically the amazing super-fun awesomeness could start tonight... there's a drag show at 8 tonight, which i might go to with lauren. then, tomorrow, there's an awkward dance at 10 at the club here on campus. i'm going with lauren and courtney. saturday, my mom is coming up to visit since my trip to wausau got cancelled because the girl we were going with got sick. so i get to hang out with my mom all day saturday. sunday is working on homework, but that's not so bad. i plan on hiking down to the library to do it too, since i'll need to be looking up sources for my ethnography. but i was in a really bad mood yesterday, and it really hasn't improved. i might be excited for the weekend, but generally, i'm just not happy. bleh. i don't know why. something's up, i guess. time to get ready for class...

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

i found out that one of matt's friends committed suicide last night. i wish i knew how to help him, but i don't. all i can do is remind him that i love him and that i'm here if he needs me. is that good enough? god, i hope so. i don't want to go to class. i have to do some mla citations before i walk down...very boring. but it needs to get done. then again, i could always do it once i get there. bleeh. procrastination. i don't feel too well today. maybe i'll go to class then come back and sleep until womens. :/ i just feel so awful for matt, and i hate that i'm so powerless to help. /sigh.

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Sunday, March 29, 2009

breathing has become more of a chore. i'd rather curl up, shrivel up and die than face another anything. i've lost my sense of purpose, again. and now it's gone farther than i can afford to search.

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