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Monday, December 15, 2014


Update: Chris is now living with me and my parents. He works at Royal Farms (convenience store chain) and goes to school at a community college in the area.

I am currently working two jobs. My first is at RiteAid and my second is in the AV department of University of Baltimore, where I go to school.

It's not a perfect life. I still have existential crisis every other hour. But it's a little less lonely now.
If anybody's reading this: how are you doing?
ily
~Belinda

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Friday, September 5, 2014


Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Everything.

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Yeah. But I can fearfully and wonderfully un-make myself with a single breath--sometimes even a lack of one. I ought to be a fucking case study.

You know the drill (don't you?) You build yourself up, make promises to be better than you are, to defy your sorry self through sheer will power, and in the midst of all this humanistic determination and optimism you walk out of a building without something essential, thus proving you are and most probably will always be the same incompetent accident of a person you always were.

I know it's only my purse. I know it's locked up at work safe and sound and I'll be able to get it first thing in the morning. I know it could happen to anybody--but I let it happen to me. Again.

Maybe it was just the timing of the whole thing. I signed a mental contract with myself that I'd do better in school, join a club or an honor society, meet new people, get more involved with my school's community-or at least more involved with my own life. You know. Like an adult. Like the thing I'm supposed to be at 21 fucking years old. Turns out, I can't even be trusted to remember to take my purse with me when I leave work.

I have no idea who I am anymore.

Ily


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Wednesday, May 14, 2014


I just found out that someone very close to me is beginning to lean towards homosexuality. He doesn't know yet whether he's gay, straight, or bisexual. I still love him, obviously, and to be honest I always kind of suspected. I still can't help but be surprised though.

I don't know. I'm worried about him. He's been very anxious and distressed lately.

Pray for him with me? Please?

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