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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

November is almost over.....

Well, here I am again. Posting for the second time within a week. Yay! I'm doing good. I really do want to get back into the groove of this operation.

Today, I went to lab to practice my presentation I will be giving in front of the Dean of the S.T.E.M. division, some Biology teachers, Genetics and Microbiology teachers and 17 students from a basic bio 100 course. Im a little nervous because my part of the speech is to talk about the background of the GAPDH gene in plants which is part of the 6th step in the 10 step process of glycolisis which is a part of turning glucose in pyruvate in cellular respiration. If you thought those were hard words to say, listen to this,
"The gene that we studied in the experiment in our lab codes for the enzyme Glyceraldehyde-3-phosphate Dehydrogenase or otherwise known as GAPDH."

That is a tough thing to say for the first lines of a speech. Ugh. Then I go on to talk about how hydrogen ions are removed and oxidized and whatnot to make things called NAD+ and NADH. Yikes!!! But I wanted to get a small part in the speech so the Dean will notice me even more an aspiring scientist. I have more to the speech but I don't want to bore you with science

I talked to Dr. Host about doing a co-op study with her and this could possibly lead me to more research and another published DNA sequence with a new plant. Plus, I will be working by myself and not with another person so I can get all the lab skill practice I need. Yay! I'm so excited.

Tomorrow I have to work and it's my little brother's birthday. I wish I was able to see him... I wish I was able to talk to him but my mother insists on shunning me from the family.
Side not for Kikii: Please read my previous post. I had some stuff to say that may be important for you.

I just wish my mom would let go of her hate and actually move on and heal. But I think my mom's problem's go deeper than that... I think she may have a condition and needs treatment for it. I believe my mom is Bipolar and needs to seek medical; attention. I always felt that way ever since I was younger.... I think my mom would feel better if she was to take care of herself.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was good and nothing to bad happened. My good friend Ben Taylor lost his father two days after Thanksgiving due to Septicemia... I feel awful for him and I wish his family the best. If anyone could keep his family in their thoughts and prayers, that would be lovely.

Well, I am going to get going. I need to pick up my mail, and I may go to class tonight. I dunno. I'm a little tired and the weather sucks. Have a great week everyone!!!!

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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The late night post..... Work is haunting meeeeee

Hello there and Happy Thanksgiving!!! Now, I am going to probably make this a short post but I must make a few Key points tonight. This way I can cover as much news as possible from my last posting.

1. Well, I have decided to not go with the full major change after all (which was Anthropology) and let g o of my fears and start my B.S. degree in the MB3 program at Towson which is for Molecular Biology, Biochemistry and Bioinformatics. I chose Molecular Biology and this degree will lead me into all sorts of wonderful things. The Dean of the S.T.E.M. division at Harford thinks I will do great in that program and could even qualify for Medical school in the near future. How cool right? And my professor Dr. Host is trying to start an understudy program with me in the spring so we can work together (just me and her) on the research we did in my biotechnology class. I may be a published person if our research came out properly. *crosses fingers* We have cloned the GAPC gene in the passion flower and we are hoping for a sequencing from it. If we get the right cloned genes I will be published!!!

2. Okay, so I have been busy working and working and cleaning houses all month long in preparation for Thanksgiving. Everyone wants their homes clean and my goodness... I will scrub these peoples homes for like 6 hours straight and ya know what???? They don't tip! And these are really rich people by the way. Ugh how rude. Also, I have been studying my butt off for school. I just got over the third part of the exams. Now it's final time and I hope I am prepared for them. I think I am. I have been getting A's and B's on all my exams. Nothing too much to worry about. Yay!

3. This is specifically for Kikii, if you read this, WHY WONT YOU EMAIL ME???? What did I do? Were you mad at me? I don't think anything happened to make you mad? Ugh all I wanted was to keep talking to you. In fact, Ii even emailed our mother to try to keep contact. Please call me or something. I know you get some free time. I wish you would communicate at least something to me. I miss you and I really freaking miss TJ..... Plus, everyone keeps asking about where they can send stuff to you guys. -_-' all they have is a p.o. box which I have no idea if it is valid. I was going to send stuff down for TJ's birthday and stuff for Christmas but I am too afraid to send it somewhere where it will go to someone else. So please, please please, pretty please with a cherry on top (BE MY SISTER (if you remember that story)) and talk to me. I usually never really check this as often as I would like.... and I try to make it back on here. But if you wanna speed up the communication process, please email or call. I am worried about you and wish to know how you are. I love you. I love TJ and yes, I still love our mom. I wish we could just be a normal family and talk again.

4. Also CrystalFLute, I have had Snoopy for about 2 years now. He has been my best little buddy. He was given to me by my mom when he was just a week old and I took care of him and raised him. He is the best dog ever!

So, I think that concludes my post for the night. Since I seem to be outdated from the MyO, I guess I need to start posting more. I just get so wrapped up in life. My car has been acting up. So I bought a new alternator and my boyfriend put it in. I am surprised that it only took him 5 minutes to replace it. Jeez! I know how to replace it now. Hahahah

Well, everyone, I hope that you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and great vacation (if anyone gets one)and please be safe if anyone is traveling. Also, Kikii, have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I miss you so much. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and TJ and.... mommy.

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Monday, September 10, 2012

Wiky wiky Waaaaaaaa

Well, this week has been amazing. School started back up for me and so far, all these classes are going to keep my mind working, my body working and my goals in tact. I think that is a good thing because since this is my last semester in community college, I would rather it be a good one than a semester where I just feel straight up done with the whole damn thing. I felt like that in the Spring semester but I have a feeling that is because that whole semester dealt with math.... and that is my biggest enemy. However, I did pass all my classes save for trig.... That teacher was awful and the dean knew it. I went to her and talked to her about it and she let me audit the class with no questions asked.

From there I changed my major to Anthropology/Sociology. I want to work with people and I want to do something I enjoy and not for the money. However, I am obtaining a Biotechnology Certificate so I can at least work in a lab for a while until I grab my higher degrees. I really don't know what job I will land one day but hopefully, I wont be so broke. This maid job is amazing! And like Crystalflute says, being a cashier is awful. I would rather be broke than go back to cashiering. My boyfriend agrees with me too. He wants me to be happy and he knows my ulcerative colitis can be affected by such stressful jobs and he doesn't want me sick. He really would rather have me focus in school so I can succeed this semester and graduate. ^_^

other than that, I have been spending my days just enjoying the weather, taking Snoopy to his vet appointments for his vaccinations and well, playing WOW or Skyrim. I know that study sessions will end up taking my time up in about two weeks when it gets down to the real stuff and not the refreshers.I also make sure that the apartment is nice and clean. Since I do not pay rent, I just buy the groceries, cook, clean, laundry & dishes and take care of the household stuff, i feel the need to keep up with that so I don't feel like a total bum.

So, I may not be able to get one quite as much as I would like too. Maybe twice a week or so. I am probably gonna have lots to talk about though. Soon I will have to apply for Towson University. I just hope I can get in..... *sigh* I'm super nervous.

Well, I am going to go and start reading. In my Social Problems class, I have to read a story called the Death of Ivan Llych. It is quite dry but it is also old literature. It's Russian so I am trying to figure out the culture of a man back in the 1880's. I am getting into it though and I am enjoying the story ( I know it sounds pretty morbid but it's got a great moral). Well, friends I will be off and about now. I miss you all!!!!

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Friday, August 17, 2012

I am here!!!!

Life.... Life is good.

So everyone, I noticed that I am long past due for a new post and I owe it to you all to let you know where I have been. Well, for one, I finally moved out of my dad's place (it was getting real tough because his girlfriend is a huge drunk and she started to treat me like crap and my dad was out of town a lot in PA doing work for historic buildings) and also, me and Eichard are no more. Alas, for he started to act like a dick. Even though we were long distance, I visited him all the time. Took time out of my life to fly down to Florida and spend time with him. However, he acted like he was hiding me. He wouldn't do anything with me. Plus, he kept changing his life goals like... very other week. -_-' I can't handle that. And then he started to stop calling/texting/skying (the key things you do in a long distance relationship). Then he was mad it at me because I did not have my relationship status on facebook as viewable on my page. So he broke up with me in a text message because of that. I take it that he had another girlfriend... AND THAT'S OKAY! I'm not mad. I moved on and found a great guy who is closer and more reasonable and smart and full of real goals.

I also got a new job as a housemaid. I am so happy I am no longer a cashier. I get to move around, talk to people, listen to music and make my own hours. I love it. Plus weekends off and 13 dollars an hour? Great deal!!!! Plus, my bosses actually thank me for the hard work I do and they thank me for working for them. I have never ever had a boss tell me that ever. I feel so appreciated. ^_^

School starts up for me again September 1st. This will be my final semester before I get my A.A. then I will be off to the big university for my bachelors degree. Thank heavens. I think life is going quite well for me. I haven't gotten sick and I've actually been losing weight. I am getting my muscles back and I have been getting my energy back.

Well, I am gonna get going now. How have all of you been? I really missed it here. I feel bad for being gone so long..... I just been so busy and my life changed yet again. but for the better! Wooh!!!

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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year (last post of the year)

Sorry I haven't been around like I used to be. I have been working every day and when I am not working, I am talking with Richard and my sister. I just wanted to have a post for the last day of this year. 2011.

What a year. What a freaking amazing, horrible, hard, life changing, and most memorable year I have ever ever had. My whole life has changed in that year. Now, it's time to move on in 2012 and live my life away from all the controlling people I have been with. It's time to love myself and be happy. ^_^

I am going back to Florida from the 12th to the 16th to see Richard and my sister Brie. I cannot wait. Richard helped pay for my flight and my sister took an early day on Saturday for me. My birthday is on the 14th. I turn 21.

Then, the next week after that I am going to Delaware to spend the weekend with my best friends Alyssa and Kyleigh. we are gonna have a girls night out. I cannot wait! If I was with Israel, I couldn't have any fun with my friends. Richard understands that we have lives and you all know I will not cheat on the one I am with. lol It's just not me. I'm so faithful and I am loving. I am finally becoming my real self again. Fun loving and happy and out going. Opened minded. yes. yes. YES!!!!!

Tonight I am gonna have a few vodka drinks and a rootbeer float. I'm gonna call Richard and watch the ball drop at midnight.

Friends please have a safe new year. I love you all and you all mean so much to me. *hugs* Talk to you in 2012!!!! Let's make this a good one!

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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas everyone! I am too tired to update tonight but I will update as soon as possible. Got lots to say. ^_^

I just want to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers


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Monday, December 19, 2011

Merry Merry Month

Well now I can see that you all have questions and I have answers!


Okay, the reason why I don't want to check up on Israel is because well, at this point why bother with a man that I want nothing to do with. why would my friend keep him on there when she doesn't talk to him anyway? they only added each other because he was with me. They were not friends before hand and they aren't real friends now. So something isn't adding up and I am not going to really talk to her to much anymore. only because I don't want to be near anyone who talks to Israel. In a way, it kind of feels like betrayal. Of a friend..... Plus, Israel doesn't know it and I have a deactivated account in which we are still friends. I go on late at night read his wall, see how happy he is and I deactivate it again. So, whatever. Thats why I am moving on without him. He isn't even phased. he seems happier without me and now, I am happier without him.

Well, I met Richard eleven years ago in 5th grade. We had a "puppy" love and when my mom found out that I liked him, she told me to never ever talk to him again. So I disappeared anyway and well, we both sorta found each other because we both got tagged in our 5th grade class picture and well, it went on from there. We talked over IM and then on the phone. Now he is flying me down to see him in January to make things more.... serious.

This isn't a way to substitute Israel. I thought it over and over when I was starting to really like Richard (again) -_-' but as I thought and thought, nothing seemed to say no. Nothing told me that this is a bad idea. so, when he asked me to be his baby I said yes and ever since, the skies have literally been blue. How cool! So this will be long distance but I can do this. I have done it before and I am a good person. I can be faithful. plus, I can be myself. We talk for hours on the phone and it's exciting to have someone who knows and likes the same things I do. Never had that before. I think maybe this could work ad long as I forget about Israel. ^_^

So today, I ended up baking all day. My dad was like my taste tester and he said it was all really great! So, yes, whoever gets these sweets will have a treat! Plus, I filled in all my Christmas cards and I have them all read to send off for tomorrow. Hopefully they get to their destinations on time. ^_^

Well, tomorrow I work all day again. I work Tuesday through Sunday. Good thing its all morning shifts. that means I have the night to finish Christmas. ^_^

Okay well, I am gonna get going now. I have to check up to see if my sister emailed me. I miss her. I hope she calls back again soon. I want to see her when I go to Florida again. Plus i am excited to actually see Richard again. EEEEP! So excited.

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Saturday, December 17, 2011

So strong now ladies and gents (just in case some of you stopped by). Well, I am over Israel from now on. To be honest, I don't know who the hell would be with that man ever in a million years..... Well, actually, a weak woman would have been.

So, it's only be two weeks since me and Israel have ended it and it feels like a whole year! The only thing I have a problem with is my friend Alyssa.

Now, first of all, you all know what Israel has done to me and how he has hurt me over and over again right? Well Alyssa knows too. She saw it first hand. Now, when we broke up and I told her how serious it was and that he has blocked all contact with me she was there for me. So I asked her to delete him off her facebook and told her how I felt about it. She said she will delete him. Now she has been on facebook for a while now and never deleted him and I asked her again a few days ago. She said shes been busy but how hard iis it to click an X by someone's name? Knowing that I really feel hurt by this? She said she hated him and she can't stand what he's done to me.
Now, I ask her today about Israel and asked her why she hasn't deleted him. She said that she was not going to delete him. And I asked her why? She said that it's not a deep friendship and that they are facebook friends and that she isn't going to talk bad about me with him or go out and have drinks with him.
So, that hurt my feelings a lot. Because if it's not deep, then why not delete him. Does she care about how many friends she has on facebook? Does she not care about how I feel? After knowing how much it hurts me? My stomach felt sick and I just wanted to stop being her friend all together. What should I do? I had such a sick feeling inside. Why would she not delete him?

Now, second of all, If anyone on my facebook hasn't noticed, I have a new relationship blooming. and it's beautiful. So wonderful and peaceful. I have rekindled with an old old friend of mine that I knew eleven years ago. He lives in St. Pete (my home town) but at this point, I wouldn't mind a long distance. I have been doing it for a while and to be honest, nothing in my gut or brain is telling me "no" about this man. Me and him used to be best of friends and we had a crush on each other and now he is this good looking smart, open minded, amazing person! We have so much in common and lots that we don't have in common which makes conversations so interesting. I think i am falling for him so bad.... like a love. Buut I don't want to say that yet. Because I don't "really" love him. I just love our connection. I think when we say it for real, it will be the best thing ever.

I've been having phone dates with him every night. They last forever. He tells me how great I am and that I should never let anyone hurt who I am and tear down my open mind. He says that I am his perfect match and he wants this chance with me and he will be with me soon. For now, we are just going to visit back and forth. I trust him. Which is weird. I shouldn't trust anyone at this point. But why do I trust him? Is it because he's nothing like anyone I have ever met. He is so smart!!!!! Gosh! Plus, I can't stop smiling. I see the old me again. I am getting so much better and I am better without Israel.

third, I also got to talk to my sister. It was great! I no longer feel like she hates me anymore.... I am going to go to Florida so I can see her. I just hope she will be able to at the time. I want to spend time with her and hug her again. I love her so much! I just want to take her with me and have her live with me now. I hope one day we can be close again. I pray that we will be......

As for now, I have to work all week. I haven't stopped. All my days off have been work days too. Work called me in. work in bakery, work with Santa, cover someone else's shift, blah. And work has me working on Christmas eve. But it's from 9 to 3 so I can have the night to myself and enjoy Christmas. thank heavens. ^_^

Well, thank you for taking the time to read my post. I hope you all are doing well. It's about time for me and my new man to talk on our phone date. ^_~

Good night my friends!!!! love you!

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Monday, December 12, 2011

Tis the Season to be Jolly

Feeling a bit weak sometimes..... I called Israel but no answer. haha I don't know why I did that. But heh, I'm not so crazy anymore. In a way I did snap. Plus I finally woke up to what he has been doing to me all that time. It's best that I stay far away from him at this point. that way his spell can wear off.

I have been keeping myself busy at work. Every day I have been working non stop and today they want me in the bakery. I never worked in there before but I am sure I will learn fast. However this was supposed to be my day off and they told me last night at like 7 that I am going to have to cover for the Bakery manager...... Wow. I better not work Christmas Eve!!!! I haven't had a day off in 7 days going on nine. My next day off is on Friday. I may just call out on Sunday because my friend is leaving that day and I want to say good bye to him.

On Saturday I had to be at work (they switched my shift) so I could work with Santa and help decorate cookies with kids. I liked that because all I did was sit down. I didn't even get onto a register. Thank heavens.

Well, I dunno what to say. Oh! Yeah, I went Christmas shopping and got a few things for some friends and family. Gotta back all my goodies to give in those Christmas tins too. I love Christmas so much. I am so happy that I got out of my deep depression before it was too late. Yay! Now I can enjoy it. however I am getting sick of hearing that song "All I Want For Christmas Is You." I went into Macys and it came on and I quickly turned around and went to Nordstrams. Haha I hate that song!!!! i've heard it more than 100 time so far. I don't care what Mariah Carey wants. lol

Anyways, I am going to get going. Gotta check my food stamp card to make sure my 200 bucks went on. I'm hungry and have no money at all to spend.

I hope you all are doing well. Good luck on the final exams and enjoy your days off! *hugs*

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Friday, December 9, 2011

I'm a fucking survivor

If that's one thing I learned from my mom. Is that I am a survivor and I don;t need a man to keep me alive and safe. I can take ANYTHING!!!!!!

Well, now that I got that out of my system..... Wait. No. I haven't. I am trying to get myself stronger. All my old friends still want to be my friends. (even after I ditched them all to make Israel happy.) So I guess they are real? He said they are fake. I have so much love surrounded by me. He is not the only one who loves me and wanted to take care of me. I love ME and I want to take care of MYSELF!!!!!!

I can do anything and I traveled here from my home town. I left my childhood, I left behind my fears. I left behind all those fucking lies. I left all the abuse. I don't need a fucking man to do the same exact shit my mom was doing to me.

Picking and choosing my friends
telling me what to wear
Who I can hang out with
telling me I can't see my family
Calling me a whore
Always judging me

You don't take away from someone's life. you ADD to it.

And that's all I have to say about that.

So how are you all? I've been doing well. Talking with all my old friends. Some are coming up ere to visit me next week. How nice. Gonna party and chill. lol I'm going to Delaware in January to party for my 21st birthday with my best friend Alyssa and my family is going to take me out too. I am going to finally buy a car with the money I earned like always. ^_~ Then I start school and then I am on my way to fantastic career! Then I will make new friends, new relationships and most importantly be healthy. My friends are so proud of me that I finally let him go now. And I never once got a flare up!!!!! Not once! I'm done with this shit! He can go and control another weak girl. She can live that life of a slave. I wont. I can find someone who will let me love and be myself. Express my opinions and not call me a whore if I am a little outrageous and spunky and funny and dress how I want. (I never dressed like a whore but he said I did.) You guys seen my pictures? I never look like a whore! Jeez.

He seriously has more pride than his looks perceive. I am a beautiful woman who has so many things going for me. I'm smart, loving, funny, faithful. I'm great and I would rather spend that with my friends and new people who are NORMAL!!!!!!!

Anyway, I hope you guys are doing well in school. I know that finals are going on and I know that you all are going to do well and pass and get those degrees.

I hope to hear from you all soon! How are your holiday plans going? Lots of fun and family? I sure hope so. ^_^ I love you all my Otaku sisters!

And thank you all so much for encouraging words and your patience. You all have listened to a lot of my crap and my loveless love with him. Gosh how stupid was I? You should have told me I was a freaking crazy girl. HAHA Please help me to never go back to him.....

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