Tuesday, September 21, 2004

no offense when i say this but...

i'm really starting to hate love.

if that's even what it really is.

according to comments and a few chats on random messengers i am in love, but i don't really know about it. it could be, and it might just be something close to it but not quite there yet... or i could be completely wrong and not be in love at all.

i still think that i am way too young for this stuff. sure other people can be in love... but me? no, i doubt it. i wasn't expecting anything like this until... years later???

is it love when your happiness depends on the other person's? when if he is sad, then you become sad too? (well she for you guys out there -_-U) and is it love when you would rather die than let anything bad happen to him (or like i said for the guys, her?)?

i really didn't WANT to be in love... maybe not ever in my life time, but especially not NOW when i'm just starting school and have projects and tests and everything to worry about. it feels good every so often, but i can't help but be depressed every time he seems sad. and that's really not helping my psuedonym.

i'm confusing myself. i should be concentrating on conic sections right now... it's so much more simpler, with things like hyperbolic equations... seriously it's very simple once you figure out what the eccentricy is. just basic calculus. i think. well that's what the spark notes said... x_X

that and keeping my plant alive. it's like a stem and you have to keep it alive for 2 months. i'm going to kill it somehow i just know i am.

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Monday, September 20, 2004

Bleh

Currently playing: Sweet Vanilla by HYDE
Current mood: ...
Currently reading: Case Closed volume 1

i THINK my friend is feeling better, we were able to have a few interesting conversations today... some of them were serious but a few were kind of funny (bishounen-ish or bishounen-y? hehe), so i'm taking that as a good sign. not sure if he's completely better but i really hope i'm right... i think i've been giving him a lot of pageviews... i got his 2500, 2600, AND 2700 pageview with lots inbetween... heh. xDDDD

thanks for everyone who has commented through all of this stuff about my friend... it means a lot to me, and this is really the only place i can talk about things like this....

the weekend passed MUCH too quickly. i was able to finish most of my hw and everything but i didn't get enough time to relax... i just want some more TIME. i think part of it was that i was worrying about my friend but weekends never really last that long anymore.

as for more casual topics, i've become obsessed with the jrock group plastic tree ^^ all it took was an add in my issue of zappy, and then i listened to one of their songs... now i'm obsessed. i just spent $10 on an issue of SHOXX that i can't even read because it had 20 pages of plastic tree! haha.

i also recently watched an anime called eight clouds rising. it's pretty good, i like the animation, but it's based on a manga so you kind of feel like a little of the story is missing. but i still would recommend it, especially since it was only about $15. the plot is a little hard to explain, so i'll think about it and if i have anything to say about the plot i'll put it in a new journal entry.

i've been really into 'gothic manga' lately, such as under the glass moon, even though technically it's not manga (forgot the name for korean manga). petshop of horrors is one of my favorites, even though i don't know if that's gothic... and then the one that i really want to get is model... heh. well there's a lot more, well really anything that's bloody would be good. so for example, akuma no ororon. or conan even. anything with blood, i like it ^^;

WolvesInCombat says that i should write some stuff on here. i'm not much of a writer, but i'll try for it... maybe it will get my mind off things for a while. but if it's really awful i'm not going to put it up... -_-'' and if all else fails i can write something about jrock and no one will believe me, take it for gothic fiction and... yeah. J/K

well i should sleep now, twyl.

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Sunday, September 19, 2004

;_;

i take it back, he's feeling worse.

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   ...

well i guess my friend is a little (unfortunately little as in tiny amount) better, he went on recently. but still depressed...

i feel so helpless... i really wish i could do something but i never really can...

;_;

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Saturday, September 18, 2004

   *runs away in tears*

my friend who i have been talking about is depressed again... he was depressed the beginning of the week... and then he felt better and then he got a little down but was feeling better again... and now he's very depressed and wants to die...

i once made him promise me that he would meet me in person and before i was able to use that to make him... less suicidal, and now he says that he 'knows he promised me but it's a long way off and he doesn't want to live that long'

;_;

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   Results

ok from the previous poll:

the winner of the who is better survey is...

HYDE!!

Hyde won with 3 votes (in the comments it was only 2 but my vote is hyde ^^;)

2 people voted that they don't know who hyde and gackt are!

and poor gakuto, he didn't have any votes -_-''

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Friday, September 17, 2004

   Poll

today i have a question for you... but it's not really one of those love things or anything, just...

who is better in your opinion? hyde or gackt?!?

just a little poll, i'm interested to see the results ^^

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

   ...

well according to what a couple of you said and what my friend told me, i'm kind of... in love.

x_X;;

and honestly, if this is love, i don't really like it very much.

sure there's all those 'good feelings' and whatever

but when the person you love becomes depressed it kind of changes things...

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Wednesday, September 15, 2004

   Just wondering...

How do you know you're in love?

please note...
i'm not saying i think i'm in love, i just wanted to know.

i'm too young to really be in love, but when i do fall in love i just want to know what it feels like... xD

bleh.

i haven't updated for a while i'll try to visit all of your sites! i was kind of crazy for the past week because my friend was getting depressed again and now i am SO tired.

when he was depressed i was at school and i started worrying about him but it was getting depressing so i was like "ok i'll find someone to play abcd with me and when they slap me hopefully it will be so hard that i can't worry about it anymore!"

well. no one at my school knows how to play abcd. -_-'' so i taught some guy and i won once but that was a practice, and then he won a game and he didn't want to slap me!! he was all "i don't feel right about it" and i kept bothering him -- "that's the whole point of the game!"

so then it was computer aplications and since we don't do anything in that class anyway i went to his site to check that he was feeling ok and he kind of was, replied to my comment at least xD

and because i spent all that time panicing and begging people to play abcd, i'm left with NO energy today. so if i dont' get to your site i'm very sorry!!

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Thursday, September 9, 2004

About the wedding...

Current Mood: ...

Currently Thinking: don't you just hate the fact that the world has time zones?!

so i'm back from the wedding (well i was back on monday... -_-;;) it was pretty nice... very romantic... and... very warm >.>;; yeah temperatures reached about 97 F and the lowest it got was about 79 F. but our hotel was air conditioned so it was ok ^^ we arrived early to the wedding to take pictures but all we did was sit there xP but that was ok since we got lost anyway... and would have been late if it was regular time. the priest was very funny, kept everyone's attention at least. after the ceremony was the reception and dinner... dinner was great... steak... salmon... salad... lots of other stuff too...

then we went sightseeing and i saw... the zoo. the penguins were funny, we looked at them and thought they were ducks until we saw them swim. after that we went to J-Town! ^^ and i got the HYDE cd, titled 666. but it ripped me off because it claimed there was a DVD with it and there wasn't. but that's ok because it was only $12.90

after that... we went to the hotel, my sister was fascinated by it... kind of embarrassing... just because she's never been to a 4-star hotel doesn't mean that she has to go crazy about it... -_-'' but after that we went to go find dinner but all of the stores closed at 5:00 so we had to go eat at a taco bell... it was depressing outside tho... lots of homeless people... not to mention temperatures were starting to rise... so we went back to the air conditioned hotel. kind of ironic though eating at a really nice hotel and all you're having is taco bell.

after dinner we went down to the lobby and explored the hotel and my sister was all "i want to see the fitness room!" <_<;; but it was closed off so yeah. and then we went to the gift shop, where everything was extremely overpriced... for example: a one time use camera (like the $7 ones) cost $18.95. what's wrong with that picture? and a little tiny magnet was like $10.

the next day was spent basically driving back to the airport and getting breakfast (McDonald's... we ate there twice on the trip...) returning the car... and whatever else there was to get done. we got to the airport 4 hours early... we were so bored... -_-;;

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