Thursday, August 12, 2010

   I just end up getting......

Hello, everyone how are you? I’m doing pretty well now. Yesterday was good because my mom finally calmed down and I spent the day just relaxed. Then I went grocery shopping and I had lots of fun doing that. Shopping always makes me feel better. I really don’t know why though. Lol maybe it’s just spending money or thinking about all the food I’m going to cook. Once I got home Israel came over to my house which was an amazing surprise!!!! He told me he wanted to take me somewhere and he took me out to eat at Applebee’s. I thought that was so sweet too because he knows how stressed I have been so he wanted to make me happy by spoiling me again. Lol He gave me a digital camera too. It’s really nice. He says he wants to start taking pictures of me and him together so do you know what that means??? BUM BUM BUUUUM I am so posting pictures on here now!!! I never had my own camera before so it is pretty cool to be able to take pictures whenever I want. I hate asking my sister to let me use her camera. It doesn’t work so well for some reason (and it’s nicer than this camera too) so I don’t like being very responsible for her things. You can understand I’m sure. Lol My mother apologized for trying to break my computer. She felt bad because she thought it really did break and she knows how important this laptop is for college. Without this baby I would DIE!!!!! This computer helps me out so much that I probably am addicted to it. Whenever I need fast access at school, I got my little Laptop here. Lol It’s a Gateway computer and boy does she know how to take a punch. Lol It’s very sturdy and I love the Gateway brand. Our first desktop computer in 1996 was a Gateway and it lasted for a long time and then it got stolen… but then we got another gateway and it lasted a long time until it got struck by lightning….. This one I am trying to take very very good care of but when people are punching her and throwing her around, it really takes away the life of the computer. Thank you for all of your kind and sweet words yesterday. It really made me feel better. I don’t believe what my mother says is true but t just really gets to me when she says it publically and in front of my siblings. Israel knows what kind of things she does so I don’t think he will go away. He is look for an apartment for me and him and he will have one by the end of this month. School starts next week so I know I will be up in Tampa with him too. the only bad thing is that Israel is having car trouble and it’s getting pretty pricey. I know he works and makes good money but still I know he doesn’t have a lot of it so I really hope he can handle this. I don’t want him to keep taking me out buying me dinner when he needs to fix his car but he won’t take no for an answer…. He says he has missed way to much while he was gone. I know he wants to make me happy but…. I don’t want him to go broke. I love him way too much. Today I had to work and well, it was no fun. My throat still kind of hurts and I was irritated today. I almost got an attitude with a customer because she was being way to demanding. I stopped myself because I don’t want to take anything out on anyone but still I was somewhat shocked at myself. I don’t know what has gotten into me today. I need to take a nice hot bubble bath… I feel happier though because my mother chilled out and Israel still loves me but I think inside I am really hurting…. I don’t know why… Have you ever felt that way before? It’s downright aggravating!!! So, I noticed that tonight isn’t much of a posting night. I really hope that once the school semester starts everyone will still be able to get onto the Myotaku. I will really miss everyone who can’t get on as much…. Cause then everyone will lose touch!!! I’m kinda scared of that…. But hey, I think we will all be friends forever anyways. *huggles everyone* Anyway, I got to go now and take my medicine and talk to Israel. I will read posts and comment on the ones who updated today. Not many did though…. Take care of all of my wonderful friends. You guys mean so much to me. Never forget that. ^_^ Just ignore the names and pretend it’s us! lol

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I want to be pushed aside

Oh what a horrible day I had yesterday. I caught a flu and I was bed ridden. Had to call out from work, and my mother tried to destroy my laptop!!!! She started a fight in the morning and it went like this: I am on the computer on the Myotaku and TheOtaku reading posts and commenting. She comes in to look at what I am doing and looks at me and says that I am addicted to the computer and everything I get. She told me that I am addicted to dick (meaning boys) and my computer. I got mad at her and told her to go away and she busted the top of my computer with her hand. The screens went all fuzzy and it wouldn't work. You see I bought this computer with my own money and it's not her right at all to destroy or take it away from me. I buy everything on my own and she still says it is hers because it's in her home. I got mad and she started to yell and hit me. I threw a screwdriver at her because she kept hurting me and saying disgusting things about me in front of my younger sister and brother. She called me a whore and that everyone who talks bad about me is right and that I have sex to get gifts from men (that made me mad because I buy all my things with money I save when I work). I never have sex to get things. Just because Israel bought me gifts before did not mean I had sex to get them. She is such a bitch. Then she told me I need to ask for forgiveness for the way I talk to her. She says I bully her and say filthy things to her. That got me mad because I don't do that to my mother until she pushes me off the edge. Then I say things. I don't know if I am actually starting to hate my mother or not. I don't wish her dead or bad things upon her. I just wish I could leave and never ever see her again. This feeling pains me deeply. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am starting to become very depressed and she is hurting me. I am afraid she will try to make Israel not love me anymore. She may tell him lies about me or say things about my past that I do not wish to share to anyone. It hurts and it scares me. I HATE THESE FEELINGS!!!!! I don't want to depress all of you so I will just go now.... I hope you all are doing wonderful. I know that soon I will snap out of this depression so you guys wont have to deal with it anymore. I do apologize because this is supposed to be my home away from home where I can be happy and chipper but for now.... I'm just so sad and I can't help to be so angry.

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Where are the cameras????

First, I would like to apologize to all my wonderful MyOtaku friends for my long absence. You see, a lot has happened since my last post. Let me explain: Well, a few days ago Israel was telling me that he had to go to a city far off in North Carolina and he wont be able to talk on the phone but just text a little bit. We texted all day long and then he told me he wanted to talk to me a long talk that night alone. I asked him way and he said it was important. He told me to go into my garage so no one will be aqble to distract what he needs to say to me. So I go down there and I wait. He calls me and he has nothing to really say. He says that he needs to go for just a minute. I wait for five and I hear a knock at the door. So, I open the door and Israel was standing right there. I was shocked. We both ran to each other and hugged and kissed so close. I felt so shocked and so excited and so overwhelmed with happiness!!!! You see, he told me that he was going to be back in Florida on the 18th of August and apparently, he was really supposed to start work on the 10th so they left a few days before hand. (him and his friend that is). I have been spending alot of time with Israel the past few days and that is why I haven't been on here. Please forgive me. I didn't realize how much time has passed. There are a few negatives now that Israel is here. My mother keeps yelling and wanting to fight with me. I guess because he is Hispanic she automatically thinks a ghetto gangster. She called him a drug dealer for heaven's sake!!!!! He doesn't like it that she does this and she calls me whit trash because I don't usually date white men. I guess my mother really is a racist. My mother hates my grandma (her mother) because she married a black man. So I guess I have to live through this too.... But I really don't care about race or ethnicity. I am an open person and I never look on the outer layer of a person. It's what I don't he inside, how pure the heart is, how much the other one loves and respects you that matters most. Not what their skin looks like. Or what race they are. It really gets to me a lot. Israel and I are planning on getting a place together soon. My mother says if I move out I will fail in life and in college. I wont let that happen! No way!!! I can do things on my own. I swear. I would never let anything get between me and my education but living at home is so hard to do. My mother is not an easy person to be around so I think it is best that I leave soon. Now, how are all of you today? As you can see I am doing very well but how are you all? I will comment and read your posts today once I get the chance. I work until ten at night so tomorrow I will be able to post and comment again too! Thanks for all the comments on my last post. It was interesting reading all your opinions. Pretty cool! And thank goodness I hear from CrystalFlute! I was getting pretty worried. Today I wondered if she was ever going to come back and talk again!!! Well, I don't know what else to say. lol I'm so happy that Israel is back home with me and that school is starting very soon. I changed my schedule to better suite my school hours and now I am all set for the year!!!! Goodness I am so happy!!! Not even my mother can stop me from being this happy. She tried this morning and it so didn't work!!! Haha But now I have to go do dishes before my mother comes back home!!! I will post again tomorrow! I missed you all!!!

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Ever wonder why?

Hey everyone, how are you? I'm doing well today. I'm just enjoying my day off from work. I don't really want to go to work tomorrow but I know I have too. Darn these stupid grown-up responsibilities. I actually prefer to work and go to college than to be in high school. I had no freedom when I was in high school. I had to do everything my mom said and I was never aloud to hang out with friends. At least now because I have to give her my whole paycheck, then I get to go out sometimes. Ugh I just want to leave home so bad though. Today I have a gloomy feeling for no reason. It's strange. I feel okay but I feel so sad too. It's weird but I don't know what it is. I guess maybe I'm just a little depressed. I still have a light flare up but I think tomorrow I will go back into remission. I am taking all my medicine like I should but apparently, no matter what, I will always get sick. even if I take care of myself.... It feels useless but I pray every night that God will keep me safe from this disease. I think today, I will do some stretches and get back into that habit. I sort of stopped because I was working and I was tired after work. But now I changed my availability because my first class starts August 25th!!!! Oh I cannot wait. I love school so much! I don't know what I would do without it. Oh Oh which reminds me: Yesterday, I was checking out and a lady with her children were buying school supplies and the youngest girl who had to be at least 13 years old mumbled "I hate school so much. It sucks." This question popped into my mind: Why do American children hate school so much? I was thinking of some possibilities like maybe it's because school has turned into a popularity game and a social activity that most people have a hard time participating in or maybe children just have bad habits of not wanting to exercise their brain but the answer that I think really works is that Children are made to go to school and it's free and given to them without any hardships. If school was taken away from us and we had to grow up working our whole lives and denied the right to educate ourselves children may want to go to school and become something other than a common person. I was denied the right to go to school by my mother. She kept me home as a "home schooled" child and I had to work and do chores, become a maid for other people and raise my little brother while my mother was gone. I was unable to really learn and be in a school like every other American child could. I begged my mother to let me go but she said no and that I was not ready yet. I was home schooled from 6th grade to 10th grade. And with that time I taught myself everything I know. Me and my sister blew our school teachers away. We both graduated high school with 4.0 GPAs. It could have been higher if I actually went to school all four years. And now I am in college and I wont ever give up school. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't a student.... But I think that is why most children hate school. Do you have any ideas as to why? Anyway, I am gonna get going now. I gots things to do. Some dishes, sweeping, and talking to my amazing boyfriend. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I will read and comment on you guys later too! Don't worry. LUV YA!

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Gonna make it quick

Good Morning, Afternoon or Evening everyone! How are you today? Well, I can say now that Faroe is finally back to normal again.I had a little trouble the past few days and well, I am feeling so much better. I'm back in remission from my flare up and I'm not sick anymore. Israel is being his sweet self again and my friends, I hope, are all doing wonderful! Yesterday I worked from five to nine at night so I didn't have time to check out the MyOtaku last night. I'm sorry. Today I will comment and read posts. Not much really went on yesterday. I bought some school supplies for really cheap at Wal-Mart and then I got my discount! BOO-YA!!! I love discounts. But anyways, i think I am going to make this a short posts today. I'm sleepy and well, I took my medicine so I'm gonna go and play my Final Fantasy game and chill before work today. I work until 11:00 p.m. tonight so blah!!! But tomorrow is my day off! *Dances in Circles* Have a great day everyone!!! And I still miss you CrystalFlute! Isn't Chii adorable!?!?!?

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What goes up.... Must come down

Well, now that all the bad stuff is over with I can finally calm it down. I would like to apologize for the sad posts lately. Israel and I are back on track again. He apparently was in a bad mood because him and his best friend got into an argument and I think maybe he was just picking on me that day. We are both over it now and he asked if we could just putt hat behind me and him. Thank goodness. I would also like to really thank GM for helping me and giving me lots of advice. It really means a lot to me. Thank you. And thanks to all of my other wonderful friends who put their advice in as well. You guys are the best. So, I have gotten hooked into a little DS game. I have had it for a while but I finally started to play it. lol Has anyone done that before? It's that game Final Fantasy Revenant Wings. I really like that little game. I am a huge Final Fantasy fan. But I haven't yet been able to obtain the Final Fantasy 7 game with Cloud. OH I WANT THAT GAME SO BAD!!! loll But one day I will play it. I have no doubts. Today will be a short post. I work until 11:00 p.m. tonight so i go into work at 3:30 p.m. I'm not so excited to work but hey! It's money. And something to do. I am so happy that it is August now. School starts on the 30th and I really cannot wait. Next Wednesday I'm going by the new campus to locate all my classes just so I don't look like I'm lost there. So, how are you all my friends? Good I hope. Please make sure that you are keeping yourselves taken care of and safe. Oh and A13, what is your e-mail? I heard that you wanted to have the Trigun thingy too! I will e-mail you the prize too If you want it! lol Like so many people say "Sharing is Caring!" Take care my friends and I will post back soon. If I can't comment on posts today it's because when I get home from work tonight, I am going right to bed. lol

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   Why don't you just sit and listen for once

(If you haven't read yesterday's post please read in order to understand what's happening in the post. Thank you). Today started off good. Well, it was great actually. Last night I called Israel around ten and he didn't answer. He calls back three minutes later because I don't leave a message or text him or call back again. (I knew that would get his attention somehow) Once I answer he asks me a question. " Do you really want to be with me?" I say yes and he says "Why the Hell would you even mute your phone?" Honestly, I really don't know what his problem is. I understand now he has trust issue but I don't know why he does with me. I have never lied to him ever and he knows that. He apparently doesn't understand why I would mute the phone if I wasn't doing anything so important.... So we talked and he said he loves me and he doesn't want to break up. But he said the me and him are totally two different people and he knows that the way each of us think really don't match up the same. But He says he doesn't care and he loves me anyway. This morning we talked on the phone for a few hours. I still don't know what is wrong with Israel. Maybe it's distance? I do have to answer a few questions as to why Israel may have trust issues with me. Many people (who I don't even know) tell him how I am going to cheat on him every chance i can get. they say I am a whore, a cheater, player, bitch, rotten liar, whatever you can guess. It all stems back to a rumor that started with an ex boyfriend of mine when I was 15 years old. I didn't want to be with him anymore because he was treating me bad and I was uninterested. this ex of mine was mad because he didn't have me anymore and so he called me a whore and told everyone at school I cheated when I never did. I was unable to control this rumor but ever since his friends and their friends and their friends friends have spread this. With the help of my mother too I am known as a whore of Tampa. This is where it stems all out too. I have finally gotten rid of my self-esteem issues once I got out of high school but the only problem is when I got to college all those bad people and my ex went to the same campus!!! So I moved away again. This time, no one knows me. Israel has always backed me up because he knows what truly happened but sometimes when people and so many of them constantly try to convince you of something, it may sink in. I hope that doesn't happen with Israel. HE is so invincible and so strong. And hard headed and stubborn and sometimes very rude and blunt but I love him so much and he always stayed on my side. He tells people that I am a saint and they don't know how great I really am. Even though I really don't think I am as great as he believes it still makes me happy to know he says it. Thank you so much for your comments yesterday. Angel Zakuro: Thank you for the wonderful compliment. You are so very sweet and I'm sure you are wonderfully beautiful. I will probably talk to him about it when he is here in person. He can always hang up on me if we fight on the phone. And I will be sad if he does that to me. A13:Thank you for your long comment. I understand where you are coming from with the cheating idea. He wouldn't cheat I know this. Israel has always been honest and he has this thing where little things make him feel as if someone is disrespecting him. Usually he would stop talking to people cause of things that they do to annoy him but me and Israel have a different kind of relationship. We always talked and he really wants me with him in his life. I don't know if this will be a forever thing with him but maybe if he understands that I am not trying to disrespect him and that I love him he will stop this behavior. I am glad your leg is doing better. Just keep it clean and wrapped up to heal. Please check on it as much as possible. i loved the duckies!!! I have two duck pets here at my home. They are ind of mean but I love them. Sort of. lol They are better as babies I can tell you that. I love the white tiger. It is my absolute favorite animal there. And thank you for the compliments. As I told Angel I bet you are very very pretty too. ^_^ I would love to see what you guys look like! Your name is pretty too. It's a cute name. Most people call ,e Britney Spears and I always hated that. even when I was a child. I never like Spears whatsoever. Her music sucked! Thank you for your kind words my friends. For those who haven't posted yesterday please tell me what do you think I should do about this thing with Israel... I need as much advice from great people as I can get. You my friends are like wise wise wise people. Seriously how did you all get so smart???? I must have missed that class in high school. lol So, today, I went to the Laundro-mat again. Very peaceful. I love it there. It's like the highlight of my week just going there to be with myself and wonderful flowery smells. I get to think and sit and just relax. Anywhere is better than being at home I get so sick and tired of being around my mom. She makes me feel so low and worthless. It's like living with those high schoolers that spread filth about me. I am starting to really dislike my mother. She has always made me feel small but now, she uses this against me too. THe other night she said to me that all those kids who talk about me are right. I am a whore. My mother gets mad at me because it's hard for me to stay in long term relationships. It's not always my fault thought. Sometimes they break up with me, or I just can't be with them anymore. I casually dated some people because my mother said it would be better and she got mad because a lot of people wanted to go out on dates with me. She hit me once and told me it wasn't fair that so many guys wanted to be with me. I wish they didn't either.... Because then, I wouldn't be known as a whore!!!! It makes me so mad!! SO mad that once I tried to make myself look ugly but it didn't work. I missed and I wasn't able to work up courage again to do it. But anyways, I just sound like a pity party all over and I don't want to be that. Here is one of the e-cards that I made the other day. It's about love because I was in that lovey mood. Sorry for the long post today. It's not a very happy one but I hope you understand how I feel.... so worthless to so many people. My friends you make me feel so good about myself. You are angels sent from above! No wonder why this place is so small now. Only the greatest people made it through the thick and thin. You are all in my prayers every night just so you know. Please take care my friends and have a wonderful day.

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   Why are you doing this???

Oh my goodness. So Israel is mad at me AGAIN. Today I was at work and I called him on my lunch. All was going fine until I told him to hold on for a moment while I help someone get out a door. I put the phone on mute (because I was going to shove it in my purse and I didn't want there to be a bad noise for him to hear) and he hangs up. I call him back when I'm done not even two minutes later and he gets mad at me cause I put him on mute. He thinks I lied to him so I could talk to someone for a minute. And now he wont return my texts or anything.... What is his deal? I told him I didn't mean to offend him and I wouldn't do that again. He said and I quote "you don't know what fucking offends me Brittany". (yes that's my real name). Whenever someone uses the F-word to me, I want to cry so bad. He then hung up after saying good-bye. and then yeah.... I finished work contemplating on what I should do about this problem. What is wrong with Israel? I have never known him to be like this and ever since we started dating he gets on me for things. I don't even know why. He sends me things and he says he loves me but.... why does he do this? Will he always be like this? I'm afraid to speak up sometimes in fear he may get mad at how I feel about the way he's been acting and leave. Oh I hate this feeling.... But let's push away from that. I don't want to think about that right now. He gets off of work at nine. Maybe he will text? Anyway, today work was dull but I met a few new cashiers and they are so nice. I hope we can be good work buddies! lol I talked with an older cashier named Laura and she told me such a sad story about how her husband died in a car accident. He was drunk and it was his birthday and they were both fighting. He never came home that night and found out about the accident and he was DOA at the hospital... I couldn't stop thinking about Israel. I wanted to not be angry with him and I wanted him to not be mad at me. I hate leaving on bad terms. What if he got into an accident??? He is so far away from me how could I get to him. I was about to cry and she was like "Stop looking like that! You look so sad!" I just couldn't help it.... Okay, so, now is the time I reply back to some of you all. GM, I will go check out your wallpaper as soon as I can. I know I will like it too!!! And Angel, Israel is my boyfriend... I just hope he stops acting like a jerk. A13 I do hope your leg gets better soon. Shadowme I hope you feel better too! And CrystalFlute WHERE ARE YOU!!!! Oh I finally have some pictures to show you of my awesomely splendid time at Bush Gardens. I have a few pictures but I hope you like them! Okay so that's the end of the pictures. I had more but it's taking to long to load. A storm is on it's way to night. Thank goodness. Maybe my house will cool down tonight. Take care everyone. I hope you all are doing well and loving life. I will post again soon.!!!

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   And to all a good night

So this is going to be a short post. It's 10:20 p.m. over here and I have to go to work in the morning kind of early and I want to talk to Israel for a few before I go to dream land. I hope your days were lovely today. I made sure to come by and read your posts. Sounds like life is good. Besides some minor back ups. lol I worked today and for some reason it was so hot in Wal-Mart. I was seriously uncomfortable. I hope it's not like that tomorrow. I'm gonna shoot an angry customer if it's not! Just kidding. lol but anyway, tomorrow I work the same hours. Blah but hey! Monday is my day off. YAY! *dances in circles* Life is good. Only 18 more days until Israel comes back to Florida for ever! I'm so excited. And then, school starts the 3oth of August. I really cannot wait for the fall. It's gonna be awesome!!! I can't wait for Halloween. I want to share the holidays with you all! lol I'll be posting pictures galore! Come to think I need to put the Bush Gardens pics up. Soon soon. Just remind me. I made two new e-cards on TheOtaku. Check them out if you like? I want to make more. Any suggestions? I still go to TheOtaku sometimes but not so often. I'm an Otaku Guardian so I can't leave this place ever. I love you all too much! Well, I'm gonna head out for the night. Thank you for all your wonderful comments. Sleep well all! And know that life is good. ^__^ P.S. CrystalFlute we are all still thinking of you!

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My heart is still here

Okay!!! OS Israel was just having a bad day I suppose because the nest day he said he didn't even know why I was worried. He told me he loves me and that pretty soon we will be together. We talked about the who "I wont want to see him or spend time with him when I get the chance" crap. He thinks I'm gonna wanna hang out with my guy friends without him ( That would hurt his feelings) or my girlfriends and flirt with other guys!!!! I would never do that. I wouldn't want him hanging out by himself with his lady friends. I would get so jealous because I know what most girls want (and what most boys want) so I would never do that to him. I think i relieved him a lot. He tells me how much he wants to hold me and last night he said he can't wait for the day he can say we are more than boyfriend and girlfriend. He said he wants to call me his wife!!!! Now,normally, I would be freaked and want to leave him because I have this fear of commitment but with Israel.... Oh my goodness I couldn't live without him! I want to marry him so bad. I want to be his wife!!! But... Am I just being stupid? I'm only 19 years old. Should I be feeling this way already? Whenever I get close to a boy, my mother tells me it's wrong to even try to feel that way at such a young age. I have felt this way towards one other person but he lied to me.... Israel I trust with all of my heart so I just feel this way with him. My mother makes fun of me because I care for Israel. She also makes fun of what he looks like. He isn't the most fit and yes he is very big. He may not be lean and graceful or the pretty boy but he has a great heart and a wonderful personality (although it can be crude) and that is what I see from him. I always have. I just wish my mother would stop putting him down. Every time she does, my heart hurts for him. I really love him. He will be here on the 17th of August. I'm counting down the days.... lol I'm such a weird-o Now, I would like to thank you for those who commented on my post yesterday. You guys made me feel so much better and helped ease my worried mind. Your advice was great and it helped me out a lot. It is truly appreciated. ^___^ Thank you all! you guys are like super heroes! Seriously! I love you guys. So today I went to work at 6:30 a.m. I am kind of tired but it's okay. I realized I put in 40 hours of work the other week. (not may vacation) so yeah this is going to be a good paycheck! Work was pretty boring. I just rang up customers all day long and then went home at three. Then I talked to my wonderful Israel who has to be at work today at 6:00 p.m. I wont hear from him until midnight and now I am on here!!!! I'll be sure to comment soon on those who have updated today. It seems like it's a no post day today. But oh well, I will still visit. I hope tomorrow wont be too boring at work. I work like 10:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. tomorrow. Blah! But it's way better than getting up at five in the morning. I really hate that. So, other than that, I don't really have much to say. I hope your day is well, or your night is well wherever you may be. lol I hope grandparents are well, aunts are moving into a great life and home, no one's working themselves to the bitter end with work/volunteering, I hope no one has fought with their parents, I pray that anyone who is sick be healthy again and I just hope that everyone is living life happily right now. Please take care my friends.

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