Thursday, July 29, 2010

Why?

Today is really bad... Well, actually yesterday is bad. For some reason Israel is acting really mean to me. He got upset with me last night for no reason and then he just hangs up and doesn't call me back to say good night or anything. Then he text's me "Goodnight my love. I lost my phone for a bit" at midnight so then I call him and he acts like everything is ok and happy and he tells me that he wants me and loves me. Once we get off the phone he texts me "I want you here with me...." I reply with something like I want to be with you two. We will be together soon." He starts talking about how I won't spend all my time with him and that he doesn't see me wanting to spend time with him at all when honestly I want to spend every second with him. And then he says how me and him don't think the same.... I asked him if he felt like that would cause problems and I haven't heard from him since. It's already nine and I know he is awake because he has work at ten.... I am really sad right now and I haven't slept but only a few hours all night. I finally went to be around 3 a.m. and I woke up around seven. I called him twice already and no answer. I texted him and he wont text back. Now I guess I should leave him alone. This is really confusing and hurting me so bad.... I don't understand why he is acting like this. I'm sorry to stress you out with my boyfriend dilemma but seriously this is hurting me. I don't like this feeling at all and it's driving me crazy. I really hope he calls, texts, messages me or something! Anyways, how are you this morning? I know you guys are doing better then me this morning. Full-nights rest, no drama, air conditioned houses. lol ect. ect. Today I'm just going to relax and pray that things are okay with me and Israel. Gonna read some posts and comment, clean the house, take care of the dogs and go to bed early because I work at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow. I have to put in a change of hours now that school is starting in almost three weeks. I can't wait. Once I have school back, I will be able to keep my mind focused on more important things. I love school and it helps me keep all the bad drama away. I wouldn't know what to do without school or studies. It's like my second love (next to me dear Israel). Thanks for those who commented yesterday. I noticed people have been super busy lately. I kind of can't wait until I can be busy again too with work and school. I really can't wait for August to start. Once that month hits, I know Summer will be over soon. I really dislike the Summer time. It makes me aggravated and it's way to hot. I just really hate Summer. I can't wait for the Fall to come... and then Spring! Anyway, sorry for the depressed post. I didn't mean too be so sad.... I hope you all have a great day today! Luv Yas!

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Relaxing day and it's nice... But I miss him

Okay so np dentist today. The offices will be closed for like a week due to remodeling and relocating. So I have to wait for another WEEK until I can get this fixed. Well, I guess not a lot of people were online yesterday. That's okay. I was out all day too and not many people posted yesterday but I see a lot of people posted today. I'll be sure to comment today once I get the chance. So how is everyone today? There isn't much to say about today yet because it is still the morning. I washed my doggies and cleaned up the floors a little bit. Today will be a relaxing day again. I don't go back to work until Friday so I still have tomorrow to rest. Then back to work. I guess that is okay. Then once I'm working time will go by so much faster and then My Israel will be back here in Florida!!! I really really really really cannot wait!!!! Last night we talked about everything. He says he loves me and wants to start our life together. We texted each other night and I just miss him so much. I want to be with him so bad.... I love him. Butm away from that subject, I'm moving away from here soon and I'm gonna start my fall classes soon. I have to make sure my work knows I need to go back to part time. I'm taking five classes already and I need to make sure I have time to do my classwork and homework. Today I'm going to make this short. I may just stop by again tonight and see if anyone updated. Oh hey, has anyone noticed that the MyOtaku is kind of up beat again? It's actually really nice to see more people here again. lol I feel like it's 2004-2007 again! lol It makes me happy and very thankful that I got to make wonderful new friends again. You guys really are the best! *HUGGLES* Well, I'm gonna go for now. I hope to hear from you later! Thanks for all your wonderful comments and your time. It really s appreciated.

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A great day and no one will take that from me!

Hey all! How is everyone today? I've been very well and in fact, I am doing so great!!!! I got to go to Bush Gardens today with my sister and my little brother (we have two year passes because we live so close to the park) and my mother didn't go with is! I felt so happy because i actually got to have fun and enjoy myself and not be tied down with a miserable person. I took pictures and rode rides, I talked with my sister and brother, I got to see things I never seen before, I just had so much friggin' fun!!!! I was gone all day so I was unable to post earlier but I'm here now. lol So CrystalFlute, why are you not gonna post for a while? I really don't want you to go back into that shy shell. I'll grab my hammer and take it off! lol just kidding. *huggles back* I just want you to be happy and free here... that's all... I was worried that you were going to leave us. I just know that you are a great friend and I don't want to lose one on here. All my friends here are amazing and we are a family! lol I really hope that your grandmother will get better, I will keep you and her in my prayers. Oh and don't thank me for being a good friend. I want to be a good friend and I don't need any thanks because it's such a pleasure to do so! lol Please take care To X Shadowme X, I'm sorry about your bad news. Some people can be really sneaky. Wolves in sheep's clothing is what describes them best. Sometimes in life, people we meet may not be so great even if they make themselves look great. People who really wish you well are few and far apart. Just keep the real friends close and love them. Okay, so today I was thinking about how great it would be if I had teleporting powers. I think it would be the best! I could go anywhere I please in the blink of an eye. I could visit my friends, see my boyfriend, rob a bank, see great historical sites all in the blink of an eye. How amazing..... lol but hey, I gotta do things the hard way now. SO there is a quote that I really love. It goes: A relationship built without friendship is like a mansion built upon sand. Isn't that so true? I can really say that people who are not friends at first and want to be closer will fall apart before the good stuff really happens. Many people are talking about how they don't like to handle relationships but I say if you start off as friends then the hard stuff in a relationship wont be anything to tough. Just take that advice and maybe being in a relationship wont be so hard. All in all just love yourselves and good things will happen. It works! I'm so sleepy today. I bet it's because I had a long day at Bush Gardens. I also got a lot of sun too. I'm a little red but I tan the next day so it's good! I get really tan when I spend the day out in the sun. I'll post some pictures tomorrow if you guys want? lol Anyway, I'll best be off now. Gonna go to the dentist tomorrow so I can get rid of this cavity. See you all later!!! Luv Yas!!!

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Let the meek be heard!!!!!!

So, I feel like this is goiing to be an urgent post to bring my friend CrystalFlute back to the MyOtaku.She is very upset and I realy don't know the whole story to it but I really miss her and I care about how she is feeling. She feels like she can't be herself on here because she feels as if she is upsetting people. I want her to know that YOU CAN BE YOURSELF CRYSTALFLUTE!!!!! We really care about you and I consider us a family. lol (I know maybe I'm a little lame but hey!) I really feel like I'm going to lose a great friend and I really don't want that. I really hope she understands that no matter what you will be loved here!!!! That is a card that I made a long time ago when the MyOtaku was hoppin. lol I found all my cards on theotaku so, here you guys go!! See this is a message that I want EVERYONE to hear. Everyone on the MyOtaku is an awesome friend. Sometimes our feelings get the best of us but that does not mean we can ridicule them for that or make them feel like that are looking for attention. Please don't leave us CrystalFlute. You are amazing, sweet and pretty and You are such a good friend!!!!! I want to thank you guys for commenting yesterday. It meant a lot. And thank you for keeping my hopes up with Israel. HE told me that we are going to run away together and start our life together. I can't wait. He says once he is enlisted into the Marines, me and him are going to get married so I will be able to always see him and be with him. I love him so much and I can't wait until he comes back here to Florida. Today, I'm probably not going to do much. I have a toothache and my mother hasn't given up her silence on me. (she hasn't said one word to me in two days) So she wont take me to the dentist. This really sucks. Israel says when he gets back he will take me there. Thank goodness for that! I'm probably going to just read some of your posts and comment and then play Oblivion (I love that game soooo much!) And then read my book The Witches of Eastwick And yeah that will be my day. I am still on vacation from work and yes I am enjoying it because I can sleep in and talk to Israel at night and catch up on all that lost sleep that I have obtained. So how are all of you today? Good I hope. If not, shout it out here on my comments. I like it when people vent and let out all their steam. lol It always helps me. My doctor told me that if I hold in my feelings then I will make my disease worse. So, If anyone needs to vent or rant or rave or yell or cry or be happy I am always open for discussion!!! You guys are the absolute best And I love you! lol Anyway, I'll be on my way now. My mom is home and I'm going to clean the house a little bit. o one really does that a lot around here. I hate having a dirty home. It *shivers* bothers me. However, my room can get a little disorganized at times but hey, no one is perfect. lol I will talk to everyone later so I hope to see you around. Oh and CrystalFlute, please know that you are wanted here and don't worry about the people who can't handle your feelings. Don't ever tone yourself down to make others happy. I care about you so remember, Just let out those feelings. That is what your friends here are for.

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And again and again and again

Good Afternoon my friends? How are you? I decided to go and comment and visit your sites first so I can have time to read everyone's fairly. I'm glad I got to meet a new member of the MyOtaku. Her name is EvileMonkey. lol I believe her and GoodMonkey are good friends? But anyway, I woke up today to realize that everyone in my house left super early to go somewhere. No not or anything. It's times like these where I wish I had a car and I would pack my things up and move away without them seeing. I was really sad actually because no one told me they were leaving. My sister doesn't talk to me anymore and my mom doesn't say anything to me at all. Not even hello. I haven't called them yet because I will feel very dumb if I do so... I guess I should just enjoy this time alone? I called Israel today to talk with him and he made me feel happy. We talked until he had to go to work. I miss him so much! But he will be back in mid August and I am so excited!!! He says that we are going to be together forever and I really actually want that. Normally when a man tells me that I get scared and want to leave but with him.... it's so different and I love it!!! It makes me happy inside however I do get a little scared because what if he ends up not liking me? I have known him since I was 16 and I have told him so much about myself already.... maybe I'm just worrying way to much. So, GoodMonkey? How in the world did you get to change your theme??? I can't change mine at all and it's bugging me so much!!! Tell me your secrets pleeeaaaassseeeee???? Thanks so much GoodMonkey for calling me a good friend. And Deadly Neko? Of course if I need to talk more about things I will come to you and all my friends. You guys are like my cyber family now. You guys show me more concern than my real family does. X Shadowme X I know it is a pretty hard decision to make but sometimes I feel like if I left, maybe my family will like me more... It's like flipping a coin. There is always a chance it wont land your way.... But that is what life is about isn't it? Taking risks and living?? Anyway I gotta go now. I will talk to you al later!!!

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Don't bother none

Hello everyone! How are you? Sorry about yesterday… I wasn’t able to really comment on your sites yesterday because my mom wanted me off the computer and well, she started to throw a fit so I was unable to really do anything at all online. Today, I will do my best to try and comment. I’m so busy trying to stay away from my mom because whenever she sees me on my laptop or cell phone, she says I’m acting immature. Honestly, I have nothing to do at home. I work all day and I would like to be able to do something. I like to spend some time online with friends because that’s the only way I can talk to them or hang out with you guys. She never lets me go out to hang with them so this is how I keep my social life. Online. Thanks mother. So, yesterday when Israel called me, I just burst into tears because I felt so sad and I know he will sit and listen to me. Hearing his voice comforts me and hearing him tell me how he will be back in August really makes me feel happy again because my family doesn’t really like me as a person. My mother wants me to do everything for her while my little brother doesn’t want to be near the family and my sister doesn’t act like my sister anymore…. Once Israel gets here I will be able to feel like I’m really apart of someone’s life. I think that’s a human need isn’t it? To be wanted and needed? My mom tells me how I am not needed in the family and how everyone wants me gone…. But she won’t let me leave. I want to so bad but she won’t let me save up and she takes every penny I earn. What am I to do? Israel wants me to move in with him but I’m a little afraid too. What if I annoy him and he hates me? Or what if something happens and he goes away to boot camp and I’m all alone. However, my mind is set on taking the chance with Israel but the catch is: if I leave home with or without Israel, I will burn the bridge with my family. I feel like I’m stuck in a prison with a way out but way to afraid to take that chance to run because I’m fearing so much I’ll be shot down and brought back to the cell again and be laughed at. I want to live so bad!!! But I am afraid I won’t know how to once I get out there. Everyone says it’s tough but how can it be tougher than living with a woman who calls you a cunt whore bitch all the time. Someone who makes you act like a five year old because I still live under her roof yet I pay all the bills? If living on my own means I pay bills and I starve occasionally then I will take it. At least I will keep my sanity. I don’t care if my mother is sick. No one treats anyone this way. Anyway, I’m going to get going now so I can read your posts. Today I worked early and got out in the afternoon. I’m gonna take a rest and start my vacation. I hope to hear from you all soon. You guys are the best! That's for all my friends!!! You guys really mean a lot to me. thank you P.S. CrystalFlute!!! Why is your site turned off???

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Happiness was just a word to me.....

Hello everyone!!! How are you all today? Good I hope. I'm glad to hear that yesterday you all were doing quite well. I'm doing so-so today. For some reason I have this bad feeling inside me. It's really sad and anxious and it hurts. I don't fully understand it but I feel like something somewhere is wrong. Like something bad is happening right before me and I am not even noticing it. Have you ever felt that way? I feel like if something is happening there is NOTHING I can do to stop it.... Why am I feeling this way? To be honest, I feel like crap.... total crap but i don't want to bore you on that at all so I will talk about my day at work. Work started early: around nine thirty in the morning and well, it was okay. I got a really late lunch so when I got back from work, I didn't have to stay for too long after that so it was an easy day. Tomorrow I work really early around six in the morning so I will be at work for most of the morning. Well all of it to be exact. I don't mind it though because I get to leave wal-mart early and start my one week vacation!!!! Wooo! I'm gonna go to dentist to get my teeth checked because I have like a horrible tooth ache on my upper right molar. I don't really know why. I always brush my teeth like three or four times a day but hey, I guess slip ups can occur. So I got a lovely compliment on my eyes today. This older man came over to my register to get his items checked out and the first thing he said was, I really love your eyes. they are so beautiful and the shape is unique. When I smile, My eyes go up in some anime form. My friends back in high school said they were my Asian eyes. I said thank you because I didn't know what else to say. HE made my day brighter. It made me happy because today was stuck in the cashier's hypnosis listening to the beeps of every item just thinking about how crappy I feel. So yeah he was so nice. I made someone's day brighter by carding them for alcohol when I clearly knew this lady was in her thirties. lol She looked happy that she was getting carded. I love doing that to people. I don't really know what else to say, except thank you guys so much for being so sweet, nice, caring, understanding, fun and so completelyawesome. Seriously. You all deserve like some kind of award!!!!!

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Thank goodness today is my day off. It wasn't a very lazy day but it's okay. Today I was able to get eight loads of laundry done all by myself. I ave to go to the laundromat to do so but I actually like going there. I don't get distracted and I get to sit and think and watch the clothes go round n' round. It's peaceful especially while I am by myself. I really like it. Other than the laundry getting done, I went to the bank to get money from my paycheck out of the ATM and went grocery shopping at Wal-Mart (I just couldn't stay away) and went to the Dollar General to get cleaning supplies. As for now, I am home and ready to have some of that sweet R&R like I was promised. Then around six or seven I am going to make some chili for dinner. And then that will complete my day. I'll wait up for my boyfriend around midnight once he gets off work so he can call and say goodnight to me. lol I guess that's weird to do but I love to hear his voice before I pass out and enter the dream world. My dreams can be really weird. Buuuut, I'm not gonna go there because that's a topic for another post of it's own. I want to post a picture of my sweet and wonderful boyfriend here so no one will have to imagine what he looks like. Tell me girls what do you think? Ugly or cute? Either way it wouldn't matter cause I still love him. lol That's the only picture I can seem to find of him. He hates taking pictures of himself but I think this one is good. But yup!! That's my Israel!!! So does anyone feel like the MyOtaku is like China? Closed off from outsiders and restricted to a lot of things that can change your identity? lol I feel like we are like China. Or like the Ancient Jews. A small group of chosen ones who wont let anyone new into the small community. lol I kinda feel like that's what the MyOtaku has become. Oh well, either way I'm really happy that I made new friends on here. You guys are really awesome. I feel like I can be myself here without being judged or made fun of. I really feel comfortable here. So, how are you guys today? Doing good? Well, I really hope so. I don't want any depressed, sad, angry, hurting friends right now. If you guys are feeling lost and don't know what to do then here!!! I will give you a guardian angel to watch over you. I bought her since she was apparently on sale so now I'm giving her to you. Even if you aren't in turmoil right now, you can have her to keep her safe. lol Okay, I'm gonna head out for now. I'll stop by some sites later if I haven't already. I'll see you guys later. Luv Yas!

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Okay so today is going to bring??? what?

Okay so today I get to relax and just stay inside until I go to work at five tonight. It's just a short shift so I will be home around nine thirty tonight. I really cannot wait for my vacation time this Sunday. I have a weeks paid vacation and I'm soooo anticipating that. Today I am really missing college. I hate taking the Summers off but my pell grant doesn't pay for college classes so I guess working isn't so bad anyway. But once August hits, my classes will start and I will be a full time student again! *dances in circles* Oh yeah!!! I'm excited. To be honest I really feel totally lost without school. Thank goodness I'm working for my Ph.D!!! I'm gonna be in school for a while now. I so want to be a doctor in microbiology. So, I noticed that some people are upset because they don't have a relationship with anyone at the moment. I would like to say, let's just take it easy? DarkWolf Ummm, you kind of hurt my feelings on your post because you misunderstood what I was saying about myself but hey it's okay. I have tough skin. (sometimes). Let's try to move on to another subject like What kind of career do you want in the future???? That would be a neat topic huh??? But let's not fool ourselves, if being lonely is really getting to us if you join plentyoffish.com. Maybe they can help? lol I'm just joking. That place is so bogus and full of weirdos. Don't go there, Unless you dare! Anyway, I would really like to thank you guys for visiting my site. I noticed however that some people are getting left in the dark!!! My friend Littleinugirl and Deadly Neko Don't get too many visits these days. Please give them a visit when you get the chance too! They are sweetie pies just like CrystalFlute and GoodMonkey. And I wont forget you either DarkWolfDemon even though you hurt my feelings..... but hey!!! It's okay. We are all still friends. Anyway, I'm heading out now. Gonna check out some things and set up traps. People come out to my house late at night and try to steal things. It's getting ridiculous and tonight I'm going to stay out and patrol the house. And probably call the police. Okay everyone! Until next time! I hope you are all having a great day and loving life. If it's the opposite, I really pray that things get better for you. Hope that cheers you up! I know it made me laugh.

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And again I will try

Hello everyone!!! Hope you guys are doing fine! *HUGGLES EVERYONE* Okay So I am trying to put pictures of myself up on here but I don't know what the heck is up with the MyOtaku. I think it's prejudice of Faroe!!!! I can't do anything on here! And yeah, I'm glad my profile isn't stuck on like some Christmas theme or seasonal thing. lol I would be so annoyed at it. But hey Christmas in July would be a good excuse. Am I right??? lol So, herte goes with the pictures again. Me as os now being 19 years old Okay and this is me at the age of 13 turning 14 This better work or I'm gonna be sooooo mad!!! Your gonna see a volcano explode here in Florida. lol But yeah, let me tell you about my day. So, I was called in today to work at eleven and when I got to work at ten thirty, they wanted me to clock in because the CEO was coming to our store and so, they wanted all the good cashiers up at the front!!! I took my day off to work. I was kinda mad but oh well. All my managers were thanking me for working. i got to leave before 4:30 pm because the register locked me out. When a cashier spends top much time on a register it locks them out. Thats why when they say they have to go home and they are closed it's because the machine will lock them out and the customer will be screwed. lol Then they will blame the poor cashier. However, I know there are some pretty ride cashiers out their in the Wal-Mart world. That's why I was put in front as the good example with the other few good cashiers and the other bad ones in the back. lol So,I'm gonna get going tonight. I will write later! I'm gonna head to bed soon. I gotta work tomorrow. AGAIN!!!! Ahhh I'm over worked and I have a cold. But hey! My one week vacation is coming up soon and it's PAID!!!! WOOOHOOO! Hope you guys are having a wonderful night! LUV YAS!

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