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Sunday, March 18, 2007

But it's better if you do
I THINK I HAVE IT. I know why Sean's been rude against me (atleast I think I do).

I talked to his former best friend (laura busby), and we talked for a little bit. She seems to know exactly what I'm going through with the moving situation, because she said that she might move too. And then we talked about common things like favorate band and song and stuff like that. Then she said that she had to let me go because she wanted to go to the beach.

Then I talked to brett Kelly. I never talk to him, because he's so rude and is a liar. But he was the only one on, so...I talked to him and showed him Ella's I'm gonna have a baby video, and as perverted as he is, he said "I could help her out!" (you know EXACTLY what I mean.) anyway, he said that he was going to the beach too.

So...I had no one to talk to. Sean, as usual, is always, always, ALWAYS, on. But I avoided him, and went to myspace, he sent a bullitine asking who wanted to go with him to the beach. Appearently, preps are obesseed with beaches. Anyway, it took me just now (4 hours later) to realize that the reason that Sean isn't talking to me, is because I'm probably talking to him while he's having fun or doing something else or just plain busy?

I should probably try to talk to him tonight.

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Healing Vision
well me and my dad had a really long argument, but I managed to changed his mind about moving...temporarily anyway.

We are moving sometime in the summer. So I get to finish to school year and I could get a yearbook to get it signed and stuff. Guess that friend journal I bought in Feburary was a waste then..


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Saturday, March 17, 2007

Healing Vision
going to the beach. Yes, I know what your thinking. "The beach?? at THIS hour?"

Ella insisted me to go. I dont even like the beach. I dont need a tan!

on the plus side, Stephanie goes there all the tiem, and Sean hangs around Stephanie all the time. But I doubt that I'll find him this early.

May he rest in peace.

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Friday, March 16, 2007

Right Now
(before you read this, I completly know who sean is, ofcourse. I know more than dezzy does. I just acted like I didnt so that I could avoid any suspiciouis...ness.)

thetruthofyouth (4:51:17 PM): someone was really really pissed yesterday. I tried to calm him down but he took it out on me.
Tacosaretheshiz (4:51:23 PM): awe
Tacosaretheshiz (4:51:24 PM): who?
thetruthofyouth (4:51:31 PM):um....
thetruthofyouth (4:51:40 PM): I think his name is sean or something.
Tacosaretheshiz (4:51:51 PM): sean gatz??
thetruthofyouth (4:51:59 PM): i dunno. i dont talk to him much.
thetruthofyouth (4:52:25 PM): maybe. I dont know his last name.
Tacosaretheshiz (4:52:30 PM): oo
thetruthofyouth (4:52:57 PM): he's the one appearently making a new myspace or whatever?

Tacosaretheshiz (4:53:06 PM): oh yea
Tacosaretheshiz (4:53:11 PM): he sayd he hates all his friends
Tacosaretheshiz (4:53:14 PM): and i was like why
Tacosaretheshiz (4:53:18 PM): and he sayd they use him
Tacosaretheshiz (4:53:21 PM): that sux
Tacosaretheshiz (4:53:24 PM): poor guy
thetruthofyouth (4:53:30 PM): I dont use him...

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[currently not listening to music] 2
He still didnt add me. It makes me wonder if he will really do that.

A mix blessing happened yesterday. Sean was really really really pissed at something. He told everyone to jump off a cliff and to wait for him to see us splat on the ground. I IMed him saying "are...you okay? You seem really frusterated..." and he replyed with "Yes, I am. And When I am, I like to be alone. So bye" and with that he left an away message saying "Life's a bitch, then you die. Does that mean death's near???????"

This makes me think that he might've killed himself, but what could I do? Should I just take my chance and still talk to him or shuodl I just let him be. Mariah told me to leave him alone earlier, so I think that's the wisest. But atleast he didnt ignore me like he did earlier. So he knows that I care about him. Though I can't help but wonder, if he truly wanted to be alone, would he really think about announcing to the world that he's hurt?

He really is an idiot.

Anyway, today's cornbread night, which means that Ella and Patricia are coming over "unexpectedly".

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Thursday, March 15, 2007

[currently not listening to music]
Now that I think about, I had a dream about Sean about a week ago, but I totally forgot about it. I wonder what made me think about it just now? hmmmmmm.

Well anyway, we were in my neighboorhood near the corner. I saw Sean about 50 feet away, so I kinda ran up to him and started talking to him. The discussion we had, I cannot remember.

But what stroke me as surprised was that he wasnt the sweet Sean that I thought he was, but he also wasn't the hurtful one that he is now.

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This Disaster
It's morning now, and he still didnt add me. The way I can tell if he rejected me or not is that I go to his new page and say Add Me as a Friend, if if it says "Do you REALLY want him as a friend?" then it means that he rejected me. But it just says "You already have a request pending for this person"


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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Dance Inside
Okayy I'm like really really really really really really REALLLLLLLLY nervous right now. Sean posted a bullitine saying that he's deleting his myspace and making a new one. Why? I have no idea, so...naturally, I gave him a friend request. I just hope that he accepts me.

This could be useful to see if he truly does hate me or not.

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All Downhill From Here
Okay. This is when I started saving aim conversonsations of him (Sean). Around that time, I ask to hang out with him or whatever and he said that he had parties ALL through the entire weeekend of that month.

Then...Mariah told me that she saw him at the mall one day at school. That...didnt really help much.

thetruthofyouth (10:51:06 PM): ...hi. this is a very lost and confused soul who wont let you know who he is until later. He is very shy individual and gets easily discouraged. He only trusts one single person in this cold world and he fears that he's never ever going to see her again after a year or two. He's very isolated so he likes to write a lot. He used to be your classmate. Somehow, with limited time, he decided to trust you and decided to talked to you for a while. As he talked with you overtime he began to feel like that one person mentioned earlier: as if he wasn't put in this world by pure accident. like he too had a reason to live. Maybe this individual annoyed you one time and you blocked him. maybe you mistake him for another person or accidently pushed the block button. however the case, this individual found out that hes been blocked by you not once but twice. This certain person is more confused than hurt and asked you what if there's something wrong and you said that it was probably a virus. However, knowing that he's been blocked a second time, he belives this wasn't the case. Knowing the overwhelming confusion of this, would you ever tell him that he's annoying? or that's he's just too weird? or that you just plain hate him? This individual's name is not a common one and he wishes that he was born with another family, another name. A name that means "valley" in Irish: Dale James Nance.
SeanOhSoFly (10:53:36 PM): ?
thetruthofyouth (10:55:31 PM): ....please don't play ignorant on me. I'm much too tired for that right now...
SeanOhSoFly (10:55:41 PM): and am i.
thetruthofyouth (10:56:40 PM): would there be yet another explenation why on my previous screenname your weren't avaliable yet in this one you are?
SeanOhSoFly (10:57:13 PM): its not that you were rude or anything. its just that everytime i signed onto aim or myspace or anything i got bombarded with messages and i dont mean anything when i say this but it got a little annoying after a while. and i didnt know how to tell you cuz i felt like you looked up to me. and i didnt want to let you down. but i guess i brought this upon myself. and this is my problem now not yours. dont worry about it. ill be fine...
thetruthofyouth (10:58:20 PM): i...i did look up to you, Sean. more so then i do with sarra. but lieing to me doesnt help.
SeanOhSoFly (10:59:07 PM): i dont know what to say
thetruthofyouth (11:00:34 PM): i guess i shouldve told you that a little sooner huh?
SeanOhSoFly (11:00:41 PM): yeah
thetruthofyouth (11:00:59 PM): i...i shouldnt be so dependent
SeanOhSoFly (11:03:57 PM): yeah being dependant on people especially people that arent the most reliable isnt a very smart thing to do
thetruthofyouth (11:05:04 PM): ive...known sarra all my life but i already trust you right next to her...
thetruthofyouth (11:05:11 PM): that's atleast gotta tell you something...
SeanOhSoFly (11:06:06 PM): yeah but thats the thing. im a teenage male. im crazy. im pretty much the least reliable out of all my friends. im not a good person to look up to. i make stupid decisions. i give into peer pressure. im the completly wrong person to look to dale. and i dont want you to be influenced in that. i want you to be all that you can be
thetruthofyouth (11:07:03 PM): seems to me if you were the least reliable you wouldnt be so popular as you are now...
thetruthofyouth (11:07:34 PM): but...for you ill...try
SeanOhSoFly (11:07:59 PM): popularity isnt reliability.
SeanOhSoFly (11:08:24 PM): popularity. is how fun and easy you are to hang out with. how easy you are to get along with. how you never have a dull moment. if you can party stuff like that
thetruthofyouth (11:08:41 PM): you need pretty good reliablity to get friends though.
thetruthofyouth (11:08:53 PM): i mean if you didn't at least SEEM reliable, i wouldnt admire you so much.
SeanOhSoFly (11:09:06 PM): thats the thing. i put up fronts so that i can have more friends.
SeanOhSoFly (11:09:10 PM): im a terrible person...
thetruthofyouth (11:09:49 PM): dont say that. i could tell theres at least some good in you.
SeanOhSoFly (11:10:09 PM): yeah. but good covered up in the extreme need of attention
thetruthofyouth (11:10:30 PM): in my opinion, it's better to give into peer pressure then to be completely standoffish as in litterly hide yourself in your room the rest of the day
SeanOhSoFly (11:10:43 PM): yeah but the effects it can have on you.
SeanOhSoFly (11:10:58 PM): drugs, sex, alcohol, skipping class. none of it is worth the consequences
thetruthofyouth (11:11:23 PM): you dont need to have attention. you already have it.
thetruthofyouth (11:11:47 PM): and im asking for the impossible. attention without the consenquences.
SeanOhSoFly (11:12:01 PM): huh?
thetruthofyouth (11:12:13 PM): drugs, sex, alchohol. skipping class.
thetruthofyouth (11:12:33 PM): i dont need any of that. but most of those you need to do in order to become cool and therefore popular.
SeanOhSoFly (11:13:49 PM): no. i know people that didnt have to do anyof that to become "popular" but popular isnt just all everyone knows you it doesnt matter if your popular or not. as long as you have fun with the people that you hang out with. and if your happy. its all fine. you shouldnt try to change who you are. but iv already changed who i was. and who i am. and if i switch back people wil think its just a joke. and wont believe it and ill just end up back where i started. so im a lost hope
thetruthofyouth (11:15:51 PM): well by now your popular enough to make your own decisions.
thetruthofyouth (11:16:14 PM): i mean look at me, i dont care what you do. i seem to admire anything you do. i would assume everyone else would do the same.
SeanOhSoFly (11:16:53 PM): but they dont. and thats the thing. you should admire someone that has something going for them in life. what am i to be after highschool? nothing. iv fucked up way to bad. and theres no way of turning back
thetruthofyouth (11:17:40 PM): you...you dont have to have a plan after highschool.
thetruthofyouth (11:17:57 PM): my fool of a brother chip doesnt even know what hes going to be and hes a sophmore in college.
SeanOhSoFly (11:17:58 PM): yeah but after highschool its the real world. no1 is gna clean up your messes for you
SeanOhSoFly (11:18:12 PM): yeah but i probobly wont even make it to college
SeanOhSoFly (11:18:16 PM): whooaaa chip and dale
thetruthofyouth (11:18:25 PM): ...yeah. i know. -_-
thetruthofyouth (11:18:35 PM): but with your grades you could make it anywhere.
SeanOhSoFly (11:18:59 PM): not anymore
thetruthofyouth (11:19:03 PM): he's real name is "mike" but mom didnt want him to become "junior" so she called him chip.
SeanOhSoFly (11:19:05 PM): im failing everything but pe
SeanOhSoFly (11:19:28 PM): i told you. iv screwed up to bad. im to far in the hole
SeanOhSoFly (11:19:43 PM): theres nothing going for me. im just gna be a janitor at carroll and be there for the rest of my life
thetruthofyouth (11:20:03 PM): it's...it's not the end sean. its just the begginning of highschool. if you try a little bit harder i know you could do it.
thetruthofyouth (11:20:32 PM): you...you make it sound like this is your senor year. its not. try not to make your future plans so...negatively.
SeanOhSoFly (11:20:34 PM): yeah but thats the thing. im addicted to partying. im out till like 4 in the morning almost everyday of the week
thetruthofyouth (11:21:40 PM): but its not too late. i take all regular classes. but if you want i could tutor you.
thetruthofyouth (11:21:56 PM): i...now that you know...dont do anything so...
SeanOhSoFly (11:22:05 PM): i dont need a tutor cuz it wouldnt help. ill still fall asleep in class
SeanOhSoFly (11:22:10 PM): not get anyhomework done
SeanOhSoFly (11:22:17 PM): have hangovers during class
SeanOhSoFly (11:22:22 PM): get in trouble for yelling at someone
SeanOhSoFly (11:22:25 PM): or ditching
thetruthofyouth (11:22:57 PM): i dont do any homework yet i manage to get atleast a B in french. if you try to find somone less...boring than me im sure it would work.
thetruthofyouth (11:23:24 PM): not sure what hangovers are. -_-. but getting in trouble for yelling at someone. im not sure how that effects grades. >_>
SeanOhSoFly (11:23:28 PM): its not that its boring its that i get 2 hours of sleep + i have a hangover
SeanOhSoFly (11:23:40 PM): it affects cuz i get sent to the office and miss the lesson
thetruthofyouth (11:23:48 PM): ...i see.
SeanOhSoFly (11:23:51 PM): yeah
thetruthofyouth (11:24:05 PM): what i would do is day by day just cut off your partying little by little.
thetruthofyouth (11:24:48 PM): im...not sure how addictive it is (even though I JUST GOT BACK FROM ONE) so...im not sure how hard that is.
SeanOhSoFly (11:25:14 PM): yeah but you probobly went to a differnt kind of partythen i go to
thetruthofyouth (11:25:24 PM): b-day
SeanOhSoFly (11:25:34 PM): the partys i go to. is. parents out of town. drinking. drugs. sex. loud bands playing
SeanOhSoFly (11:25:37 PM): stuff like you see in movies
thetruthofyouth (11:25:48 PM): knowing you...yeah that's rather typical...
thetruthofyouth (11:25:57 PM): now you see why i was surprised that day i found out. -_-
SeanOhSoFly (11:26:08 PM): that day you found out what?
thetruthofyouth (11:26:20 PM): you go to parties that do a lot of drinking.
thetruthofyouth (11:26:24 PM): and you almost passed out.
SeanOhSoFly (11:26:39 PM): exactly.
SeanOhSoFly (11:27:32 PM): dude. im just the completly wrong person to look up to. look up to brett or something. he always makes good decidions. hes good at sports. good grades. hilarious. idk he just seems like he would be a better person to look up to. and i know your friends with him so it wouldnt be as hard as having to find a completly new person to look up to
thetruthofyouth (11:27:39 PM): just a sec. parent over shoulder.
thetruthofyouth (11:28:42 PM): you...don't know how annoying he gets?
thetruthofyouth (11:28:59 PM): about the ''do you work out''? thing he did last year? that made me SOOO mad.
SeanOhSoFly (11:28:59 PM): who brett?
thetruthofyouth (11:29:02 PM): yes
SeanOhSoFly (11:29:13 PM): thats how every guy is. we joke around with people
thetruthofyouth (11:29:31 PM): i told him to stop...politly. -_-
thetruthofyouth (11:29:58 PM): he...embarressed me just today.
SeanOhSoFly (11:30:01 PM): yeah but all guys joke around gayly like that. it gets on girls nerves. and thats what we like to do. is get on girls nerves
thetruthofyouth (11:31:19 PM): but...it's not the fact that your popular or the fact that you have enough courage to try beer and sex and admires me about you.
thetruthofyouth (11:31:25 PM): it's your confidence about yourself.
SeanOhSoFly (11:31:39 PM): you mean my low self esteem
thetruthofyouth (11:31:43 PM): at the day of the assembly. you REALLY wanted to go up on there.
SeanOhSoFly (11:31:46 PM): the way i cut when im depressed
SeanOhSoFly (11:31:53 PM): what assembly?
thetruthofyouth (11:32:03 PM): oh come on Sean. I have low self-esstem.
thetruthofyouth (11:32:13 PM): something to success.
thetruthofyouth (11:32:16 PM): about the sex talk
SeanOhSoFly (11:32:40 PM): haha. thats cuz emily was making me
thetruthofyouth (11:33:04 PM): patricia kept nudging me to go up on there. -_-
thetruthofyouth (11:33:08 PM): glad i didn't
SeanOhSoFly (11:33:28 PM): you should have. it couldve ben the first step of coming out of your shell
thetruthofyouth (11:33:49 PM): but that's a...pretty big step for someone like me.
SeanOhSoFly (11:34:25 PM): havnt you seen that one show. about the really quiet kid that nobody ever knew on mtv? it was a realiaty show. and no1 new him but one day someone nudged him during an assembly. and he did some funny stuff on accident. and then people started to invite him places. wanting to hang out with him. cuz he was so funny
thetruthofyouth (11:34:59 PM): no. i dont see anything on mtv except for "next"
SeanOhSoFly (11:35:05 PM): OH
thetruthofyouth (11:35:05 PM): im...weird like that. hahaha
SeanOhSoFly (11:35:06 PM): oh*
thetruthofyouth (11:36:04 PM): you shouldn't have self-estem at all. you have so much to be happy for.
thetruthofyouth (11:36:10 PM): *low self-estem.
thetruthofyouth (11:36:13 PM): -_-
SeanOhSoFly (11:36:19 PM): yeah but i have acne problems
SeanOhSoFly (11:36:25 PM): and it makes me feel low about myself
thetruthofyouth (11:36:42 PM): kattie has acne problems but she is as hyper as ever and i love her just the same.
SeanOhSoFly (11:36:59 PM): yeah but being popular and acne. doesnt mix.
SeanOhSoFly (11:37:04 PM): it makes me feel so uncomforatbel
thetruthofyouth (11:37:21 PM): kattie is really popular last i knew.
thetruthofyouth (11:38:11 PM): and she's obsessed with monkeys by the way. she'll say stuff like "stop treating me like a chunky monkey!". just...to give you an idea of how hyper she is.
SeanOhSoFly (11:38:22 PM): oh
thetruthofyouth (11:38:45 PM): and like "...dale can you read?...i can read..."
SeanOhSoFly (11:39:43 PM): oh
thetruthofyouth (11:40:14 PM): but anyway...perhapes i'll lower my admiration down on you...just for a little bit. and ill probably follow sarra again.
thetruthofyouth (11:40:40 PM): but...promise me we'll still be friends. okay? ^^
SeanOhSoFly (11:40:43 PM): sounds good. yeah

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Must be dreaming
okay. I have a very very strong feeling that Sean hates me now. I dont know what to belive/do anymore.

"hey, im Sean. I am a freshmen. i go to Carrol high. its pretty bitchin. im 15. if you thought i was older. not my problem. I have many personalities. I can love or hate you. dont try to change me.I beleive in God.I can be funny but, take me seriously when i say im pissed. I love music. I hate when guys wear tight pants. I can not stand bitchy girls. If i dont talk to you, i dont like you. its that simple. im really tired of the whole " im on my period, i can be a bitch" thing. Thats gay. I use the word gay/shit way to much. im trying to stop. I am smart sometimes.I love my family. My friends are a huge part of my life. i am a very complex person, despite what you think. message me for more." -Sean's Myspace.

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