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Thursday, January 17, 2008

I am alright! :D
Yes, I read an analysis magazine on English literature, and I must say, I am thoroughly inspired to start reading and writing and learning! ^^ Woohoo! (This, of course, is instead of doing an essay, but is that the point?!)
I've always had a knack for English though. I'm one for the interest of what words mean, and the way they can convey basically anything that one wishes to create. This obviously means you have to be well-read, which has been my current hindrance with the loss of interest in any and everything, but one pulls through it and survives! Not a poem in tow do I have, and never will I put up my long story, for that'd take too long to type, and it's some very complicated stuff, but it's all fun and games! I should go home now and DO MY WORK! ^^
Also, what do you think of my new background? It is of myself, using my tablet, which I haven't touched for ages, but my comp is chronically slow, and I've been procrastinating, and won't reward myself for idleness with the computer! *smacks hand*

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Both tests were alright, but man do I hope I didn't fail!
Yes, did my first two modules ever of A level. I'm sure I failed in Theology, for I didn't revise, but English was alright. The problem is that I'm a slow writer, so I never finish. I did the extract-based question, which my teacher advised us not to do, but I had way more to say on that one than the other question, which I didn't have the foggiest for! I didn't like the fact that I couldn't go into deep analysis, but that's life, is it not?! I was supposed to be revising yesterday, but I got roped into tidying-up the front room with my mum, and by evening, I was way too tired! I slept well, (every two hours I wake is good enough for me!)
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Monday, January 14, 2008

   Ahh the pain and agony!
Ah yes, the fatigue is long-living and I've got two tests Wednesday morn. Please wish me luck! I assume I'll do well, but who knows! >.< I need to go to a museum and learn. I can slowly feel my brain being drained of all sense of intellect! Must at least read a novel! *grins coyly* *sighs* I'm so down and depressed. I want a bit of happiness in my life, and for it to lat for just a bit of time. It'd make me realise all is not so bad, even though I know it already in my heart. *makes a face*
I'M GONE! ^^

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Saturday, January 12, 2008

This one is not necessarily titled (and that's not the title of this poem! lol)
This one too, is dated 27.12.07 (English dating, the day and month are swapped) and I was in a happy mood writing it!

My poems are to be read aloud with passion,
rather than the teacher dictating it to you in a monotone drawl.
The passion within these words keep my body going,
so treat my poems kindly.
I retell you the events with the joyful drama
that I did not add myself.
It is there already, and I saw it,
and now this comes into play.
The haste of the writing, the drama of the scenario,
all created this simple prose,
emjambement ABUSED, but I think this as I go...
The cloud I am out of, and the Pierrot mask goes on!
I am happy on the inside, sad on the outside,
the host of pain and misery!
And I do but like to tell all…
Drama is what I love- the passions of the loins I have not bore witness to,
even if it leaves me a quivering, maniacal mess on the floor.
you get up, dust yourself off, and prepare yourself for it again.
Inside I say ‘I am not a worrier, not a warrior’ and yet I still live,
my email address ‘fightagainstdeath’ bears witness to it all.
I may be dragged down, all sense be gone, not willing to see the light,
but I always know the hermit will come SLOWLY out of her cave.
And when I prevail, I beg, no applause
“it’s all part of the fun; I bid you thank, I bid you praise for putting up with me when I was gone”
I smile coyly, I give the thumbs up, I jump for joy that the sun has come back
I cry with laughter, but I kid you not, IT HURT LIKE FUCK!
These poems I write with dry irony, are present to all who bear witness.
These get me along in my days of pride, and a necessity in my fallen days.
I have the way, all I need is the will, but will you help me in it?
~Amaris Dixon

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I shall finally add my poems! :D
Ah, yes. This one I am pretty proud of really. I'm going to explain the bit of inspiration I got, and stuff, which is not something I really do, as they are generally typed up a matter of days after writing them.
This one is called 'life', and heavily influenced by a book that I have been reading in English Literature. It is called 'Wise Children' by Angela Cater, and the aspect of life and the carnivalesque. The attitude of the poem is very close to mine, in its very bawdy English way, and you very much have to hold your disbelief when reading it! lol I also wrote this just before my dad came (a matter of half an hour), reeling from having reflected on the depths of my dark path through life- I remember a very minute amount of my childhood. I hope you enjoy it!

Life is a theatre performance,
but not like one at all.
I give myself as entertainment,
yet I am not myself at all.
The mask is up, and do not know
whether I speak truth or lie.
Am I the character, am I the person,
or rather nothing at all.
The words are spoken like a script you see,
everyone drawls and drools;
the acts we partake, the lust we bare,
are neither foretold or just written.
I roll my eyes and dwell in the drama, I spread my arms and let it become me.
It seethes, it burns, it scars me deep,
but is that all part of the theatre performance?
The carnivalesque- we breathe, eat, shit and die,
the toothless hag with the swollen belly;
All parts of the story we call life.
God the main author,
but we are all co-writers of each others'
by our mere existence within the plot.
We are not puppets, we are not absolutely pre-moulded,
we change as the tide does,
go mad and silent, go happy and be verbal.
All is not fun and games if you don't see it as that.

~Amaris Dixon

I hope you like it, and ask me about certain aspects if necessary! ^^

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Friday, January 11, 2008

*pouts* SO TIRED!
AH yes, the end of a week is nigh, and I am but so glad! Today I realised that to protect someone from the truth is better than to see tears, because that friend is a people pleaser, and too fragile.
Rather bored on other fronts. Got the tests, bored, need sleep, got many mangas to read which are proving a lovely distraction from my work *scoffs* THANK YOU LIBRARY, AND NOT VISITING IT FOR 3 MONTHS! *nods head* Yes, I've got lots of shojo (got to love the mushy girls' stuff!)'hot gimmick', 'loveless', 'imadoki!' and other shounen stuff.

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Thursday, January 10, 2008

Can I be bothered now? I don't know!
Well, here it is cold and miserable as hell, but it's Britain, so am I really to expect any more from winter?
Got two tests next week, a closed-book exam on a novel, and another one on Theology. I'm not sweating it, but I need to revise. I'm just so tired though! I constantly want to sleep! 2 hours or so a night is NOT sufficient!

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Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Still no poems, but behold the happiness!
Ah yes, I am alright today, not stuck in a rut at all, I got about 3 hours sleep, so all is good. It's only 8:56 am, so I've got many hours to crash! I'm alright, still not eating well, got the chronic belly-aches, but I make myself eat. Otherwise I wouldn't be functioning! My brother had a nice day, and he ate too much pizza and was complaining this morning! Serves him right! *glares* We had a SpongeBob cake. 'Twas nice. Also played on the Wii with him with that Mario football game, and he kept beating me even though I didn't know the controls!
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Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I'm alive!
Yes, Between being lazy, and not being bothered to go on a slow computer, and a big 'family event' (my dad went mad) I haven't been on. I'd like to add two poems of mine, but I don't have them on me. It's my brother's birthday today! He's 12, and getting no less annoying!
I'm depressed as hell, and I'm as tired- as tired as I was BEFORE THE HOLIDAY! I'VE GOT THE SUPPORT OF MY MUM THOUGH.

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Saturday, December 29, 2007

A tablet...
A computer tablet is basically a piece of plastic and a stylus, and you can draw on it using the pen, and use it as a cursor and draw straight onto the computer. It's very smart, and rare to get. ^^

I don't know what else to write for a post. I don't want to discuss my life at the moment. It's very chaotic and I having been sleeping. That is all you need to know.
Let me write as I go:
I can feel the fuzz inside my chest, and the heart beats evr-so fast.
My brain is whirring, but my body is disconnected; making no response.
Sad are the days where the world is but a mess.
Enjoy! ^^

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