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Learn to fly~Foo Fighters...what else would I play?

`~`Welcome to my site!`~`
Please sign my GB so I know you stopped by. Have fun reading the stupid things I so eagerly say! ~And Comment On Them so I can know how stupid they are...NOW!

Foo Song Of The Moment: "Tired" from One By One
I can be your liar
I can be your bearer of bad news
Sick and uninspired by the diamonds in your fire
Burning like a flame inside of you
Is this just desire or the truth

So shame on me for the ruse
Shame on me for the blues
Another one returned that Iíll never use

I wonít go getting tired of you
I wonít go getting tired of you
Iím not getting tired

Hanging on this wire
Waiting for the day where Iíll have to choose
Cursed by love so dire
One more boy for hire
One more boy to lend a hand to you
Is this just desire or the truth

*and then it repeats over and over and over until forever*

Friday, August 5, 2005

Just letting you guys know, I have a xanga site now!!! Yea, that's why I haven't updated here in a while, sorry! A friend of mine (tiffany) forced me to get one, and at the moment I'm trying it out to see which one I like better, xanga or myotaku. So yea, if you've got a site mine is http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Ghostly_Music

see ya!

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Sunday, July 17, 2005

I'm back from USD music camp
USD seriously rocked my socks off this year! It's so much more fun without my "friends" there...

First of all, my schedule was an absolute nightmare. (in a fun way) I made concert band (1st chair) jazz band (2nd chair in the top band) and honor band (2nd chair). I also was in choir, show choir, and one of six alto's picked for honor choir. So I would wake up at 6:45, go halfway across campus for breakfast at 7:30, and then have sax warmups at 8:00. Then from 8 A.M. til 10 P.M. I was rehearsing, with only two half-hour breaks for lunch and dinner. Honor choir met during lunch, which is why I had the short breaks. But I still loved it!

I sightread a bunch of duets with Dr. Kocher (the sax professor) and read some solo's too...he remembered me from 2 years ago and he said I've improved about 300% since then (yea) and he said my improv was really coming along.

But I got most of my compliments on the vocal side. First of all, I had lessons with Professor Mitchell. He came to our school once, but I didn't recognize him because he cut his hair and shaved his goatee. He was great though-he helped me with breath support and getting a warmer vowel by opening my throat. Also...I got rid of my head bob! Appearently it was blocking my air flow...and it looked stupid. I jumped on a trampoline while I sang-Prof. Mitchell said I looked sleepy, which was true, because I had been running late that morning and didn't finish my usual sugar-with-a-side-of-coffee drink.

Anyway, that's not the best part. We did this awesome Moses Hogan piece for choir, and Mr. Southwick (director) said we could copy it. So I went up after rehersal while he was talking to Dr. Harding (College's head of music and honor choir director) to ask where a copy machine was, and all of the sudden Southwick points at me and says "And I could take her home with me stick her in my choir, and she'd be one of the leaders." before I could even say thanks, Harding says "only if I can have her when she gets to college" I was pretty dumbfounded. The next day in honor choir, Harding was asking a bunch of theory questions, chord structures and such, and I was answering them all, and he all the sudden looks at me and says "do you play piano?" I nod. "You should come to my theory classes and teach those kids a lesson or two, most of them still can't answer those questions."

Now of course, I'm not stupid, I know their being really nice so I'll come to college there, but frankly, I still like the compliments. And if I did go to a college around here, It'd be USD. SDSU was way too serious for my taste, and they don't have a proper sax professor-Dr. Cooly teaches saxs, oboes and bassons.

But I don't think I'll be content at USD either. I could draw you a complete map of that fine arts department. I want somewhere new, I want to have new experiences with new people. Whatever...

I made a lot of really good acquaintances at camp. I call them that just because I'll probably never see them again.(well, except for Chris, but thats another story...) I just don't like to keep in contact with camp buddies, because when you really start getting to know some of these people, they can drive you nuts. Wtih Chris it was the exact opposite actually. I met him at NW honor band tryouts last year and thought he was a stuck up ass. Then I found out he was first chair in honor band, and I just about shot myself. Then I got to know him better, and it turns out he's pretty cool. My roomate rocked too-her name was Sara, and we had so much in common-both mezzosopranos, both did solo's in choir, both hang out with a bunch of guys, both had self esteem issues-she was the best roomate I could ask for.

Anyway, I'm tired. After the concert on friday, I went home and basically went into a 24 hour coma. Now I'm awake, but I still want my coffee/sugar thing. Oh well, tis life.

~hey if you made it through this whole post without falling asleep, give yourself a one-handed round of applause. Uh huh, that's what I thought ;)~

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Thursday, July 7, 2005

"Sunshine makes everything seem better"
Or at least that's what my grandma always used to say. It drove me nuts, though~always made me wonder about the moral implications of slapping your grandmother...(j/k)

Yeah, I think lack of (sane) human contact has made me crazy...but at least I feel better. The whole Nikki situation is gonna go the way it's gonna go. I dunno...maybe if they're eventually some day where I'm not gone or busy doing the chores I was supposed to do when I was gone, and she's not out with her bf (which is usually only one night a week) then I'll try to get up there and...go shopping or whatever they do in Dells..besides drinking, although that's almost a state sport in South Dakota from what Nikki said. I don't feel like calling her though, because she always ends up getting depressed, and I can't read her face. I need to do that to gauge what's up with her.

I dunno...whatever. I had Senior pics today...not nearly as painful as I thought it was gonna be. They did my makeup for me, and told me what colors look good on me and such...and the photographer was really nice. I even got a pic by a grand piano, and one with my saxophone, which were the only ones I cared about. I wore a skirt and everything! and I wore pink! and I liked it! crazy....

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We only laugh to keep from screaming
Myt title's gotta be in a song somewhere, I can't come up with something that good on my own-but it fits my mood tonite.

I went camping this weekend-got sick, yeah, that's lovely. I'm just lucky my parents idea of roughing it is renting movies because the two TV's in our camper only get 2 channels. Yea, the great outdoors my butt, we sit in the air conditioning all day.

Anyway, that wasn't the worst part. Nikki is the worst part, to be exact. I actually wrote a post on Tuesday, but I accidently deleted it, which is a good thing because I said a lot of things I shouldn't've said.

She called me on the Thursday I left and the Tuesday I came back. I talked to her for three hours on Thursday (that's average for us) but it felt like I was talking to a stranger. It sucked. I don't want to go into details, but's lets just say it involves her, her bf, and him wanting to have a threesome with some other girl. And Nikki's willing, b/c "It'll make him happy." Now usually I stay out of her bf sh^t, but I freaked. Mainly b/c I THOUGHT the Nikki I knew would never even consider such a thing. (she really wasn't as much of a whore as she was made out to be-it was more of a lost little girl looking for love in any form)

Listening to Nikki now makes me want to bawl. She's like a wounded lion with the claws cut off-hurt, vunerable and scared. She's extremely depressed, smokes three packs a day, and drinks by herself. Now, in my old group of friends, drinking by yourself is a lead in to suicidal tendencies. I can hear it in her voice~I'm absolutely terrified that she's gonna commit suicide, b/c it will be partly my fault (and you can't say it's not, I'm her best friend, I should be able to do something!)

When she moved I promised myself that I was going to stay away from her for a while, stay out of her problems, b/c, frankly, she's painted herself into a corner, and even the two mastermind criminals (aka me and her) can't get her out. When I get frustrated, I bail. Not my most endearing quality, in fact, I hate myself for it, but, ya know, that's how it goes.

Now that I'm talking to her again, it feels worse. It's like she's gotten the life kicked out of her by a certain bf and now she's trying to suck the life out of me. I barely have enough life in me to get through high school.

I feel like a selfish b^tch, and I am, but the last time I got this frustrated, well, lets just say I've got the marks on my arms to prove it. I feel like I'm bailing, and I am. Nikki told Whitney that she wishes I'd call her more often. It hurts me to the core to hear that, but...frankly I've gotta look out for myself. I tried looking out for Nikki to, but that's a full time job, I can't save her, I can't save everyone,

WHy do I let myself get so worked up over this crap!! Nikki has changed, so have I. If we met right now for the first time I'd hate her because she's such a doormat. (and she'd probably hate me because I'm an idiot, but she's always hated me for that) I'm torn between keeping a false friendship to keep her happy while I suffer, or try to just ignore her and watch her fade away.

Now I'm stuck in a corner. How did that happen!

Anyway, happy birthday USA, keep smiling, eventually things'll all work out...

~actually, now that I've vented I feel better.~ :)

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Featured Quiz Result:
When I first took this quiz, I got Very High on all but Narcassism! I toned my answers down a little...
Paranoid:Very High
Schizotypal:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Avoidant:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

oh yea, this fits

Your Taste in Music:

90's Alternative: Highest Influence
Alternative Rock: Highest Influence
80's Rock: High Influence
90's Rock: High Influence
Adult Alternative: High Influence
Classic Rock: High Influence
Heavy Metal: High Influence
Punk: High Influence
80's Alternative: Medium Influence
90's Hip Hop: Medium Influence
90's Pop: Medium Influence
Hair Bands: Medium Influence
R&B: Medium Influence
90's R&B: Low Influence
Progressive Rock: Low Influence