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Thursday, June 23, 2005

.....Ginta #2called me yesterday night. Gahhhhh I started yelling at my sister because she was the one who gave him my phone number. She apologized and was like "Just tell him not to call you anymore." Hah. Like that would ever work. But whatever. My mom was on the phone when he called and then she used the call waiting and whatever and he left his number. She made me call him back because it's the polite thing to do or what not. So then I called him and he was like "Yeah, sorry I wasn't at Mulligans yesterday. If you want to get together some other time just call me since you have my number now."

>___< When is he going to understand that I don't like him?? It's so annoying. My parents know he likes me. They saw at 8th grade grad that when he came over to talk to me he was blushing and rarely said anything and just kind of stood there blushing or whatever. They told me that I could just tell him "My parents don't allow me to date" and such. But I tried that last year and he was just like "So when do they allow you to date?" x__x; so persistent....

And my parents found out about Nachan and Ginta #1. Because I stupidly said something like "I find it creepy when boys like me" and I didn't realize I had said "boys"...... So now they know about the love letter from Nachan way back in February and that Ginta #1 may or may not have asked me out. And that he *sigh*ed when I said I couldn't go. o___O;;;

Yuki wants to take me to the movies because he wants to see that movie by the author of the Ring. Of course it's just as friends but I'm not allowed to go out with a boy when it's just him and me, even if we are just friends. So Yuki told me to ask Yuu to the movies and it can be our almost-first-date. But not really since Yuki will be there xD Too bad that would never really work out. But yeah it was funny to hear. I guess maybe it could be nice. But I've never seen a horror film before (I have really overprotective parents) so I'd probably just do something stupid and make a fool of myself in front of Yuu and Yuki. xD

*sigh* Life is so complicated. I wonder if it would be like this if I had decided to go to South rather than CAMS...? Maybe guys at South wouldn't like me since yeah. Except for Ginta #2, since he goes to South. And then I would have to avoid him even more. *shrug* Can't change anything now. So I wonder why I'm still thinking about things like "What if I had gone to South?"

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Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Brian wasn't there yesterday. I looked for him but he wasn't there. And neither was Katherine. Or Juliette. Or Vicky. Or Yuki (who, by the way, is a guy... ^^'). Or Wendy. x___x;

But at least Josh WASN'T there. If he was I would have to hide from him. But since he wasn't there, I could go and do whatever I wanted. xD

So I guess I didn't get to tell him. *shrug* All for the better since he would have just said he doesn't like me back. Or what not. I suppose I could see if I could catch him online or something but that would be weird. Or I could go to Mulligans again and invite him or something like that. But whatever. I don't need this. I've been happy being alone for 15 years and it shouldn't hurt if I stay alone for another few months. Or years. *shrug*

But forget it. I shouldn't dwell on this...


When I got to Mulligans a lot of people were already there. Of course they were at the DDR machine. Mike made me play a round of PIU against him in which I failed quite miserably. But that was just because I wasn't used to using PIU yet. After I got better...

After hanging out by the DDR/PIU machines and watching Mike and Joe play DDR and the pro Asian guys play PIU... Adam, Peter, Jonah, Charles, Brad, and me went to go play mini golf. But since there were so many of us we held up the line ^_^;; Adam's mom and his sister even lapped us o_O; In the end, Jonah one with a score of -4. I was third... and Peter was last... his score was +12 xD

So after we went back in and Peter and I decided to play PIU while everyone was playing DDR (since I hate the pads they have for DDR at Mulligans xD) and we tried this one song in the Banya channel... but it was only available on hard! It was a level 6... but I still passed it with an A. So I figured out after playing a few more songs that I can play most hard level songs on PIU. Except for a couple. I should have gotten someone like Mike or David to play hard level with me though since Peter looked really confused with the hard level stuff. xD But he was still willing to try it, unlike Mike... he was like "You're too good to play against me" or something like that >_>;

Those pro Asian guys are so fun to watch. I mean there was this girl playing too but all of the guys have this style to PIU. They always lift their feet a certain way or jump on the arrows a little differently than we do or something. I can't quite explain it... I guess it's just something you have to see for yourself. It's quite interesting. I could go and just watch them play for an entire day.. if I had a ride there. xD But it's especially cool to watch on freestyle mode. It's so crazy~~ They memorize the steps and do all these turns and use their hands and everything...

David mentioned that he hadn't gotten to play DDR against me at which point I kind of retreated to the PIU pads. There was no way I'd fail that badly in front of everyone. xD;; At least when I fail PIU I have an excuse because I've only played twice before ^_^;;

By now Peter and I had played so many rounds of PIU we were like... going to die.

So then later Lynda (who plays on light, so she kept us alive xD) and I played a round of DDR and I failed. Badly. But those pads are so unresponsive! I don't know why... but like... once I went to another place that had DDR (I think it might have been Laser Storm or something) and the pads were so much easier to use than the ones at Mulligans. xD;

After that Joe ordered a pizza and there were a couple of price disputes because Joe owed Adam money already and Adam owed Jonah money or something. It was confusing ^_^;;

We saw that the Laser Tag was nearly empty so we went over to go play. We played 2 rounds.. it was my first time playing so at first I only got 175 points -____-; Since me and Peter were both new to it we made it a competition between ourselves to see who could get more, since it would be impossible to win against people like Joe and Jonah and such. xD So the first time I got 175 and he got 125. The second time he got 350 and I got 475. And then we played again later and I got 1050 and he got 300 ^_^;;

So... that third time we went, there was a big group of us. 13 to be exact... but you could only have 12 per game. I offered to go do something else or what not but they made a big deal of how I'm like.. too nice..? or something? xD; It was embarrassing. Joel (David's brother) was like "Yeahh at Joe's party I asked to play DDR and she didn't even argue even though it was her turn" or whatever. So then they all made me stay and play xD;

By then it was getting kind of late and so we checked out the Go Kart line one more time. But it was still long... Joe and everyone else went in line but Peter and I went mini golfing again. We had to stop in the middle since it was almost 9 and my parents were going to come but he won by 2 points. xD We played one last round of PIU and then I left.

When I got home I watched my Chinese drama and Korean sitcom, then went to sleep xD;;

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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

...oh my gackt.....

I'm telling him today. And I know I messed it all up by being all "anti-bf" around everyone including him but Sam told me that if he really likes me he'll understand. She always has good advice. I'm glad I met her, even though The first time we met, she hated me. ^^;

Since I've been talking about it on my other blogs, Yuki has decided that my life has become Marmalade Boy. A... Gothic Lolita Marmalade Boy. Since according to him I'm Gothic Lolita Miki and Brian is punker Yuu xD But there's more.

Brad is Nachan. And even though he's Nachan, he likes me since there's no Meiko in this story.. yet.

Then there's David. He's Ginta.

And Josh. He's Ginta. I know that David is also Ginta. Which may be confusing. But they're BOTH Ginta. o_O; And they both like me because they haven't met Arimi yet.

So I need two Arimis and a Meiko. Hmmm.... Where will I find themmmmm? xD

And by the way, there's no way possible that Yuu is my brother. *sigh of relief* that would be too creepy. But since this is Marmalade Boy, and since I'm almost sure he doesn't like me back, I must say...

I refuse to cut my hair when he says something like "I don't like you," or when I break up with a guy, or anything like that. I don't particularly like my hair, but I'm somewhat happy with its length and I definitely do not want to make it so much shorter just for some guy. >____<;

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Friday, June 17, 2005

So. About today.

I went to Katherine's house! And I didn't get killed! (whoa... I went to her *house* and I'm still alive... o_O haha just kidding)

I seriously thought something would happen though. What with all the news about freeway shootings, then all those busy streets and not to mention we were going to visit a school where people get shot... a lot. o_o; I thought I was going to die~~~~ T^T It was scary.. haha.

It was fun though. Even though I thought I wouldn't live past the end of the day. xD We watched movies and talked and went walking and then Kat and Julien and Marinelle sang karaoke. ((I can't sing.. so I watched xD))

Katherine and Julien noticed that I seem to attract.. a lot of guys?? o_O;; I don't see how though. I mean like... I don't do anything really. I'm not pretty. And dress really tomboy-ish. So really I don't see why guys would like me. But according to Kat and Julien they like me. These people would be:

- Brad. He sent that love note and started staring at me in like February. xD He tried to take pictures of me with his cell phone while I wasn't looking. And he followed me at the dance and stared at me and Brian when we slow danced.

- David. Since according to Julien and Kat, that really *was* supposed to be a date when he invited me to Mulligans for Tuesday.

- Brian. ((hopefully)). Because he wanted to dance with me at Sadies so much. I hope he still does like me though...

- Josh. Stalker from last year. Who still stares at me when I drop my sister off at her middle school. Who also invited himself to Mulligans this Tuesday.

- Kat's dog, Toaster. Just for fun. Because he was like attached to me today. lol. xDDDDD

Hahaha. Kat's dog was so cute. Kind of hyper though. Really small. And really loud. And Julien was scared of him. xD

So anyway, I'm hoping that Brian will be at Mulligans this Tuesday. And then I can tell him. And if I chicken out, then Katherine will tell him for me. Haha.. I think that should scare me into telling him.

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Thursday, June 16, 2005

Yes, I realize I'm listening to the same song I was listening to in the last two or three entries. But I like it. So whatever.

Yuki, I know you're going to freak out about this. But I realized that I like Brian. Yes, Yuki... I like someone. And he's not a JRocker either. >D

I really wish I didn't since liking someone is a lot more trouble than it's worth (well probably...). Telling him online would kind of be weird, so I guess the best thing to do would be find him right before we go in and tell him or something. Of course I don't want to make things awkward if he doesn't feel the same way, so maybe at the end? But then he might leave before I get to tell him... and there will be all those people there...

I'm not quite sure what I'll say to him. Just like "I realized that I like you" or whatever? But that sounds kind of strange I guess. Laura told me to just say it really ummmm randomly. Like "Hey, how's summer? Did you have a good vacation? I love you," but that seems really... odd. Kathy told me I should just say what's "in my heart" but how am I supposed to know any of that stuff? It's not like I've ever liked a guy before... well not a *real* guy... Not a guy who isn't an anime character or a JRocker...

I'm afraid to say anything because when guys told me that they liked me, that kind of just made me want to avoid them, because I didn't like them back or whatever. So if Brian doesn't like me back, I don't want him to avoid me too. I know that he asked me to dance that one time and apparently he liked it, but I can't help but feel that I'll say something really stupid and make him hate me or something.

And I don't think anything good would ever actually come from me telling him since I can't think of a single reason a guy would want to go out with me. Which doesn't really explain Brad and Josh, but they're both kind of different I guess... >_>;

But maybe it could work...

By the way, guy asked me out yesterday. I think. I just got an IM from him once... We were planning a trip to Mulligans Arcade with a few friends from school~ Here's how our conversation went:

Him: I was thinking... since everyone else ins't going until next week and it would be crouded any way. Why don't just you and I go, to warm up for next week. -waits eagerly for response-
Me: ahh i would but my parents won't let me
Him: *sight*
Him: sigh*
Me: like... they don't want to let me go since i got my wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday or whatever
Him: ok then, I wish we could have gone together. But, oh well then.
Me: yeahh but i think there was another cams thing going on today anyway there..
Me: for the basketball team or something
Him: tut, no offence to the b-team but there is only a specific group of CAMS students who I don't mind hanging out with.
Him: They might only remind me of school.
Him: The one thing I'm trying to forget so that I can enjoy my vacation.
Him: But there are those who don't remind me of school. for instance, you don't.
Me: oh i see
Him: *nods*
Him: I'm not sure what I'll do today.
Him: I'm sure I'll figure something out.
Him: *yawn* well I must finish waking up.
Him: It was nice talking to you.
Him: If your parents change their mind them please call me at --- --- ----.
Me: ok
Him: If you can't reach me there then please try --- --- ---- (this isn't my cell, my mom is letting me borrow it today).
Me: oh ok
Him: Fare well
Me: bye~

Gahhh my life is turning into a shoujo manga, just like Yuki said it would... xP

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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Yeah. I apologize for yesterday. I guess we all have our little depressing moments. Well anyway I got my wisdom teeth pulled out today. It hurt so much that I wasn't depressed anymore! haha. It really did hurt though. It's getting better now, but yeah... wisdom teeth are such a pain XD There's really no point in having them... XDDDD

Anyway that song I was talking about was "Angel Song ~eve no kane~" by the brilliant green.

It's really pretty. Yahiko likes it a lot too. And my mom thinks it's pretty :D (which is good, since my mom rarely likes the music I listen to! XD)

I think I want to learn to play it on the guitar. I found a brilliant green sit that features tabs, so maybe they have this song.

Here is the translation:

Tonight again my sighs are trapped by the snow.
I want to touch your pure hand pulling chains of roses.

The angel song... Whispered here by my ear,
an angel's song, as if burning the sky,
is painful; when I look up at the sky
for you I think of a snowy scene.
"I won't forget..."

Oh letter with wings! I'll leave everything to you!
In this cold night sky are a red moon and Eve's bell.

The angel song... I looked up at the sky, longing to be with you.
The wings that you gave me are now at some faraway windowsill.
Memories are beautiful, but
If they turn into melting snow then quickly,
I want you to grab them and embrace them... yeah

I release my countless thoughts and they flow away...

Whispered here by my ear
the angel's song scorches my heart!

In this pale snowy sky
the Angel's Bells that tell of Chirstmas resound.
Be here, under these holy stars...

It hurts; I looked up at the sky.
I thought of the winter scene you showed me.
I won't forget.
"I won't forget..."

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Monday, June 13, 2005

that song makes me cry....

and i can't stop listening to it. it's addicting...

and i can't get the weird feeling in my wrist to go away. it's getting to my fingers too...

and i wish i had died when i fell on my head back in second grade...

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Sunday, June 12, 2005

So... Brian has a girlfriend? o__o;

It said in his xanga... that he and his girlfriend's relationship was "on hold" as of September. Something about a long distance relationship or what not. The last entry in the xanga was March 31, but the last entry about her was about five entries down in late January I think...

Which *really* makes me wonder why he would want me to ask him to the dance and dance with him and everything. Because if he had a girlfriend... yeah...

One of my friends pointed out the possibility that they had broken up. But I really don't know....

So someone told me I should compare my reasons for thinking in a sort of "pro/con" chart I guess. So here goes:

Reasons to think he likes me
-He wanted me to ask him to the dance
-He kept asking me to dance with him when we were at the dance
-He thanked me for dancing with him in the yearbook and said it meant a lot to him
-When Steph told me she was going to get a hot date for me for Sadies, he asked her right away who he was [according to Steph]
-When I talk with Steph after school, a lot of times he'll come talk to me [Steph also pointed this out]

Reasons to think he doesn't like me
-He might still have a girlfriend
-Guys just don't like me (except for 2, but they're different)
-I always thought we were just friends...

It *seems* like the top one had more. But 2 of them were only according to Steph... Her exact words were "Well, he does seem to... care... about you" and then she went on to explain what I had written for the last 2.

*shrug* I don't know what to think really.

I don't know why, but I can't help feeling a little bit disappointed. I wasn't expecting anything... or was I? Maybe I thought he might actually like me. Maybe I thought we might go out and I'd have a first boyfriend or something, I don't know. Maybe a combination of watching Asian dramas and the Asian Crew trying to get me to get a boyfriend and shoujo manga has brainwashed me into thinking that I'll be happier with a boyfriend. Maybe it's just that he was so nice to me at the dance that I became attached to the idea of a guy being like that to me all the time.

But you know, I'm getting what I want, aren't I? I mean all of those times I said "I don't want a boyfriend" or "Guys shouldn't like me"... I got what I wanted. So why do I feel like this...?

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Saturday, June 11, 2005

Well anyway Laura practically yelled at me last night for not asking Brian out. And Steph found his xanga which had his aim sn on it and told me to im him. Lucky for me he "usually isn't on aim" or whatever. Otherwise i would probably im-ed him and then say something stupid and then he'd just be like "um... I don't like you..." and avoid me. XDDDDD well that's what I would have said if I were him. ummm weird example I guess. But really, if I were a guy I wouldn't want to go out with me. If that makes sense at all. So Im almost sure he doesn't like me even if it *did* "mean a lot" to him that I danced with him and even if my friends are convinced that he likes me

I suppose dating wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that I can't imagine any guy actually *wanting* to be with me. Id probably feel bad that he would be going out with me instead of some other girl or that I wasn't good enough for him or what not.

Hm... you know, I never would have had to deal with something like this in middle school. High school life is confusing. Even though school ended on Wednesday. XD

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Friday, June 10, 2005


it's only the first day of summer break. and i'm so~~~ bored. =____=;


-bought my summer reading books
-installed the scanner
-visited my middle school
-study to get my learner's permit

....i'm not going to last until the end of the summer.... too boring.... x_x


laura pointed out how obvious it was that brian likes me. and i guess maybe he does but i still have lots of doubts about this and i have no way to find out anything since i don't have any contact info or such. which is probably all for the better since if i asked him about it i'm almost sure he would just look at me in a funny way and be like "um... i dont' like you" or whatever and then start laughing at me. so yeah. it's better that i don't say anything.

laura still wants me to ask him out or whatever but i can't due to lack of ways to contact him, and i wouldn't either since "asking someone out" is on my big list of things i would never do. XDDDDD


i'm so bored i did a survey.

NINE Places I've Visited
9. san diego
8. san francisco
7. vancouver
6. little tokyo...? o_O;
5. i
4. don't
3. go
2. places
1. often

EIGHT Things I Want To Do Before I Die
8. graduate high school
7. find a boyfriend so that katherine doesn't bury me with a hobo (haha)
6. visit japan
5. buy and/or sew gothic lolita clothes
4. listen to every plastic tree song :]
3. go to college.
2. learn japanese... and possibly korean.
1. write a will x]

SEVEN Ways To Win My Heart
7. have JRock hair.
6. have JRock eyes (or contacts... ^_^;)
5. have JRock figure (look so thin it's almost unhealthy! XD)
4. have JRock voice
3. ok i'll be serious now.... be nice and caring
2. be a good listener (that sounded cliche and whatever but yeah)
1. as aki said in seka-chu 2... "don't ever hate me"

SIX Things I Believe In
6. God
5. Jesus
4. freedom of speech
3. good can't exist without bad
2. death penalty... because sometimes it's really needed...
1. euthanization. because if i end up with an incurable cancer one day, i'd just like to die and get it over with.

FIVE Things I'm Afraid Of
5. step 2 of katherine's plan.
4. bad grades XD
3. what my parents would do if i started dressing gosurori
2. public performances/public speaking
1. mana when he smiles. or when he doesn't have makeup.

FOUR of My Favorite Items In My Bedroom
4. my miyavi poster (well it's in my magazine... but it's still a poster XD)
3. my gazette poster (even though my parents won't let me put it up)
2. my fanatic crisis poster (my parents won't let me put that up either... ._.;)
1. my plastic tree poster!! (it actually is on my wall this time ^^)

THREE Things I Do Everyday
3. study (XDDDD)
2. breathe
1. skip breakfast

TWO Things I Am Trying Not To Do Right Now
2. procrastinate
1. eat unhealthy things

ONE Person I Want To Meet Right Now
1. ryuutarou :]

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