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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina

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Friday, December 28, 2007

I have gotten it for Christmas! I shall never use a mouse again! I shall draw some ugly stuff now! *grins*
Also, sorry all for not visitng your sites! I'm so pathetic! *cries*

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Tuesday, December 25, 2007

It's Christmas day, and I am adding a post. *shakes head*
Yes, tele is that boring. My brother has gotten a Wii, so the tele is off-limits, and we've only got one controller at the mo, and guess who is taking it over?! I haven't gotten any presents, but then again, I asked for nothing. Something stung today, but that's life. *shrugs*
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Sunday, December 23, 2007

   On the realplayer browser for internet...
Yes, my internet explorer browser is NOT working, so I have to use the realplayer one. The irony is, I've just come across it today, so that shall prove interesting.
IT'S CHRISTMAS IN TWO DAYS' TIME, AND IT'S JUST MADDENING TO THINK ABOUT IT! I THINK IT'S JUST THAT I'VE BECOME SO ENTHRALLED WITH SCHOOL, AND SLOWLY LOST MYSELF, I COULDN'T SEE THE DAYS. It's bloody foggy today, and it STILL doesn't feel like December! It's just a cold, frosty, foggy, and thankfully, not cold day!

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Friday, December 21, 2007

   Kind of bored, but the HOLIDAYS ARE HERE!
Ah yes, two weeks free of education, which also means that I won't be getting 30 a week, not that I use it. I've got some HARD revising today, as I have tests when I come back, well they're 16th, but anyway. I SHALL ATTEMPT TO WORK HARD! ^^
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Life's 'salright. It's cold though. So VERY cold. My extremities as ever are freezing. I've warmed my body, but the toes, nose and fingers are still cold.
Recently, I find it interesting how many sites at school have been blocked, but this is one of the FEW sites which remain to be up since I joined in back in jolly old '03!

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Just sending a few notes to myself...
Still not sure

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Well, I'm devilishly happy, and I don't know why. I'm behind in work, and it looks like I'm going to fail, but I'm happy! I'm not satisfied with life, but I feel better now. I was at home, and did no homework because I needed to be permanently in company. I'm very fine now though.
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

   MY brain is fucked
Gosh, I can feel my brain going into over-drive, and I do think that I'm going to end up doing something rather stupid, making false accusations on the strength that I am in a whir. If you leave me to fester, then can you expect anything more than this? I push away, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I can feel the melt-down coming on, and am I creating lies to suit my pathetic life? I am sorry if I am wrong Robert, and I am sorry to all those who try to help me, and I push them away. I know something's wrong with me. I know I have a shell, I know I'm just so fucked up, and at this moment in time, there is not much I can do about i. I have wrapped myself up so much I can't give myself to anyone, and now I'm just an unhappy grump, entirely left to be influenced by all the bad chemicals in my mind. Don't think that this is a suicide note, please, I have better things to do than die. I have aspirations I am yet to pursue. Why does the mind get so fucked? I read back my stuff, and see the little dark hole that I am in, and I can't get myself out of th erut, and I am typing this in haste, all alone in a computer room, refusing to do the essay I told myself to do several months ago, but did not because of this illness. Thoughts get in my mind and fester. The power to see wrong is strong, to suspect and imagine. I am sorry to you all, and I know I can't help it, yet, of course I can, but I just don't want to. I feel fine in this little mess I have gotten myself into, not trusting and being slightly coo-coo. *sighs and sits back* I just want to cry.

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The heart beats and the eyes roll
I'm in a bad mood. Been in one for a while now. Tired and pissed off. I'm not even doing my English essay because I had to go and do this. I am kind of glad that it's ended, but at the same time, I need resolution. The shallow breathing is really bad, and I'm shaking at the injustice of it all! I have found out, and the party involved is NOT happy!
I know life isn't supposed to be straight, but when you get to the happiness, you think it's within grasp, so much that you get swept away, and realise that it was not ever more than a dream, et you're left with the ashes of burnt 'realisations'. This musing stings, but life is not life without the pain and disarray. Straight-forwardness does not exist for some people, and I can't run away from it all, though I so feel like it.

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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ah yes. So I am STILL dealing with the fall-out of all of this. I don't know how to feel, but if it doesn't get discussed, then I'm going to have to have another scar.
I do indeed blame myself though, as it is my good old forte, and I saw the holes, and you know the saying 'keep your friends close, but your enemies closer'? Well, I did, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and THAT'S when I got deluded! How being kind can lead you up the creek without a paddle! Well, enlightened has given me the benefit of hindsight, and the belief that if I don't trust someone, and don't believe I should trust, then I SHOULDN'T! Thankfully, my mum's little saying was true, and I didn't get sucked in for long! *grins*

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