Sunday, March 23, 2008

   hmm...

well now, it seems my playlist has become ridiculously big again thanks to all those songs by nickelback. well, whatever. my brother left for duluth again for college obviously. i have a stupid mythology research project with at least 3 sources needed and i've been told to avoid wikipedia. but im probably gonna end up going there anyway cuz i will get desperate. i already know it. i went to theshinobihobbit's house yesterday and we hardly got any work done. -___-' i just realized that demyx is apparently a wuss, which is ironic cuz so am i. we relate to each other! yayz. and as such, he's my favorite organization member now, and marluxia is a creepy gay dude who appears to be made of rose petals. 0____< although i gotta say, that xexion or whatever his name is pretty cute. i don't know how i even got a crush on him when i barely know anything about him, but he's cute ok? is that weird to think that? i wouldn't know... well anyways, right now, it seems that our plans for me to cosplay as demyx might somehow work out after all. theshinobihobbit said she might be able to get both the cloak and cosplay wig for me, for which im eternally grateful. i do have leather gloves although they are a little worn and with this one horrible looking stitching on it, but hopefully nobody will pay that much attention to it at Anime Detour. now all i really need is boots or something. is there a specific kind of boot i should have? i mean there are tons of kinds of boots in the world after all. my mom's pair might work as long as the furry part is covered up, cuz i doubt their boots are fuzzy but then again i haven't actually seen any good screen-shots of their feet. i am a tad, no, really irritated that my dad won't let me buy waraji and tabi for my byakuya cosplay though. it really sucks cuz i was totally willing to pay for it with my own money if it came to that but he didn't let me. i finally found a perfect pair of both, but no! it was really hard cuz my feet are about 21 cm long and 9 cm wide so it was pretty difficult to find waraji on ebay that fit cuz they were mostly too big. by at least 8 cm. damn, what am i gonna do now? if any of you know how to make 'em by any sort of miracle i would definitely love you forever. i found a tutorial site that suggests making them out of either rope or tatami mats but where in the hell am i gonna find the materials for that AND somebody who can help me make 'em?? *doop*

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

   zomgs!! @____@

gah! i can't take this insanity! im losing my mind more so than last week when i had all that homework crap to get done with a miniscule amount of time to do it. but now it's even worse and logically speaking it shouldn't be worse. to think i get more stressed out about cosplay than schoolwork is amazing. if you know me, you probably realized im ocd when it comes to school crap. im sooo worried about cosplay... im supposed to go go as kuchiki byakuya, demyx, and yuki(from haruhi) but i have almost nothing! in fact, all i have right now is a cosplay sword and nothing else. i can't deal with this and i have like what? 16 days left to pull everything together? im getting so agitated cuz i haven't convinced my parents to get an organization cloak for me and time is running out dammit! jilly hasn't even started helping me with my cosplay and it's so expensive! $30 for the proper cosplay wig for demyx. if i can't get the wig, even if i got the organization cloak, i couldn't go as demyx. some of you probably didn't know im also ocd when it comes to cosplay. i don't want to get a single detail wrong. dammit, at this rate, theshinobihobbit's efforts on the sitar might go to waste anyway! shit i promised, and i would feel so bad if i couldn't... and it would be too much to ask my friends to spend $30 on me for a cosplay wig for my birthday. im getting really panicky and i don't want to have asked my mom to spend $100 on me for a cosplay sword that might not even be used at this rate... i can't concentrate on my homework right now and where in the hell can i find all that stuff in time for Anime Detour? shit, after this is all over, im so getting a summer job so i can afford to pay for all this stuff next time, specially considering i already plan to go as vincent valentine next year with help from friends. i can't do anything without their help... if by some miracle i get a cosplay wig, i need help styling it or whatever, if i even get one... i got a new theme song on my site obviously and as for the rest i simply rearranged them cuz it's the lazy "shikamaru" way to do it. after watching a vid on youtube, i totally agree that "hero" is a great song for vincent. i gotta show you guys that some time for those that are coming to my birthday party. which i might also add, it seems like not a lot can even come.. at this rate i will be surprised if one person shows up. practically half the people i asked are going somewhere. but as long as homsar88 shows up then i can be happy. after all, without homsar88, the party wouldn't be the same. i really hope you guys can make it. *doop*

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Sunday, March 16, 2008

brother's back

as much as i doubt that anybody will actually read this post and that im only telling myself this, but my brother came back from college up in duluth yesterday evening and left almost immediately for something or other with friends im guessing. he came back late, but of course i was watching anime seeing as it was saturday. i wish he hadn't talked so much during blood plus though cuz i could barely hear it. and he also told me about a manga called about a REALLY gory manga with such realistically drawn people and all i can say from his description of it is that if you thought you've seen disgusting manga before, you are DEAD wrong. it is fucked up like you've never seen before. nothing comes CLOSE. anyways, my brother showed me this vid on which i thought was hilarious. XD *doop*

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Friday, March 14, 2008

story

im really quickly going to post this story that i hope SOMEBODY will end up reading. nobody visits anymore. but ok then! this is only the prologue; feedback would be nice and it's an elaboration of a dream i had and i have another story in my mind other than this one too. i always feel like i go into a trance when i write stories... Invisible That boy was a devious little miscreant. The mischievous little smile on his face was ever present. He longed for nothing more than to have fun and he did what he wanted. In fact, it was as if the boy didn't even exist in the minds of the neighbors. The boy was like a mysterious sort of specter. His body was strange; transparent and yet not so. Where his eyes were supposed to go, there was nothing but infinitely pitch black shadows. No matter how hard you looked, you could never tell the color of his eyes. Perhaps he didn�ft have any. His teeth were frightening, especially when he smiled. The whispers followed him wherever he went; soft sighs as faint as the passing breeze, and pattering of footsteps that weren't his. For wherever he went, he made not a sound and where his feet should be, there was nothing. Nothing but pearly white mist or fog that disappeared into the ground; there would always be traces of it wherever he walked and if you were observant, you might just see some. This boy was not the kind of boy just anybody could see though. Perhaps it had something to do with Death. He wasn�ft an evil one, but there was something far too innocent about his playful manner. Sometimes, you could almost see the silvery blood stains on him. It was usually for a brief nanosecond, but if one saw him at just the right angle, his clothes would drip with blood, and for a moment it seemed as if he held a nine inch silver dagger in one hand. That was when he had the biggest grin on his face. And yet, it was during these moments that he seemed to be at his saddest. It was a melancholy sight to see within him that transient sense of loneliness and pain. He was always on the edge of losing the last traces of sanity, or so it seemed. How he could endure it was a mystery, wrapped up in the folds of darkness like that. It was always threatening to drag him down. If one let their guard down for one second, it could pull you into darkness where there might never be a way out. Isolation from the light was the most painful thing. Through his eyes, he could only view the world in shadows and eternal night. There was perhaps one thing that could save a guy like him, but it wasn't something the boy was good at getting. Nobody could see him. Not a person had been able to for more than a brief flash that was often brushed off as being a hallucination. How do you make conversation with something that you can't hear? How do you find him when he never stays still? When he doesn't want to be found? But there was one who did find him. A girl gifted with a special power...

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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

gah

today was zero hour and lots of great stuff i guess but no time to talk. really need to get on top of things so just watch these vincent valentine vids ok? as for the link, it's a totally awesome song i couldn't find ANYWHERE. http://www.technoctopus.com/ra/pvn.mp3

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Sunday, March 9, 2008

   bleargh...

im in such a bad mood now... dammit, my laptop has been pissing me off for the whole day. it's so slow today and it makes me want to bite myself and i already have. a lot. but i know i've been holding back. i can bite a lot harder. i wonder if i can draw blood from biting myself?? sometimes i wonder if im seriously like masochistic or something? seriously, pain seems to fascinate me and i enjoy hitting myself with a freaking textbook or scientific graphing calculator. i actually want to know what it feels like to break my hand by like punching a wall too hard or something. i tried once, but i didn't expect it to hurt. obviously my hand didn't break or how the fuck would i be typing this, but it seriously hurt. i got a deviant art account today too. i have a sudden obsessive goal now. im sure most of you have seen this drawing of kakashi dressed as naruto saying "ooh look at me everyone! im naruto! believe it!!" and he's doing that thing with his hips you all know that im sure. it amuses the shit out of me and im trying to find that picture i saw a long time ago. if any of you guys find that picture and send me the link or whatever, i will love you forever. seriously. i MUST find it. *twitch* these obsessions are unhealthy sometimes i swear... im also getting really stressed. i have to do a LOT of reading and i don't think i have enough time to finish it and i have so many projects i need to do and i still don't know what the hell im doing for my science project and im gonna need to write up my slavery essay soon and personal narrative in english and the term book assignment from english and i have barely got anywhere in the book which is essential to finish and i can't find any site that has a good summary of the man in the iron mask, so im gonna have to read the whole thing and not skim through it either. i also have to find a passage to read out loud to the glass and find some object which represents symbolism in the book. shit i had a fucking 3 day weekend and i barely read much at all.... and even worse, i had 2 great story ideas for once that didn't even have any other characters i know in 'em. so i won't have to put in any copyright shit and say for example "byakuya copyright kubo" or stuff like that but the story is getting hazy dammit and it was a really good one. >:( i found this vid on youtube though and im addicted to it for some reason as with the naruto abridged series. i've watched the naruto abridged series like 20 times already. but anyways, the reason i like this vid im posting is cuz it's about kakashi and obito. im so disappointed the kakashi gaiden isn't going to be anime and even if i would have cried my eyes out, it would have been a really good episode. i think there are good pictures in this vid that sums up how i think it would turn out if the whole "tobi is obito" thing were true. i could so imagine it playing out like that. and i always imagined that if tobi were obito, kakashi would end up killing him with his own hands and then the mask cracks and falls off and kakashi would hug obito's body close to his like that picture near 3 minutes mark. and if you haven't seen 'em yet, be sure to watch the 2 vids in my previous post, they are good. *doop*

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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

   im disappointed...

well im sure you all know version vibrant is here, but i don't like it. you can't even embed videos that aren't from youtube and as far as i can tell, there's no place for wallpapers to go on your "worlds" and the avatars have to be exactly 100x100 and now i actually have to check to see it is the right size. the layout is confusing and not only that, but it somehow feels as if the server is slower, not faster for some reason. and another thing is that i can't answer your pm's on myotaku, i can only send a reply if im on theotaku. on a side note: me and homsar88 had a GREAT time during lunch. it was a three-some and i was fighting with kelly over homsar88. XD i think this vid is awesome and a great song to boot. at least myotaku still let's me post a vid that isn't youtube... the second vid is blood + and it gives me the chills. i think the person who made it has got some skillz though. i think it's pretty hard to make such a cool amv that seems to be made up of scenes from only the first episode, and even though it's blood + we're talking about here, it's the best amv i've ever seen that only uses the first episode to make it. Online Videos by Veoh.com Online Videos by Veoh.com

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Monday, March 3, 2008

   well isn't that great....

the first thing that is bugging me is my wallpapers have disappeared and only the post bg is still there. for some reason it's all white and i can't change it cuz theotaku is changing to version vibrant right now and that's where i found one of my wallpapers. it sucks but as you can tell, im addicted to the hamster dance song cuz that's why i changed it. and the 2 new songs are from the movie juno, which i saw with homsar88 yesterday. i didn't post about it cuz of version vibrant but i love how the dog's name is banana and there was this part where this girl was talking about how these condoms made "her boyfriend's junk smell like pie" and the teacher putting a condom on a banana in school. although at the moment im not feeling so cheerful cuz of a couple things. first is that nobody takes me seriously even if im fed up with all of 'em poking me just to amuse themselves and if you're gonna amuse yourself from other people's misery, then don't make it hurt. that's the one thing i can never stop ranting about. i mean seriously, occasionally im ok with a poke or two, but not so hard that i wind up with bruises on my arm and not so hard that you can't even classify it as a "poke" but more like a stab in the guts or in the case of josh, punching me in the kidney. he annoys me more than anyone else cuz he's always bitching about people talking too much in anime club when he's one of the main guys talking in the first place and i would like to note how the one day he and everyone else who sits in the back corner was gone, the room was a hell of a lot quieter and i could actually hear what was being said and not just reading the subtitles. the rest of us that actually pay attention to the anime said one sentence and he came over and said "ok, seriously, shut the hell up all of you. just shut the hell up" and i got pissed at him and told him he had no right to say that to us when he's usually the one talking in the first place. another thing is that everyone is always bitching about the fact that im always screaming every time they poke me and i've tried to tell them "well maybe if you didn't poke me in the first place, then maybe i wouldn't be screaming so much. if it bugs you so much then don't touch me!" and they usually say something like "but it's amusing to make fun of you" and yet they have to bitch about it if i scream too high. omfg, you can't have everything you want in life. it's kinda like a compromise. or you can't get what you want without having to pay a price. it's kinda like fullmetal alchemist's "equivalent exchange" theory oddly enough! it's feels like complaining about getting your arm ripped off by a tiger after poking it with a stick or something. lastly is the fact that my mom was in the hospital today. she was in pain at her office, so dad had to go and pick her up and take her to a hospital. he didn't call me about this which i can kinda understand. but that's not why im annoyed. he picked me up from school as usual and then i notice my brother's car is in the garage when it's normally empty cuz that's where my mom's car goes and then dad was kinda joking around like "hey do you see that?" as if i was blind that i wouldn't notice my brother's car there and i was like "well duh! of course i do, it's not like it's got a cloaking device on it or anything." and then just as im about to leave the car to go inside, he says "oh yeah that's cuz your mom's in the hospital. i had to go pick her up so that's why that's there" omfg, what the hell? what annoyed me is how the way he said "your mom is in the hospital." it almost sounded like he was mentioning that as some kind of after-thought or something. he might as well have said oh yeah your brother died! like it's no big deal! freaking fantastic for going into detail. i actually had to ask him 5 minutes later why she was in the hospital in the first place since he didn't tell me anything else besides that. im not really sure how i should be feeling right now though. for some reason i don't feel anything right now. i said it was annoying, yet for some reason i don't feel annoyed. i don't feel upset or worried and for the strangest reason, my mind is rather blank and it's almost like a trance the way im doing my homework like usual, except it's not really registering like im on autopilot or something. i really expected to have started crying by this point like when the bridge collapsed on the highway and i was so scared my mom might have been on the bridge at the time. i've really been zoning out for the whole day too. to be honest i've been thinking about kakashi for the whole day and i barely paid attention in social studies cuz of it. i wonder what's wrong with me... and it's not like i've been in "fan girl" mode or anything either. im just suddenly curious about everything that hasn't been mentioned in the manga or anime. i feel strangely desperate to know and sometimes i wonder why i can cry about something that's made up rather than real tragedies. i mentioned that i think about death a lot and that includes war, explosions, and the end of the world. the day when the human race dies out and when the sun's flickering rays sizzle out for good. and even though i think about these things and the way rainforests are disappearing and anything that is or will go wrong and i think about it with a blank state of mind. like deforesting is bad but im not gonna bother ever doing anything about it cuz i don't care. or i try to delude myself that im actually sad at the thought of no rain forests and war, but i know it doesn't work and my conversations i have with myself know this. perhaps it's cuz i have accepted that nothing that i ever do is gonna change anything. it doesn't matter how much i hate war(which i do quite a lot) that's not gonna ever stop the never-ending cycle of killing and even though i get pissed sometimes about how ppl kill each other for the stupidest things i see it as something that will always be there. it's ridiculous to believe in a perfect world that is free of pollution and suffering. so i guess i shrug and move on. i might as well enjoy what i can since nothing is gonna change anyway. well i'd be surprised if you actually read all this stuff. but sometimes i feel like im not posting to inform you guys of stuff but rather to write out my feelings where i can see it and look back at wonder why i did or didn't write it the way it is. for some reason i seem to have a weird obsession of analyzing myself and all my faults. i have no problem with thinking with myself "wow you are such a spoiled little bitch" i only get pissed if other ppl call me names or whatever, i have no problem insulting myself or hitting myself. i actually have done that for no reason once. i think i was being weird cuz i wanted to test out how hard i could slap someone, only i didn't want to experiment on any friends so i test it out on me and the same goes for biting myself. all i can say from the times i bit myself is you really don't want to get me mad enough to bite you. it's like i have a hobby of seeing my own teeth marks in my skin. it's weird but i still do from time to time and i love picturing myself as a wolf with long canines. so now if you asked me if i could be any animal in world, what would it be? i would say a wolf with beautifully long sharp claws and teeth that's got a lovely coat of gray. i have always wished to be a wolf when im angry cuz then i can cut up the walls and pillars of any shape to take out my anger on it. you have no idea just how much i long to transform into a wolf. i feel so frustrated knowing i can't transform and i feel like im gonna explode with yearning. *doop*

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Friday, February 29, 2008

leap year

well today is a leap year which i wasn't aware of until yesterday. david wang said he was going to somebody's house tonight to celebrate the guy's 4th birthday. omg, i suddenly realized what it is that's been bugging me for an eternity. i've had this damn annoying feeling like i've been forgetting to say something and now i remember! this is so random but i just have to say it. damn, kabuto is HOT when he lets his hair down! i mean, have you seen him?? practically got a nosebleed at the sight. XD im also in a pretty bad mood lately though. especially since i have no real friends except homsar88 and it's especially noticeable during lunch. alex iverson was poking me AGAIN and not just that, he poked me somewhere he shouldn't have and even though im so stupid to think he did it on purpose, but i feel violated and i kicked him quite a few times but he's the kind of guy who has no problems hitting a girl and i know he'd do it so i stopped. some random kid was being a total jackass cuz he asked if i was using this chair and i said yes cuz chelsea always sits with me and he was like "why cuz you need a place for your foot?" in a "i-think-you're-stupid" kind of voice and the bastard can go to hell for all i care, there are plenty of other chairs not being used and he doesn't have to be such an asshole over a damn chair. seriously, shut up and leave me alone. there were more than 10 empty chairs one table over so he didn't have to come bug me in the first place. anyways, take a look at some of these i thought they were funny and some are a tad fucked up(XD) but anyway here are the links: http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/378655 http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/232788 http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/338408 http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/319948 http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/298841 http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/330998

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Thursday, February 28, 2008

   war kitties

im almost over this lousy cold but not quite yet. but i don't have a runny nose and im not coughing as much so that counts for something. once when i was sick, i sneezed and i got all this snot all over my hands and it was soooo disgusting and it nearly happened the other day too. 0___o' good thing it didn't happen. another thing i didn't realize is that this is a leap year so tomorrow is the 29th of february. yay. *throws up cheap confetti pathetically* well that was random. anyways i hope i get well enough to have a birthday party or something. if i do have one, i hope that by some amazing chance, i get an L plushie like the one that was at Too Cool but i know that if it's not in stock, you have to ask the guy to order it and god knows when he restocks. but i also had my eye on that vincent plushie a while back. i decided that if i have enough money, i want a mokona plushie or vincent valentine at Anime Detour. cuz they're sure to have it. im probably just gonna ask for money from my parents to spend at Anime Detour or just a barnes and noble giftcard. ha ha giftcards never fail, specially barnes and noble cuz they always have SOMETHING in their store somebody wants. XD i was eating lunch today and i was in a slightly irritable mood cuz alex iverson had just poked me and i was kinda glancing around the commons and then i looked just as this one boy leapt onto this other boy and clung onto him like... a monkey? or maybe an squid the way he grappled on with his arms and legs. and then the other guy started swinging him around in a circle as the guy who latched on leaned back and they both had these sparkling couch man faces. it was fucking HILARIOUS. i swear when i saw one of their expressions, i actually saw a field of flowers and petals raining down from the sky in slow motion with lots of couch man sparkling and a pink background for a split second. sometimes i love it when i hallucinate like that. XDDDDDDD *doop*

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