Friday, May 20, 2011

Hello everyone!How have you all been doing? I have a lot to talk about this morning so I hope my post wont be too long and boring. Well, I finished off this semester with B's so I am very happy with that. I will be going back to school in Maryland in the Spring and Summer so I can graduate by next Spring. I am a little upset that I wont be able to go to school in the fall but I have to be a resident of Harford county for 3 months before I can get the out of state fees off me. I wont be able to afford college. It's okay though. It will give me time to find a job and a place to live without the hassle of studying for classes. So, Israel and I took time apart and we decided that we don't want to be apart. It's so hard to explain but I think me and Israel love each other too much to actually want to see and be with other people. We talked things out and we ust can't be away from each other..... I don't know, it's just so hard to stay away.So, me and Israel will be moving together up North and we will start over new. I think it will be healthy because we have so much history in Tampa and I think it will be better to get away from osme of the people here in Florida. Alos, my friend Alyssa who ust moved down here from Deleware is now moving back up North because I am moving too. She says she doesn't have any friends here and she doesn't want to be alone..... I feel kinda bad too because well, she moved down here and now she is leaving. She didn't even get to see the cool parts of Florida. lol Oh and I will also get to see my other friend in Deleware! That's right Bubble's Megee!!! I am so gonna visit you once I move up there. I feel like I need to get out of here faster. I just wish I could be living up there now. I just need $2,000 to move. I only have 810. By the time we have to move, I may not have all the money. Which sucks. Me and Israel have been thinking about if I go up there early and start looking for a job and place to live but I don't want to be away that long anymore from him. So tofay I have to go to work from 3 to closing time. I hate closing sometimes because even though the store closes at ten, we still have to stay like an hour or two after the customers leave and when the customers leave like 40 minutes after the store is supposed to close, it really sucks because that means we can't clean the floors and start staking up things. It slows us down so much. ugh. So, how have you all been? It's been so long and I feel like we lost touch somehow. Let's reconnect!

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This is how I feel!

Well, I just found out that I will be going by myself to maryland. I find that okay because I ust want to take a break from Israel and be by myself visiting my family. I know it sounds bad but it's true. I don't think I can spend the rest of my life with him. We had two fights this week. One was more of an irritated argument. The first one was about kids. As you may know, he is 21 and i am 20. I have big dreams. I want to get my masters and get a great job before I have kids and I may be around 27 or 28 when that happens. He wants kids when I turn around 24. He says if Iwe don't have kids but like 26 then we wont have any at all. I find that really mean. I want to get my life straight and settled and live first. Not throw my life away right in the middle to have a baby. Seriously.You know, I feel like how I did when I lived with my mom. I even put a password lock on my phone so he can't get into it. I don't even talk to him about what I feel anymore because he doesn't understand me. We are so different and I don't think it will work. Anyway, sorry about the complaining. At least I have a place to go up North. My dad wants me to live up there with him but with my own place. yay! I already got the acceptance letter to the community college and i am getting all my financial aid taken care of. I just hope life up north is better. My grandmother loved it so maybe I will too ^_^ Anyway, I should be studying for my exams tomorrow. My final exams are on May 3rd. Oh! Im nervous. Take care my friends!

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Cherry Cheese Danish and an XXX Vitamin Water

Oh this morning feels likes an eternity! lol I had to get up early like always with my boyfriend so we can save on gas. I don't really mind but sometimes I just want to sleep in before school. I really can't wait to start summer vacation. I will be getting ready for the big move to Maryland and I really cannot wait. I have to send my transcripts to Harford now so I can get myself enrolled. Anyway, how are you all today? I noticed that everyone hasn't been updating as much and I know everyone is busy but I miss you all! lol Is everyone taking summer classes or will everyone have a summer vacation? I still have to work so it wont be too much of a break but it's better than having two things on my plate. Anyway, I finished my Astronomy term paper and it turned out to be seven pages long. It's very boring and very factual so yeah, writing it was a huge pain in the butt. I was even falling asleep while writing it. So, I feel like I have been slacking off with my studies and I don't like that. I am hoping to get on the ball once I go to a better and new college. At least I hope it will be better. You know what they say, the grass is no more greener on the other side. On a good note, me and my sister have been talking again. I was talking to my mom but she blew me off because I think she found out that I am broke too. I will never know. I am going to call her again once I get minutes on my other phone. I have two phones now. Israel doesn't get to see my other one though. I really want him to stay away from what me and my mom do. He doesn't want to interfere he says but still. I would prefer it to be just me and my mom. Okay, well, I have to go print my essay and catch up with my sister now. So I will post and comment as soon as possible okay? Miss you all! Have a great day!

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It's been a long while hasn't it? Let's catch up

Hey everyone! How are things going? I know it's been a long while since I last wrote but I want to start back up again. School really has taken a lot of my time and well, so has work. I still live with Israel and things have gotten better. I moved out and we got our space but we decided to be with each other again. However, we both agreed if we get that bad again then it will be best to go our separate ways. This semester has been so much better than the last. Did I tell you that I got health insurance? Well, a month ago I almost died from an enlarged colon from my colitis. I stayed four nights at a hospital and was able to get medical insurance coverage and my meds. I am so happy now. All my flare ups are gone and I have been in remission since my hospital stay. Now I am on a diet and lots of exercise too. I gained weight from lack of energy and activity. I used to be 124 and now I am 140. It's a bit of a weight gain but now I am working back down. Last I checked I was at 133. I felt the extra weight on my body and I saw that I wasnt fitting into my clothes as well anymore either. Now that I am healthy again I can do more about it. Oh and guess what? I am moving to Maryland after the Summer is over. I am going to live closer to my Great Uncle, Father and Grandma and I may be able to actually meet my cousins. I never met them before or talked to them. I wonder what they are like. I will miss my family here though. After my grandma's passing, I have had this great urge to get up and leave this state. I feel like it's what my grandmother wanted to do. She never liked Florida and before she died she wanted to go see her family up North in Virginia and Kentucky and all her friends in Maryland. I am so sorry that I haven't been here in so long. How long has it been? A few months maybe? Well, I noticed that others haven't been here as much either. Maybe once the Summer starts we will have free time again to talk and pots and have fun.

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Sleepy but awake

Well hello everybody!!!!! Me and Israel are fighting again.... well he is more mad at me than anything.I am getting mad because he wont answer his phone, I can't find him anywhere and well, it's just annoying. As of today, I am doing well. I skipped my Astronomy class. I have found that class to be very boring and well, I will go next class. I just don't feel like being bored to death and I thought I should post up here so you guys wont worry. I am sorry that I haven't been around as much. I am getting my computer fixed and it should b done by Thursday. It had an electrical problem and soon it will be working again!!!! YAAAAY! Now I wont let Israel use it again because he would pick it up by the monitor screen and let it dangle in the air. Not so smart or he would leave it where it could fall off the side of a table or chair and when I would tell him not to do that he would get pissed at me and tell me that it's okay. You know, even if it was okay, why couldn't he respect my wishes? Sometimes I am starting to think me and him are not going to work out. My friend says I can stay with her if anything ever happened. maybe me and her can get our own apartment? lol I am starting to like that idea though. Israel is becoming so controlling and it I think the stress of it all is giving me ulcers. There was a saying in a book that I was reading at work. It said "Ulcers are not caused by what you are eating but by what is eating you." I found that so true. Anyway, I am waiting for Israel to get out of his math class. i don't really want to fight with him at all but it's going to happen. Oh Oh!!! Since I celebrate the spring, I started my own little garden! I am making an herb garden and pepper garden. I really like how its gonna look too!!! I can't wait to actually use them for cooking. I bet my food will taste the absolute best! If i had more room I would actually grow my own fruits and veggies. How organic is that????? Then I wouldn't worry to much of where my food is really coming from. Just gotta be careful of disease and bugs. I'm sure I can do it. People have been doing it for thousands of years. Anyway, I am gonna go and comment on your sites. I hope you guys are doing okay and are having a wonderful day. Talk to you all later!

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No worries....... well maybe a little

Hello all. ^_^ I am pleased to announce that I am back and ready to start posting again. I am sorry for the long absence. I really missed you guys too! So, I took my little unpaid vacation from work and I feel a bit more relaxed. I calmed down and I collected all my thoughts and I understand that my grandma is gone and that now she is all around me. I miss her very much but I know she would not want me to live angry and sad. But I know she wants to be missed. lol Me and my mother have been fighting alot. She says I am the reason why my grandmother is dead. She says that when I moved out I should not have been talking with my grandma and that I should have left her out of my life. My mom and my grandma fought the night before she died....... so I can see why my mother is so upset but I wish she would not put this kind of blame on me..... It really hurts. I may take a spring break off work to do some cleaning. I like that idea. Get rid of the old and in with the new! Maybe have a little yard sale? Who knows. I don't really have much to seel. I will probably donate what I don't want anymore to a charity or church. Also, I made a new friend. Her name is Alyssa. Me and her hang out and talk bout everything. I haven't had a friend I could actually hang out with in a longn while. I'm probably gonna hang out with her tonight after I get out of school. So, I found out that it's been getting hard for me to sleep on my own. I've been stealing meletonin from the medicine cabinet and taking two so I can pass out fast. Do you think that is bad? I am hoping soon I will be able to go to sleep on my own. I should do that tonight. But when I take that medicine I don't wake up all through the night and I actually wake up feeling good. Without it I go to the bathroom and I feel the pain nmy stomach all night long. Tonight I have a college algebra test. I am a little worried because I know little to nithing about what I am learning in that class. It's so hard and it's really tough for me to focus with all the crap that is going on. I need at least a B to bring up that F I produced last time. ugh I feel like a loser. Anyways, I will post back another time now. I gotta get ready for my school day. and I gotta eat breakfast. However, I am thinking about starting a little diet. I don't want to eat as much as I do anymore. I'm not really gaing weight but I am getting out of shape. No food before 8:00 am and no food after 9:00 pm. Little meals for luch and medium size for dinner and breakfast. Then exersice and stretching when I get the chances too as long as I do at least 15 minutes a day to start. ^_^ Yay! No I just have to follow it. Anyway, see you all later!

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Okau, so I am very sorry I haven't been around a lot. Lots of bad things have happened recently and it's ben making life so difficult to bear. About a week ago I found out that my grandmother passed away..... It's really hard to talk about right now, but now I know where that sad feeling I was talking about was coming from. Guys, I don't know how to feel right now. I never experienced anyone in my family's death before. This hurts so bad and in a way, I kind of don't believe it. I keep calling her letting the phone ring for minutes and minutes...... What should I do? Israel and I have been fighting more because he thinks I am going to live with my mom again. She has been talking to me more begging me to come home with her. But she wants me to give her my paychecks again and to take care of the house. I mean, I feel so selfish fpr not wanting to come home. Plus now she has cancer and she looks very bad.... It's making me cry right now to think about it.... I'm gonna go now, I hope I can post back soon. I took the weekend off to mourn and to just freakin relax about everything.

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It's gonna be a long day

Today I don't know.... But that saddness is sweeping back over me again and I don't know why. I want to go somewhere.... Somewhere far away from here thats open and full of nature. Somewhere where I can be free for once and maybe.... have someone next to me who can enjoy that wonderful euphoria of nature, freedom and purity. Am I the only one who feels this way? Locked up somehow trying to find a way out? Have I walked into a cage set up for my capture? Oh so many depressing questions but I hope maybe the answers aren't the ones I am embraced for. I want to do something with myself. Do more. BE apart of something. Become someone. I'm 20 years old now and I haven't done anything signifigant with myself and I'm not going to stand by that any more. This summer I am going to see if I can be a lab assistant here at my college and then I am going to start something with my music. I'm going to buy another flute and get back on it. I'm going to go visit my family up north and enjoy my life. You know, I think I found my New Year's Resolution. Yeah. That is mine. So, yesterday I was watching this show for my Anthropology paper about Ancient religions and the modern day devil. I think Israel was upset that I was listening to other religions that came before Christianity. You see, he is a very biased man when it comes to his faith. He believes that I am not much of a Christian and that I don't have f aith in God. But actually I do. I am a Christian. The only problem is that I see my faith and religion a little more openly than he does. I don't want to go into what I feel because I don't want to have people mad at me for what I believe in, it's just he lets me know and he says how I am a sinner but he sins jsut as bad. Sometimes it's almost hypacritical (hpwever you speel that). Last night I started talking about my future, well he started to ask me about mine first, and I told him what I wnat in life and he said something that I didn't quite understand and then he said "your wants are complex and mine are simple". I don't care what he says. I am going to fulfill my life. Whether he wants to come or not that is his choice. Anyway, my class starts at 9:30 am and its 8:41 am. I'm gonna head out and get some breakfast before my class starts. Anthropology class seems to be pretty popular (Israel makes fun of it and in fact he asked me not to talk about that class around him)and the chairs fill up fast so I want to get there a little early to get a seat. lol I love that class. I took it in high school and I enjoyed it a lot.^_^ I guess I will talk to you all later. See ya!

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Could I just be you tonight?

So I was asked who my favorite and most inspirational band was. And I have to say it is Matchbox 20. For some reason when I listen to their music or Rob Thomas's music I just can't help but to feel those words and take them with me wherever I go. AH! I love him lol I would love to go see him live and have him play all myy favorite songs. He is like a master at words and music. So on that note, what is your inspirational artist or band that you can't deny no matter what. No matter how the times change? I have been listening to Matchbox 20 since I was like five. haha The 90's music is the best music I have ever really heard. lol I guess that's me being a 1991 baby. Anyway, that is one of my favorite songs. I put others up another time. ^_^ So I have class in thirty minutes. I wanna go and try to find my sister. I bought her a necklace for her birthday and I want to go and give it to her. My mom really is trying her best to keep them away from me...... And it's working. It's sucks a lot though. I wish I could talk to them again... I'm so tired and I feel like crap a lot and that depression hasn't subsided yet. I wonder why. One day it will get better. Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good day. Take care!!! I will post again soon! I have been missing you guys a lot too.

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Guess who's back?

Okay! So now I am here to actually write a proper post. I hope. lol I never know if something is going to get in the way or not. Anyway, I notice that a lot of people I work with at Publix go to the same college as me. For instance I walk into the writing commons and I see the Dairy guy ( a middle aged man) who I would n ever expect to be here is here being tutored on how to write his thesis statement. I don't want to sound rude or anything but he doesn't sound very bright...... I know it's bad but even when I first seen him I thought that. It surprises me to see him here. He probably wants to get a manager position at Publix because Publix is a company where you can always go up in as long as you try and put yourself out there. Many people decide to make it their career which is something I don't want to do. I do however want to work there and get money and maybe get a promotion from cashier to customer service staff. lol I can't be a manger because I ama full-time student. Plus I don't want to work 50 hours a week. Ugh! That would kill me. Anyway, my birthday went well. It was on the 14th of January. I turned 20!!! I don't feel 20 though. I feel like a child. In fact, I feel like I am getting younger by the day. I act silly, I play little kid games sometimes, I collect beanie babies and webkinz and I want to buy all my favorite childhood cartoon movies. I am afraid that Israel will think I am just a stupid child or an adult that has not grown up yet. But He said he prefers me like that because he said if I didn't have a childish or girl-like hobbies or likes then he would have thought I was just a bitchy girl who only cared about sex, looking good and dating. Which I am do like to look good but I don't spend my life getting by on looks. Anyway, I was reading this fortune in a fortune cookie and it said "All oak trees started out as a couple of nuts who wanted to stand their ground" I really like that saying. lol it's cute and influential! It actually made me laugh because it gave me that mental image. Ya know? Hey BubblesMegee you should post again here if yuou eve have the time. lol Since I can't go on facebook anymore this would be cool to catch up on. I'll text you sometime this week. ^_^ Soon I am going to post more pictures of stuff. lol I'm gonna post some pictures of my birthday cake and snoopy and other random stuff I took pictures of. Just to keep you updated. I missed you guys. Sorry for not posting in a long while. Okay I am going to go check up on your sites now. I will post again soon. See you guys later!

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