Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Tick tock.
Alright, now that I am officially 16 I have to begin the job hunt.

Any suggestions?
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Sunday, August 8, 2004

Once again, as predicted, left my broken heart open and you ripped it out.
Somethin's got me reelin, stop me from believin'- turn me around again.

Sugar Ray's old CD= l337.

GodDAMN if I am not tired as shit.

Here's what occurred, what came to pass, etc.

I spent a week in Brownwood, Texas visiting at an OBers house-an oldschool OBer from way before a huge chunk of you. It was interesting, I suppose. I really didn't enjoy seeing that part of America- the impoverished side. Not again, anyway. It was too familiar- accents were different, but still familiar.

I dunno. Why would you move there for family? That's foreign to me. My family is.. not my family. You know? The only family I have is this hodgepodge collection of friends from real life and offline. My dad, my mom- they aren't my dad or my mom. It's that simple, really. All they seek is some sort of reason for them to have lived- their first two children turned out to be failures, their success as parents hinges on my sociopathic shoulders.

Technically? I'm feeling better about being a bastard. My mom, you know- she mighta been the worst mother on earth, but I ended up having so many of her qualities. That nomadic quality, that need to run away. You look out on the horizon and feel it tugging at you- you gotta run away, something calls to you. Some escape, I have to escape. Exit stage right, yeah. I hate being in one place for so long. I have to move, I have to breathe, I have to see new places to BE.

Ugh, she had the same thing- that need to run away. She didn't have the wisdom, the intellect for it. Ended up crashing and burning. My fate is something similar but it's like I just don't care- I would die stationary, if I die in movement then what else can I do? I am living in the wrong age for wondrous exploration- the age where realism kills. So be it, I guess. Apathy- regardless of the wishes of others, I'm not submitting to the stereotypical path to your final resting place. Something less grand, something more grand- who cares? As long as it's what I want to do. Scared? Nah, not really. What's to fear? You'll die eventually. Pass away doing something you can smile about. So early deaths comes, for me? For you? Nah, I don't think so. Evasive tactics- 100 percent sure that I can exist in motion.

Childish! Maybe. Sure, whatever. Young at heart, too young- realistically? Failure looms. Imaginatively? The sky's the limit, baby. Flak fire can do nothing to high fliers. Landing amongst the stars? Shoot for the moon first. RIP, first class ticket to nowhere- RIP, first class ticket to fulfilling self.

RIP, KAH.

I can do it. Trust me. [Overused phrases are now in bold XD].

Final day, parents freak- told them I would be staying for a week, it was flexible. Might be till a little before or after Saturday- zine OBer's mom says mon/tue, no prob- inform the 'rents. The fuhrers freak and threaten to call the police if I'm not home by 9.

End result? Piece of shit guardians practically forced her to come. Shaken up Ken, unreasonable parents= Ken cusses father out in force, ending conversation with a "go to hell" and a hung up phone.

Not grounded? Suave. Lucky? Nah, it was my skills. [right.]

As I said prior to this, E S C A P E. My mom dealt with these fools before, no wonder she has this tendency that was passed down to me! Dodging bullets is no fun when the bullets are 5 feet from you personally. Bad guardians, no fuhrer-cake for you. NAZI SS INC! Evasive maneuvers [again?!?! death: muahaha ^^].

New Quest Attained- Seek, Find, Purchase and Play The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind [GAME OF THE YEAR EDITION]. EXP reward? 5k. Mad EXP for this quest. o.o

Ugh, darkness in my mind is tainting into this post. School approaches?! Nein! My subjects? Same as always! Graduation year, baby- 16 on the 10th, graduating at 16! Rockin'. Scholar? You bet. Let me lecture you. [...]

Romantically? Bah! Trivial, my dear Wattson. Eventualities and circumstance dominate the subject. Someday, somewhere- for now, bigger things to focus on! Long distance options assaulting your sense, will your promise to yourself hold? Oh yes, I think so.

Trust me.

Reading is joyful, taken it up again- Franz Kafka? Twould be a pleasure. The Metamorphosis? Grand! Hit close to home though. For one morning as I awoke from anxious dreams, I too discovered that in bed I had changed into a...

The subject matter hits close due to reason that are obvious, really. Poor Gregor.

Current events? Eh, what's to say. Consider them as trivial as anything else, for now- happenstance something important occurs, I'm sure somewhere along the line I will form a somehow controversial and offensive opinion by accident, stumbling through a long drama with overtly sensitive and stubborn people. End results are always the same- the broken glass is yours, you clean it up, they are not wrong.

So that is where I have been for a week! Ah yes, along with that was all the realizations, the epiphanies, the drama, the concussions, the convulsions, the closet sex, the repair work, the ideas, the thoughts, the hypothesis, the eternal dreaming. This has become bloated beyond repair! [as if it were an accident.]

Ah, well. All is well in kenland. Trust me. [falsities exist in all facets, I guess.]

DO TELL ME HOW YOU ARE! And speak not lightly, but boldly.

Adios dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.

PS. The Metamorphosis. Read it.

YAWN.
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Woo.
I'm back from my "vacation". =D

With that said, I must reorient myself. So, instead of a post, you get a short story by Franz Kafka.

The Imperial Message
By Franz Kafka

The Emperor—so they say—has sent a message, directly from his death bed, to you alone, his pathetic subject, a tiny shadow which has taken refuge at the furthest distance from the imperial sun. He ordered the herald to kneel down beside his bed and whispered the message in his ear. He thought it was so important that he had the herald speak it back to him. He confirmed the accuracy of verbal message by nodding his head. And in front of the entire crowd of those witnessing his death—all the obstructing walls have been broken down, and all the great ones of his empire are standing in a circle on the broad and high soaring flights of stairs—in front of all of them he dispatched his herald. The messenger started off at once, a powerful, tireless man. Sticking one arm out and then another, he makes his way through the crowd. If he runs into resistence, he points to his breast where there is a sign of the sun. So he moves forwards easily, unlike anyone else. But the crowd is so huge; its dwelling places are infinite. If there were an open field, how he would fly along, and soon you would hear the marvellous pounding of his fist on your door. But instead of that, how futile are all his efforts. He is still forcing his way through the private rooms of the innermost palace. Never will he win his way through. And if he did manage that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to fight his way down the steps, and, if he managed to do that, nothing would have been achieved. He would have to stride through the courtyards, and after the courtyards through the second palace encircling the first, and, then again, through stairs and courtyards, and then, once again, a palace, and so on for thousands of years. And if he finally burst through the outermost door—but that can never, never happen—the royal capital city, the centre of the world, is still there in front of him, piled high and full of sediment. No one pushes his way through here, certainly not someone with a message from a dead man. But you sit at your window and dream of that message when evening comes.




Something more coherant will come eventually.
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Saturday, July 31, 2004

Zah.
I'm prolly gonna be gone for a week on a vacationish sort of thing.

Adios dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.
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Tuesday, July 27, 2004

But you can't keep running away from what you're trying to find.
Godfuckingdamnit there is nothing to talk about. Nothing to say, just the same old bullshit. Ugh. I guess I could do a bloody history day piece. The following will be a boring essay only I find interesting. It is written by me for nobody's enjoyment. =P

Bloody History Day- The Katyn Forest Massacre

Alright, the Molotov-Ribbontrop pact. It was the non-agression pact signed between the Soviet Union and Germany in 1939 prior to the German's Polish invasion. Basically, it divided up Europe between the Germans and the Soviets- the Germans got the western half of Poland + the provine of Memel from Lithuania and the Soviets got it's previous territories it had under Czarist Russia, which included all of the Baltic states, parts of Romania, all of Finland and the Eastern half of Poland.

When Germany invaded Poland in 1939, the Polish were shocked to find that, from the East, Communist troops were coming in- the already demoralized and beaten Polish army couldn't do much to stop them at all, so the USSR "inherited" eastern Poland- capturing a large portion of the Polish army while doing so.

Fast-forward to 1943, Operation Barbarossa- The German invasion of the Soviet Union. Obviously, to get to the USSR, you would have to go through Eastern Poland, and the Germans did just that- quite easily too, I might add.

As they advanced through Poland in 1941 they found massive grave sites in Katyn forest, thousands of Poles buried in large pits in the forest- stacked in rows, ontop of each other. All of them were members the Polish Army, in full winter uniform. The Germans immediately blamed the Soviets and, but of course, the Soviets denied any involvement- instead blaming the Germans.

Tired of being blamed, the Germans started exhumed the graves in Katyn Forest in 1943 and brought in an independant panel of scientists to tell when they had died. The scientists brought in were of different nationalities- one german, one american, one british and one polish each, to ensure the findings would not be said to be biased twards Germany.

As they studied, the scientists found there were several odd things about the Katyn massacre. The first thing was the way all of the Poles had died- each one was shot in the NKVD's favorite method of execution, but all of the bullets used were German bullets. So, all that was left to go on was the time they were killed- that would show who was to blame since, as I told you, Eastern Poland had changed hands rather quickly, from Polish to Russian to German in a couple of years.

The scientists estimated that the Poles had been killed sometime during the early spring of 1940, which would put it during the time the Soviet's had it. The Germans reburied the Poles, even as the Americans and British denounced the findings as a German attempt to put a strain on the anti-Nazi alliance between Communist Russia and the Democracies of the west.

Of course, the Russians eventually [with great effort and heroism, I might add] retook Poland in it's entirity and they brought in their OWN scientists. Unfortunately, once again, the dead were not left to rest in peace- and the graves were exhumed for a second time.

The Russian scientists discerned that the Poles were killed during the summer of 1942- placing them back into the German time of occupation. With this finding, the Russians started a massive propoganda spree on a world scale- inviting several high ranking people to Katyn forest to see the graves, and what the scientists had found.

One of the people invited was the daughter of the American ambassador to the USSR. As she toured the site, she asked a question of the Communist 'tour guide'- If the Poles were killed in the Summer of 1942 like the Russians say, why is it that they were dressed in full winter uniform?

The flustered Communist official couldn't find any answer, and quickly moved the group along.

There was a reason he had no answer.

In 1989 as the USSR fell, Gorbachev told the President of Poland that it was indeed the Soviet NKVD who had killed all the Poles. All of the Poles who were found to be "counter-revolutionary" or "Anti-Soviet" were placed in camps, [sound familiar?], and given a mock trial. Among those killed were civilian intellectuals, army officers, former land owners and priests- but the majority of those executed were officers of the Polish army.

21,857 innocent Poles were killed and buried in mass graves at there spots in western Russia and Poland.

What makes this even more outrageous is the fact that the western Democracies almost knew for sure that the Russians did it- but they didn't want to put pressure on their Ally, the one who was taking the brunt of the fighting against the Germans. They just smiled and nodded, leaving Katyn to be buried in history.

So, that is the massacre that occured in camps across western Russia and in Poland. As always, I wish to expose you to an unbiased view- Nazi Germany commited atrocities, yes. So did Russia, America and Britain. All of them did, it wasn't some holy, divine war to prove the power of democracy- it was just a war.

And in wars, there is no consideration for human life, be it civilian or military. Especially when the armed forces are in the hands of a psychotic dicatator like Hitler.

Or like Stalin.

So, as always, I hope you learned something. Don't be anti-American. Just remember that a nation is a nation. Nothing more, nothing less. They bloody their hands as much as anyone else, and they never are anything more than entities that men created.

Men are imperfect. Their creations are too.

Well, so long. I hope I have something more interesting to talk about next time. =)


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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Crystal Lake.


Yeah! Filler post, woo. Gotta drive to do. Will update later.

This is an IS-3, produced in 1945. It never saw action in the war- but it's predecessors, the IS-1 and IS-2, did in most major theatres of the Soviet-German front.

They were big ass motherfuckers-armed to the teeth. Is is actually named after Stalin- Iosef Stalin [Joseph Stalin]. I enjoy these tanks immensely in my dorky way.

Bow to it.

Sayonara chickas, dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.
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Saturday, July 17, 2004

Trenchant.
Man, OB has changed. I remember a time when a thread like the "Lyrics Game" would have been shot down immediately by several moderators- probably at the same time, haha.

Used to it would be like a little alarm went off in several moderator's homes- the SPAM SIREN! They would rush to their computers and launch an all-consuming assault!

Seems to have tilted back towards spamtastic- what, between the people seeking relationship advice and the people talking about being afraid of clowns.

What is amusing is the "What are you into?" thread. This laid back chicka asks what people are interested in and this wave of pseudo-scholars washes in, all listing grammar as one of the things they enjoy. It was like watching the Grammar SS invade this one topic.

Do you all have that much time on your hands? Are your lives so decrepit that you have to be little grammar fuhrers? That is hilarious then.

Let's see. In that thread, out of all the people who wanted to appear to be little philosophers, who do I consider to be intelligent or an intellectual.

KnightOfTheRose gets props just from making me laugh. Ahh, yeah. Wristcutter, as always, gets props too. Arika seems intelligent enough, although she is a little grammar Nazi. Lava lamp hit the point I am trying to make home completely, so uh- props to.. it? Miss Dagger is an intellectual methinks.

Also that DeathKnight guy. He is quite sexy and smart, hm. I think he should be given some sort of monetary reward for his efforts in intellectual thought.

What else made that thread quite amusing was ChibiHorsewoman- whom I continue to have an undying hatred for. What did she do to make it amusing, you ask?

"I'm into things involving intellect." - ChibiHorsewoman.

Ken: *when he reads this* *bursts out laughing IRL*

Ahh, yeah. Much appreciation to CHW for continuing to be amusing every so often.

*pats grammar fuhrers, psuedo-scholars and CHW on the head*

Ah well. You do what you do.

'Least I'm back on OB. I've evolved from the little dork I was on Oct. 5, 2001. Now I'm a sarcastic, over-critical dork with a better vocabulary.

Sayonara little chickas, dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.
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Friday, July 16, 2004

Passion.
Simon says...

Quiz Day


Bear Spirit Calls To You ~

Freudian Inventory Results

Genital (40%) you appear to be stuck between destructive and constructive outlooks. Latency (50%) you appear to have a good balance of knowledge seeking and practicality. Phallic (66%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity. Anal (30%) you appear to be overly lacking in self control and organization, and have a compulsive need to defy authority. Oral (40%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. philosophy score: 3
2. music score: 2
3. books score: 2
4. italy score: 1
5. @ score: 1
6. lou reed score: 1
7. walking score: 1
8. greece score: 1
9. religion score: 1
10. our lady peace score: 1
11. avante-garde score: 1
12. introverts score: 1
13. vampires score: 1
14. swords score: 1
15. gardening score: 1
16. old movies score: 1
17. computers score: 1
18. video games score: 1
19. royal ruby glassware score: 1
20. weddings score: 1

Romantic Kisser
Your kisses are tender, heartfelt, and full of meaning. In other words, you don't just kiss anyone! Your kisses are for your true love. You're the kind of person who is naturally loving and gentle. You like to be romantic by kissing slowly while stroking your partner's face or by holding their hand. You feel that a kiss is an intimate act of sharing, not just physical fun. You are sensitive to your partner's needs and view your time with them as precious. You like to take your time. You are compassionate, thoughtful, and sincere . While kissing, you listen to your heart and think about how much your partner means to you. Your ability to tap into your feelings is your greatest characteristic. You enjoy a private environment with your partner, so that the intimacy is not interrupted. You can be playful and like to give sweet little pecks. Remember that variety is the spice of life, you may want to make kissing more exciting! Overall, you are the most caring and sensitive of all the kissing styles, and you take very good care of your partner by always putting their feelings first.

What Kind of Kisser Are You?
(by *Crazy Dannielle*)


Mermaid:


You have an angry soul! Angry Souls arent always
angry, but they cannot easily forgive and hold
grudges. You probably often get in fights with
your friends and family, and its difficult for
you to understand. When someone makes a
mistake, you dont let go easily and hold on to
those memories. Your very stubborn and your
rage is known to everyone. Though you never
actually mean it, you can say mean things in a
fight and go over board. Many people are
sometimes intimidated by your anger. But you
have many redeeming qualities and those are
that you are quite intelligent and smart. You
would make a good businesswoman or lawyer
because you know how to prove your point. You
cherish the ones around you, and appreciate
life, even though you can complain or throw a
tantrum now and then. The good things is, you
keep your emotions very outspoken, and are
normally a very happy person because all your
rage is let on the outside. Anger is simply a
state, but you, yourself as a person, are
great.

Take the quiz: "Which God or Goddess are you?"

God of Darkness
Seductive and, whether it's ture or not, HOT! You don't mind using what you got to take advantage of people, and you know you got it. You don't care what people think of you and wear your sexual orientation on your sleeve. You are the second piece to the ultimate divine being, combining darkeness with light makes the world live.

Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"

Agnostic
You've probably studied loads of different religions, but you're just not sure if any of it is true. Evolution makes some sense to you, but it doesn't satisfy you. Lastly, your personality is one of question, but you won't go out of your way to find -The Truth- It's more of a hobby.

viva agnosticism! =D

Take the quiz: "What Celtic Diety are you?"

Goibniu
(Irish, Welsh) Great Smith; one of a triad of craftsmen with Luchtaine the write and Credne the brazier. Similar to Vulcan. He forged all the Tuatha's weapons; these weapons always hit their mark and every wound inflicted by them was fatal. His ale gave the Tuatha invulnerablity. God of blacksmiths, weapon-makers, jewelry making, brewing, fire, metalworking.Aside from his craftsmanship, he is known as the provider of the Fled Goibnenn, a Sacred Feast. Associated, among other things, with brew-crafting, he is said to have created a brew which bestowed both immortality in battle, and release from illness and death for the one who imbibed.

Take the quiz: "Is Suicide Your Destiny?"

Close to Suicide
Since you are so depressed it is ideal in your eyes to die. I suggest you take my METHOD OF SUICIDE quiz

Take the quiz: "Based on your star sign, how would you act as an animal? (Great Pictures)"

Leo
-- Acts in charge of the household ---- Can be quite domineering ---- Has robust health ---- Possesses a very big ego ---- Apppears to strut when walking...or hopping, etc. ---- Thrives on attention and praise ---- Excels at personal defense ---- Has a very strong and intense personality ---- Is extremely faithful to owner and other family members ---- Is loving --

Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Ta mo bhriste tri thine
Ta mo bhriste tri thine - 'My trousers are on fire.'You're a few bricks short of a load, aren't you? You're probably not allowed to use sharp objects and you should be locked in a rubber room. With Rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats. They drive me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a rubber room. With rubber rats. Rubber rats? I hate rubber rats...

Take the quiz: "What is your personal mascot?"

Bumble Bee
Bumble Bee
You flit around and are unsure of what to do. You have no set friends, but people like your spontaneity. Try acting a bit more open and you'll be surprised how many people will warm up to you!

Take the quiz: "what kind of person are"

cool
you are an example of popularity

Take the quiz: "Are you a good girl/boyfriend?"

You are the best
awwww you are everything they ever wanted. You seem to always make them smile. You never argue. They would never even think of cheating on you. you are the lack of a better word

Take the quiz: "Which Element do you align with?"

Fire
You are a being of Fire. You are driven and determined, harboring a desire for Power. You are passionate, sometimes to the point of aggression. Horus and Lugh watch over you.



Alright, well. I have a drive to do.

Hahaha. Maybe I won't take as many turns at 15-25 mph with the instructor there.

Ahh. Sayonara chickas, dudes, dudettes, heads of state and otherwise.

"Zeal is fit only for wise men but is found mostly in fools."

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