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Monday, April 16, 2007

My heart will go on.
I've been having a thought last night. I couldn't get to sleep because of it.

There's this girl I've been talking to on aim. She just so happens to be Sean's best friend. Appearently, that's the case, because she added me on myspace "just because you're sean's friend." - (what she said to me exactly when I asked who was this.)

I have to be completly honest. I use to despise her. Just because she was Sean's best friend and that just made me envy...ess. Anyway, I started talking to her on aim, JUST for the soul attention of gaining information on Sean...but I never got any mostly because I was too scared that she'll suspect something if I ask. X_X

So yeah, basically I used her to a degree...but after I talked to her for a month or two...I've found myself actually enjoying this person. She's on my top 12 as we speak now...

So now, I'm probably going to tell her the entire truth. The whole entire enchaladia. I purposely picked this time because we have a huge test thing tommorrow. It's like so important that we get new rooms with new classmates and everything just for it. It's called TAKS. And it just so happens that she's in that class...

...so if I tell her on aim, and she sees me tommorrow...it seems really special if she can actually see me for three hours instead of five seconds at the halls...well to me anyway

New song this week: Honestly by Cartel.

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Sunday, April 15, 2007

Boys will be Boys
well, i was going to post after someone read my last post and commented it, but I guess noone cares about that...so...

first of all, yesterday. I was invited to go to anaville with my friend, Emily. It at first, was pretty scary because first of all, we like never met personally, we just talked online. I never even seen her. So it was awkward for both of us. Second of all, her family is well, hispanic. Dont get me wrong, I'm not raciest or anything, (I LOVE Mariah's family!) it's just that I'm always scared around them...some of them anyway.

Well anyway we went skating to a place called skateland. It was pretty noisy there. I couldn't even hear myself talk, let alone what Emily was saying. So half of the time, I didn't even talk. But she didn't talk much either so that was okay. One time though, we were skating and I was trying to talk to her. While I was on the skating ring place thing, I wasn't looking where I was going (I was looking at Emily...thought it was rude to not look at her while listening) and I CRASHED right into an eight year-old girl...I was panicing all over the place, but the mother said that it was okay...

come to think of it, the mother didnt even seem to care...

As for today? well...

Patricia's sister invited me to go to the Hook's game (a really big baseball game place) because she somehow got four tickets. Two for me and patricia (best friend) and two for her and her husband, Neal.

My dad instantly protested against the idea. He said that he didn't like the idea of this Neal person. He thought that Neal was going to hurt me I guess? I don't know. Dad never really seemed to care until just now. But Abby came anyway and by that time, Dad gave me permission to go, just on one condition...I come home IMMEDIATLY after the game. My dad's cool like that, so yeahh...


You know what they sell for five dollers at baseball games? Beer. And guess what? Neal borrowed five bucks from Patricia and got a beer. During the game, he was drinking it and soon enough he got drunk...too drunk. I mean he was seriously scary. He was hurting Abby on the arm. By that time, it got to my attention, and then Abby just said "Hey, do oyu guys wanna leave?" Her eyes were wide. She was either scared or pissed. Or maybe both.

I didn't know what to say, and neither did patricia, so we just sat there. Then Abby and Neal took off WITHOUT US. Where they went, I have no idea, but we got up to the top level to see if they had left...they did.

To make a really...really...REALLY long story short, we had to call patricia's mom like ten times but she didnt anwser because she works at nights and sleep in the day. After that, Patricia started crying. We called Ella after that and told her to walk over to Patricia's house and FORCE her mom to wake up.

After that, we went out of the ball game and waited about fifteen minutes. Patricia had her head against the pole...head tilted away from mine. She was probably embarressed that she was crying...

When Patricia's Mom picked me up, she was talking to her cell. She was talking to her friend, probably, about the situation. She was crying too. She said that she's going to cut off the internet because she's sick of people talking behind her back. She also said something about moving out of the house sense everyone blames her everything...the poor thing...

This means that I won't be able to see Patricia come monday. I wish there was something I could do...

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Friday, April 13, 2007

A happy feeling was with me during second period. Unfortuantly, it went away in third period, (the subsitute was a bitch, even in MY opinion. so yeah..). I was really tired in second, so I naturally thought about (you guessed it) Sean.

And I just then remembered something...I'm not sure why or what made me remember, but I remember this extremelly rude person that made Ryan from French class (archives if you dont remember) seem as nice as Mariah. His name is Braxton, and He would point at some really random (usually ugly) pictures while I'm reading manga and say in a loud voice "Hey, that's what your MOM looks like". I remember that after that I buried my head in it to avoid my face being red. It wasn't so much that he said it that bothered me, it was just that well Sean was litterly my neighbor at that time, and my crush with him was just starting, and I felt that it was ruined when he said that...

but the day after that, I overheard him and Sean "convernsing" (Sean usually ignores and gives him one word anwsers). And sooner or later, He asked him if he wanted to go to the carnival on friday or something. I remember that my blood ran cold, but fast. But Sean just cooly said "What, your gay?" and Braxton kinda stutter and said "No I was Just..." And then Sean just interupt him calling him a freak, and that was the end of the conversation. (he wasn't serious, though I really really wish that he was...I mean calling him a freak anyway.) I was grinning sooooooo much...

ANYWAY, this makes me feel happy because it makes me feel like Sean saw how rude he was to me just the day before, and he figured that he didnt want to be with anyone like that... I talked to him on AIM after that asking him if he was friends with Braxton and he said "Lmaoo. No."

A LONNNNNG time after that, I asked him why he was avoiding/ignoring me (polietly and non-threatning, of coruse.) and he told me "It wasn't that you were rude or strange or anything like that. It's just that everytime that I go on aim, I get bombarded with messeges and I don't mean ANYTHING when I say this, but it just got a little annoying."

Sooo...this makes me feel that Sean doesn't really think of me as a freak...just annoying.

I'm going to have to fix that, somehow...

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Thursday, April 12, 2007

Another night, Another heart gained. (or so I think so.) I'm not sure what the deal is, but I've been noticing that ever since I became "happy" with who I am, EVERYONE wanted to be with me. (especially the ladies, -_-). This one guy added me "by mistake" and started talking to me, and I swear to god he has a crush on me. Check it out...


jayxwtf (8:45:42 PM): hi its me j.
thetruthofyouth (8:46:28 PM): yeah.
thetruthofyouth (8:46:29 PM): hi
jayxwtf (8:46:15 PM): whats goingon
thetruthofyouth (8:46:44 PM): nothing much.
thetruthofyouth (8:46:55 PM): really bored. making my dad a CD. so my computer is like...really slow. lmao
jayxwtf (8:46:51 PM): well thats not good
jayxwtf (8:46:56 PM): so hey can i ask you something
thetruthofyouth (8:47:26 PM): uh...sure.
jayxwtf (8:47:09 PM): whats your sexual orientation
thetruthofyouth (8:47:42 PM): bi.
thetruthofyouth (8:47:45 PM): why?
jayxwtf (8:47:33 PM): just asking
thetruthofyouth (8:48:02 PM): what's yours?jayxwtf (8:48:05 PM): same but more straight some days but more gay some others
thetruthofyouth (8:48:44 PM): yeah. I tend to hang out with the girls, then I would with the guys...
thetruthofyouth (8:48:53 PM): mostly because I would get awkward glances from people.
thetruthofyouth (8:48:55 PM): I hate that.
jayxwtf (8:48:51 PM): oh
jayxwtf (8:48:56 PM): so are you open abou tit
thetruthofyouth (8:49:43 PM): no, not at all.
thetruthofyouth (8:49:51 PM): I'm just telling you because you go to a different school than me.
jayxwtf (8:49:37 PM): haha
thetruthofyouth (8:50:00 PM): If you went to the same, I would of said "straight" in a heartbeat.
thetruthofyouth (8:50:22 PM): lol. yeah. It's not likely that you'll spread rumors and it reaches to my school.
thetruthofyouth (8:50:33 PM): not that I don't trust you or anything. Not even my best friends know about it.
jayxwtf (8:50:21 PM): oh gosh
jayxwtf (8:50:26 PM): i see
thetruthofyouth (8:50:52 PM): yeah. thetruthofyouth (8:51:01 PM): most them wouldnt understand.
thetruthofyouth (8:51:08 PM): Some of them know though...lol
thetruthofyouth (8:51:14 PM): do any of your friends know?
jayxwtf (8:51:14 PM): haha
jayxwtf (8:51:18 PM): well
jayxwtf (8:51:33 PM): alot of people know but im cool with the guys and girls
jayxwtf (8:51:37 PM): no one talks shit
jayxwtf (8:51:46 PM): if they do ill kick there ass
thetruthofyouth (8:52:23 PM): ohh...lol.
thetruthofyouth (8:52:44 PM): I wish I have courage like you do. =/
thetruthofyouth (8:52:49 PM): ...and the strength...
jayxwtf (8:52:55 PM): haha
thetruthofyouth (8:53:50 PM): can I ask you a weird question?
jayxwtf (8:53:33 PM): yeah sure
thetruthofyouth (8:54:24 PM): how did you konw about me? I mean I have a feeling that it wasn't just an accident...
thetruthofyouth (8:54:29 PM): forgive me if it is...
jayxwtf (8:54:46 PM): on some guys profeil
jayxwtf (8:54:50 PM): profile
thetruthofyouth (8:55:21 PM): ohhh.
thetruthofyouth (8:55:39 PM): was it michael's? 'cuz you added me right after I started talking to him...
thetruthofyouth (8:55:50 PM): and I noticed he's talking to you...
jayxwtf (8:55:28 PM): yeah
thetruthofyouth (8:55:55 PM): yeah. he's cool.
jayxwtf (8:55:39 PM): i knew him from middle schol
jayxwtf (8:55:42 PM): and he added me
jayxwtf (8:55:49 PM): havent seen him since
thetruthofyouth (8:56:21 PM): ohhh
jayxwtf (8:56:01 PM): i dont even know what he looks like now
jayxwtf (8:56:06 PM): do you??
thetruthofyouth (8:56:38 PM): yeah, he sits like right next to me during lunch.
thetruthofyouth (8:56:44 PM): People say that we're twins.
thetruthofyouth (8:56:53 PM): But he's shorter, skinner, and has blonde hair.
jayxwtf (8:56:43 PM): but hows does he look
jayxwtf (8:56:49 PM): like i wanna know
thetruthofyouth (8:57:17 PM): What do you wanna know?
thetruthofyouth (8:57:25 PM): He has...blueish gray eyes...
jayxwtf (8:57:03 PM): how he looks
thetruthofyouth (8:57:37 PM): Blond hair right above shoulder...
jayxwtf (8:57:23 PM): he has long hia
thetruthofyouth (8:57:45 PM): Real slim...
thetruthofyouth (8:57:55 PM): well he got it cut, appearently.
jayxwtf (8:57:52 PM): oh
jayxwtf (8:58:10 PM): do you think hes cute
thetruthofyouth (8:58:38 PM): well...
thetruthofyouth (8:58:50 PM): honestly, I used to despise him...
thetruthofyouth (8:58:56 PM): Because he was so...femine...
thetruthofyouth (8:59:05 PM): but he's...sweet.
jayxwtf (8:59:06 PM): oh
thetruthofyouth (8:59:43 PM): yeah, maybe I'll give him a chance...
thetruthofyouth (9:00:12 PM): and who knows? Maybe we should get together. I mean people say that we look like twins or something, so that proves that we would be a cute couple...
jayxwtf (9:00:08 PM): omg
thetruthofyouth (9:00:43 PM): something wrong?jayxwtf (9:00:25 PM): no
thetruthofyouth (9:00:57 PM): ...no really. You're making me nervous...
thetruthofyouth (9:01:00 PM): what was that omg for?
jayxwtf (9:00:54 PM): oh like you saying your gonna get with him,
thetruthofyouth (9:01:26 PM): im saying maybe.
thetruthofyouth (9:01:33 PM): I still dont know if he's someone I really like.
jayxwtf (9:01:31 PM): oh
thetruthofyouth (9:02:06 PM): do you have like a crush on him or something?
jayxwtf (9:01:51 PM): no
thetruthofyouth (9:02:32 PM): you seem to be asking me weird questions about him...
jayxwtf (9:02:31 PM): no because in middel school no one liked him
jayxwtf (9:02:38 PM): he was so annyoing
thetruthofyouth (9:03:19 PM): where was he in middle school?
jayxwtf (9:03:05 PM): wynn seale
thetruthofyouth (9:03:28 PM): he said he was in grant, but I would've seen you there...
thetruthofyouth (9:03:37 PM): wynn seale? never heard of that...
jayxwtf (9:03:28 PM): he told me he had a boyfriend
thetruthofyouth (9:04:06 PM): it doesn't really look it to me.
thetruthofyouth (9:04:15 PM): He goes up to random people asking what their ori is...
thetruthofyouth (9:04:25 PM): ...and the fact that his best friend is a french porn star.
jayxwtf (9:04:41 PM): so are you with anyone
thetruthofyouth (9:05:07 PM): no
thetruthofyouth (9:05:13 PM): are you?
jayxwtf (9:04:58 PM): no
jayxwtf (9:05:04 PM): wish i was
thetruthofyouth (9:05:32 PM): oh...why's that?jayxwtf (9:05:34 PM): because i want to be with someone not all alone
thetruthofyouth (9:06:15 PM): you dont have to get in a realationship to not be lonely.
thetruthofyouth (9:06:25 PM): Look at me, I'm not with anyone, but I'm as happy as ever...
jayxwtf (9:06:27 PM): dude no i am freakin happy jayxwtf (9:06:30 PM): i love my life
jayxwtf (9:06:42 PM): but its just i would rather be with someone
thetruthofyouth (9:07:18 PM): oh... okay.
thetruthofyouth (9:07:30 PM): I dont mind being with someone myself.
jayxwtf (9:07:37 PM): but idk i guess im so ugly that i cant find anyone to be with
thetruthofyouth (9:08:16 PM): dude...
thetruthofyouth (9:08:28 PM): I broke five or six hears in the past month and you're hotter than I am.
thetruthofyouth (9:08:32 PM): *hearts
jayxwtf (9:09:24 PM): well i havent
thetruthofyouth (9:10:02 PM): has anyone ever told you that they liked you?
jayxwtf (9:09:57 PM): no
thetruthofyouth (9:10:20 PM): Or have you ever caught someone like, stalking you, or doing something nice "for no appearent reason"?thetruthofyouth (9:11:42 PM): maybe it's just me, but I used to think like that too.
jayxwtf (9:11:35 PM): oh
thetruthofyouth (9:12:22 PM): I used to think that I was the ugliest creature ever, and it turned out no one DID like me. But I just decided to be happy with who I am, and I don't know why but that's how people started liking me.
thetruthofyouth (9:12:50 PM): it might be hard, but try to be happy with who you are and everything will set right in place.
jayxwtf (9:12:42 PM): yeah truw
jayxwtf (9:12:44 PM): tue
thetruthofyouth (9:13:15 PM): are you...happy with who you are?
jayxwtf (9:13:00 PM): yes
thetruthofyouth (9:13:29 PM): do you show it?jayxwtf (9:13:19 PM): yup
thetruthofyouth (9:14:13 PM): well then someone should like you.
thetruthofyouth (9:14:22 PM): maybe not now, but soon they will.
thetruthofyouth (9:14:23 PM): Trust me.
thetruthofyouth (9:14:25 PM): =D
jayxwtf (9:14:12 PM): well maybe they do but i just dont know
jayxwtf (9:14:19 PM): or there scared of telling me
thetruthofyouth (9:14:54 PM): most people will be too scared to tell you.
thetruthofyouth (9:15:10 PM): Those are called SHY PEOPLE. I'm an extremelly shy person...
jayxwtf (9:14:56 PM): im not
thetruthofyouth (9:15:27 PM): 98% of them are stalkers.
thetruthofyouth (9:15:44 PM): ohh. well i am.
thetruthofyouth (9:17:31 PM): so who are the people you usually look for?
jayxwtf (9:17:23 PM): im not really picky
thetruthofyouth (9:17:59 PM): seriously? not anything?
thetruthofyouth (9:18:08 PM): Not even somehting that like...gets you excited?
jayxwtf (9:18:01 PM): well what do you mean
thetruthofyouth (9:18:33 PM): what turns you on.
jayxwtf (9:18:19 PM): dude
jayxwtf (9:18:25 PM): well i can go on and on
jayxwtf (9:18:27 PM): lol
jayxwtf (9:18:27 PM): jk
thetruthofyouth (9:19:13 PM): well that's just the simpliest way to put it. I didnt mean to make it sound perverted. lmao.
thetruthofyouth (9:19:20 PM): Like okay, I'll go first to set an example.
jayxwtf (9:19:13 PM): ok
thetruthofyouth (9:19:59 PM): I tend to go more for personality than for looks (just as long as they are not like completely butt ugly or something like that! lmao)
jayxwtf (9:19:52 PM): me to
thetruthofyouth (9:20:20 PM): They, ofcourse, have to be really sweet and humble...intrested more in giving than receiving...
thetruthofyouth (9:20:48 PM): I would perfere them a little bit shy so they dont mess around with other people, but it doesn't really matter...
thetruthofyouth (9:21:26 PM): and if I HAD to choose appearence...for the girls, I look for brunnettes with a pony-tial, but for the guys, I tend to look for body-builders who are blonde...
jayxwtf (9:21:19 PM): cool
jayxwtf (9:21:20 PM): cool
jayxwtf (9:21:27 PM): nice chocies
thetruthofyouth (9:21:56 PM): thanks...
thetruthofyouth (9:22:04 PM): now do you get the idea?
jayxwtf (9:21:49 PM): yeah
jayxwtf (9:22:17 PM): hey sorry but i have to go jayxwtf (9:22:21 PM): so ill talk to you laterjayxwtf (9:22:23 PM): ok
thetruthofyouth (9:22:46 PM): you too.
thetruthofyouth (9:22:48 PM): peace.
jayxwtf (9:22:29 PM): bye
jayxwtf signed off at 9:22:57 PM.
jayxwtf is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Nails for Breakfeast, Tacks for Snacks
I've been having weird thoughts lately...

...like...maybe I should give cross-dresser a chance. I mean he's the ONLY gay person I know that goes to our school. And...he's blonde. Not the ugly blonde, either. And the people at our table thought that we were twins. This means that we could be a cute couple...

and I think he likes me, 'cuz he's been talking to me on myspace and at the table too...I'll see what happens.

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Bonnie Taylor Shakedown
I've seen Sean's chest within the last fifteen seconds...

...I'm really disapointed...

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Monday, April 9, 2007

Don't phunk with my heart.
Happy easter everyone! (even though it was yesterday).

I didn't really do anything for easter. I just went with my increadiablly stupid big brother to the movies. We watched TMNT. I thought that I was going to hate that movie, 'cuz I hated the show, but it was AWESOME! The graphics were SOOO good and Michalangelo is soooo funny and Donatello has SUCH a cool voice!

but it got cut off at the end. lmao. and now im just...here bored outta my mind...

I got cross-dresser's myspace. Perhapes it'll be easier to talk to him that way...but...he kinda uses that myspace to look at...some disturbing stuff, so...

New song this week: This love by Justin Timberlake.

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Friday, April 6, 2007

Failure's not Flattering
I've been having...these scary thoughts lately...

like...wouldnt it be romantic that I tell Sean my secret on AIM? Wouldn't it be...special if that's the last thing he knows about me? Who knows, he might even introduce me to one of his close friends who happen to be gay too...I mean he has done that before (but he introduced me to two different girls and that's it). But...will he shun me even more? My minds made up, next time I talk to him on aim, (and he actually responds), I'll tell him. I was thinking that I was going to ask him if I could trust him then immediatly tell him that only two people knows about this, and i cant even trust my bestest friend. He might listen to me after hearing that...

then I'll tell him...

unfortuanetly, he's sick right now. He'll probably zone out if I tell him and he'll probably be rude if I try to talk to him.

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Thursday, April 5, 2007

Desperate Hours
There was a fight at my school, today. I was sooo scared. It happened like right in front of us. I had this....very strange feeling that there were more people here than usual in the hallway. I whispered "hey, look at those people" to my friends and they seemed to understand what was going on. But...they were smiling! They were Happy that someone was about to get hurt! come to think of it...EVERYONE was happy...What's WITH these people?!?!?

Anyway, they were screaming, and last thing I knew, they were fighting. This one person jumped one his enemy and starting delevering blows to him while he's on the floor...the poor thing. Then he finally got up and ran away to the sophmore wing. Then the person delivering the blows screamed "YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" and ran...he had red eyes probably from some punches I didn't see.

I was convering my mouth in horror and pacing after that. There was blood EVERYWHERE. On the floor, the class room doors. Some even got on the walls, somehow. Then, ANOTHER fight happen 30 feet away from there. Same people? I didn't get to see that, but I try to despite. I saw the exact same person who got hammered on the ground. His face was so bloody, as if it was made for halloween. I feel so sorry for him.

Luckily, Patricia (my best friend) came by and I just panicked and explained everything to her. Wether she screamed "What's wrong?" to me because I was slightly crying or because the blood, I would never know...

A lot lot latter after that, Sean came by and he looked down and saw the blood...

...and he smiled....

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Wednesday, April 4, 2007

There's a good reason why these tables are number, huney, you just haven't thought of them yet.
Some slut yesterday talked to me on aim and asked me really...embarressing questions. And then she ask me if she could make-out with me. Of course, I didn't want to (not my fault, if I wasn't gay, I bet I would say yes in an instant...dammit!), so I declinded polietly and she just screamed at me saying "omg your soooo mean to me! i hope your happy!" and she signed off. Like I would care for someone with that attitude? Please...

I thought that she would rape me or something today...fortuantly, Mimi coaxed me into believing that I was too tall and intimating to get raped. So that calmed me down. ^^

I've decided that every week I add a totally random songs from my excessively long mp3 collection from itunes. New song for this week is...Failure's not Flattering!

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