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Birthday
• 1991-07-11
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Female
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• somewhere where you don't know, actually London in England
Member Since
• 2003-10-10
Occupation
• Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator
Real Name
• Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
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Achievements
• Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH)
Anime Fan Since
• I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD
Favorite Anime
• Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition!
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• to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression.
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• reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world
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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007
MY brain is fucked
Gosh, I can feel my brain going into over-drive, and I do think that I'm going to end up doing something rather stupid, making false accusations on the strength that I am in a whir. If you leave me to fester, then can you expect anything more than this? I push away, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I can feel the melt-down coming on, and am I creating lies to suit my pathetic life? I am sorry if I am wrong Robert, and I am sorry to all those who try to help me, and I push them away. I know something's wrong with me. I know I have a shell, I know I'm just so fucked up, and at this moment in time, there is not much I can do about i. I have wrapped myself up so much I can't give myself to anyone, and now I'm just an unhappy grump, entirely left to be influenced by all the bad chemicals in my mind. Don't think that this is a suicide note, please, I have better things to do than die. I have aspirations I am yet to pursue. Why does the mind get so fucked? I read back my stuff, and see the little dark hole that I am in, and I can't get myself out of th erut, and I am typing this in haste, all alone in a computer room, refusing to do the essay I told myself to do several months ago, but did not because of this illness. Thoughts get in my mind and fester. The power to see wrong is strong, to suspect and imagine. I am sorry to you all, and I know I can't help it, yet, of course I can, but I just don't want to. I feel fine in this little mess I have gotten myself into, not trusting and being slightly coo-coo. *sighs and sits back* I just want to cry.
15-28pm
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(3)
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