Friday, December 24, 2004

T-Minus 40 minutes and counting..
We're slowly coming closer and closer to Christmas day here on the East Coast in the States. At 3:30 am, I'll be waken up sharply from my brother, wanting to sort and open Christmas presents, and I'll probably be awake for the next 24 hours. >_o Gotta love the Holidays.

horsesrule: Oh yeah, always having fun doin' that homework.
Arc: I appreciate the support. <.< And yes, Grave of the Fireflies is a must-see.
Shin: Pfft, I'm starting to wonder if Zero will be released at all.
Karmi:
Juu: lol, Wal-Mart is just about the only big store around here to buy stuff. It sucks. -_-

Nothing much happened yesterday and I didn't feel like talking about something out of thin air, so I decided not to update really early this morning. Still on that roll of updates, though! Basically I just sat around on the computer yesterday chatting with people, and our neighbors came over for dinner. I also found out from them that my cat has been coming over to their house and meowing "in a threatening manor" at their new kittens, and jumping on the door. O.o;;; Yes, it appears that my cat has the reputation of being the mob boss of the neighborhood.. and I always thought he was such a sweet kitty. :(

Today, I woke up and talked with my friend Art about coming over an playing some video games. So we set that up for around 2, but he ended up being over an hour late while I just sat around on the internet. >.o When he did come over, I found that he had brought a bunch of games for PS2 and PSX, which always equals hours of fun.

The first game that we played is one that I heard was really good, and that was Red Faction. If you haven't heard of it, it's basically a first person shooter where you can get these bazooka-type guns to totally masacre the levels. XD If you shoot a wall, the wall now has a whole in it, and you can jump through into another room. Or if there isn't another room right there, keep shooting until you've tunnled your way all the way around the level. It's so incredibly fun that I'm tempted to say that I haven't been this intruiged by a first-person shooter since the days of GoldenEye and Perfect Dark. In other words, if you haven't played it, DO SO NOW. I'm totally going to buy it as soon as I can.

Next, we played Star Wars Battlefront (I'm sure you've seen the commercials), a game that Art had actually picked up today so that we could play it. It's actually a whole lot of fun once you get the hang of it. We played this multiplayer game (I think there might be only one, but I can't say for sure) where each team had bases, and the other team had to go up to the bases and defend them until the color switched and it was officially captured. There's not a considerable amount of depth to the game, but it's fun none-the-less. Great graphics, too, especially for a PS2 game.

We then played some DBGT Final Bout (the original, in English!), but that got pretty old fast, lol. Just fun to reminice about the DragonBall days, since the game itself isn't that great. :p We also played Metal Slug X for the PSX, and that is basically a side scrolling arcade shooter. It's funny, too: you're going around shooting Nazi-type soldiers and freeing the hippies, who give you power-ups. By the time we got to the final level, our attention spans were shot to the ground.

The next game that we played was Burnout 3, a really cool racing game that involves totally trashing and blowing up cars. ;D My favorite mode that we did was basically where we go onto the streets with all of these other cars, and just try to run the other racers off the road while avoiding other cars and your opponents. Basically, it was the first one to destroy 10 other cars, or the first one not to completely total their car. :p Soooo fun.

The last game we played was some good old Melee (what did I tell you, Shin? Eh? EH?). We teamed up this time against two computer players, which were different every time, playing in Hyrule Temple, Corneria (or whatever it's called), and Pokemon Stadium twice. The second time we played in the Pokemon level, we decided to mix it up a bit since it was 10:00 and I was going to kick him out soon since it was Christmas Eve, lol. Pokeballs and party balls.. all the way up, against Mewtwo and Jigglypuff (don't forget that we're in Pokemon Stadium, too) = insanity. We raped them, too, so that's awesome.

After Art left, I noticed all of the presents under the tree, so I added my own and went on my way to write this post. And now I should be getting to bed, so that Santa can GIVE ME SOME FUCKING GIFTS.

Syk3-out
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Thursday, December 23, 2004

Perfect Dark is the shiz
Today was a lot longer than I expected it to be, and I was basically busy doing stuff that I will outline later from 2:00 pm to 3:45 in the morning. That’s a long time to be occupied with crap. >.o It was fun, though; a good way to start my vacation.

Baron: Gah, homework ruined Christmas! Thanks a lot, teachers. :(
lea: To put you through as much pain and suffering as possible to make you wish you weren’t on break.
chie: Yeah, I know I was a lot different a year ago. Viewpoints and interests tend to mature over time.
Shin: Bah, relaxing? In high school, are you crazy?
mal: 15 hours is a very long time to be sleeping. :o
horsesrule: I’d rather be bored out of my skull looking for something to do as my body and mind waste away into nothingness, and stare at the wall as I begin to drool and have my dog biting my leg.. than do lots of homework.
Karmi: I fucking hate you, Karmi.

Well, my day started at around 12:30 when I woke up. Normal weekend-type day: turned on my computer, signed on AIM, and started wandering around the net and such. I talked to my friend Jimmy about bringing him over the math test that out teacher had handed out after he left to catch the bus to the career center, and decided to drop it off on my way to see a movie later. He was supposed to get it from someone else, but they decided not to show up for the last day before break, so he wanted me to scan it for him. I wanted to get some things back that I had lent him anyway, so it worked out for both of us, lol.

At 2:00 I left the house, met up with Jimmy for about five minutes, and got to the 2:30 showing of Meet the Fockers just in time. It was.. decent, I guess. I honestly liked the first one better, but that was such a great movie that it’s tough to beat, I think. You really have to see the Meet the Parents first, too, because the second one focuses largely on inside jokes from the original. And I suppose that was the movie’s downfall: it didn’t really have much solid footing of its own, and I didn’t find a lot of the jokes that funny sometimes. It was hilarious, though.. in this one scene, they had a cop from Reno 911 actually playing as a cop. XD!!! As soon as I saw him, I just had to laugh.

After the movie, I went practically next-door to the Wal-Mart for some last-minute family gifts. They give me $50 to spend every year on their own presents, but who am I to complain? lol I’m going to assume that they are not reading this right now, because if they don’t want to know what they got, then I suggest they leave. ^.~ For my dad, I got him two movies in the 2 for $11 bin deal thing, since apparently he wanted to see this movie “Dave”, and threw in another one because who buys just one in those things? For my mom, I got her Meet the Parents on DVD, because it’s an awesome movie, I’m pretty sure she liked it, and it will remind us all of how much the second one pales in comparison. And lastly, for my brother I got the extended edition of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Good stuff.

I finally made my way home at around 5:30, which meant only a half hour until.. anime club! At my house! :O It was a small gathering, not many people were going to show up, but I enjoy having company over every once in a while, lol. A total of 5 people (including myself) decided to show up, including Art, Tory, Zoe, and D. And yes.. I believe each of those names is a nickname. We started out by watching one of Art’s animes, called Dead Leaves, which is an extremely gory and graphic (and trippy) anime drawn in a slightly crazier animation than Fooly Cooly, stuffed into a 50 minute movie or so. I ordered pizza (does 3 large pizzas for $30 sound right to you?), but we ended up with a whole one left over by the end of the night and still more slices in the remaining boxes. But oh well, you know what that means – more snackin’ for days to come. 8)

After Dead Leaves, we watched a very serious, very sane anime which was on the complete other end of the spectrum from the last one, called Grave of the Fireflies. I really like this movie because of all of the emotion they use to capture you in. It takes place in Japan during WWII and shows how difficult life could get for some people, such as a young boy and his much younger sister. The movie shows their struggle to survive with the nation in despair, and the really sad part is how accurately they capture the atmosphere during those times. I think everyone else liked it, even though they tend to prefer watching off-the-wall type things and joke around about it the whole time. :p

My friend then put in this other anime.. which I can’t really recall right now, but it doesn’t matter since after the first episode it kinda froze, and it wasn’t really that great anyway. We actually spent a good amount of time after that watching South Park, but then we went back and had watched most of Voices of a Distant Star by the time the three girls left, and Art was just like, “Eh, we’ve seen this, let’s play some video games.” And we did. For the next five hours.

He had brought over some fighting games for us to play just in case we had time, namely two of the Guilty Gear games for the PS2, but those got old after less than an hour. :p I can’t play fighting games for long periods of time, because they all get rather repetitive and boring for me in the end, and doing the same sort of moves in a side-scrolling mission type thing didn’t help much, either. lol So we switched off to playing Double Dash, which was a lot of fun once we remembered the controls. After that, I had the brilliant idea of hooking up the 64 and breaking out the classics!

The first up on our list was Mario Tennis, in which we both took the liberty of bashing the dated graphics. :p We both wanted the new one for Christmas, too, and hadn’t played the original in so long that we needed to be reminded. And damn.. that is a fun ass game, especially playing doubles. I just love it to death, lol, almost as much as when I first bought it and raped it inside-out. The next one that we played was Super Smash Bros, and it wasn’t long before we realized how spoiled we had become from Melee (“We can’t put in our names? Only 10 characters?! WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE LEVELS?!?”). Anyone who thinks that Melee is basically the same game has some major issues. XD And yes, I have heard it said before.

The third and final game that we played easily took up most of our time, and as you can guess from the title of the post, that game was Perfect Dark. Once you really got back into the grove of things, developed bases, and learned the many ways how to use your weapons, it’s amazing how much fun you can have. It’s so addicting, too, lol. We were basically shooting up bots together for over an hour straight, it was fantastic.

Of course, by this time it was 3:45, and we both decided to call it quits for the night. Art helped me clean up and he went on his merry way, being nice and leaving me the extra pizza even though he paid $15 to accommodate for the money that we didn’t have. I owe him one, and he’s a really cool friend, heh. The guy is just so random and hilarious, it’s great. :p

I suppose that’s it for my day. Oh, I did see this one comment on Cassie’s xanga which brought me down for a second before I realized how much I cared (zilch): “On to more interesting news... Today I went to a very exclusive "anime club" where I was the only person invited. ^_^ It was so much fun... but the problem with that is I don't want to go to bed now. Heh. I'd rather not go into alot of details on here, but I'll gladly gossip on IM with the Idiots about it later. All I'll say is that it was at the house of the sweetest, cutest and most crush-worthy guy I've ever met.” Different anime club, obviously, but it would explain that her interests lie somewhere else, lol. I’m such a fucked up loser, how could a girl honestly ever fall for me?

Damn, 5:45 am! You know you’re on Christmas Break when..
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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

There is no title.
So I decided to take a look at some of my older myOtaku entries today for the Hell of it, and was pretty surprised by what I found. I was expected to come across total crap, blah blah blah, “I can’t believe I actually wrote like that”.. but I actually liked what I saw. In fact, they were a lot more interesting than the crap I write now, lol. That just goes to show that with practice, some people get worse at writing. >_o

Arc: I think you were able to capture how I feel a lot more accurately this time. I really shouldn’t be concentrating on the fact that I feel lonely in my heart, that’s true. But some times you just can’t help wanting things. ^_^; I’d never try to force any sort of relationship because I simply want it, though, and that’s why Molly and I decided not to go any further. I appreciate the advice about making friends with girls, heh.
Annie: I’m not really sure what works for me, but I think ignoring her made things worse. :/
Shin: Do whatever the Hell with? That sounds dirty. :p I do like to take things slowly in general, though, since like you, I know I have my entire life ahead.
Baron: Yeah, I’m not a fan of the friends-with-benefits kind of thing. I tend to prefer more emotionally-driven relationships, and if that means having to wait until I get out of high school for girls around me to realize this too and mature, then so be it.
lea: Eh, well.. I think high school relationships should be approached with caution, but (and maybe this is just because I’m in high school right now, lol) you really shouldn’t rule out any chance whatsoever that the relationship would be meaningful.

Winter Break officially starts today, and I’m happy for two reasons: 1) I can sleep as long as I want and 2) I now have a chance to catch up on my anime collection and re-watch some stuff that I don’t remember much about. Other than that, though, things will get pretty boring, I expect. It’s funny how you really can’t wait to get out of school, but once you’re on break, it’s like, what do I do now? School is basically the base of my entire life at this age, lol.

To kick off the break, my school had a talent show today, and charged $3 to get in. Fuck that! I just brought in my CD player and game boy, and ended up spending the time helping out my art teacher. She wanted me to tie each end of 12 fishing lines the length of my arm to a clip, in order to hang artwork from the ceiling, but once I finished and brought it over to where she wanted to hang them, they got all tangled together. X_x I spent the next 45 minutes or so until the bell rang to leave trying to untangle those bastards (compared to the 20 minutes tops tying them in the first place) and only got about three up. I hear the talent show completely blew, too, but at least I didn’t pay for my disappointment. :p

Tomorrow I have quite a few things planned, but if I explain them all to you, I’ll have nothing to write about tomorrow, will I? :p And I can’t break this fantastic streak I’ve been going on! I can’t believe I’ve lasted this long. O_o Maybe if I get to like 10, I can become the official winner of the Daily Posting Contest, just because I would have exceeded any and all expectations that someone would have thought I could have accomplished in my pathetic life. I’ll give you a quick overview to tie you over, though: friend, shop, movies, party. Well, that’s one day filled with stuff to do, lol. I guess that makes it.. 10 more days to occupy?

I have a lot of homework too, which is complete bullshit. In English I have to take notes of this guy’s personality based on his diary, in AP Psychology I have to do this entire packet thing, in AP Calculus I have a take-home test packet, and in AP Studio I have to actually do four completed art projects. *mutters something about being forced to do work over a holiday and break*

More stuff for tomorrow, I promise.

Syk3-out
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Love - part 2
I wasn't really planning on making a huge discussion out of the last post, as they were just some thoughts that I wanted to get off my chest, but since you all took the time to comment, I figure that I'll dedicate this post to reply to everyone. Skip down to below the dotted line if you want to read that right away.

If you aren't interested in the boring, romantic shit, stop at the dotted line.

If you have no life whatsoever, go ahead and try to read the whole damn thing. >:|

First off, though, my day. Well, like I said in my last post, the temperature dropped dramatically last night and it started to snow for the first time all season. It was sticking, too, making it look like we might not even have school today, so I decided to put off finishing my essay for English class. Bad idea. I woke up this morning and found out that we were getting a two hour delay, so I rushed to finish up the essay (only to learn that it's actually due tomorrow, yay!) and found my car to be completely covered in snow and ice. >_o Actually, I didn't really want a snow day, anyway, since I knew that I was going to be extremely bored; a delay was perfect.

So I go to open my car door, and low and behold... it's frozen shut. My mom quickly heated up some water, and I used that to pour along the outside of the door until it finally opened and I could turn the car on and put the defrosters to work. Seven minutes of scraping later, and the door had re-frozen itself, so I had to heat up some more water, pour it along the door, and dry it off before it had time to freeze. By the time I got to school, I was almost late and looked for a parking spot among the snow-covered lot, only to find that teenage drivers are dumbasses (I know, I'm surprised too) and enjoy finding reasons to take up two spots when you can't see the lines, so I had to park on the lower level.

School itself was... alright, I suppose. As it turns out, a bunch of people just decided not to come altogether, and they didn't even start taking attendance until second period. For me, that's AP Seminar (study hall), and I spent the period talking to my guidance counselor about finalizing college stuff, which allowed me to do my applications today and reduce a huge amount of stress (EDIT: I wrote this before I did applications to try to make me do them, but in the end I just put it off. The stress is still there ;_;). I had to take a quiz in Calculus that I wasn't able to finish, but luckily she'll give us more time when we get back from the break, and she also gave us a take-home test to do because she loves us so much.

Art class, I basically avoided Cassie completely. I never even looked at her, and tried to forget her entire existence, and in the process made myself invisible. Oh well, don't give me crap about that, because it helps me kind of push her out of my mind, and that's what I need right now, before I even consider going back and being her friend. I spent the class looking on the internet for ideas on future pictures, and I got some great ideas that I can work with to do four complete pieces over the break (so much fucking homework...).

This was my last period of the day, so I went out to my car, got some CDs to burn from my friend, and got in the line of cars to wait for the buses to leave. So they left, and the cars in front of me left, and I... didn't move at all. :) Every time I pressed down on the gas, there would be a loud roar from the engine and a lot of smoke would come out the back, so I did my best to get off to the side and let people pass me. After sitting there for a little while with the engine turned off, I tried again and it magically worked, but I didn't want to test my luck for too long so I went home as quickly as possible... and then got stuck going up the driveway. So I had to wait for my dad to get home and back it down the driveway, then I went to get gas because the gauge was really low, and I parked it in the garage for tonight so it wouldn't get any worse.

And when I got home today, I really felt like I had something missing in my life. There was just this feeling of... not being content, I dunno. Like I had gone to school that day to accomplish something and hadn't done it.

----

Shin: lol, that's not necessarily a bad thing not to have gotten involved with relationships, as it tends to add a bunch of stress on your life, if you couldn't tell. :p But if you do have feelings for someone, it's probably best not to keep in the stress and always wonder what could have been, you know? Maybe you'll end up seeing her around one day. ^_^ After waiting so long, though, I agree that a friendship would be much more likely.

Azure: It's optimistic to know you'll never find someone? Lol Though, if that's not what you want, then you don't have to look forward to it.. I've had the same problem in the past with girls I've liked, generally. I would fall for a really good looking girl who seems nice enough on the outside, but it turns out that she's actually a prep and, in some cases, something of a slut as well. -.- That's exactly why I tend to wait to act on crushes: because they might either blow over, or it turns out that they aren't who I thought they were.

Annie: Well, I don't want you to think that I'm not looking for a friend, even though I'm looking for a relationship as well. Usually I'll be looking for both in one person, but I'm not against the idea of just being friends with a girl. One thing about it, however, is that I really haven't had many (if any) friends who are girls throughout my life, and I don't have any sisters, so the female population my age has always been rather foreign to me. Maybe not being surrounded by neutral girls has affected my subconscious in some way, and this is why I have trouble with, or thinking about, relationships in general. I guess I'll never really know for sure.

Arc: I think you misunderstand my intentions, heh. I'm not looking for true love at this stage in my life, only questioning and wondering about it, since I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be finding that person-for-me anytime soon. XD I do, however, feel that companionship is something entirely different from love, and this is something that I really long for in my life right now. Just to have someone there... to be there for you and vice versa, to hold - to basically share your life as it is right now. I've never experienced any sort of relationship in my life (save a long-distance one where we only met once, and a short fling that lasted less than a week) so I have a strong desire to experience it, perhaps more so because of the stress in society these days for relationships to start early.

I'm told that I have a very strange, and mature, way of dealing with a first date, but I wouldn't go nearly so far as to say that I hold them anywhere close to actual love. At most a large crush, but something like love has to develop over time, like I explained in my last post. Eh, maybe I think of a first date as being more serious than I should, in that I generally want to feel comfortable around the person, like them, have known them at least a couple weeks, and be able to see them as someone that I could spend a good amount of time in a relationship with. When I explain this, people generally tell me that I associate dates with serious relationships too deeply, and that's true. I mean, sure, you're only young once, and you can have fun, blah blah blah... but when it gets down to it, I don't want to waste my time over useless girlfriends, and actually want to prepare for how it's going to be like when I get older. Maybe I do want to grow up too fast - is that a bad thing?

I do agree that friendship is key in a relationship, because without things such as communication and connection, it's not going to last very long. I've had girls who, as soon as any romantic tensions were turned off, suddenly started having normal conversations that were meaningful and fun. With this latest girl, Cassie, I foresee things going the other way around, because we used to be able to talk about things so smoothly, and lately we haven't even talked at all.

When I find someone that I like, it's not from looking desperately for a relationship, even though one would be nice and I do like companionship. The crush is the result of them catching my eye and intriguing me in their own way. In fact, up until recently, I was telling myself that I wouldn't concentrate or even look for women due to the fact that I find so many high school relationships pointless and immature, though if the right girl came along, I wouldn't try to deny my feelings. And that's about all I have to say on the matter.

Baron: There's really no need to try to compare with everyone else, lol, but the comments are appreciated. I am waiting for that day of balance and the girl for me, but I know that it won't be coming anytime soon, heh. You did bring up an interesting point about the girls who turned me down coming back, and I've always wondered how I would handle that situation. If one did come back right now, I think that I'd turn them down. You see, when you have strong feelings for someone and it isn't returned, what reason do you have to hold onto them? I've always felt that it is best to just get rid of them right away so that you're not waiting for something that will probably never come to pass, which will keep you from making stable decisions in the future. Besides, for the pain that they put you through turning you down, how could you overcome it simply because they changed their minds?

Karmi: I think that a lot of stuff that I want to say in response to your comment has been covered when I replied to Arcadia. I know that I don't have to be in a relationship, and I don't define myself by girls who I like or am with; all I'm saying is that there's a void in my heart, or my life, or whatever it is, and I feel like I want companionship. And this all started with that slut, Molly. Bleh

I don't know about you, but I really only hold one steady crush at a time. There might be a large amount of people that I find attractive and wouldn't mind knowing more about them, but really liking someone, especially to where I take it... there's only room for one. Eh, but maybe I take that single crush too seriously, I dunno.

mal: Haha, I'm probably too young to be taking relationships this seriously, myself. It's all about how old/young you feel on the inside. ^_~

chie: I appreciate the comment. ^_^; I'm glad that you found it insightful, and that you like the site. I hope you have a good week too, heh.

Well, that's quite enough for me. I shouldn't go on so much of a streak; it's unhealthy for my procrastination.

Syk3-out
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Monday, December 20, 2004

Love
Pondering one of life’s great mysteries.

Azure: It’s when you begin to quote an anime for love advice that you know you’ve taken it too far. XD
Shin: Yeah, I probably do stress out too much. I can’t help it. :/
Baron: Eh, I think I might have lost a friend… but it feels so good to get it off my chest.
Annie: Take the quiz now!
kisha: The problem is when the crush isn’t returned. >.o
Mimmi: Oh yes, Shin comes above all women!
Arc: Yes. You would be downright lying your ass off. >:|
Karmi: *smiles* I hate you, too. *hugs*

Shin: I tricked you! :D
Annie: I know you liked the second update better.
Baron: What do you mean, this wasn’t quality? >:O
Japan: B4u isn’t too hard, once you get used to it, heh.
Solo: You make some excellent points, Solo. I appreciate the advice. ^_^

How accurate is true love, I wonder? Is it possible to find that perfect someone who, in the same respects, thinks of you in that regard as well? This is something that I’ve come to ponder as of late, and I have my doubts.

Think about it. How many times has this happened to you before: you begin to fall for someone, develop a large crush, and before you know it, they begin to fill your thoughts and add a certain kind of stress onto your already stressful life? It gets to a point where you can’t bear to hold it any longer, so you tell them, and... it turns out that they’re not interested. What are the chances that two people will build up an equal attraction for each other and finally realize that their feelings are returned?

Here’s what I’m wondering: if you think that’s rare, try to imagine true love with someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Of course, it’s also true that love will build up from the initial crush, but from the beginning, one of the partners might simply be going along with it to please the other. If this is true, and love does spawn from less-than-equal attraction at first, then why develop crushes in the first place? So that you may become interested in someone enough to take them out somewhere and see how things go?

Then obviously crushes don’t need to go nearly as far as they often do, especially since they tend to raise hopes a bit more than optimal. But you would also need some time to see if the person that you like has similar interests enough to keep a steady relationship, but perhaps that’s what a first date is for. I’ve always put a lot of emphasis on the first date premise (even though I’ve technically only had one or two) because I like to be sure about who I like and who I can actually see having a relationship with, but maybe I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. It all seems like a huge race for guys, in any case; get to the girl before she’s taken, which, if I know anything about women (and how men think, for that matter), can be a rather small window. heh

“Race” can also lead to rushing things, such as feelings which might not have had a chance to fully develop. On the other hand, waiting too long might create a friendship that one, or both, of you don’t want to ruin, even though there were always intentions from the beginning. But if you don’t want to rush, and you don’t want to let your feelings get ahead of themselves, where is the safe middle ground between?

There really doesn’t seem like a clear-cut way to finding someone who you could hold a relationship with, eh. Or possibly I just don’t have enough experience in the field to make an accurate judgment on the subject. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve always been rather quiet and isolated throughout my life that I’ve come to the point where I’m long overdue for companionship, or I just haven’t had enough (read: any) relationships in order to satisfy myself.

If you haven’t heard me mention it before, I believe that the greatest thing that you can achieve in this world is inner peace, but the greatest thing that you can accomplish is love. With love comes peace, but only after an equal amount of stress to justify the happiness. Obviously we as a people are not perfect, so perhaps our efforts are only attuned to doing our best.

Syk3-out

EDIT: Holy crap, 14 degrees out and it's snowing.
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Sunday, December 19, 2004

I posted yesterday.
I demand you read it, or I'll never forgive you.

..Alright, now it will show that I have new posts for the day.
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Saturday, December 18, 2004

Goodbye Cassie, hello Christmas!
Read to the end of my post and all will be explained.

James: I'm looking forward to it. ^_^
Sen: Don't you think my list is long enough?
Shy: Hell yeah, I do.
Shin: I've had.. maybe 2 this year so far.
Juu: Yeah, it's been like a year since I put a picture up. And no, I'm not really there for her. :)
Annie: Oh man, that forum was really old, heh. :p Sure does take ya back.
Karmi: Ha, at least you like it. *glares at parents*
Mimmi: *_*;;
DDG: I like my hair. :D Haven't cut it in 6 months.
Shin: I love you. :-*
Wondershot: Yeah, that's the look I'm going for. ;p And Cobalt Flux, eh? Top of the line, right there.
Baron: Yeah, I prefer having hat hair.

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Greg
2. Quiet Boy
3. Syk3 (online)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. GohanSecretary
2. DARKgohan369
3. Syk326

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. How I have an open mind about things.
2. My optimistic outlook on life.
3. I’m a very moralistic person.

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I don’t talk very often.
2. When I talk, sometimes it seems like no one hears me.
3. I get nervous around girls I like.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. British?
2. German?
3. Hell if I know.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Being alone for the rest of my life.
2. Death/Everlasting nothingness.
3. To do something out of my control.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music.
2. Online gabbing.
3. Time to think.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. My berserk pendant.
2. Grey Nike shirt.
3. Dark green cargo pants.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment):
1. Incubus
2. 311
3. Sublime

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Pardon Me - Incubus
2. Beautiful Disaster - 311
3. Steppin’ Razor - Sublime

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Max 300 on Heavy (DDR)
2. Open up and talk to people more.
3. ..you want me to say sex, don’t you?

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Trust.
2. Understanding.
3. The ability to just hold each other in silence.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I have read all of the Harry Potter books.
2. I have read all of the Lord of the Rings books.
3. I have read all of my summer reading books.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Dark hair.
2. Braces.
3. Nice butt. :p

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Cheat someone.
2. Lie (unless it’s absolutely necessary, what’s the point?)
3. Escape to drugs and alcohol.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Watch Anime.
2. Play video games.
3. Chat on the net.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Cleanse my soul of now-worthless feelings.
2. Take a break from women.
3. Get off for winter break.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. An editor.
2. A movie reviewer.
3. Professional bum.

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Japan.
2. California.
3. Texas, I guess.

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. Wesley
2. Tori
3. James

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Experience love.
2. Find inner peace with myself.
3. Read the bible.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR DIE PAINFULLY:
1. Whoever is left.
2.
3.

One week until Christmas; is everyone ready? It’s just been quickly creeping up on me, and I haven’t even gotten presents for the rest of my family yet. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s lost the childish charm that was just so appealing when you were younger that makes time pass so fast up until Christmas, or just about anything lately, it seems. Not that I don’t like the holiday, in fact, it’s probably one of my favorites. But as my friend pointed out, it’s lost pretty much everything except commercialization, which is very hypocritical if you celebrate it in the first place. Of course, this is an obvious fact, and I think that it’s celebrated more in the sense that it allows people the chance to participate in the spirit of giving, and getting for that matter. There’s really no point to stand up against the holiday, either, because it’s impossible to escape and it would be your loss anyway. Ah well, just something to think about.

I’ll probably be able to update more often when I start break this Tuesday. There’s just a bunch of things that like to get in my way of updating, which, among procrastination and laziness, includes the massive amount of homework that my teachers give me. I also plan to stay home for the most part, save perhaps three days where I’ll be staying up at the beach house that we own to welcome the new year, so I’ll have plenty of time to post.

For those who I haven’t been chatting with on AIM, recently I had a crush on this girl in my school which has really escalated, especially over the past week or so. The stress that accompanied has been astounding, but I did my best not to get my hopes up. And.. it’s a good thing that I didn’t. I recently found out that I wasn’t the only one who liked her, and wasn’t the only one trying to make a move either, so I decided to explain my feelings at anime club at my friend Mary’s house yesterday in order to avoid some sick competition. I also wanted to get some things off my chest so that, if it wasn’t returned, I can relieve the stress I mentioned earlier.

So while we were watching anime, I finally worked up the courage to ask her to follow me into another room, and talk to her alone. I really wish I could have done this elsewhere, but we’re always surrounded by people and I didn’t want to explain it online. Through awkward silences and very nervous talking, I basically let her know that I’ve been stressing out a lot and wanted to know if it was worth it to do so. Apparently, she didn’t realize that this was a roundabout way of asking if she liked me back, but she did let me know that she “only like[s] [me] as a friend.” In hindsight, I really should have tried to read the signs a lot better to save us both the trouble, and maybe if I had more time to flirt or talk with her, feelings would have changed on her part.

Eh.. but I can’t change how she feels, and I’ll have to get over my own feelings. Love is too stressful; I’m taking a long vacation from women.

I really haven’t been up to anything else lately, except that today I decided to go around and clean up my computer and such to accompany a fresh new slate in my heart. And as such, I decided to write up this post, heh. I’ll see you guys again sometime after Christmas I expect.

EDIT: I changed the song, btw.
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Thursday, December 2, 2004

I blame Syk3.
Man, I'm looking at these myOtaku rankings, and I seriously wonder how many of them are actually legit. I haven't even heard of these people.. and yet they somehow whore out the top 15 spots?! :O Are they posting a lot of fan art, or what? That seems to be how most of them gain popularity, I think. James has fallen down to 18th, and the highest person that I know is Sara at 16. I've basically given up on following the rankings for the most part, save a glimpse a couple minutes ago, ever since I fell all the way from a peak of around 5, to 105 right now. No luck on the fan art, either, since I've kind of learned from my art teachers not to draw things like anime, and Hell if I have enough free time for random sketches! Some people, like Shinmaru, really deserve their rankings because of continuously clever and interesting posts. On the other hand, you have people like SonicBlaster who made their way to number 1 using some sort of cheat program, and God knows how many members are using those now.. I have my own suspicions. Like the number 1 spot right now: no fan art and I've never even heard of them! You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you cheat in order for someone to look at your site on an anime site. :p Onto the comments from the last post..

Mimmi: A little.
Shin: It’s especially stressful when you have yet to send in your applications to colleges, but I’ll get into that later. Is college really all about essays, though?
Azure: Yeah, she’s lenient, luckily. And I tried that route last year with not doing homework, and it didn’t work very well. ~.^
Karmi: Aww, Karmi, you’re so easy to fool. :p
Ryudo: Yeah, the loneliness blew over, and I’ll get into that later.
Arc: Anime and video games are the only things that can keep me occupied for a couple hours! And if you get RahXephon, prepare to be confused out of your mind the first time through. :D

I’ve created a finalized Christmas list, in order of most wanted. :D And strangely enough, they all begin with an ‘m’…

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes
Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes
Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater
Mario Power Tennis
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Monty Python and the Life of Brian
Money

Yeah, I want money. So what? Wanna fight about it? Last on the list, though; you know, if they get everything above it (:O!) and have money left over. XD Yeah, I’m greedy. Wanna fight about it?! >:O

A lot had happened since my last post. ..not really, but it makes it sound like I have somewhat of a life, right? In all honesty, though, we did go through Thanksgiving break, in which I exploited as much sleep as possible, going to bed at 2 and getting up at like 1. I’m actually still recovering from that, lol. The past 3 days, I haven’t gone to bed earlier than 1:30, despite having to wake up at 6:45 and drive to school. I also have reason to believe that the same thing is going to happen again tonight. >.o As long as it doesn’t get into a habit like it did last year, heh.. oh man, sleeping through every class. :o I blame the late-night AIM chats. <_<

Moving on, I didn’t really eat much on Turkeh Day, surprisingly, since I filled up on punch early in the day. ^.^; And for good reason; if any of you have ever had Mocha Punch, you’d know that it’s addicting as hell. The punch is made from a half gallon each of vanilla and chocolate ice cream, as well as coffee mix, and probably crack, too. If you have it at night, it’ll keep you wired well into the morning for sure. So I filled up on that and didn’t eat much for dinner, where the turkey was kind of dry anyway, and I ended up letting the dog pig out on my plate, lol.

On Saturday, I went over to my friend Wesley’s house. He lives in my old neighborhood which is about an hour’s drive away, so it was cool to reminisce about the old days a bit as well. We chilled for a while with other friends of his, then went to this pool hall place where my friend had some major luck on his side (read: I lost <_<). It was pretty cool hanging out with him again, which was the first time that I’ve seen him since summer, but he hasn’t really changed much. His hair is short, dyed black, and curly so it looks like a wig, lol, but that’s basically all that changes whenever I see him. Admittedly, my hair was a lot longer than it had been last time we saw each other, but I was wearing a hat so you couldn’t really tell. Yada yada yada, I went home on Sunday. :D And had a shit load of homework to do that kept me up until 3:30. -_- I didn’t even finish the damn stuff, but it’s better than nothing.

So if you read my previous post, you would have been able to see that I have been under a lot of stress. Not only because of massive schoolwork, but also because I was feeling particularly lonely, since I had a taste of companionship a few weeks ago and saw what I was missing. Well, luckily for me, those feelings have all but disappeared - or, at least, they’ve gone to the back of my mind to think about for another time. Last Wednesday, I talked to the girl that I had the “fling” with, Molly, and I must say.. my opinions of her changed for the worse. It’s not that I still liked her before we talked then, but I respected her, and thought of her as a friend. She IMed me saying that she was really happy and everything, and I thought that was great, since we’d been talking about her depression a lot lately and I was trying to help her quit cutting. Upon further explanation, however, she went on to tell me about how she had just fooled around with one of her guy friend and was “really dirty.” Now, this is the third guy that she’s been with (not that way, mind.. though it wouldn’t surprise me with this latest one), including myself, in just as many weeks. Not only that, but the guy has a girlfriend, and she knows it, and is fine with being a “friend with benefits.” I really hate myself for coming to such conclusions, but I just can’t feel sorry for someone who is going to treat themselves as objects of pleasure for momentary happiness, even if they do cut. How could I let someone who was using me as a way to find temporary pleasure cause me to feel so lonely? Exactly, so I’m fine now. :D

Right now, I really have to start finalizing all of my information for colleges. I need to get my recommendation from my English teacher, find out what essays the other school I’m applying to wants, edit my one for the other school as such, write a resume of my high school “career”, apply to Salisbury University and University of Maryland Baltimore County, send my other information into my guidance counselor, and write thank you letters to my two teachers that gave me recommendations. At the moment, I’m leaning more towards UMBC for a number of reasons, most notably location. It’s a lot closer to home, just in case there’s some sort of emergency, and freshmen can drive (though my parents might not let me because of the insurance). The school is about 10 minutes away from a fantastic mall with many job opportunities, a great movie theater, and a DDR machine. ~_^ The atmosphere, as described, seems to be a place where I would fit in, as well. It’s a culturally diverse campus, with strong ties to both anime and DDR, apparently, which means there are clubs that I can meet people in. The buildings are nice and very.. natural, as well. They made it so that you can access all of the buildings indoors, so when it gets really cold and snows you can get around without much trouble. The only real problem I see is that it wasn’t quite the type of classes I was looking for. I really wanted a school were they had small class sizes and compact things to stress on the individual, rather than lecture halls where it was clearly the opposite. It’s a very big point that is influencing my decision, but I don’t know.. what do you guys think?

Oh yeah, I also have a recent picture of myself. And considering there’s really no other way to put it up.. since the picture site is down and everything, I’ll just post it here:



Har har.. such hat hair. I look at pictures of myself a year ago, though, and I seriously look like 3 years older now. O.o Cray-zeh. That’s it for now. Syk3-out.
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Monday, November 22, 2004

Hmm.
Well, my life seems to be going relatively normal, I suppose. Nothing particularly interesting to update with, just giving you guys an.. update.

Semajaza: That was my first guess, but for all I know, they could have been playing checkers!
Mimmi: Practice is nice. As long as it's within morals.
Arc: Eh, it wasn't quite what I expected, but I won't deny that it was nice. I loved it.
Shin: All in due time, my friend.
Ben: You were right the first time.
chii: No need to rush, waiting till the right moment is great.

I guess lately I've been feeling a little.. bleh. :o So I suppose I have to pull the melodramatic card and just say that I'm lonely, but eh. Even if I was with Molly for a week, it showed me how great it was to have companionship. And now I long for it. Yesterday, it nearly brought me into one of my little depression stages that comes around every so often, so I had to figure out a way to get it off my mind. It just felt like the thoughts were completely consuming my brain, and I didn't have anything to do to get it off. Talking helps, but only so far, so I got on AIM, and Sen recommended listening to music, which actually helped a lot. Way too often I use music as a background for doing whatever, and don't get a chance to actually really listen to it.

I've also been really stressed with homework lately. I was supposed to have finished a painting in my art class last Friday, but practically no one was done, so I had the weekend to complete. This was really lucky for me, so I took as much time as I could, even missing a friend's party which I was really hoping that I could go to on Saturday. And guess what? I couldn't finish it, both because I was running out of paint and because I didn't have enough time. Lucky for me, the teacher gave us another day to finish them up, so I have to do that tonight. And then of course I had English hw, which was to finish reading this one book, in which we had a week to read like 450 pages, and only one person had it done today, so the teacher will give us until the end of the break, which starts Wednesday. Just one more day to endure..

No more soccer until the Spring, so I suddenly have a lot more free time, with no ideas on how to use it. I do have those video games that I never beat, though.. And there are quite a few. Speaking of video games, I need to know what to put on my Christmas list, cuz you know.. I'm greedy like that. Here's my list so far:

Metroid Prime Echoes
Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes
Metal Gear Solid Snake Eater
Mario Tennis

I always like to initially make it nice and long to boost my confidence, and then I look through and realistically choose ones to ask for. I don't think I'm going to ask for a DS, since that and a game would take up a lot of video game choices that I would probably prefer having -- at least right now. I have plenty of money to buy it myself, but I want to hold off and use it sparingly when I actually need something, and DS is not a top priority for me. My friend actually let me see it for 3 seconds today, and it was nice, but not a must. In any case, what are some other video games that are good to ask for? As for anime, there's nothing that I'm interested in right now. But manga.. hmm..

I guess that's it for now. I can never think of things to write about, lol.
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Friday, November 12, 2004

Single Once Again
And such concludes my dramatic experiment proving why I shouldn't update very often. Things in my life change too much!

Comments: I reserve the right not to respond to comments that no longer apply. :X

Well, I got together with Molly on Thursday and hung out at Jimmy's all day. Things went a little rough trying to actually get out the door, and then when I finally picked everyone up and went to his house, he had been smoking the ganja and was making an ass out of himself. Oh Jimmy! What will we do with you? I think half the time that he was laughing he was just trying to be the center of attention. :p Molly was kind of disturbed because she had never been -- I mean, she had never seen anyone high before. Yeah.

So first we decided to watch Family Guy a little bit, but Jimmy's DVD player was acting stupid, and he and his gf went into his room for a couple hours. O_o Molly and I decided to watch a movie, but every once in a while we'd get up and go knock on the door. Of course, they were always "busy" doing "something", and when they finally did come out, well.. you know how girls do that thing where they tell each other EVERYTHING. And once again, I was in the dark. -.- I couldn't care less what they actually did in there, it's the fact that I'm the odd one out when it comes to these things. >:| And even if they did tell me, it's not like I would be an ass about it. We're all mature here, lol.

So yeah, I think we ended up watching another movie. Then ordered pizza, and watch tv. I wasn't really paying attention, lol. I kissed Molly a couple times, so that was fun. At around 4:45, Patty's dad calls saying that he's at this one store and wanted us to drop her off, but she decided not to leave until about 5:10, when I had to get going to my soccer game. I offered that Molly come with me to the game, but she went on about how it would be cold and stuff. Yeah, I know, bs. lol So I dropped her off with Patty and leaned in for one last kiss, but she stopped after about 2 seconds saying that Patty's mom was watching us.

At my soccer game it was really cold and I kept running things over in my head about Molly and I. I mean, our "relationship", or fling, or whatever you wanted to call it, was almost entirely physical at this point. We had kissed and hugged and whatnot, but without any emotional attachment, it meant nothing. We had very little in common with each other, other than the fact that our friends were going out, which was in and of itself pressuring us into a relationship from the beginning. I realized that I never really had any true feelings for her, and that it all stemmed from a physical point of view, since we are both attractive people, though obviously more can be said about her. After the game, I called her up and she pretty much had the same feelings. She's kind of a ditz, though, so I had to explain a lot to her. -.- So concludes our one week "fling" where I got my first kiss. :o

The rest of the night was kind of strange. It was just one of those days that wasn't normal and made you feel like you had to do something to get back into the bounce of things, so I went to sleep a little early. Today wasn't too bad at school, I guess, apart from it just being strange since it was a Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in a sense (beginning, middle, and end of the week since we had Thursday off :/). Today I'm going to anime club at my friend, Mary's house.
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